Prologue

Prologue

A Chapter by Joan*Eckhart

Love is a demon that cannot be defeated. It is not that sweet, pretty thing you, or I, have been led to believe it is. No, gullible one. It is a creature that seeks out the unsuspecting amongst us. Caution be to those who fall prey to it's unrelenting grasp. It shall corrupt your soul, fill your being with such maddening passion as to devour you almost entirely. It is pure evil bathed in beauty. And yet, dear fool, I know you will be seduced by it, as I have, if only to touch a feeling so exquisite that one moment with the thief who robbed you can feel like you have lived an entire lifetime of joy. You can believe I fought against it, did everything I could do not to fall, but I succumbed, as do we all. No power can halt it's progress. It seeps into your very veins....




© 2012 Joan*Eckhart


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The voice in this, albeit short, prologue is quite effective in setting the mood (atmosphere). I like how you address the reader directly and try to lure us even closer to the story, which worked quite effectively.

One of the major strengths I notice in this piece is writing style. You are quite capable of transferring a wicked, haunting view on love and through this, shed some light on the personality of the (main) character involved. Your voice follows that manner very consistently and makes for an appealing read.

I do have a few comments you could consider:

I don't feel that this chapter, on itself, is really a prologue but more of an author's note or independent chapter. Personally, a prologue would establish the setting or reveal some background information key to the main plot development, but that isn't really happening to such a great extent. Perhaps incorporate some more elements, like who is writing or speaking these lines and in which setting. I feel you could make a good text into a great text here.

You only mention "love" in the first sentence, and after this use "it" to relate to the main theme. Try and play around with other words which mean love or simply repeat the word. Using "it" extensively sounds very repetitive.

In the second sentence you can leave out the commas preceding and following "or I".

The third and fourth sentence can be connected with a comma, like so: "No, gullible one, it is ..."

In the fifth sentence you write "Caution be to those". I have only a minor remark here, but I think leaving out "be" is possible. Don't forget to write "its unrelenting grasp", as "its" is a possessive pronoun here!

The length of the sentence "And yet, dear fool...." is quite long. If you break this sentence up, the reader will put more attention to the meaning of it as I sense it's the most important sentence.

Again, "No power can halt its progress." Here, "its" is again a possessive pronoun.

I hope these will help you a little bit and give you the motivation to continue! Hopefully, I will be reading your first chapter any time soon. I am intrigued!

~Acropolix

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Thank you for taking the time to leave such a in-depth review of my work. I shall take your suggesti.. read more



Reviews

The voice in this, albeit short, prologue is quite effective in setting the mood (atmosphere). I like how you address the reader directly and try to lure us even closer to the story, which worked quite effectively.

One of the major strengths I notice in this piece is writing style. You are quite capable of transferring a wicked, haunting view on love and through this, shed some light on the personality of the (main) character involved. Your voice follows that manner very consistently and makes for an appealing read.

I do have a few comments you could consider:

I don't feel that this chapter, on itself, is really a prologue but more of an author's note or independent chapter. Personally, a prologue would establish the setting or reveal some background information key to the main plot development, but that isn't really happening to such a great extent. Perhaps incorporate some more elements, like who is writing or speaking these lines and in which setting. I feel you could make a good text into a great text here.

You only mention "love" in the first sentence, and after this use "it" to relate to the main theme. Try and play around with other words which mean love or simply repeat the word. Using "it" extensively sounds very repetitive.

In the second sentence you can leave out the commas preceding and following "or I".

The third and fourth sentence can be connected with a comma, like so: "No, gullible one, it is ..."

In the fifth sentence you write "Caution be to those". I have only a minor remark here, but I think leaving out "be" is possible. Don't forget to write "its unrelenting grasp", as "its" is a possessive pronoun here!

The length of the sentence "And yet, dear fool...." is quite long. If you break this sentence up, the reader will put more attention to the meaning of it as I sense it's the most important sentence.

Again, "No power can halt its progress." Here, "its" is again a possessive pronoun.

I hope these will help you a little bit and give you the motivation to continue! Hopefully, I will be reading your first chapter any time soon. I am intrigued!

~Acropolix

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Thank you for taking the time to leave such a in-depth review of my work. I shall take your suggesti.. read more
Hmm....... I do like this prolouge but I do not seeing anything wrong with it. I don't see anything that could be added or anything that should be taken out. It's dark and sinister and has done a wonderful job at grabbing my (and other reader's) attention. I'd say to leave this as it is.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Thank you for reviewing.
I like the you began this. It reminds me of the introduction to a tale of lore, but more sinister.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Thank you. I'm glad you get it, but it will make more sense as the story continues.
oh, I feel flush. Great prologue, almost sinister.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Thanks! Sinister was the tone I was going for, but kinda in a subtle way.
I, Rene

8 Years Ago

well, it hit it's mark well done.

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Added on December 25, 2012
Last Updated on December 26, 2012
Tags: Secrets, Betrayal, Romance, Love


Author

Joan*Eckhart
Joan*Eckhart

United Kingdom



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Chapter One Chapter One

A Chapter by Joan*Eckhart