Prologue

A Chapter by turtlewriter

Prologue

I stand frozen to my spot in the dimly lit tunnel as the boy approaches me. He’s probably a year older than my eleven years, but the way he carries himself makes me think he is older. Everything about him is dark and mysterious, from his neatly cut hair to his strange black uniform. The blackness is broken up by his pale skin, bright white belt, and the strange white symbol on his shoulder. The only color on him is his golden eyes, which boar into me as he draws closer. But in those eyes I see a softness that does not frighten me despite the fact that I have just been caught sneaking around an underground tunnel.

I am wedged between the wall and a huge metal crate when the boy stops in front of me, the last step of his clunky boot echoing down the tunnel. He crosses his arms over his chest which should intimidate me but I can see the curiosity behind his accusing glare. We stand looking at each other for a time not saying a word. He looks angry and uncomfortable, like he doesn’t know what to do with me. I think I notice all the tension leave his shoulders so I slowly extend my arm and hold out the apple I have been clutching in my hand. He looks at the apple for a second before turning his glare back to me. He doesn’t reach for it so I hold it there long enough for my outstretched arm to get tired and for me to be insulted. So, I roll my eyes, reach out with my other arm, snatch his wrist out and plant the apple in his palm. He takes his eyes off me to examine the apple, twisting it around several times and even bringing it to his nose to sniff as if he’s never seen one before.

What a strange boy.

Then I hear the echoing clanks of more boots and we both turn in the direction of the noise. Without looking at me he holds his hand out gesturing for me to stay, but I am not scared until I see the panic on his face.

“HLZ437?” I hear a voice call from the intersecting tunnel to my right.

“I’m here,” says the boy in front of me. “Be right there.”

I am completely hidden from the intersection, but I can see through a crack behind the crate. There is a group of boys standing there waiting.

“What are you doing?” the voice asks.

I move my head around to get a better view.

“Nothing,” the boy answers.

I see their uniforms first. All black except for the same white belt and symbol on their shoulders. Then I look more closely and my heart pounds in my chest. My mouth drops open and I don’t know why I cover it because screaming doesn’t even cross my mind. But I think I did stop breathing, because the whole group of boys, all eight of them, despite varying ages, all look unmistakably exactly like the boy standing in front of me.

“Well then, come on!” says one of the look a likes as he leads the others down the opposite tunnel.

The boy turns back to me and lets out a puff of breathe in relief. He takes the apple he’s been hiding behind his back, throws it in the air, catching it with the opposite hand, then takes a hardy bite and tosses it back to me with a wink.

And then I breathe again.

HLZ437

I go back the next day to see if she comes back but she doesn’t. So, I try again the next day and the next. I bring my sketchbook and sketch her face because it’s one I’ve never seen before. She still doesn’t come.

Eventually I give up.

next chapter

© 2020 turtlewriter

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JayG

• I stand frozen to my spot in the dimly lit tunnel as the boy approaches me.

It's labeled as a prologue, but apparently, I’ve missed a chapter or so of this story because as a reader there's context for nothing. Who are we? Dunno. And given that the goal of fiction is to make the reader feel as if they’re living the story, moment-by-moment, in real-time, for this to make sense a reader needs to know whose skin they wear, where they are in time and space, and what’s going on. But the unknown "tunnel" could be in ancient Rome, under the Hudson River, or, on another planet. No way to tell. That dim lighting could be by torch, light bulb or daylight. And without first having “a” boy we can’t specify “the” boy.

You know who we are, where we are, and what's going on, of course. In fact, you knew before you read the first word. So for you it makes perfect sense. But take pity on the one you wrote this for and address the three issues a reader need in order to have context when entering any scene on the page.

• Everything about him is dark and mysterious, from his neatly cut hair to his strange black uniform.

Hmmm…so his fingers are dark and mysterious? His nose? His shoes? Not what you mean, of course, but it is what you said. And as a reader viewing this, how can a shirt be mysterious? How and any person be mysterious if we have no clue as to what the mystery is? And in fact, if EVERYTHING is “dark and mysterious," how can he have white skin? Answer: he can’t. You forget that only you have context for what you say...unless you give it to your reader.

• strange white symbol on his shoulder.

Okay, I give up. What’s a “strange white symbol?” You know. The person of unknown gender narrating knows. The person wearing the uniform knows. But who did you write this for? Shouldn’t they know? In the first few pages you’re trying to make the reader want to read more. As Sol Stein put it: “A novel is like a car—it won’t go anywhere until you turn on the engine. The “engine” of both fiction and nonfiction is the point at which the reader makes the decision not to put the book down. The engine should start in the first three pages, the closer to the top of page one the better.”

I mean no insult, and it’s not a matter of how well you write or your talent for writing fiction. But because you’re still trying to use the nonfiction writing skills we’re given in school—reinforced via endless report and essay assignments, this reads like a report of the form: “I see a boy…he looks like this…he has expressive eyes…then this happens…then that happens.” Informational? Sure. But you give the reader no reason to care, no reason to want our protagonist to succeed. We don’t know who s/he is. We don’t know where s/he is, or why s/he’s there. We don’t even know who the boy is, from the viewpoint of the protagonist.

Here’s the deal: After all the years of being assigned reports and essays—plus a pitiful few stories—il you're good at writing nonfiction. Why not fiction, as well? Because Fiction-Writing is a profession, which means it’s learned IN ADDITION to those nonfiction skills. Use nonfiction skills and techniques to write fiction and it will, and must, read like a report.

That’s because the goal of a report is to inform the reader. But fiction’s goal is to involve the reader emotionally. And that takes a very different set of skills. They’re no harder to master than are the skills you were given in school, but they are necessary. After all, since you began to read you’ve been choosing fiction created with those tools. Reading it didn’t teach you what they are, because as they say, art conceals art. So we no more learn the techniques of creating fiction by reading it than we learn to be a chef by eating good food.

Unfortunately, in our school days they give us the impression that writing-is-writing, and that we have what we need for any kind of writing. But when we graduate are we ready to write a screenplay? Of course not. And all the TV we watched didn’t teach us how. Can we write for a newspaper of TV news show? Again no. We recognize that. But somehow, we never apply that to fiction. And so, we sit down and write a story with our school-day nonfiction skills. And when WE read it back the voice of the narrator is our own voice, all filled with the necessary emotion. Any details we forgot to include because they were obvious to US are filled in by that pre-knowledge. So we never-notice-the-problems-that-will-trip-the-reader. Kind of a large whoops, but there you are. And you have LOTS of company—pretty much everyone who turns to writing fiction—myself included when I began recording my campfire stories.

And now, you know something that most hopeful writers never suspect. After all, who’s to tell them? The library’s fiction writing section is filled with books on the subject, but who’s going to go there to solve the problem they don’t see as being one? So time spent in that section acquiring your writers education will be time wisely invested.

And to help you with acquiring that knowledge, two suggestions:

First, to gain a better understanding of the issues that differ so dramatically between fiction and nonfiction, check a few of the articles on writing fiction in my WordPress blog—linked to at the bottom of this. They’re not meant to teach, but to orient the hopeful writer and give a better idea of what areas they need to master.

Then, as with any other profession, go to the pros. Given where you currently stand, I suggest Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. It’s a warm easy read, and will give you the nuts-and-bolts issues needed to write scenes that sing to the reader. You can pick up a free copy at the link right below, though it is a PDF file that won’t show up well when read on a small screen like a phone’s.
https://b-ok.org/book/2476039/ac87b9

An alternate, and actually a much better—though more difficult—book, is Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer. It’s a university level book, though, and can be a bit dry at times. Use the leftmost of the three download buttons to select the format your reader requires.
https://ru.b-ok2.org/book/2640776/e749ea

So there you are. Not what you were hoping for, of course. But it is what you need to know. So give it a shot. Like chicken soup for a cold it might not help. But it sure can’t hurt. But whatever you decide, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

Posted 3 Years Ago

• I stand frozen to my spot in the dimly lit tunnel as the boy approaches me.

It's labeled as a prologue, but apparently, I’ve missed a chapter or so of this story because as a reader there's context for nothing. Who are we? Dunno. And given that the goal of fiction is to make the reader feel as if they’re living the story, moment-by-moment, in real-time, for this to make sense a reader needs to know whose skin they wear, where they are in time and space, and what’s going on. But the unknown "tunnel" could be in ancient Rome, under the Hudson River, or, on another planet. No way to tell. That dim lighting could be by torch, light bulb or daylight. And without first having “a” boy we can’t specify “the” boy.

You know who we are, where we are, and what's going on, of course. In fact, you knew before you read the first word. So for you it makes perfect sense. But take pity on the one you wrote this for and address the three issues a reader need in order to have context when entering any scene on the page.

• Everything about him is dark and mysterious, from his neatly cut hair to his strange black uniform.

Hmmm…so his fingers are dark and mysterious? His nose? His shoes? Not what you mean, of course, but it is what you said. And as a reader viewing this, how can a shirt be mysterious? How and any person be mysterious if we have no clue as to what the mystery is? And in fact, if EVERYTHING is “dark and mysterious," how can he have white skin? Answer: he can’t. You forget that only you have context for what you say...unless you give it to your reader.

• strange white symbol on his shoulder.

Okay, I give up. What’s a “strange white symbol?” You know. The person of unknown gender narrating knows. The person wearing the uniform knows. But who did you write this for? Shouldn’t they know? In the first few pages you’re trying to make the reader want to read more. As Sol Stein put it: “A novel is like a car—it won’t go anywhere until you turn on the engine. The “engine” of both fiction and nonfiction is the point at which the reader makes the decision not to put the book down. The engine should start in the first three pages, the closer to the top of page one the better.”

I mean no insult, and it’s not a matter of how well you write or your talent for writing fiction. But because you’re still trying to use the nonfiction writing skills we’re given in school—reinforced via endless report and essay assignments, this reads like a report of the form: “I see a boy…he looks like this…he has expressive eyes…then this happens…then that happens.” Informational? Sure. But you give the reader no reason to care, no reason to want our protagonist to succeed. We don’t know who s/he is. We don’t know where s/he is, or why s/he’s there. We don’t even know who the boy is, from the viewpoint of the protagonist.

Here’s the deal: After all the years of being assigned reports and essays—plus a pitiful few stories—il you're good at writing nonfiction. Why not fiction, as well? Because Fiction-Writing is a profession, which means it’s learned IN ADDITION to those nonfiction skills. Use nonfiction skills and techniques to write fiction and it will, and must, read like a report.

That’s because the goal of a report is to inform the reader. But fiction’s goal is to involve the reader emotionally. And that takes a very different set of skills. They’re no harder to master than are the skills you were given in school, but they are necessary. After all, since you began to read you’ve been choosing fiction created with those tools. Reading it didn’t teach you what they are, because as they say, art conceals art. So we no more learn the techniques of creating fiction by reading it than we learn to be a chef by eating good food.

Unfortunately, in our school days they give us the impression that writing-is-writing, and that we have what we need for any kind of writing. But when we graduate are we ready to write a screenplay? Of course not. And all the TV we watched didn’t teach us how. Can we write for a newspaper of TV news show? Again no. We recognize that. But somehow, we never apply that to fiction. And so, we sit down and write a story with our school-day nonfiction skills. And when WE read it back the voice of the narrator is our own voice, all filled with the necessary emotion. Any details we forgot to include because they were obvious to US are filled in by that pre-knowledge. So we never-notice-the-problems-that-will-trip-the-reader. Kind of a large whoops, but there you are. And you have LOTS of company—pretty much everyone who turns to writing fiction—myself included when I began recording my campfire stories.

And now, you know something that most hopeful writers never suspect. After all, who’s to tell them? The library’s fiction writing section is filled with books on the subject, but who’s going to go there to solve the problem they don’t see as being one? So time spent in that section acquiring your writers education will be time wisely invested.

And to help you with acquiring that knowledge, two suggestions:

First, to gain a better understanding of the issues that differ so dramatically between fiction and nonfiction, check a few of the articles on writing fiction in my WordPress blog—linked to at the bottom of this. They’re not meant to teach, but to orient the hopeful writer and give a better idea of what areas they need to master.

Then, as with any other profession, go to the pros. Given where you currently stand, I suggest Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. It’s a warm easy read, and will give you the nuts-and-bolts issues needed to write scenes that sing to the reader. You can pick up a free copy at the link right below, though it is a PDF file that won’t show up well when read on a small screen like a phone’s.
https://b-ok.org/book/2476039/ac87b9

An alternate, and actually a much better—though more difficult—book, is Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer. It’s a university level book, though, and can be a bit dry at times. Use the leftmost of the three download buttons to select the format your reader requires.
https://ru.b-ok2.org/book/2640776/e749ea

So there you are. Not what you were hoping for, of course. But it is what you need to know. So give it a shot. Like chicken soup for a cold it might not help. But it sure can’t hurt. But whatever you decide, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

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