Curb Your Enthusiasm - SAMPLE EPISODE

Curb Your Enthusiasm - SAMPLE EPISODE

A Screenplay by Jody Medland
"

This is a sample episode of one of my favourite HBO shows, 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'. It has been written as part of my proposal as I aim to work with HBO on an upcoming project of mine.

"

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

 

(A Script for the Sit-Com)

 

Created by

 

Larry David

 

SERIES EIGHT, EPISODE ONE

 

‘The Wrong Turn’

 

Written by

 

Jody Medland

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

08-01-2011

 

                                Mr Jody Medland

                                21 Weymouth House

                                Hill House Mews

                                Bromley

                                Kent

                                BR2 0DD

                                United Kingdom

 

                               [email protected]

 

                                Mob: 0773 136 1264

 

 

 

 CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

 

SERIES EIGHT, EPISODE ONE

‘The Wrong Turn’

Written by

Jody Medland

 

Fade in:

 

EXT. PEDRO’S FANCY DRESS STORE �" DAY

 

The sun is shining on a glorious day in LA.

 

CHERYL (V.O.)

              Hey Lar. I’ve just to the fancy

              dress store.

 

INT. PEDRO’S FANCY DRESS STORE- DAY

 

CHERYL is stood at the COUNTER talking on her CELL PHONE. PEDRO stands on the other side of the COUNTER with his arms folded, wearing a sorry expression.

 

CHERYL (CONT’D)

              Now, the guy said that their

              Frankenstein outfit has gone,

              so what else can I get you?

 

LARRY (PHONE)

              It’s gone?

 

CHERYL

              Yeah.

 

LARRY (PHONE)

              But I saw it yesterday and I asked

              him to put it by!

 

CHERYL

              Yeah, I know… but he said that he

              had to let it go.

 

LARRY (PHONE)

              He said that, huh?

 

CHERYL

              Yeah.

 

LARRY (PHONE)

              Is he there with you?

 

CHERYL

              Yeah. He’s stood right in front

              of me.

 

LARRY (PHONE)

              Put him on.

 

CHERYL turns to PEDRO and winces apologetically as she hovers the CELL PHONE in front of him.

 

CHERYL

              He wants to talk to you.

 

PEDRO

                   (Worriedly)

              Really?

 

LARRY (PHONE)

                   (Shouting)

              Yeah, really! Take the phone Pedro,

              and explain yourself! Take the phone!

 

Reluctantly, PEDRO takes the CELL PHONE and places it to his ear as he rubs the back of his neck with his other hand.

 

PEDRO

                   (Dejected)

              Hey Larry.

 

INT. LARRY DAVID’S BATHROOM �" DAY

 

LARRY is sat wide-eyed with frustration. The framing does not suggest he is in his BATHROOM.

 

LARRY

              Hey! What the hell’s going on?

              I loved that suit. You know I

              loved it. It was perfect!

 

INT. PEDRO’S FANCY DRESS STORE �" DAY

 

PEDRO’S whole body language is apologetic.

 

PEDRO

              I know, Larry… but a kid came in

              with down syndrome. He saw it behind

              the counter and when I said he

              couldn’t have it, he started

              screaming. I felt guilty, so I let

              him take it. I’m sorry.

 

LARRY (PHONE)

              Down syndrome?

 

PEDRO

              Yeah.

 

There is a shirt silence.

 

LARRY (PHONE)

              A kid, you say?

 

PEDRO

              Yeah.

 

INT. LARRY’S BATHROOM - DAY

 

LARRY’S suspicious expression turns judgmental.

 

LARRY

              I’m six foot five, Pedro.

 

PEDRO (PHONE)

                    (Shrugs)

              So?

 

LARRY

              So, how many six foot five kids

              with down syndrome do you see

              walking around in LA?

 

PEDRO (PHONE)

              Are you saying I’m lying?

 

LARRY

              Here’s what I’m saying, Pedro. I’m

              saying that you’re a terrible man

              who went back on your word and has

              a terrible system on how to reserve                  outfits that are specifically asked

              for by your paying customers.

 

INT. PEDRO’S FANCY DRESS STORE - DAY

 

PEDRO looks deeply hurt.

 

PEDRO

              I cannot believe you think that I

              would lie about down syndrome! I

              am a very proud man and I do not

              lie!

 

LARRY (PHONE)

              You lied by saying you’d hold the

              costume!

 

Offended, he hands the PHONE back over to CHERYL.

 

PEDRO (CONT’D)

                   (Angered)

              Here. Take it back! I don’t have

              to listen to this!

 

She monitors him as he shakes his head and walks into the back room, looking teary.

 

LARRY (PHONE)

              Pedro. Pedro!

 

CHERYL puts the PHONE back to her ear.

 

CHERYL

              Hey!

 

LARRY

              Wha…? Did he just hang up on me?

 

CHERLY

              Umm… no. I’m still on the phone.

 

LARRY

              Yeah. Exactly. He hung up on me.

              By passing the phone over, he hung

              up on me!

             

CHERYL

              But it’s still connected.

 

LARRY

              But the principle is that he

              passed it over, thus ending our                      conversation before I was finished!

 

CHERYL walks away from the COUNTER and begins to sift through a series of COSTUMES on a LONG RAILING.

 

CHERYL

                   (Dismissively)

              Yeah… so what outfit can I get

              you instead?

 

There is a short silence.

 

LARRY

              I’m not sure I want anything now.

 

CHERYL

              Well… you have to wear something.

              It’s a fancy dress party!

 

LARRY (PHONE)

              I don’t even want the party any

              more. Let’s call everybody and

              cancel. I’m not in the mood.

 

CHERYL

              What? Larry. No. It was a great

              idea to have a party, and we’re

              going to have it.

 

LARRY

              It wasn’t a great idea. It was

              stupid! I only said it because I

              was trying to impress you and to

              win you back, and I’ve done that

              now, so… let’s just return back

              to normal already!

 

CHERYL

              No.

 

LARRY

              I’m serious. Forget everything I said.

 

CHERYL

              You have been a perfect gentleman

              since we reunited and I’d like to

              keep it that way, please.

 

LARRY grimaces.

 

CHERYL

              Which, reminds me. Wanda is coming

              over to…

 

LARRY

              What? Why?

 

CHERYL

                   (Frowning)

              To do the decorations for the party.

 

LARRY

              Since when does she do decorations?

 

CHERYL

              She did them at Sammy’s last birthday

              and when I mentioned we were having a                party, she…

 

LARRY

              Does that mean she’s invited?

 

CHERYL

              Yes, she’s invited. She’s helping us.

 

LARRY

              Helping. We’ll probably get a big

              bill for the privilege.

 

LARRY begins to strain.

 

CHERYL

              What… Larry what is that?

 

He strains again.

 

LARRY

              Hold on! Give me a second!

 

CHERYL pulls away from the CELL PHONE and looks at it, confused. She puts it back to her ear.

 

CHERYL

              Wait! Tell me you’re not using

              the restroom.

 

LARRY

              Well… I had to go.

 

CHERYL

              Oh my God! Larry!

 

LARRY

              What? I needed to use the restroom.

              So what? What’s the difference? I’m

              a busy man and I’m killing two birds

              with one stone here.

 

CHERYL

                   (Disgusted)

              Ah, I cannot believe you!

 

LARRY begins to strain again.

CHERYL

              You know what? I’m gonna go now.

              Make sure you’re in for Wanda…

              and be nice!

 

She hangs up the PHONE.

 

LARRY

              But Cheryl, wait…

                   (The line goes dead)

              Cheryl.

                   (Beat)

              Cheryl!

 

LARRY leans forward as he begins to strain hard.

 

INT. LARRY DAVID’S LOUNGE AREA �" DAY

 

We see that the room is filled with many weird and wonderful DECORATIONS as WANDA works with a FEMALE friend of hers. They are smiling and having fun as they use a PUMP to blow up BALOONS.

 

LARRY walks in and raises his eyebrows as he looks around. His expression is one of resentment, which he tries to keep hidden.

 

WANDA glances up at him as he approaches.

 

WANDA

              Ah, hey Larry!

 

LARRY

              Hey!

 

WANDA

              So…

 

He looks at her blankly.

 

WANDA (CONT’D)

              What d’ya think?

 

He looks around again, nodding manically as he avoids eye contact.

 

LARRY

              Well… you know?

 

WANDA

              No. I don’t. That’s why I’m

              askin’ you.

 

LARRY

              Umm… it’s pretty good.

              Paretttttty-rettttty-ettttttty

              good.

 

WANDA

                   (Annoyed)

              Pretty g…? Right! Come on.

              What’s your problem?

 

LARRY

                   (Innocently)

              What?

 

WANDA

              Don’t “what” me! I can read your

              stupid tone. I s’pose you’d have

              decorated this place much better,

              Mister f****n’ party hat.

 

LARRY

              Mister party hat?

 

He looks at her ASSISTANT, who is beginning to feel awkward.

 

LARRY (CONT’D)

                   (Amused)

              What?

 

WANDA

              You heard. Now what is it you don’t

              like? Big f****n’ surprise you                       complainin’, too, old misery a*s!

 

LARRY simply smirks as he raises his palm, drawing their attention back to the room.

 

LARRY

              It’s just a bit much, isn’t it?

 

WANDA

              A bit much? It’s a party!

 

LARRY

              Yeah �" but I have to live in this

              house for the next two days, before

              the party even begins, and it’s like

              I’m in a f****n’ ghost train!

 

WANDA

               F**k you Larry! I did not come here

              to be insulted!

 

LARRY

              I’m not insulting you. I’m insulting

              the decorations!

 

WANDA

              I put up the decorations, stupid!

 

LARRY looks back to the ASSISTANT.

 

LARRY

              What do you think?

 

The GIRL coyly looks to the floor.

 

WANDA

              Don’t involve her.

 

He looks at the GIRL again.

 

LARRY

                   (Pressing)

              Come on. Really?

 

WANDA

              I said don’t speak to her, Larry!

 

LARRY

              What? You’re the only one who

              gets to speak to your assistant?

 

WANDA

              I am the only one who gets to speak

              to my assistant.

 

LARRY

              She’s in my house!

 

WANDA

              So?

 

LARRY stares at her for a moment, but she does not back down. Agitated, LARRY flings his arms up into the air as he begins to walk away.

 

LARRY

              Fine! Being the home owner of

              a house obviously gives you no

              authority any more!

 

WANDA

              It doesn’t.

 

LARRY

              My opinions don’t count!

 

WANDA

              They don’t.

 

LARRY stops at the DOORWAY and fires an evil look in her direction. She looks right back at him, unaffected. About to explode, he storms out of the room.

 

INT. LARRY’S DAVID’S KITCHEN �" DAY

 

LARRY marches into the KITCHEN when he stops dead in his tracks and looks up in shock.

 

Stood before him is a BLACK YOUTH who is dressed very street (BEANY, JEANS around his lower waist, etc).

 

The YOUTH is carrying a LARGE, PLASMA TV. He, too, is frozen to the spot, with a guilt-ridden look plastered all over his face.

 

LARRY

                   (Shocked)

              What the…? What is this?

 

YOUTH

              Umm… I’m ‘ere to repair your TV,

              innit?

 

LARRY raises his eyebrows and smirks.

 

LARRY

              Oh really?

 

YOUTH

              M-m.

 

LARRY

              Here to repair my TV?

 

YOUTH

              M-m, h-m.

 

LARRY

              My TV that isn’t even broken? Listen,

              if you’re gonna come break into my

              house and try to steal my TV, at

               least have the decency to not try

              and treat me like an idiot!

 

The YOUTH slouches his shoulders, looking dejected.

 

YOUTH

              I’m ‘ere ta fix it!

 

LARRY

              Put the TV down.

 

YOUTH

              But I need to take it to da

              shop!

 

LARRY

              Put it down!

 

YOUTH

              Na.

 

Infuriated, LARRY walks over to him and begins to wrestle him to the ground.

 

LARRY

                   (Raising his voice)

              I said put it down!

 

YOUTH

              Na!

 

LARRY

              Put it down now!

 

YOUTH

              Na man! What ya doin’t, man? I wanna

              fix it for you!

 

Suddenly, CHERYL enters. LARRY and the YOUTH stop still as they look at CHERYL, who attempts to absorb the scene.

 

CHERYL

              Larry? What’s going on?

 

They both stand up straight as LARRY yanks the TV away from him.

 

LARRY

              What’s going on is this little

              criminal tried walking out of

              here with our telly, and then

              tried to lie to me about it!

 

CHERYL looks at the YOUTH.

 

CHERYL

              Is that true?

 

The YOUTH lowers his head in shame.

 

YOUTH

                   (Quietly)

              Yes, ma’am. Sorry.

 

There is a short silence.

 

CHERYL

              You poor thing!

 

She approaches the YOUTH and looks at him with genuine sympathy as she begins to rub his arm. LARRY stares at her with his mouth wide open.

 

CHERYL (CONT’D)

                   (Sensitively)

              What made you do it? Do you need

              money?

 

CHERYL

               Are you kidding?

 

YOUTH

               Na. I didn’t want the telly. I

              just needed to do it to get

              into the Zebras.

 

LARRY

              The what?

 

YOUTH

              The Zebras.

 

LARRY

              The Zebras? What?

 

YOUTH

              The Zebras. The gang. The Zebras.

 

LARRY

              A gang?

 

YOUTH

              Yeah.

 

LARRY

              What kind of gang?

 

YOUTH

              A multi-racial one where black

              and white becomes one.

 

CHERYL

              That sounds lovely.

 

LARRY stumbles towards her, speechless.

 

CHERYL

              Where are the rest of them?

 

YOUTH

              They’re outside.

 

LARRY

              Outside?

 

YOUTH

              M-m.

 

LARRY

              There are a gang of black and

              white thugs outside my house?

 

YOUTH

                   (Nods once)

              M-m.

                   (Short silence)

              So… we cool?

 

The YOUTH shuffles towards the DOOR.

 

LARRY

              Cool? No, we’re not cool! You

              tried to steal my TV!

 

YOUTH

              But I explained dat to you! You

              and your… fine, fine lady right

              here.

 

He looks CHERYL up and down as she smiles at him. LARRY cannot believe the disrespect, but shrugs it off as he gets back to the main point.

 

LARRY

              Explained, my a*s! You think that

              makes it right?

 

YOUTH

              Well…

                   (He sucks his teeth)

              …no, but Yorkie said it’d be a’ight.

 

LARRY

              Wait a second! Yorkie?!

 

YOUTH

              Yeah. He’s da leader of da gang.

              He said dat every Tuesday you’re

              out of da house ‘til five. Why is

              you home, anyway?

 

CHERYL

                   (Pleasantly)

              Oh! We’re planning this party for…

 

LARRY

                   (Interrupting)

              Okay, stop. Stop!

 

He places the TV onto a worktop as he shakes his head in disbelief.

 

LARRY (CONT’D)

              Firstly, I’m not discussing why

              I’m home, like I have to justify

              my whereabouts to a criminal whose

              trying to rob me. Secondly, Yorkie

              is an idiot! The very notion of

              people staking out my house makes

              me f****n’ nauseous, but quite

              frankly, if somebody’s gonna do it,

              I’d prefer them to do it right. You

              know what? Get out.

 

CHERYL

                   (Defensively)

              Larry…

 

LARRY walks over and opens the DOOR, gesticulating for the YOUTH to leave.

 

LARRY

              Go before I call the police, and

              tell The ying-yangs or whatever it

              is that they call themselves, that

              if I catch anybody snooping around

              here again, there’s gonna be trouble.

              Big trouble! Ever seen an angry Jew?

 

YOUTH

              Na.

 

LARRY

              Well… if you do then it will be the

               last thing that you ever see…

              believe me!

 

YOUTH

              A’ight.

 

LARRY

              Now. Off you go. Scoot!

 

YOUTH

              T’anks, boss.

 

The YOUTH walks over to the worktop, picks the TV back up, and then heads towards the DOOR. LARRY closes the DOOR and blocks his path, frowning at the YOUTH, bewildered.

 

LARRY

              What the hell are you doing?

 

YOUTH

              I’m leavin’, like you told me.

 

LARRY

              I think you’re missing the point.

              You put the TV down. If a thief is

              caught and the person offers them

              an easy way out, they put the stolen

              items down first! The robbery is over!

 

YOUTH

              But if I don’t leave with the TV,

              the boys’ll go sick!

 

LARRY

              What do you mean, sick?

 

YOUTH

              Like… bare angry!

 

LARRY

              Bare? Okay. That’s it. I’m calling

              the cops.

 

He picks up a nearby HANDSET.

 

CHERYL

                   (Calmly)

              Larry. No.

 

LARRY

              What do you mean, “no”? Stop siding

              with him!

 

CHERYL looks back to the YOUTH.

 

CHERYL

              Listen, what’s your name?

 

YOUTH

              Tyrone, innit!

 

CHERYL

              Okay, Tyrone. I’m Cheryl, and

              this is Larry.

 

LARRY

              What are we, making friends now?

 

She turns to LARRY.

 

CHERYL

              Listen, Tyrone said he only needs

              the TV to get into the gang, right?

 

TYRONE

              M-m.

 

LARRY stares at her and shrugs.

 

LARRY

                   (Confused)

              Yeah?

 

CHERYL

              So… why don’t we let him take the

              TV, get into the gang and then later

              on, he can bring the TV back to us?

 

LARRY pulls a face at her.

 

LARRY

              Are you crazy? He’s not gonna bring

              the TV back. He’s gonna steal it!

 

CHERYL walks over and looks TYRONE in the eyes.

 

CHERYL

              Tyrone. Do you promise to return

              our TV?

 

TYRONE looks at her, and then at LARRY, who seems mortified. TYRONE then looks back to CHERYL and smiles.

 

TYRONE

              Yeeeeah. I promise!

 

CHERYL looks over her shoulder at LARRY and smiles.

 

CHERYL

              See? He promised.

 

LARRY looks down to the ground, not believing what is happening.

 

CHERYL re-opens the DOOR as TYRONE passes her with the TV in his hands.

 

CHERYL

              Are you alright with that?

 

TYRONE

              M-m. T’anks!

 

As TYRONE leaves, CHERYL walks over to LARRY and places a loving hand on his chest.

 

CHERYL

              That was an absolutely amazing

              thing for you to do.

 

She cuddles in to him and closes her eyes as LARRY glares out of the KITCHEN WINDOW. TYRONE waves as he walks past.

 

EXT. LARRY DAVID’S HOUSE �" DAY

 

LARRY is stood holding a stack of BOXES behind WANDA. One by one, she takes them as she packs them into the back of her CAR. His expression is defeated.

 

WANDA’S ASSISTANT climbs into the passenger seat as WANDA looks back to LARRY.

 

WANDA

              Well, thanks LD. It was good ta see

              your a*s again. I’ve missed you.

 

LARRY is caught unaware, and therefore taken back by the comment.

 

LARRY

              Uh… thank you. I miss you, too.

 

She looks at him, pleasantly surprised.

 

WANDA

              You do?

 

LARRY

                   (Scoffing through gritted teeth)

              Of course!

 

WANDA

              Really?

 

LARRY

              Yeah!

 

WANDA

              You miss me?

 

He looks bewildered.

 

LARRY

              Why’s that hard to understand?

 

WANDA

              It’s just not like you to be so

              emotional, that’s all.

 

LARRY frowns and shrugs.

 

LARRY

                   (Incensed)

              What do you mean? What is that?

              I’m emotional. I show emotion all

              the time!

 

WANDA

              Not good emotion.

 

LARRY

              What’s good emotion?

 

WANDA

              You know… saying things that

              aren’t insulting. Paying

              compliments.

                   (Talking slowly)

              Being nice.

 

We see LARRY’S brain ticking over. He raises his finger pensively as he pushes for a thought.

 

LARRY

              How about last week? There was a

              homeless guy that asked for change,

              and I gave it to him?

 

WANDA

              You gave change to a homeless guy?

 

LARRY

                   (Casually)

              Yeah.

 

WANDA

              I’ll bet you lectured him for

              twenty-minutes and yelled at him

              when he walked away.

 

LARRY’S expression immediately shows that she is right.

 

LARRY

                   (Animated)

              It was five-minutes, and anger is

              an emotion!

 

WANDA

              Yeah… not a good one.

 

LARRY

              It was good. What I told him were

              hard facts, that, if put into

              practice, will make his life better!

              So, not only am I emotional, but

              I’m complex.

 

WANDA

                   (Mockingly)

              Oh! You certainly complex, alright.

              I’ll give you that!

 

She begins to walk away.

 

LARRY

              Don’t walk away! Where you going?

 

WANDA

              I got s**t to do Larry.

 

LARRY

              I’m still talking! What, you’re

               gonna walk away while I’m talking,

              and I’m the one whose got problems?

 

WANDA

              Calm down, before you bust an old

              man’s friggin’ gut, or somethin’!

 

LARRY

              Old man?

 

WANDA

              Yeah.

 

He shrugs at her again.

 

WANDA (CONT’D)

              You old! I suppose you gonna have

              a heart attack about that, too?

 

LARRY smiles, but only to hide his anger, as he chooses his words wisely.

 

LARRY

              Do you realize that these insults

              have come from  me complimenting

              you?

 

WANDA

              And what?

 

LARRY

              And…

                   (Yelling)

              …this is exactly why I don’t pay

              anybody any f*****g compliments!

              It always backfires and leads to

              me having to defend myself!

 

WANDA

              Okay, old man. Chill!

 

LARRY

              I’m not old!

 

WANDA

              Calm the f**k down.

 

LARRY

                   (Screaming)

              I am calm!

 

The FRONT DOOR opens and CHERYL emerges from inside.

 

CHERYL

              Larry… what’s with all the

              yelling?

 

CHERYL looks to WANDA.

 

WANDA

              Your old boyfriend’s gonna give

              himself a f****n’ coronary, that’s

              what’s goin’ on.

 

LARRY

                   (Aggressively)

              F**k you!

 

CHERYL

              Larry!

 

WANDA

              Yeah. F**k you too, Larry.

 

WANDA shakes her head in amusement as she walks away and opens the DOOR to her CAR. Inside, her ASSISTANT looks petrified.

 

LARRY

              I take back my compliment. It was

              false anyway. I didn’t miss you at

              all!

 

WANDA

                   (Dismissively)

              Yeah-yeah.

 

She sinks down into the driver’s seat.

 

LARRY

              And I’ll tell you what else… the

              Homeless guy shouldn’t have been

              using the fact that he was Jewish

              to try and win over people on a                      sentimental level. That was wrong!

 

WANDA starts the ENGINE and begins to pull away.

 

WANDA

              Goodbye a*****e!

 

LARRY watches as she disappears around the corner. He turns back to the HOUSE to see CHERYL shaking her head in disappointment. She slams the DOOR shut, leaving him alone in the DRIVEWAY.

 

INT. LARRY DAVID’S LIVING ROOM �" NIGHT

 

LARRY is sat on the COUCH with a deadpan expression on his face. All of a sudden, LEON enters wearing casual clothing, carrying a TAKEAWAY BAG and sucking on the STRAW to a LARGE DRINK.

 

LEON

              Hey Larry!

 

LARRY looks him up and down.

 

LARRY

              Where you been all day?

 

LEON

              In my room.

 

He sits next to LARRY on the COUCH and dumps his TAKEAWAY BAG on the COFFEE TABLE in front of them. LARRY raises his eyebrows as he stares at him.

 

LARRY

              You’ve been in your room the whole day?

 

LEON

              Yeah! Got so wasted last night and

              I was tired from tappin’ a*s, so

              needed to chill.

 

LARRY

              You needed to chill?

 

LEON

              You got that right.

 

LARRY

              Let me ask you something.

 

LEON

              Hit me LD.

 

LEON dives into his BAG, picking out a handful of CHIPS.

 

LARRY

              Are you ever gonna move out?

 

LEON looks at him.

 

LEON

              Who, me?

 

LARRY smiles as he nods his head.

 

LARRY

              Yeah! You!

 

LEON casually shakes his head and eats more from his BAG.

 

LEON

              Nope!

 

LARRY

              Coz I feel like, I’ve already done

              my bit. When I took your sister in,

              and your mom, and your niece, and

              your nephew, I feel like that was

              good enough of me. You know? I’m a

              nice guy. That was a nice thing to do.

 

LEON raises his CUP in the air.

 

LEON

              F****n’ A. You da man, Larry!

 

LARRY

              In fact, out of everyone, I didn’t

              even know we were getting you!

 

LEON nods.

 

LARRY (CONT’D)

              We didn’t know! You just arrived,

              and yet, you’re the only one still

              here!

 

 

LEON continues to nod.

 

LEON

              Well, you’re here also.

 

LARRY

              Yeah.

 

LEON

              And Cheryl.

 

LARRY

              But this is our house! Do you

              understand? We bought it. We

              live here.

 

There is a short silence as LARRY waits for the information to sink in.

 

LEON

              And I live here, too, right?

 

LARRY

              Yeah. You do. I can’t deny that.

              But the question is, why? Why do

              you live here?

 

LEON

              What kind of silly question’s

              that, Lar. You my BOY!

 

LARRY

              Leon… you’re not quite getting the…

 

LEON picks up the TV REMOTE and presses a button.

 

LEON

              Hey, LD! Where the f**k is the TV?

 

LARRY gives up talking to him and falls back into his slump.

 

LARRY

              Ah, Cheryl made me give it to a

              burglar.

 

LEON

              What?

 

LARRY

              She made me give it to a burglar

              as part of this stupid “new man”

              thing!

 

LEON

              That’s the stupidest f*****g thing

              I ever heard, man.

 

LARRY

              Well, that’s what I said, but every

              time I disagree with her, I feel

              like she’s gonna leave!

 

LEON looks at him wide-eyed, before shaking his head in disapproval.

 

LEON

              You are whipped, man.

 

LARRY

              What?

 

LEON

              You heard me.

 

LARRY

              I’m not whipped!

 

LEON

              You are.

 

LARRY

              I am not whipped.

 

LEON

              You are.

 

LARRY

              No.

 

LEON

              Who let a burglar walk out of

              his house carrying his TV today,

              like some kind of b***h?

 

He glares at LARRY with his large, white eyes.

 

LARRY

              Well, if you hadn’t spent the

              whole day in bed, then we could

              have ganged up on them, instead

              of the burglar forming allegiance

              with my wife!

 

LEON

                   (Mutters)

              Whipped, man.

 

LARRY frowns at LEON, who continues to eat his FOOD. He then looks around, deep in thought, as he thinks of a way to redeem himself. Finally, he looks back up.

 

LARRY

              You know what?

 

LEON

              What?

 

He slaps LEON on the arm and smiles at him.

 

LARRY

              You are gonna help me get it back!

 

LEON

              Me? Why the f**k do I have to

              help you?

 

LARRY

              Because you don’t have a job.

              Because I let you live here rent

              free! Because from now on, you

              are gonna start pitching in

              around this place!

 

LEON

              You left my sister when she had

              cancer, Larry!

 

LARRY’S smile drops as he bows his head in shame.

 

LEON

              Motherfuckin’ cancer. That s**t

              is dangerous, and you ran like

              a little f****n’ whiney b***h,

              but I forgave you!

 

LARRY begins to nod his head.

 

LARRY

              Alright.

 

LEON

              Nobody else did. My family think

              you’re the f****n’ anti-christ!

 

LARRY

              Alright.

 

LEON

              Everybody’s always like, “Leon.

              That Larry is an a*****e!”

 

LARRY

                   (Shouting)

              Alright!

 

LEON falls silent as LARRY stands up.

 

LARRY (CONT’D)

              Just get in the f*****g car. Please.

 

LEON jumps up, still slurping his DRINK.

 

LEON

              Seein’ as you said please.

 

INT LARRY’S CAR �" NIGHT

 

LARRY is monitoring the streets as he drives. LEON is sat in the passenger seat eating a different takeaway meal. As he finishes, he tosses the RUBBISH over his shoulder and into the back seat.

 

LARRY glares at him.

 

LARRY

              Leon! What the hell are you

              doing?!

 

LEON

              What? I’m f****n’ bored, Larry!

              We been drivin’ around for hours!

 

LARRY

              Half an hour!

 

LEON

              Even so, man. I’m spent.

 

LARRY

              Just shut up and help me look.

 

LEON

              Help you look? I don’t know who

              I’m lookin’ for! I don’t know if

              he’s black, white or Caucasian.

 

LARRY

              White is Caucasian.

 

LEON

              What?

 

LARRY

              He’s black! Just… get your rubbish

              out from the back seat and help me

              look for a black man.

 

LEON

              Oh! We gonna play find the black

              man in LA?

 

LEON turns around and clambers over the seat to reach for his RUBBISH when he sees a series of CARRIER BAGS with various COUSTUMES and PROPS poking out of them. He looks instantly excited.

 

Suddenly, he turns around and thrusts a BLOODY KNIFE in front of LARRY’S face as he screams. LARRY jumps and swerves the CAR, causing another CAR to BEEP its HORN.

 

LARRY

              Ahhhhhh! Leon! What the f**k

              are you doing?

 

LEON

              Pretty neat, huh?

                   (He examines the toy weapon)

              Hey, what else you got?

 

LARRY

              I don’t know. Cheryl picked it

              up for the party and I haven’t

              got to look at it yet.

 

LEON turns around and starts rummaging through the BAGS.

 

LEON

              Stop the car, Larry.

 

LARRY

              What?

 

LEON

              Stop the car. I wanna see what

              we got?

 

LARRY

              I’m not gonna stop the car!

 

LEON

              Stop the car.

 

LARRY

              I’m not gonna stop the car!

 

LEON reaches over and tries to take control of the STEERING WHEEL as they tussle.

 

EXT. ROAD SIDE - NIGHT

 

Stood on the PAVEMENT dressed as a DEVIL, LEON encourages LARRY to come out from behind the BOOT of the CAR, where he is hidden.

 

LEON

              Let me see it, Larry.

 

LARRY

              I don’t know. I think it looks

              stupid. I’m self-conscious.

 

LEON

              Come on, Larry! It’s me! I wanna

              see.

 

 

SLOW, UNCERTAIN FOOTSTEPS as LARRY steps into view dressed as a GHOST, in a full-length GOWN and a WHITE POINTY HAT with HOLES cut out where his EYES are. LEON begins to laugh, and cannot stop.

 

LARRY

              Yeah-yeah. Laugh it up! Pedro

              breaks his promise and I end up

              looking like this!

 

Suddenly, LARRY looks to the other side of the street and sees TYRONE walking casually along by himself.

 

LARRY

              There he is. Leon! Leon! That’s

              the guy.

 

LEON

                   (Clueless)

              What guy?

 

LARRY

              The guy! The burglar guy!

 

LARRY begins to quickly cross the street, still dressed in his OUTFIT.

 

LARRY (CONT’D)

                   (Yelling)

              Hey! Hey!

 

Suddenly, TYRONE looks up. He is instantly worried by the sight of what appears to be somebody dressed as the KLU KLUX KLAN approaching him with haste.

 

TYRONE

              What the f**k?

 

Panicked, he instinctively runs away. LARRY begins to chase.

 

LARRY

              Hey! Tyrone! Come back here! I’m

              gonna get you!

 

LEON begins to chase.

 

LEON

              Hey! Larry! Larry! Don’t leave

              the car!

 

LEON stops and looks back to the CAR, which has been left wide open with the KEYS in the ignition. He runs back and closes the BOOT before closing the passenger DOOR and jumping into the driver’s seat.

 

He starts the engine, but by the time he looks up, LARRY and TYRONE are out of sight.

 

LEON

               Ah, s**t!

 

EXT. CROSSROADS - NIGHT

 

AIRIEL VIEW as TYRONE runs down a particular street. LARRY follows.

 

EXT. ROUGH NEIGHBOURHOOD - NIGHT

 

LARRY breathes hard as he chases.

 

LARRY

                    (Aggressively)

               You can’t get away from me! I’m

               gonna catch you and I’m gonna kill

               you. Do you understand?

 

The yelling makes people begin to look out of their WINDOWS.

 

We see that the personnel that live in this rough neighborhood are all black, and they begin to step onto their doorsteps.

 

EXT. CROSSROADS - NIGHT

 

We see LEON arrive at the CROSSROADS in the CAR. He slows down ponderously, before choosing the wrong direction.

 

EXT. ROUGH NEIGHBOURHOOD/CUL-DE-SAC - NIGHT

 

Suddenly, TYRONE stops, as he has nowhere else to go.

 

LARRY stops near him, victorious and proud, before removing his mask. He waves his finger at the YOUTH as he smirks.

 

LARRY

                    (Smugly)

               I told you I would get you!

 

Slowly, TYRONE breaks out into a wry smile.

 

TYRONE

               You came to the wrong place,

               old man.

 

With that, LARRY slowly looks around, realizing that scores of dangerous looking BLACK CITIZENS are shaking their head and frowning in disgust as they observe him.

 

Suddenly, LARRY looks down at his OUTFIT as it dawns on him how much trouble he’s in.

 

LARRY

               No!

 

He raises his hand as he tries to explain.

 

LARRY (CONT’D)

                    (Pleads)

               This isn’t what it looks like.

               It was Pedro! He didn’t have my

               outfit. I’m a ghost! It’s for

               Halloween.

 

CITIZEN

               Get ‘im!

 

Yells a VOICE from the CUL-DE-SAC, forcing LARRY DAVID to run in the opposite direction.

 

EXT. CROSSROADS - NIGHT

 

Slowly, LEON is driving back in the opposite direction, and is about to turn down the correct street.

 

INT. CAR - NIGHT

 

LEON smiles as he sees LARRY running towards him in his GHOST SUIT.

 

LEON

               Eh! LD!

 

 

Suddenly, LEON’S eyes widen with fear as he shakes his head.

 

EXT. CROSSROADS - NIGHT

 

LARRY now has a LARGE ANGRY MOB closing in on him as heads for the CAR.

 

LARRY

                    (Desperately)

               Leon! Leon!

 

INT. CAR - NIGHT

 

LEONS begins to breathe heavily.

 

LEON

               Ah, man. F**k that!

 

He slams his foot on the ACCELERATOR.

 

EXT. CROSSROADS - NIGHT

 

LARRY begins to tire as LEON speeds off into the distance.

 

 

Fade out:

 

Roll credits:

 

 

THE END

 

© 2011 Jody Medland


Author's Note

Jody Medland
Please do enjoy and let me know what you think!

Many thanks.

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Reviews

I'm a fan of Curb Your Enthusiasm and I thought this was brilliant. You got all the important parts of the show present. The dialogue is spot on. The story structure is fitting to the show. The characters were wrote really good - I could read it in the voices. The humour was the same type as on the show and it was funny throughout. A great job.

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on January 9, 2011
Last Updated on January 9, 2011

Author

Jody Medland
Jody Medland

London, South East, United Kingdom



About
I have written prolifically now for little over ten years, but always saw myself as more of a filmmaker than anything else. However, the last eighteen months has seen the creation of my first three.. more..

Writing