Chapter One

Chapter One

A Chapter by Joan*Eckhart
"

Juliet Beaumont is a shy young woman, and she's late for her first day at work at PhysTech Industries, where nothing is as it seems.

"

It was a wet, windy day-typical Chicago weather-and I was late for work. That wasn't even the worst part, it was my first day at my new job at PhysTech Industries. I considered myself lucky I had even gotten the position in the first place considering I performed so badly at the interview, pronouncing my own name wrong, tipping a glass of water over a very expensive looking desk, and nearly breaking my neck on my ridiculous high heels on the way out.

Yet somehow I found myself in luck and in with a job. Maybe Mrs. Belrose (the woman who I'd be playing personal assistant to) felt sorry for me and took pity on me? But then she had seemed pretty distracted while she had been questioning me. She had barely even given me a glance, and kept staring fixedly at her cell phone instead as if it were a poisonous snake ready to strike her throat.

When I got the call saying I'd gotten the job I'd been ecstatic even though I'd be nothing more then a hired slave for someone else. At least it was a step-up from my last form of employment, which my sister, Rachael, had gotten for me when I was entering adulthood, which now seems like an eternity ago.

I spent five years at that damned fast food restaurant, which left me smelling like rotting meat and stale chips everyday. In all fairness, I'd had to leave, you can't really stay on somewhere after you've spilled mildly warm sunflower oil over your boss's "special" area. Accidentally, of course.

And especially when you have a reputation for causing ridiculous amounts of chaos. Looking back it's a wonder I wasn't fired on my first day. It must have been my spectacularly good looks that kept me in favour.

I giggled at this thought on the train where I sat, which hurtled at vomit inducing alacrity towards the city centre where the PhysTech office building was located. A few people stared at me in alarm. I smiled nervously and smoothed down my silky smooth hair, which I had especially (and expensively) had cut for this job, since image, apparently, was everything where I now worked.

I glanced at my reflection in the window across my seat. Not bad. I scrubbed up well considering I knew very little about make-up or fashion. With Rachael's help I looked...presentable, attractive, even.

I smiled pleasantly at my reflection. My make-up was perfect and not caked on. I re-applied a thin coat of lipgloss and settled into my seat feeling pleased with myself. I would need to muster all the confidence in the world if I was to make it through today.

As was my custom, I felt almost sick with anticipation. Wild butterflies were wreaking havoc in my stomach. In an attempt to distract myself from destructive you'll-get-fired-on-day-one thoughts I pulled out the research I had done on PhysTech from my brand new faux leather handbag. I had gone through it a million times, of course, but once more wouldn't help.

PhysTech Industries was, according to Forbes, one of the most powerful multinational corporations in the world-a fact which unnerved and intimidated me greatly. It employed over one hundred thousand people around the world, which pretty much floored me.

Wikipedia told me that PhysTech was a monster that had it's tentacles in everything from making chemicals to selling steel to building boats. It made such a large profit last year that it could easily feed an entire country, and I, Juliet Beaumont, would be working there, at this powerful, sophisticated hub. I felt like a lamb going to slaughter.

No, I mustn't think like that.

I was an adult now, had been for some time-even though I rarely felt like it. Working in a big, scary company was what adults did. I just had to hold my head high, fix a smile upon my face, and try not to get fired on my first day. That was my goal.

I could do this. My job wasn't even going to be that taxing. I was an assistant. I sat at the bottom of the food chain. Getting coffee and answering telephones was hardly brain surgery, and Mrs. Belrose had seemed nice.

With renewed vigor I stepped confidently off the train and joined the throng of people hustling to work. I smiled. I was one of them now. I was a rat joining the rat race of life. I laughed, then shook my head.

Focus, Beaumont.

This was not the right time to get lost in my thoughts. My imagination would have to take a back seat today. Living inside my head was not acceptable. Rachael often caught me smiling to myself while I enjoyed a private joke. Of course, she thought I was utterly mad, but she was my sister and was unlikely to call the men in white coats one me. I sensed my employee would not be so sympathetic.


Taxi!”


I held out my hand like I'd seen in the movies and prayed someone would stop. To my utter amazement a shiny yellow cab screeched to a halt next to me. I gaped at it in wonder.


Are ya gettin' in or what?” growled the driver impatiently.


I blinked then pulled open the door before someone stole the cab from me like Rachael warned me they did.


Where to, Miss?”


PhysTech Industries,” I said firmly, as if I belonged there.


The driver whistled. “Nice.”


It's my first day,” I said, feeling like I should share.


PhysTech owns this city,” the driver stated matter-of-factly. “Owns most of the States, in fact. The Sun-Times called Hunter a soulless bloodsucker once,” laughed the driver, veering wildly past a truck. I hastily put my seat belt on.


James Hunter?” I said, referring to the CEO of PhysTech.


Yeah, that's the guy,” said the driver. “Meant to be a real cold son-of-a-gun. I should know, I've picked up people who work for him. He leaves 'em quaking.”


I gulped.


According to his business rivals, James Hunter was a force not to be reckoned with. As the majority shareholder of his company's stock, making him the sole owner, he did not suffer fools gladly. I'd tried to glean every bit of information I could on him, but came up short. He was notoriously private, never did interviews, and kept out of the spotlight. Even the local papparazzi were reluctant to take pictures of him. The one photo I found of him had been taken when he was in his twenties, and was so grainy I could barely make out his features.

I'd accomplished that he was a shrewd business man, unrelenting, and barbaric to those who threatened his empire. Not attractive qualities in a human being, but they had made him a success.

I planned on giving him a wide berth, though the chances of me actually bumping into him were mercifully slim.


Here we are, Miss.”


The car slowed to a stop and only gently bumped the curb. “Thank you,” I stammered, paying him.


Good luck.” He smiled at me then winked. “You're gonna need it.”


Thanks.” I muttered, sounding much braver then I felt.


I had been deposited outside what was easily the tallest building I'd ever seen, but then all the buildings situated in The Loop-otherwise known as Chicago's business district- where the tallest buildings I'd ever seen. My neck craned as far as it would go but the building went on and on, stretching magnificently into the heavens.

PhysTech Tower was over one hundred floors high, easily making it one of the tallest buildings in the world. It's shell consisted entirely of black glass which gleamed wickedly at me. Defiantly, it stood out from amongst it's neighbors, an imposing, sinister, alien creature, presenting a silent warning to passers-by of the danger that perhaps lurked inside..

I'd been here before for my interview, but then I'd had Rachael by my side who'd gently guided me inside after I'd had a panic attack and nearly fled. Today I was alone.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

I marched purposefully towards the gold embossed, glass entrance and into the colossal lobby. Everything around me screamed power and wealth, from the cream marble covered floor to the expensive paintings (I had no doubt they were) that adorned the walls, to the incredible statue of a group of withered men that stood in the centre.

There were suits everywhere, scurrying past me, vanishing into elevators, climbing stairs. It made me dizzy just to look at them.

Four receptionists sat at the large front desk. I approached the youngest, least intimidating one. She could be no older then myself, yet she carried herself with an elegant dignity that impressed me. She wore a golden tag labelled “Jane” on an expensive looking blouse, and a radiant smile on her pretty face.


Good morning. Welcome to PhysTech Tower. How may I help you?” she said politely.


Hello,” I stammered. “Erm, my name is Juliet Beaumont, and, erm, I....” I trailed off foolishly. My nerves had abandoned me once more.


Yes,” she prodded, raising exquisitely manicured eyebrows.


I work here,” I said weakly.


So do a lot of people,” she pointed out, without humour.


I'm new here,” I whispered pathetically. Every ounce of carefully concocted confidence had evaporated, to be replaced by gut wrenching panic.


I see.” Amusement flickered across her face.


I gripped my handbag tight against myself. “I'm the new personal assistant for Mrs. Samantha Belrose.”


Her eyes nearly popped out of her head. Now I had her full, undivided attention. “Mrs. Belrose?” she stuttered.


I wondered why she suddenly looked fearful. “Yes, it's my first day here,” I said, leaning against the desk.


Jane recovered quickly. “Do you want to know where her office is located?”


I nodded. I had no idea as my interview had taken place on the first floor while Rachael stood outside like a sentry to make sure I went through with it, no doubt.


Mrs. Belrose's office is on the 105th floor,” Jane informed me.


How will I know which one is hers?” I said, feeling foolish.


Jane gazed at me steadily for a moment. I sensed she was sizing me up. I tried to look cool and serene and not at all as terrified as I felt inside.

A telephone buzzed nearby breaking the spell. Jane shook her head. “You will know which is her office as it is clearly stated outside her door with a plaque,” she stated, without a hint of mockery in her tone.


I felt my cheeks flame. “Thanks.”


Good luck, Miss. Beaumont,” said Jane softly, after she had signed me in.


I smiled shakily at her before tuning away. I checked my watch as I hurried to the elevators. I would make it-but only just. I would not be late tomorrow I vowed internally as I stepped inside the elevator.

A women, who I guessed was in her early fifties, though you couldn't tell by the youthful glow on her face, accompanied me inside. I pressed myself against the oak-panelled wall and closed my eyes briefly as she punched in a number.


Are you heading for the top?”


I jumped. “Sorry?”


I said.” She smiled at me, revealing perfect, even teeth save for a small gap in the middle of the top row. A peculiarity I found charming. “Are you headed for the top floor?”


Erm, floor 105.”


101.” She extended a delicate hand. I shook it tentatively. “My name's Annie, I lead the Finance Department.” Her eyes sparkled with kindness. She had a gentle demeanor about her that reminded me of someone who I did not wish to remember.


Juliet,” I said shyly. “I'm Mrs. Belrose's new personal assistant.”


Her body stiffened for a fraction of a second. “Oh, really?”


Yes, it's my first day here.”


I see.” She turned away, clearly unsettled.


What was it about Mrs. Belrose that made people react this way? Was she a tyrant? I hoped not.

Annie was staring off into the distance, and, as polite as she appeared, I did not have the nerve to voice my concerns. The doors glided open smoothly and she started towards them.


Good luck, Juliet.” She did not turn around as she said this, and before I could utter a word, she left.


A heavy sense of foreboding had settled in my chest. Something was amiss with my new boss, but what?

I punched in the numbers for my floor and a few seconds later the elevator glided open again. A stark, white lobby greeted me. Unlike the ground floor this one was eerily quiet, though it was furnished practically the same way, with a scattering of moderate black furniture strewn about, and a host of paintings that could have been dreamt up by children decorating the walls. A fashion statement I knew nothing about, perhaps?

It was quiet. Too quiet. No-one appeared to be working on this floor. Clutching my handbag against my stomach I made my way to the deserted front desk.

A few minutes passed and no-one emerged.. Tapping my fingers on the smooth desktop eased the panic threatening to engulf me. Where was everybody? I was going to be late. I hunted for a buzzer on the desk to ring for assistance, but failed to locate it.


Can I help you?”


To my relief, a man dressed in a sharp grey suit materialized out of nowhere and bounded towards me. Relief flooded my body.


“Hello,” I said breathlessly. “I'm Juliet Beaumont. I'm new. I start today. Am I late?”


He grinned as I babbled on. “Relax, Juliet Beaumont. You're not late at all. In fact, Mrs. Belrose isn't even around at the moment. No one is.”


He had a young, unlined face, with cropped brown hair, and mischievous brown eyes. There was something very innocent about the way he nodded eagerly for no apparent reason that made me want to smile.


I breathed out slowly. “Oh.”


I'm Josh, fellow servant in this vast and mighty corporation.” We shook hands. “Don't look so frightened Miss, is it Miss?” I nodded and his grin broadened. “Miss Beaumont. Pretty name,” he added as an after thought.


Where is Mrs. Belrose?” I inquired.


Seeing the head honcho.” Josh frowned. It did not suit him.


James Hunter?” A shiver snaked it's way down my spine when I spoke his name.


Yes,” nodded Josh, with such cold sobriety I imagined him an undertaker for one wild second. “He called an impromptu meeting when she arrived. She did not look happy.”


No-one looks happy when I mention her,” I said, watching for his reaction.


Josh regarded me carefully. I believed him so harmless I did not mind his assessing gaze, and matched it without hesitation. “I'll let you in on a secret. Well,” he laughed sadly. “Not so secret, secret.”

He stopped suddenly and glanced to his right. “Not here though,” he continued quietly. “There are eyes and ears everywhere. Follow me.”

He took off leaving me trailing behind him. I hastened to follow him. He lead us into a small room which served as a kitchen for members of staff.

After closing the door soundlessly, he settled into a stool and gestured for me to do the same.


You might as well know, Juliet. It's only fair, well, not in your case as it's your first day here. But still, I'm going to tell you anyway.”


I crossed my legs awkwardly, wishing he would hurry up and get on with it.


Mrs. Belrose has put herself...how can I put this eloquently?” He rubbed his chin. “Yeah, she's put herself in the firing line-quite literally, I might add. I've never seen Hunter this furious, didn't think it was possible after all I've witnessed, but hey, the man is full of surprises. Belrose is going to burn, Hunter will make sure of that, I know it.”


Nothing he said made sense to me. “I don't understand. What exactly did she do?”


She stole from him.” replied Josh. “Embezzlement of company funds is the official charge.”


My mouth dropped open in shock. I could not believe it. “She stole money from this company? Why?”


I have no idea,” sighed Josh. “I don't know why she did it. She's a very wealthy woman.” He leaned in conspiratorially. “Word on the street is that one of Hunter's rivals seduced her into the madness, because that's what it is. Screwing with Hunter will guarantee the end of you.”


Will she lose her job?”


She'll be losing a damned sight more then that,” scoffed Josh. “Take her freedom for instance.”


He'll send her to prison?” I was shocked. I couldn't imagine anyone in a cold cell.


Not the traditional sort,” said Josh mysteriously. “It's too bad. She was such a nice lady, but she broke the law. Hunters law.”


I can't believe it,” I said. “Am I going to lose my job?”


Josh looked at me wistfully. “It looks that way. I'm so sorry, Juliet. You came at the wrong time. I don't know how to help you.” He placed a hand on mine. “It's just too bad.”


I artfully removed my hand, hoping he wouldn't be offended. He didn't seem to notice.

I wanted to cry. Imagine having to leave your job on the first day! And I hadn't even committed a major transgression yet!


What am I going to do?” I moaned.


Hey,” soothed Josh, jumping up and putting his arm around my shoulders. I froze.


Clearly Josh had no qualms about invading others personal space.

You could be my personal assistant,” he joked.


I peered up at him. “I'm ready to be anyone's personal assistant. I really need this job.”


He nodded once, vigorously, as if determined to act out a thought. “Okay, I'll see what I can do.”


He marched out of the room like a soldier about to enter battle. I did not hold out much hope for myself, after all, if Mrs. Belrose was about to lose her job, then I wouldn't be far behind. I was, after all, just a lowly PA.

A gentle humming from within my handbag drew my attention. It was Rachael.


Julie! I had to call, I need to know how it's going?” she said cheerily.


I could hear extremely loud music in the background, and knew she was working an irregular shift, as she was prone to do, at the ancient music store that sat around our apartment. “Did you get fired yet?” she joked. I was silent.


Oh, God, Julie. What did you do?” she demanded. “Did you throw coffee on someone important?”


No I did not!” I retorted hotly, a spasm of anger bursting through my despondency. “I haven't done anything!”


Then what is it?” she cried. “I know something's wrong.”


I sighed. There was no point keeping anything from my little sister. She could sniff out gossip a mile away with her dainty little nose.


Where shall I begin?” I started, then proceeded to tell her about the mornings events.


That's not fair at all!” I held the phone away from my ear as she really started to shout. “Why should you lose your job? None of this is your fault! And on your first day too!”


It's just my luck, or, rather, lack of it,” I muttered darkly.


Ooh, Julie....I'm so mad...” she seethed. The image of her crunching up a CD with her bare hands popped into my head-a thought which made me want to giggle.


There's still Josh,” I said hopefully. “Maybe he can help?”


I hope so, but I doubt it,” said Rachael.


I'll just come home then,” I said quietly, suddenly needing to cry. I felt like a failure even though in my heart I knew this was not my doing. I had just arrived at the wrong place at the wrong time.


Oh, Julie.” My mood was reflected perfectly in her tone.


I rarely needed to tell her how I felt as usually, as if she where my twin, she sensed it before I uttered one word. I sometimes felt as if she was the only person on this planet who did truly understand me, or perhaps it was because I did not posses the courage that she did to talk to other people, therefore never affording someone that chance? I had hoped this job would elevate that problem, but here I sat, about to lose every shred of hope of becoming a woman who was fearless and not at all afraid of the world.


Hang in there, angel,” she encouraged. “Maybe something good will come out of this?”


When has something good ever happened to us?” The bitterness crept into my voice. I had to compose myself before memories of the past could sneak through the fortress I had built in my head.


Don't you dare go down the self-pity road,” warned Rachael.


“Remember what we promised each other?”


I shut my eyes tightly. “Never be a victim.”


And never let the past define our future,” she finished for me.


Nothing further was spoken for a moment. She was no doubt waiting for me to break the silence first, knowing I would be feeling better when I did. She was always right.


Thanks.” I was glad I had her.


Anytime.” I could sense her smile on the other end.


Are you busy?” I asked, wanting to change the subject.


No. The place is dead,” she replied tersely. “I wouldn't be surprised if this hole get's shut down.”


Wow, this day just keeps getting better and better!” I laughed aloud, and it was cathartic.


She joined me. “I know, I know. What else can you expect to happen to schlosers like us, huh?”


Well, I might get hit by a bus on the way back, you know, right after I get fired?” I giggled.


And I'll get battered by a hobo!” she piped in.


We were still joking inanely when Josh burst back into the room. I quickly said my goodbye's to her and turned to him. “What is it?”


I've got some good news and some bad news,” he said. His breathing was laboured as if he had run a marathon in a minute. “Actually, make it bad news, then good news mixed with a little bad.”


Okay.” I tried to relax as he joined me at the table, grabbing a bottle of water from a mini-fridge on the way.


Well, I'll go with the bad news first.”


I swallowed and tried to brace myself for anything. I can handle this.


“You're definitely out of a job. Not fired-just out of a job.” I had no clue what the difference was, but waited for him to continue with forced patience.


A little birdie just informed me that Belrose is getting fried up there.” He pointed to the ceiling. “Hunter is mad-real mad. There are even whispers that's he's called the police, but I don't think that's his style. He'll sort this thing out himself, considering he believes he is some sort of God, which in the business world he sorta is.”


He paused to take a long sip of water. I shifted in my seat, praying he would hurry up and get to the point!


Okay.” He wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “So to cut a long story short. You're definitely done with Belrose before you even started with her. But.” He raised his hand. “I have done something pretty incredible today. You could even call it a miracle.”


I knew then that I would have to exercise extreme patience with Josh in the future-if I had one here-if we were to have any sort of relationship with each other.


Yes?” I said, in what I hoped was in an encouraging manner.


I managed to steal you a new job!” He held up his hand, clearly wanting a high-five for his feat.


Oh, my God,” I breathed, and raised my arm weakly. We managed to slap our hands together rather clumsily.


Okay, we're going to have to work on that,” laughed Josh. “But, hey, am I awesome, or what?”


How? How did you...?” I could not believe it. How on earth had Josh managed something so incredible?


He grinned mischievously. “I know.” He linked his hands together behind his head and leaned back. “I'm the man.”


We both gasped when he nearly toppled over backwards. I grabbed his tie before he fell and pulled him towards myself. His head connected with mine painfully as he tried to maintain balance.


Oomph!” I rubbed my forehead.


Owch,” he agreed.


We looked at each other and burst out laughing. “Well that certainly wiped all my cool points off the board!” he snorted.


I shook my head and tried to suppress the hysteria gathering in me. Not all of it was down to Josh's clumsiness.


When we had regained our respective composure, I decided to try again. “How on earth did you manage to get me a job?”


I'm not going to lie to you, Juliet,” he confessed. “But, honestly, this is all my moms doing.”


Your mom?” I exclaimed. “I don't understand.”


I'll explain,” he said pleasantly. “My mom works here. She's worked here her whole life, back when Hunter's dad was in charge and Hunter was a kid, so she has history here. She's a “valued asset”.” He made air quotes with his fingers. “She had a lot of sway back in the golden era, not so much now, but today proved the girls still got it in her to do some real good around here.”


So she saved me from getting fired completely?”


She made sure you didn't have to leave,” said Josh. “You've got a place at PhysTech, for sure.”


What exactly am I required to do now?”


Oh, you're still a humble PA,” he informed me, nonchalantly, I saw.


Okay, I can live with that, but who will I be working for?” I asked, suddenly suspicious of his awkward fidgeting.


This is the tricky part.” He looked scared, which made me nervous.


Tell me,” I said gently.


You'll be working for James Hunter.”


I felt faint all of a sudden. I was certain I was about to pass out. I felt it. My hands began to shake and my breath had quickened tenfold.


This was not good news.


It's not that awful” said Josh quickly, a little alarmed at my reaction.


You basically just described him as some sort of demon!” My voice rose, as did I out of my seat. “And then you get me a job working directly for him?”


I don't know how it happened!” Josh jumped out of his chair. “My mom said this was the best she could do.”


How can I be a PA for him?” I cried fearfully. “He'll eat me alive!”


You're not his PA,” Josh soothed. “You're his secretary, Stacy's, PA. You know, the lowliest of servants.”


I twisted my hands together. “God, what am I going to do?”


Look, my mom knows him better then I do. She adores the guy.” I gazed at him incredulously. “Most of the time.”


I can't do this.” My nerves were shot. This was too much too soon. I thought I'd never see James Hunter and now I would be working directly with him. I hadn't gleaned much from my research about him personally, but enough to deduce he was not the sort of man I would be able to bear with.


It'll be alright,” assured Josh, who I did not like much right then. “Chances are you'll never actually have to speak with him. He'll breeze right past you. He never pays anybody any mind. Just barges past like a hurricane, and into his office to think up more dastardly schemes to take over the world.”


He was trying to lighten the mood, but I was not entirely convinced. How was I going to get through this? My last boss had been horribly short-tempered-mostly with me (and for good reason)-but his wife had taken a shine to me and I had lasted. I had a sinking feeling James Hunter would not put up with my many shortcomings.


Stacy gets all the heat,” persisted Josh, determined to make me happy. “The worst you'll have to do is get coffee for him.”


Obviously Josh did not know me well. Carrying items perched on trays was not my forte, as many people I'd served could testify. And I'd be doing it in heels. I glanced pitifully at my feet. Was it too late to walk away from this?


Think of it as a challenge,” enthused Josh. “If you can make it with Hunter, then trust me, you can make it anywhere.”


I considered his words. I did enjoy a challenge, that much was true, but my interpretation of a challenge was completing a crossword whilst curled up in a ball on the sofa, not working for a man with a temper shorter than a piece of string.


Josh placed his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes in what I thought he believed was an inspiring manner. “It'll be okay, Juliet,” he said ardently, giving me a little shake. “I know it will be.”


Hmm.” I decided not to argue with him. There was no point now.


What was done was done. Fate had decided to wreak havoc with me as usual, as was it's fashion with me and my life. I would just have to go along with it, and try not to get burned.


Stacy-that's Hunters secretary, remember?-is expecting you at the top floor,” said Josh. “She's a nice lady. Still sane considering who she works for. She's a good friend of moms. She'll take care of you.”


He escorted me to the elevator which pinged open. I stared into the small compartment as if it were the mouth of a beast ready to consume me.


Ready?” asked Josh.


As I'll ever be,” I replied dryly, stepping inside.


Good luck, Juliet!” he called as the doors began to slide shut.


I'm going to need it,”I muttered to myself.



© 2012 Joan*Eckhart


Author's Note

Joan*Eckhart
Readers opinions are valued! Hint, hint. ;)

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Featured Review

“I giggled at this thought on the train where I sat, which hurtled at vomit inducing alacrity towards the city centre where the PhysTech office building was located. A few people stared at me in alarm. I smiled nervously and smoothed down my silky smooth hair, which I had especially (and expensively) had cut for this job, since image, apparently, was everything where I now worked.”

There are too many ‘ly’s in the last sentence of this paragraph. I was always told that you should show not tell. Show me how her hair cut was expensive. Was it styled a certain way? Was it curled? Was it straightened?

“but once more wouldn't help.”? Don’t you mean, “but one more would help.”?

“I stepped confidently” So much could be said at this part to replace confidently. She could have strode off the train. She could have sashayed off the train. Do you get my point?

“I laughed, then shook my head.” I think that this should be re-worded. Say something like. “I shook my head and laughed.”

“my employee” Should it be employer?

“growled the driver impatiently.” Try, “a very irritated driver said to me.” :)

“I said firmly” – Firmly could be cut from this.

‘ “PhysTech owns this city,” the driver stated matter-of-factly. “Owns most of the States, in fact. The Sun-Times called Hunter a soulless bloodsucker once,” laughed the driver, veering wildly past a truck. I hastily put my seat belt on.’

Now you’ve got three ‘ly’s in this paragraph. Try to fix those. :)

Paparazzi- I think is the way that it should be spelled. :S

“as it is clearly”—You could say that “it’s stated clearly”. It’s not as wordy and it makes much more sense.

“schlosers” What’s this?

“get to the point!” You don’t need to add an exclamation point here. We all can already assume that she’s impatient.

I really like this chapter too. Basically the only thing that I saw was really wrong with it was that it had way too many ‘ly’s. Remember to describe thoughts, feelings, and scenes to me. Don’t tell me, show me. :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Thank you for taking the time to give such an in depth review of my chapter. I can see what you mean.. read more
Miranda

8 Years Ago

Yeah, 'ly's were a big problem in my own novel. Don't worry, I'm sure that you'll be able to fix the.. read more



Reviews

I liked it especially the interview. She seems wry youn at heart and clumsy. There are a lot of ly words and some of them grammar is off. I would recomend more detail I felt like you were saying it but I wasn't feeling or connecting it back . Overall I like the beginning :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Nice. Very straightfoward in the first chapter. i hope to see what comes mext.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Thank you.
“I giggled at this thought on the train where I sat, which hurtled at vomit inducing alacrity towards the city centre where the PhysTech office building was located. A few people stared at me in alarm. I smiled nervously and smoothed down my silky smooth hair, which I had especially (and expensively) had cut for this job, since image, apparently, was everything where I now worked.”

There are too many ‘ly’s in the last sentence of this paragraph. I was always told that you should show not tell. Show me how her hair cut was expensive. Was it styled a certain way? Was it curled? Was it straightened?

“but once more wouldn't help.”? Don’t you mean, “but one more would help.”?

“I stepped confidently” So much could be said at this part to replace confidently. She could have strode off the train. She could have sashayed off the train. Do you get my point?

“I laughed, then shook my head.” I think that this should be re-worded. Say something like. “I shook my head and laughed.”

“my employee” Should it be employer?

“growled the driver impatiently.” Try, “a very irritated driver said to me.” :)

“I said firmly” – Firmly could be cut from this.

‘ “PhysTech owns this city,” the driver stated matter-of-factly. “Owns most of the States, in fact. The Sun-Times called Hunter a soulless bloodsucker once,” laughed the driver, veering wildly past a truck. I hastily put my seat belt on.’

Now you’ve got three ‘ly’s in this paragraph. Try to fix those. :)

Paparazzi- I think is the way that it should be spelled. :S

“as it is clearly”—You could say that “it’s stated clearly”. It’s not as wordy and it makes much more sense.

“schlosers” What’s this?

“get to the point!” You don’t need to add an exclamation point here. We all can already assume that she’s impatient.

I really like this chapter too. Basically the only thing that I saw was really wrong with it was that it had way too many ‘ly’s. Remember to describe thoughts, feelings, and scenes to me. Don’t tell me, show me. :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Thank you for taking the time to give such an in depth review of my chapter. I can see what you mean.. read more
Miranda

8 Years Ago

Yeah, 'ly's were a big problem in my own novel. Don't worry, I'm sure that you'll be able to fix the.. read more
It was okay. I do not get your prologue though. But I guess it's okay.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

I think the prologue will probably make more sense when I finish the entire book, but thanks for dro.. read more
I personally found this wonderful, delightful, full of humor, and it's uncanny how much Juliet reminds me of myself, I completely identify with all the characters and situations and I was enthralled, intrigued and entertained from top to bottom, i'll definitely continue reading this one!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Hopefully I'll be able to continue entertaining you!
I, Rene

8 Years Ago

I have subscribed and look forward to more chapters from you.
Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Thanks, I'd better get writing then. lol
I could definately see you going further with this. It played out like a movie in my head. Great job! Looking forward to more! 100/100

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joan*Eckhart

8 Years Ago

Thank you! It's just supposed to be something light. I'm having fun with it, and yes, I am writing m.. read more

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Added on December 29, 2012
Last Updated on December 29, 2012
Tags: Romance, Love, Betrayal, Secrets


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Joan*Eckhart
Joan*Eckhart

United Kingdom



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Chapter One Chapter One

A Chapter by Joan*Eckhart