Still In To You

Still In To You

A Poem by Jas Alejandrino Ramos

You made me cry, runaway and just left me,

Left me because I loved you,

I loved you but you didn’t loved me,

A love from you that I will never get

 

You push and push me away,

Away from your love and your heart,

Your heart that has captured mine but didn’t yours,

And just sours the sweetness I’m giving to you

 

I’ll stand by you every time you fall down,

I fall down every time you fall down

Now I wish it was all about us,

Us that is just an illusion

 

Magic potion, love potion, I don’t know what potion it is

I don’t know what potion you spilled in my heart

That no matter what you do to me, I’m still in to you,

You that is always in and never been out.


...........................


Awards

*sob*

Oct 19, 2010


 

© 2011 Jas Alejandrino Ramos


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Eka
Okaii, well the meaning behind the poem is beautiful. But, the poem as a whole feels a little choppy. Maybe if you move some words here and there the flow will become great. Also, in the fourth stanza, first line, "is it" should maybe be changed to "it is." There is a lot of parallelism in this poem, not that that particular use of figurative language is bad but in this poem's case it hinders the emotions rather than them. Other than these things this was a great poem but a little revision can always help. :)
♥E

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Beautiful sentiment, but, as Eka wrote, in need of some revision. You have a tendency to switch tenses in the middle of a line, which makes it more difficult to read. For instance in the first lverse itry
"You made me cry,ran away and left me,
Just left me because I loved you."
I loved you but you didn't love me,
I will never get a love from you."
I hope that makes sense, you are definitely a quality writer, and it is worthwhile to do a little editing. If I can be helpful in any way, just let me know via Inbox, please put the title of the poem on the subject line.

Posted 13 Years Ago


It is absolutely awful when someone you love doesn't love you back. the rejected heart what a brill write. Keep it up

Dalebear


Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Awe the rejected heart and soul. Beautifully written though.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Your words ring true. Why does the heart still yearn? These feelings are more powerful than the logical conclusion. Though the body is capable of restoration, the heart continues to remain affected.

Do these emotions ever abate? Great poem, nice read.


Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nice peom, really sad, and heartbroken feel to it.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Eka
Okaii, well the meaning behind the poem is beautiful. But, the poem as a whole feels a little choppy. Maybe if you move some words here and there the flow will become great. Also, in the fourth stanza, first line, "is it" should maybe be changed to "it is." There is a lot of parallelism in this poem, not that that particular use of figurative language is bad but in this poem's case it hinders the emotions rather than them. Other than these things this was a great poem but a little revision can always help. :)
♥E

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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...
. sans expectations ... love is not a bad thing at all ... makes a human out of everyone who's not ... profound thoughts in simple words ...

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

heartbreaker....
this was a very sincere sounding poem to me about love unrequited. I love the imagery and the lines that you used here. Us that is just an illusion, sounded the most sad to me, like in simple words, everything painful was explained in those lines.
Good job!
-Yin

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This was a nice piece.... I think that perhaps you could avoid repeating yourself a bit, and checking the grammar, but otherwise, this was excellent... nice emotion. :)

-Coral-

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It's a great poem,
one where people can relate to,
I have the luck of not experiencing this first hand
but I can relate to what it says so...
yeah it's written really well
Keep up the good work
Greetings

Sarah

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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648 Views
19 Reviews
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Added on September 16, 2010
Last Updated on January 13, 2011
Tags: jhaszachery, love poems, poetry, heartbroken

Author

Jas Alejandrino Ramos
Jas Alejandrino Ramos

Pampanga, Philippines



About
I am a Bachelor of Arts in Communication graduate who loves to write poems and novels...I have also a passion for interior designing. more..

Writing

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