Prologue

Prologue

A Chapter by [email protected]!
"

Nina's point of view

"

       As it turns out, climbing up the side of a building while trying not to spill your drink is a very difficult task when you've had one too many. But by that time, you are determined. Very determined. Drunk, but nonetheless, very, very determined. Which is how I ended up standing (well, sort of. Perhaps swaying would be a better word to use in this case) on the roof of my boyfriend's camp, overlooking the rowdy crew of ex-girlfriends I had rounded up for this little get-together. I waved smoke from the bonfire out of my face as they turned up the volume on the stereo when Beyonce's "Put A Ring On It" came on. I grinned and started singing loudly and dancing to the beat. Cheers erupted from the crowd below and so, in honor of pleasing them, I pulled all of the pictures of Jackson and I out of my bikini top and sprinkled them over the fire, giggling to myself as I sang "I make it rain, I make it rain, I make it rain on them hoes." By the end of my tirade I had completely lost it, I found myself completely and utterly hilarious.        

        I took another swig of my drink and made my way back to the ground, joining the other girls. Tonight was a celebration, the party to trump all parties. This, my friend, was my break up party. Yesterday I'd caught my boyfriend cheating on me with the head skank of the cheerleading squad (I know, so unimaginative. It just bores me to tears to think of it. But don't worry, I'll spice things up for you. I'm far more original than he ever was.). However, I did not just blow up on him right then and there. Not exactly because I was practicing self-control, but because I was so much more creative than that. Without him ever seeing me, I marched down the hall and began plotting my revenge. I swiped his phone that was on the end table by the door and walked out. I immediately called all of his ex-girlfriends that he had in his address book and told them that I was having a party.         

       And so, there I was, at a wild break up party complete with an army of man-eaters all bonding over beer and the fantastic stupidity of one single guy. It was fun, liberating, and extremely healthy, I was sure of it. I was positive that in this case, the best way to take care a s****y boyfriend was to A. get completely plastered and bond with other angry women and then B. find a creative way to get even with him. Well. I certainly had part A down to an art. Now to think of part B. I giggled to myself and sat Indian-style on one of the logs surrounding the fire and acted as if I were meditating. However, I realized at some point that simply sitting down and humming did not make me look like I was meditating, I had to raise my arms and put my fingers in cute little circles like real hippies did. When I tried to do this, I saw the true power of the universe in meditating. The moment I swung my arms up in the air, the entire earth tilted on its axis and hit me on my back. I swore, as God was my witness, that I did NOT fall, but that the ground came up and met me.         

       At first, I found this aggravating and thought that the universe was rejecting my call for divine help, but then I saw what it was trying to show me. Just then, a familiar-looking car pulled up in the driveway. It was Jackson's extremely hot best friend, Christian.



© 2009 [email protected]!


My Review

Would you like to review this Chapter?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Good opening line, has a definite hook to it.
Personally I'd cut out the middle "very determined" Hearing it three times is a bit too much, but twice works fine.
You can also cut out "I'm far more original than he ever was" because you make the same point in the following sentence, and it works much better there. The first time I thought the narrator was a bit full of herself, but the way you said it the second time makes it sound more purposeful.
You could say "I swiped his phone from the end table", it's the same meaning but in less words.
The fact that your narrator's boyfriend has all his ex's numbers on his mobile definitely seems like something she should get a bit annoyed about. Perhaps, rather than showing your character already have her plan in mind, you could have her see the phone, get irritated about the fact that he has all their numbers, and then have the stroke of inspiration that leads to her plan.
I like most of this, it reads very easily, you obviously have great skill with prose and handle your narrator's voice very well. What I didn't like, as much, was the first paragraph. It had some great sentences, but overall it was dragged down by the niggling details like your aside in brackets (line four) and the fact that you specify the song being played. Personally, I don't know the song, so that detail made it more difficult to imagine the scene and threw me out of the story somewhat. I also don't understand what you meant by "in honour of pleasing them".
But like I said before, overall it's good. It's just that first paragraph that needs a bit of a polish. It is, after all, the most important one for any reader.

Posted 11 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Good start! Amazing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this was great because it grabs you. i love your writing style. and there were some hilarious moments. "the ground came up and hit me" i laughed out loud for that one. you definitely have a great writing flow. i would suggest looking at the middle portion of this, which i found to be the weakest part. the beginning was fantastic, and the end was brilliant, but the middle was a little bit of a let down.
all in all, nice story line, and it was a good idea to introduce another character at the end. a little too Gossip Girl for me, but still, the style was witty and fun to read.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

W0W this was a great write.......

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

LOL
First story I have ever read that had the essence of sweet revenge, and very sweet I must say:) It immediatley had me hooked from the first line. Who wouldn't be intruiged? Love it so far, and I found it highly amusing just as no doubt the main character would too.
Very, very creative and I will keep on reading as long as you provide the material:)
Great job!

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

So far, the story is very intriguing. Though it isn't extremely original (first thing I thought was "John Tucker Must Die") I could still totally see myself reading this whole book. I also agree with everything that Gabi Celaya said; tweak those few things and it will be fantastic! :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It's cool she's going to get revenge on her cheating boyfriend. A very creative story. Great job on this.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I liked the theme of this story and I love Audrey Hepburn so the picture was awesome. Good Job!

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I'm a guy, but I believe in getting even. Carry on!

Good opening, good way to describe the scene and the purpose of the get together.

Rewind, Reread, and Refine. It always helps get one step closer to "perfect".

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.



All I can say is wow, this story is great. It's funny, charming, intriguing, and you make it easy for us to understand the main character. I think you did an excellent job with this one.



Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I LOVED THIS!
Haha my friend just got dumped maybe we should do this...who cares that we're minors?

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.


First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

574 Views
15 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on October 29, 2009
Last Updated on October 29, 2009


Author

He@ther!
[email protected]!

About
My name is Heather, I'm twenty, future author and english teacher, highly analytical, The Vampire Diaries, A Tale of Two Cities, both classic and modern literature, the Victorian era, Coco Chanel, ext.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..