Tuesdays

A short story.

Some people look you in the eyes, and you just know. You know that they see right through you. They see the bitterness that you so desperately try to hide from people, most of the time. Some days I just let it all out, usually Tuesdays. It´s the worst day of the week. On Tuesday´s my back hurts the most, on Tuesdays it usually rains, even my husband died on a Tuesday. If I need a day to feel sorry for myself, that's the day I pick, and it´s not like people are surprised. The store clerk seemed to think that a bitter old lady was the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it is, if we all pick separate days.

Walking home with my grocery bag in one hand, and my cane in the other I had to stop several times to catch my breath. I still find it stupid that I have to. To me age is just a number, but not to my body. I still buy the same things I bought thirty years ago, even if the labels have changed. But now, one piece of steak instead of two, and one carton of milk instead of two. My husband loved milk, so I drink it sometimes in his honour, but I prefer apple juice. It was difficult losing him, but that's not why I´m bitter. Everybody has seen death, some many years before I did. But dying of old age doesn't mean I miss him any less. Death is the same no matter the cause as far as I see it. If he'd seen how overgrown the front lawn has become he'd probably turn in his grave.

I put the groceries away and sat down out front. Shopping has become my exercise routine. It´s quite effective you see. Really burns calories. I like to sit out front afterwards to watch people, not just because I'm nosy but because it's fascinating. My street has looked the same since I moved in fifty years ago, but the people have not. Sometimes they are the only sign that time has changed, the fashion, the hair, the language. And the looks they give me also gives the game away. I used to be quite pretty back in the day, a smile to a passerby could result in an invitation to dinner. Now it just makes people grimace and run the other way. I don´t miss my dentist appointments, but I guess wrinkles aren't in fashion.

I bring my book and coffee out on the porch, sometimes a beer. It depends on the weather. Neighbors expect me to be knitting rather than drinking beer. But I've always been terrible at it, and that sadly doesn't magically disappear with old age. I once tried to knit my grandchild a blanket, because that's what grandmothers do, but ended up buying one instead. Quality over emotional value. Besides, he won't remember the blanket anyway. They do come over sometimes, my grandchildren. But less and less as they grow. I expected that. The same thing happened with my kids, but I can be a little bitter about it on Tuesdays. It´s not that I'm angry at them, I was the same way with my own parents. I just didn't expect it to feel this lonely.

I love to go back in time, everyone wants to be young again. I don´t miss worrying about the future, but I miss the opportunities and the adventure. When young people get depressed the therapist can always tell them that they have their whole life in front of them, when elders get depressed the only thing they can say is that we'll probably die soon anyway. Change has always been good, but the changes in life you don't have control over aren't that enjoyable. I don't mind being old and wise, except people usually forget the wise part. I can get bitter over that too, on Tuesdays.

I realised the other day that I might have to talk about my feelings with someone, now that I can´t tell my husband. I´m not going to talk to random strangers because most people hate it when old ladies tell them their whole life story in under five minutes. I did it once on a Tuesday, the kid looked ready to sink into the pavement. Even if my life story is quite exciting. It´s the bitterness they don't want to hear about, in case they feel guilt. I don't blame people for my bitterness, it´s a natural part of old age. All humans get that feeling, even if they are the kind of people that love life and never tires of it. I do love living, even after all these years. If I die tomorrow I think a lot of people would be sad, at least for a little while until the war over who gets my heritage overpowers the sorrow. But then I won't be bitter about it for once. Because I've thought it over, and I don't think there are Tuesdays in heaven.

Reviews

[B. Boileau]

This is special... A soft pens touch in the lonesome life of the elderly.
How we forget the spirit that remains in the minds of the old. You wrote this... You write beautifully

The last story of yours I read you said you don't post them here, such a loss for us.
Bill

[Johanna]

Thank you so much Bill... maybe I should post them more.. I´m just always so unsure about them, if they are good enough and so on.. thank you for your kind words :)

[B. Boileau]

YES. You should

[Mayank]

I have similar perspectives when I think of the old age, and some time back I wrote two poems on an old man. The idea of Tuesday is well written and how the old day is portrayed in a beautiful way, for instance instead of knitting she's drinking beer. Now for me, beer is again difficult to accept because what I have seen that old chaps generally drink whisky or rum. That indicated that she has not given up on her youth and also loves life.

[Johanna]

thankyou for your words and wisdom, glad you liked it :)

[Avinash]

I enjoyed reading it. It was almost a time travel to the future or a recollection from the past life. But the spirit which someone possesses shines in a frail body. We all will die one day sooner or later but if we die old lets hope that our hearts do not grow bitter. But the characterization of the lady is quite believable and despite her attempts; especially " Wrinkles not in fashion" she charmed the most.

[Johanna]

I´m so glad, and very true words avinash, thank you for reading :)

[AaronFreitas]

This is an awesome short story... I really enjoyed it :) It has some sadness in it but I loved the way you told it.

[Johanna]

Thankyou aaron :) I do write a lot of stories.. but don´t usually post them on here, so happy you liked it :)

[Kaliope]

That was beautifully written, a thoughtful and - as far as I can tell - very realistic insight into an elderly person's psyche. Nice style too. Love it!

[Johanna]

thankyou, I was trying to write it realistic, so happy you thought it was good :)

[M. Black]

this story was so real and sad! very well written, I really liked it :)

[Johanna]

Thankyou.. I was really trying to put myself in her shoes to make it believeable, so happy you liked it :)

[M. Black]

You most certainly achieved that :)