Prologue

Prologue

A Chapter by [email protected]!
"

Nina's point of view

"

       As it turns out, climbing up the side of a building while trying not to spill your drink is a very difficult task when you've had one too many. But by that time, you are determined. Very determined. Drunk, but nonetheless, very, very determined. Which is how I ended up standing (well, sort of. Perhaps swaying would be a better word to use in this case) on the roof of my boyfriend's camp, overlooking the rowdy crew of ex-girlfriends I had rounded up for this little get-together. I waved smoke from the bonfire out of my face as they turned up the volume on the stereo when Beyonce's "Put A Ring On It" came on. I grinned and started singing loudly and dancing to the beat. Cheers erupted from the crowd below and so, in honor of pleasing them, I pulled all of the pictures of Jackson and I out of my bikini top and sprinkled them over the fire, giggling to myself as I sang "I make it rain, I make it rain, I make it rain on them hoes." By the end of my tirade I had completely lost it, I found myself completely and utterly hilarious.        

        I took another swig of my drink and made my way back to the ground, joining the other girls. Tonight was a celebration, the party to trump all parties. This, my friend, was my break up party. Yesterday I'd caught my boyfriend cheating on me with the head skank of the cheerleading squad (I know, so unimaginative. It just bores me to tears to think of it. But don't worry, I'll spice things up for you. I'm far more original than he ever was.). However, I did not just blow up on him right then and there. Not exactly because I was practicing self-control, but because I was so much more creative than that. Without him ever seeing me, I marched down the hall and began plotting my revenge. I swiped his phone that was on the end table by the door and walked out. I immediately called all of his ex-girlfriends that he had in his address book and told them that I was having a party.         

       And so, there I was, at a wild break up party complete with an army of man-eaters all bonding over beer and the fantastic stupidity of one single guy. It was fun, liberating, and extremely healthy, I was sure of it. I was positive that in this case, the best way to take care a s****y boyfriend was to A. get completely plastered and bond with other angry women and then B. find a creative way to get even with him. Well. I certainly had part A down to an art. Now to think of part B. I giggled to myself and sat Indian-style on one of the logs surrounding the fire and acted as if I were meditating. However, I realized at some point that simply sitting down and humming did not make me look like I was meditating, I had to raise my arms and put my fingers in cute little circles like real hippies did. When I tried to do this, I saw the true power of the universe in meditating. The moment I swung my arms up in the air, the entire earth tilted on its axis and hit me on my back. I swore, as God was my witness, that I did NOT fall, but that the ground came up and met me.         

       At first, I found this aggravating and thought that the universe was rejecting my call for divine help, but then I saw what it was trying to show me. Just then, a familiar-looking car pulled up in the driveway. It was Jackson's extremely hot best friend, Christian.



© 2009 [email protected]!


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Featured Review

Good opening line, has a definite hook to it.
Personally I'd cut out the middle "very determined" Hearing it three times is a bit too much, but twice works fine.
You can also cut out "I'm far more original than he ever was" because you make the same point in the following sentence, and it works much better there. The first time I thought the narrator was a bit full of herself, but the way you said it the second time makes it sound more purposeful.
You could say "I swiped his phone from the end table", it's the same meaning but in less words.
The fact that your narrator's boyfriend has all his ex's numbers on his mobile definitely seems like something she should get a bit annoyed about. Perhaps, rather than showing your character already have her plan in mind, you could have her see the phone, get irritated about the fact that he has all their numbers, and then have the stroke of inspiration that leads to her plan.
I like most of this, it reads very easily, you obviously have great skill with prose and handle your narrator's voice very well. What I didn't like, as much, was the first paragraph. It had some great sentences, but overall it was dragged down by the niggling details like your aside in brackets (line four) and the fact that you specify the song being played. Personally, I don't know the song, so that detail made it more difficult to imagine the scene and threw me out of the story somewhat. I also don't understand what you meant by "in honour of pleasing them".
But like I said before, overall it's good. It's just that first paragraph that needs a bit of a polish. It is, after all, the most important one for any reader.

Posted 11 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I found this to be very amusing but it a positive way. I like the idea of her getting revenge on her
cheating boyfriend and having his other ex-girl friends along for the ride a fun idea. I like the character and your story is very easy to read and 'get into.' Flows along nicely.

Excellent write.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Your opening line hooked me so I had to keep reading. This is a very creative story and I love your style.

The use of the word 'determined' 3 times in 3 short sentences does seem a bit too much. But I understand the need to get that point across. Perhaps you might consider using the word "driven" in place of either the 2nd or 3rd "determined".

Also, the part in brackets tends to detract a bit from the flow. My suggestion is to shorten it and get rid of the brackets and use '...' indicate a small pause or a side comment, like so:

You wrote: ". Which is how I ended up standing (well, sort of. Perhaps swaying would be a better word to use in this case) on the roof"

An alternative could be: "Which is how I ended up standing...well...actually swaying, on the roof"

The theme of your story is delightfully empowering and I wish I had your imaginative way of dealing with breakups. I love it! Looking forward to reading more as soon as I can get a chance. Great start!

Posted 11 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

That made me smile, I had a nostalgic moment about when I broke up with my BF when i found out he was sexting two girls behind my back. I got abunch of my guy friends to scream "Taco's breaking up with you!" into my phone when I dialed him up, then they carried me around the all boys school campus and people applauded that I had dumped the biggest A-hole in the world.
Good times good times.
You have a good writing structure (sp? i should know) and very creative. I didn't stop reading it until the end. It's a fun story, I'm curious to find out why it's call "The Little Black Dress" keep writing, I'll be reading.

Liefde, Saskia

Posted 11 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

You are good at this :-) But because of that reason, I want to mention a few specific grammatical errors, etc which I noticed, because I believe that you can be even better! :-)
*Firstly, I agree with the previous reviewer in saying that you should check that part where you used "very determined"... reads a little clumsily.
* "Which is how I ended up standing (well, sort of. Perhaps swaying would be a better word to use in this case)" ---> personally, I think this reads better if you say... "Which is how I ended up standing (or should I rather say SWAYING) on the roof..."
* "pulled all of the pictures OF Jackson and I out..." --> this is a little something I learnt last year about our complex English language... after a preposition- such as OF in this case- one uses ME not I.... in other words, you need to say "pulled all of the pictures of Jackson and ME out..."

These are just 3 little suggestions I have....perhaps you will consider what I've said. :-)

As far as compliments go, however, I really love your opening sentence. I also love the following part: "I giggled to myself and sat Indian-style on one of the logs surrounding the fire and acted as if I were meditating. However, I realized at some point that simply sitting down and humming did not make me look like I was meditating, I had to raise my arms and put my fingers in cute little circles like real hippies did."
Keep up the good work. Interesting start ;-)


Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Good opening line, has a definite hook to it.
Personally I'd cut out the middle "very determined" Hearing it three times is a bit too much, but twice works fine.
You can also cut out "I'm far more original than he ever was" because you make the same point in the following sentence, and it works much better there. The first time I thought the narrator was a bit full of herself, but the way you said it the second time makes it sound more purposeful.
You could say "I swiped his phone from the end table", it's the same meaning but in less words.
The fact that your narrator's boyfriend has all his ex's numbers on his mobile definitely seems like something she should get a bit annoyed about. Perhaps, rather than showing your character already have her plan in mind, you could have her see the phone, get irritated about the fact that he has all their numbers, and then have the stroke of inspiration that leads to her plan.
I like most of this, it reads very easily, you obviously have great skill with prose and handle your narrator's voice very well. What I didn't like, as much, was the first paragraph. It had some great sentences, but overall it was dragged down by the niggling details like your aside in brackets (line four) and the fact that you specify the song being played. Personally, I don't know the song, so that detail made it more difficult to imagine the scene and threw me out of the story somewhat. I also don't understand what you meant by "in honour of pleasing them".
But like I said before, overall it's good. It's just that first paragraph that needs a bit of a polish. It is, after all, the most important one for any reader.

Posted 11 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.


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Added on October 29, 2009
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Author

He@ther!
[email protected]!

About
My name is Heather, I'm twenty, future author and english teacher, highly analytical, The Vampire Diaries, A Tale of Two Cities, both classic and modern literature, the Victorian era, Coco Chanel, ext.. more..

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