Girl on the Rocks

Girl on the Rocks

A Story by John F Carver

She starts out dead but lives a full life with her friends.


Girl on the Rocks



"She's dead!" a jogger running through the park in the morning shouted upon examining a girl she had thought sitting on a large rock with her back to a higher one behind her to find her cold, stiff and lifeless with her body's hair blowing back away from her face in the wind that came off the point.

She and her friend had been on their morning jog when her friend had to stop to stand with her knees completely back as far as they could be with her upper half as near the path as she could manage in a vain attempt to catch her breath before bending her legs one farther than the other to crouch to her haunches and do a better job of it feeling hot with sweat streaming down every part of her skin even the parts covered by clothing.

The first jogger didn't feel the need and looked around only then catching sight of the girl sitting in plain sight on a rock as if stretching out with her back against another rock. She didn't see her look her way but waved anyway just in case she hadn't seen her look.

When she never moved she yelled, "Good morning! It's a wonderful day to sit-? In the sun."

The girl still didn't make a move and not wanting to cool down too much she walked in the direction of the girl on the rocks. She began to feel as had she been too forward when the girl still never looked her way. She noticed she had no noticeable purse, wallet or phone as she got very near, but put her head down and continued to walk up to her staring down at the grass beneath her feet until she got very near and was quickly bored by the multitude of tracks in the dry beach sand she was then she upon her.

"Hey!" she said, thinking maybe the girl on the rocks was deaf or deeply engrossed in something she couldn't see. "Beautiful day to just sit in the sun. Huh?"

The girl sitting on the rocks didn't seem to respond at all. At first she thought she had to be fully intent of ignoring her greeting no matter what she did. But that is strictly not possible, not to this extent.

She stepped out on the smooth rocks watching her feet and when she expected to be right in front of her she looked at her face. Her eyes were open but her head didn't move and as she looked upon her eyes she saw that her eyes did not move. Was she dead? She still wouldn't believe it so she reached out and touched her motionless shoulder. Her body slumped but she did not fall off the rock. So she felt of her arm. It was cold and stiff. She started to feel for a pulse but knew that was silly of her. She was among other things, very dead..

"What a rude thing to do,' her thought added up to, 'To die in the park right by the jogging path!' reeling in the reality that she had just touched somebody's dead corpse!

Then she decided there might be other reasons for a body to be like that. Maybe she wasn't dead but nearly that and had been for quite some time. She reached in her fanny pack, pulled out her phone and before she knew it she was talking to the 9 1 1 operator as had there been an emergency wondering if she was being truthful until she concluded with what seemed a more obvious fact.

"She's dead!" she yelled into the phone as her friend joined her, "I'm pretty sure anyway."

Later there were loud sirens piercing and blaring in the pristine air in what was like a paradise it intruding on your every thought as her and her friend waited for the park to seem to fill up with a firetruck [What did they need that for?] an ambulance and what seemed a lot of police cars. Then they answered what seemed like a lot of self-incriminating questions that made her feel unsafe like these people intended to say she had murdered her and that she might even go to jail. But finally a very nice, strong and very cute young cop got their addresses which she was only to glad to give out and told them they could leave. Then she ran home even though she had cooled down. She loved to run but her friend walked far behind.

It had to be safe enough. The place seemed to be crawling one over another with cops like a garbage can full of maggots at the bottom she remembered thinking and saying, "Eew!" just like that of even ever having the thought. She had seen it once and had promised herself she would never see the likes of it again. She hadn't remembered that but now she did though. It was very-? Grimy That was the only word she could find for it; that and ishy.

Then it was like a different reality or something when she got home. There was no sign of her morning as she climbed out of the shower. But it seemed there should be something; like her life was all in a past she could only remember that part of and the bathroom, the hallway, the living room... even the couch was like she had never seen it before until she remembered it and grabbed her phone off the stand nearby having the same feeling and lay back with both feet and legs on the couch feeling weird like that until her reality was back and she texting everybody she even had a connection with almost and telling them about her morning. It was the only thing she could think to do.

But even then she stopped and stared at the TV not because it wasn't on but just for something to look at while she thought or rather remembered her morning. The girl on the rocks! She didn't even know her name and she would never be able to walk on her own or sit on that rock in that wonderful place with the breezes blowing through her beautiful hair like she didn't have a care in the world.

"I have to wonder who you are?" she said aloud to her memory.

'Me too!' she heard a voice and somehow realized it was her voice verbalizing her thought in her mind.

"Was that you?" she said amazed. "How did you do that? Are you a ghost?"

"If I say something to you and you in turn think what I said at the same time have you heard me?" she said.

The jogger didn't know but it was whatever it was; one way to communicate.

"Are you dead then?" she said finally.

"I suppose I was," the voice in her mind said. "I am in the city I am from. But I look like someone brand new. I loved my life and didn't want to give it up so this was the closest to what I wanted to do they could come up with. But I won't be here long I had to beg to get to do this at all. I will be in some city. I don't know yet which one. I will be the same age and look exactly like I did. God I loved that body of mine. You see I was thinking about God and how things work and it was way beyond me. I'm not supposed to think about it. But I took too long for them to just put me back in my body and I don't want to live in heaven yet. So they figured this was the best they could do for me. Weird. Weird as snow in Panama. Ain't it? Also."

"Ha! Really?" she said, "But you know what is weirder I can't remember any of my past life!"

'Me neither,' she said. "I thought maybe they do that on purpose. All I remember is that I really, really loved my life."

'It will be better,' I said to the two of them, 'You will remember your lives. Some people when they transplant them never remember their past life.'

'I wouldn't let them do that to me and I was told I couldn't go if I did remember mine!' she said. 'I can a little bit now but I won't be able to at all there.'

"Who was that?" the jogger asked kind of scared for she didn't want too many voices in her mind. Can you imagine what that would be like?

'I can hear anyone ever made I want, right?' the girl on the rocks said to God or me.

'Yes,' I said.

Then the jogger's friend came over and she didn't even know her name but they talked about what she needed to know, that she was a Junior at university and all they had in common and most of what they did not have in common too. It was great fun. But what would happen with the girl on the rocks and the jogger.

By the way I can see how you might be concerned. So let me tell you that I am a God like God in God so everything I write is true. I am telling you a mystery, but not necessarily a mystery of the girl on the rocks. Because I am a God I can't write without creating things like two rocks conveniently together in just the right proximity to hold up a corpse that looks alive to the jogger that discovered it but also the people that are involved and I am showing you what it is like bringing life to the spirits of those I create honestly and truthfully and not telling you they even have a past for example because they do not; not yet. I haven't gotten that far.

You will know what I know when I know it unlike other books I write. By the end it will be a true story about at least two spirits and I will enter in when I feel like it as we answer the mysterious question of what blowing your mind might be and what it was exactly that blew the girl on the rocks' mind. I hope we are near enough all on the same page in the hope we all will be able to know what happened to these two spirits and all the things I did to create them.

Most writers assume the spirits they create have things like a past but the truth is they don't until it is revealed by the interaction between the spirits,' their creator and the spirits within. So what do you think blew the girl on the rocks' mind so much she died for she took too long to go back to her body when God I presume wanted to send her back. She was too dead by that time for him to do it routinely though it does happen at least as often as finding someone who rudely left their corpse at the park near the jogging path in plain sight.


During the conversation in which the jogger found out she had lots in common with her friend none of it had any roots or permanency yet. They were mostly talking about things that took no effort to think about and thus to say. They didn't even have to think. They could do perfectly fine speaking to each other anything that came to their mind leaving the jogger to think, 'This is just thinking out loud about nothing important enough to think about and we will forget almost all of it before we talk like this again which is fun while we are doing it but would be really stupid to dwell upon.'

"Nothing," I said. "You said more with your thought than you did the entire two and half hours you girls talked."

"Why?" she asked. "What did we say?"

"Nothing," I said, "Just forget it. But somebody that likes to think might find you thought interesting. I did. God did. And, I trust you did too. See the difference. Of course she did but she never acknowledged it. "But you better be careful. That's just the sort of thing that might blow your mind if you normal don't think about anything but nothing and then forget all it was about."

"That's what I do!" she said sort of scared for it seemed obvious.

"Actually," I said, "You do it quite a bit. You are a very smart girl what with your calculus classes and all your science classes to prove it to anyone on campus. But then most of that if not nearly all of it is nothing also."

"What do you think?" she said to the girl on the rocks.

She never said anything.

"They have taken her to Jersey City. She thinks she has an entire past she can remember at will. She thinks she's got a life there and everything is flawless and seamless. She has no memory of this college town or even what state its in. She is happy; at least as happy as she was before and they are all grieving for her but it's her fault by taking too long with Yahweh to make it back in time to have survived the blowing of her mind. She's peacefully meditating on her little mat knowing it isn't right what that religion does to people's minds. It's peaceful and nice but it gives people a lot of strange thoughts that have nothing to do with God and so sort of leads them away from God and reality leaving them basically insane. But don't worry. Even if she doesn't stop doing what she just senses is wrong; a lot of people in heaven are insane. That God can deal with if he's a mind to. Normally he just leaves them that way until they die. Then he brings them the truth time and again hoping they will believe that rather than that which has no real legitimate ties to reality or anything much that is useful like living and breathing calculus," I was thinking.

"Everything is like that," she asserted.

"But the true illusions and anything true and real," I said.

She saw what I meant and I hoped it would stick with her as the girl on the rocks signed up to meet a psychiatrist and surprising me. She was talking about what the shrink thought was some sort of amnesia sensing somewhere down deep she had a life she really enjoyed once beside the life she thought she always had. Very few ever even get that feeling not to mention recover their past.

"Wow!" she said. "I took that all in and it didn't confuse only a little bit."

"What do you want to live in calculus and think about hardly anything else, do anything without it or even talk about much that doesn't have something to do with it?" I asked. "It has to do with just about everything God is into. You can do what you want."

"I'd like that," she said.

"But you told me while I was busy you would like to be yourself in what is God's me when he is speaking of himself and in his mind with his Spirit there right along with your who you mean when you speak of yourself as me, like I am instead of being yourself, a spirit in me now then when this book is done in the book or series or possibly before the end even free in heaven with and in God. That may be a while," I said.

"Both I think," she said.

"That won't do because God knows you are smart but you don't have the intellect to do it because I don't have but a tertiary interest in it and we have to do this with me writing, saying and doing what you do, say and think and I don't have a mathematical intellect for you. We could do it with God's help but I wouldn't get much out of it and to be honest I would be bored," I said.

"I love calculus," she pleaded as well as made it known what her preference was.

"I will made a deal with you if you are willing," I said, "Since calculus is nothing to me almost. You can study calculus to your heart's content in me but we won't ever talk about it because it is boring to me and I want us both to have a good time. You can talk to God or the men in heaven all you want about it to grow in it as far as you want just don't expect me get into it. Here I give you the mathematical intellect to go as far in calculus as you want. Deal?"

"Deal!!" she said happily.

"See?" I said, "I am a God in God. When I get it right there is nothing I cannot do and nothing you want to do is out of reach especially if you want to be your little tiny me in God's me in his mind with his Spirit. Is that what you want?"

"The calculus would be fun but being in God maybe not?" she said.

"Why not?" I said, "You can be you doing, saying and thinking whatever you want and God will make it good if he has to so you have no need to fall away from God and not be in God but a spirit on earth that is evil that way. You will live forever and enjoy it all the way."

"That's what you say," she said, "What about God?"

"I will if it suits you," God said to us.

"It suits me," I said.

"It suit me so far," she said.

"Do you want to continue living in this book a while before you go that far?" I asked.

"'That far?'" she asked, "I already am."

"I mean so far as to be in God and a God in him and his spirit," I said.

"I see where you are," she said. "I'll go," she added but didn't sound so happy." Then since I was wondering what was holding her back she said, "I want to be where you are."

"Done," I said, "You can be in me with my spirit in God's me in his mind with the Holy Spirit."

"That'll do," she said and it was done but she had gotten bored in the process.

I just wanted anyone that exists in reality to understand that they can do that too no matter who you are. But if you want to be in me be sure to let God know. That is not me speaking but his me speaking through my me. You don't need my me unless you want it. See who I am now?

Then I turned to the girl on the rocks and said to her, "God more or less stole you away from me to transplant you; not that I mind. All I know about your past was that you loved it."

"There you are," she said.

"But you like it there," I said.

"Yes I do," she said, "I like it a lot."

"We the girl who found your body when you blew your mind and died because you took too long will help you discover your past right along with you, the three of us; her in God's me helping me find out who you were created to be by me and you will have as much say in it as I do if you want. Then you can choose to come back to this life in the end or keep on with your life. You don't even have to stop living the life you have now while you, me, the girl who found you, God and everybody finds out who you were and can be again if you want. Is that what you want?" I said.

"Done," I said. "Is everybody happy?"

"Very happy," said the girl on the rock.

"Are you happy?" I asked the jogger who found her.

"Ecstatic!" she said very positively.

"We may have to hide you somehow when we get to revealing what blew your mind you know," I said to the girl on the rocks.

She realized it by her reaction. I can see them a little bit. I just saw her reaction. She is getting more real all the time.

"I'm glad," she said.

"I thought you had brown hair now," I said to the girl on the rocks, "Now I see you are both blondes."

"I don't want to be," the girl in God's me objected.

"Then dye you hair," I said.

"I already do sometimes," she said.

But that's nothing.


Roqui the girl on the rocks was born in the city the other girl who loves calculus Cali was born in the typical college town about 250 miles apart. Roqui was 20 years old when she was born and died soon after when she left her friends' boat to go back to the dorm early because a boy was making moves on her and since she had a relationship she really wanted with all there was in her to protect though he boyfriend was studying advanced industrial arts at the local university and he could go as far as he wanted in the field there without having to transfer back there as a Junior to complete his training and his post graduate work. Then God made her completely new and took her to Jersey City to live out the rest of her life she had lived in her new life from babyhood when God took her back and let her live her entire life that far to present moment. He did not just give her the memory of a past life but the life itself from the time she was born until now when me, I, and Cali were about to help her recover he fist past which does not exist. I created her to give mystery to the two spirits her and Cali I had created as recorded in this book a completely true novel concerning the mystery that had blow Iroquois's mind before Roqui a very self-willed believer had taken to long even given God's prodding to make her mind up sooner than she did and by the time she made her mind up on every detail it was too late for her body to live if she went back complicating the rest of her life which she did not find complicated except for the gnawing feeling she had another life that she loved once that included her boyfriend and many friends at university stubbornly having chosen to go there because they had the "absolute' [He word.] best women's volleyball team she wanted to be part of though in real life she was not a starter and really struggled to be good enough to play in all but one volleyball game the one she missed because she died. It was okay. She had often thought about giving up the struggle for the farther she went in school the less she played though they were one of the top teams in the league they were in. In any other team almost she would have been a starter. It was more physical characteristics than physical abilities that would have added more to another team than it was a lack of talent. But also she on the other hand did not want to leave the team she loved and was more than thrilled to be able to play any part of any game in. She was torn between play and going to the city to be with her boyfriend she hoped would soon be her fiancee. But the crux of it was she didn't mind not dating or even hanging around with other boys always remembering and never regretting the choices she had made and never once worrying that her boyfriend would not be true to her. I did that to her, her entire life always giving her choices but always making sure each choice was the best choice for she would be extremely happy with whichever one she chose. We lavished our love on her but she always had her say and she always god her way as much as was possible even to the need to transplant her which was her decision over heaven which I thought might have been the only possible mistake she ever made especially when it turned out she could not go back to live in her original body.

"What was I deciding between when I died beside that you have already told us about?" Roqui asked.

"Everything," I said, "And nothing. Just like you always have even in your new life."

"But I regret I finally took too long to decide in the end of it," she said.

"Aren't you happy in your new life?" I asked.

"I think I made boys too big a part in this life and spent too much time deciding things that were not really important. After two lives of it I must be getting a little too bogged down in always making the best decision when either one of them would have been just as great. I regret my way of doing things more but I don't regret one decision I have made in this life. And, by default it is wonderful to have a past life to think about."

"Last time it was the volleyball team that influenced you choice of schools which tried you romantic relationship. Do you regret that?" I asked.

"I should have stayed here with him," she said.

"If you decide to come back to me I will fix that," I said.

"It was the best decision I ever made," she said, "Every time it was strained we worked our way through it. It made us a hundred times closer each time and we learned so much from it. But I missed being sexual especially with him."

"If I fix that will you come back?" I said. "Or you can continue your present life and never have to worry about that with that boy you are in a love hate relationship with that you adore for having his own mind and pressuring you to do what he wants to do which always turns out to have been the best way anyway. He loves you but has a predisposition given his talent to decided on the spur of the moment to rush your decisions quite effectively as an administration major with a business minor."

"I want to come back," she amazed me. "He annoys me. I know I am just as well off with his decisions and they always lead to what's best for me."

"I always prosper those in me," Cali said and it wasn't but it almost sounded like a quote of God himself because it was.

"Sorry God," she said, "I have to go back. This is me and everything is right and I could be amazingly happy here but I don't want to be that happy."

"You may wish thee had not," he said.

She found herself walking the hallway to her next class at the university in the city. She was looking at her feet for it felt funny looking into so many faces she knew.

"Look up!" she heard his voice, "You are about to run into me. Didn't you know?"

It was Felix! She missed him so! She wanted to cast her books and laptop aside and just through her arms around him and tell him she looked him and had been such a fool to choose volleyball over being with him all the time.

She didn't.

"Say, um," he said, "You look exactly like someone I love more than life. You are her for all practical purposes."

"What a nice thing to say," she thought glad he had.

"Allow me to be forward," he said, "I want you..." then his voice trailed off. "Like every man with eyes on campus," he added believing it entirely.

"You are the pick of the litter," she rushed almost breathlessly she was so nervous.

"Mind if I walk with you to your class?" he asked

"I'm not going I am coming from and on my way to the little apartment I have," she said. [I didn't manage to give her all the money since most of it was her boyfriend's in her second life.]

"I can miss this class once," he said. "I have never missed a class and I'm ahead in my studying for it." Then he looked in her eyes that were full of bright delight. Taking that as encouraging he asked, "Shall we?" and stuck out his arm making her feel like a grand lady obviously a new found talent.

She nodded.

In a matter of weeks their romance had become the same as it was but she was bored in all her classes having to repeat what she had already studied in different ways with different instructors in her second life.

He thought, "God. Is she the same girl that my deceased fiancee was? I see no difference. Do I go for it?"

"If you want to," I said.

"I'm all mixed up," he said. "It is exactly her in every way but a bit of regret I never saw in her before. Is she really the same one so soon back from the dead?"

"It is if you want it to be," I said.

"I do!!!" he screamed. "But how can it be?"

"It is," I said. "She has come back to us. She is hear forever if she wants to be. But if you want it to be it will be."

"That's the bottom line," he said, "This cabinet is the exact same one I had that was perfect.

"By now you should expect this of me," I said.

"It is true!!!" he yelled and everyone in the Student Union stared at him.

Then he sat and thought about the time they had met in high school after the volleyball championships. Until she died he had never considered any other girl now he was a college man and feeling the exact same way about what God said was the exact same one that had died of completely mysterious circumstances.

That afternoon Felix and Roqui talked all night. I gave her her past back all the way and in the morning as Saturday they sat bleary eyed at a bench in each others arm completely convince she was the same girl and he was the same guy.

"I remember when you were aboard that boat taking turns riding the inner tubes instead of ski's. He hit upon something that was like opening a door to all outside. You excused yourself. You swam to shore with an enormous headache and you stood up and waded out of the water to the rocky shore after jumping out of the boat. I told him you might not be able to handle it but he wasn't into listening to me. He wanted so much to impress you with what he knew. He's still dead after the way your body died. He can't seem to forgive himself," I said to Roqui.

"Let me talk to him?" she said.

"Are you sure?" I asked at Cali caution indicating she had no way to determine how it would go. What if he blew her mind again and she died again?

"I am so sorry, Jane," he said.

"You should be," she said bluntly.

"I didn't mean to do that to you." he said.

"What did you think all that at once would do to someone?" she asked. 'Is he dead God?'

'He is,' me answered.

"You killed me," she said with compassion for him. "You should have known it wouldn't finish me. But where did you ever get you could wow me with that like that."

"I understood it," he said. "I don't understand this. I would never expected it of you."

"Why not?" she asked.

"You were so perfectly loving and all," he said.

"I won't lie to you," she said, "I hate you. But I forgive you if you will forgive me for waiting to long and causing everyone grief."

"Grief?" he said, "If sounds shallow to what I've gone through. But what other word is their for it. I love you. Thanks."

"Ask God to take you back now and forget all this nonsense you have been putting yourself through. My friend, a God, has fixed it all. I am back from the dead and plan to marry the same guy. Why? Why couldn't you leave what we had untarnished? God forgive you."

"I do," me said.

"I am back finally!" he shouted half mourning and half in joy.

"Do not ever do that again," God's me warned him.


When Cali heard that Roqui had transferred to the university in the city she transferred and moved in with Roqui. For much of moth they got together and talked about nothing, mostly girl talk. Then it took a different bent.

"You know that when you were a kid you were a brat!" Cali said straight from the mind of God.

"Me a brat!!" she laughed.

"I was too," Cali said.

"Yeah," Roqui said, "You had a little girlfriend who was sweet on the same little boy you were. You were playing hide and seek and when the kids ran to hide while one counted to give them time to hide you watched where the boy went to the garage. You knew what was in the garage so when he started counting you went directly to the garage. When they found you in the garage lying on an old discarded bed they were trying to find some needy family to take because it was in good shape. You managed to get the boy to help you put it behind some panels of hard board left over from remaking the bedroom that was ruined by leakage at their family's lake home. Then you lay down on it and taunted him until he lay down with you on it out of sight of the doors. When they found you, you moved to the boy and held him in your arms with him squirming to get away. 'Don't be so rough!' you screamed when they almost gave up that anyone was in the garage at all. 'I'm a lady!!' you protested as had you been put off by what it looked like you were doing you made an exist to the rest of the garage and when they said they had found you and you were next to call a fight broke out between you and the boy as to which one was to call the numbers. In the end of the struggle you put your arms around the boy in almost a bear hug and kissed him right on the mouth. So when the risque goings on hit the gossip mill you and he were tied together and the other little girl was heartsick."

"You think I was a brat. That brat of boy never stopped being mean to me. Why from putting a tack on my chair at school, to pushing me in snowbank to get rid of me for I went right for him every time I saw and when he didn't chase me away I tried to hold his hand and he forever pulled my pig tails. He hated me. But it was just so I thought. In high school he just did to make everyone else think he hated me. We went to the movies more than once and he always stole a kiss every time. It is so good to remember. I'll love him for that the rest of my life. It made me feel beautiful."

"What did God have to say?" Roqui asked.

"He explained to me that being kind to him from the start instead of making his life a misery I should have backed off any time I offended him and been sweet to him and not a complete pest. He told me that people who were always trying to make others miserable grew up to be witches and got into all them occult rituals just so they could plot ways to make people miserable and then to get them in trouble. Did you know there are so many witches that do not know they are witches they outnumber real witches who love stuff like that and sometime rove in gangs but very few actually do what amounts to nothing if you don't let yourself believe what they are doing?"Roqui said. "They start small just being brats, then they get to where they tease animals if they are boys and little kids if they are girls. Then they begin to manipulate their sisters if they're boys or the neighbor girls or even girls at school and punishment means less and less the more serious they get and the more serious the things that happen at a consequence. Eventually some of them even join covens and the reason why is all that they do has nothing to do with what God wants them to do and all to do with what God does not want them to do. Witches grow up and die. Then they go down in to death and have three binds on them. When they die God has mercy on them and raises them and makes all their evil good and undoes all they do so it works out good. They get sick of being good. They just don't have any fun doing it anymore so they pretty much give up and are no threat and nearly always points out to them where what they did, said, or were thinking was actually good. They are a problem yet but not much and they used to be so bad that when Satan was alive he couldn't handle them and constantly wished he had never made them," Cali said.

"Of course that's true," Roqui said, 'It has to be. But how did you get all that in the first place?"

"I've been saved since I was five," Cali said. "I've been talking to God since my first memories."

"Be nice," Roqui said, "God has been talking to you and through you that long. Don't be one of those who swear they are saved and then claim everything God did thorough them as what they did. That gripes God."

"I see that when you were 16 you had a party," Cali said.

"That was so great!" Roqui said, "Anyone who wanted came to the house. There was no drinking but just a houseful of people talking about nothing. I don't remember a word I said but it was like bringing a baby over. I was someone everyone wanted to meet and they all gave me hugs, a few older ones gave me a kiss. I thought I was a celebrity for a while. It was great. I was so!! excited. But the best thing was that the richest girl in town hung on me and people shunned her for a change and talked to me like she wasn't even there. Nobody knew her much but a few of her snobbish friends. She always spoke to me after that and when we had a chance to talk about nothing we reminisced about it. She must have really thought it was a great party."

"If it was open to everybody there must have been a lot of undesirables?" Cali asked.

"They came but they didn't know anybody there and everybody ignored them so they stayed awhile and went off somewhere to talk about nothing like it was outside or in the yard," Roqui said.

"Weren't you close to a lot of them?" Cali asked.

"Yeah we wandered around in a big bunch at first but with everybody there they met people they knew or got to know somebody in hundred different ways. It was just perfect like heaven I imagine," Roqui said.

"It was a lot like heaven," I said. "There are twenty or thirty people in my house. Sometimes I wish I could see them. I came out of my body once and meandered around. Too many people around. So I just went back in my body and lay down to sleep the rest of the night. They have fights and sometimes they have to get broken up but they know they really can't hurt no one and nobody feels any pain and you can't even bleed unless you believe they can hurt you which they can't so pretty much everybody feels sorry for witches and the devils and demons that are all saved, but the angels are spirits like we are. They are hard to see most anywhere they go so they stick to an old part of heaven and do just about the same things. It wasn't heaven but the ones there that were spirit probably didn't see any difference though they might have wondered why you were all dressed up. They are everywhere even on earth. It doesn't matter to them. To them every place is here so everyone just makes themselves at home wherever they are. But they try to help others. They don't worry a lick about themselves. They are busy helping everyone get whatever they want. You should see. Other than it's too many people for me. I like my space it's like one big clean party. There is no drugs or alcohol anywhere to be seen. It is simply great.

The dead not in heaven not so. They are mostly afraid like you see on them reality shows about ghosts and evil spirits. But mostly everything is hostile with people intimidating people and trying to scare them. It used to be like hell but with Yahweh their king now they have toned down a lot. They are really bad to each other and they are not wanted anywhere else and for the most part they don't want to go anywhere. They don't want anything to do with heaven. But everybody feels sorry for them and they hate that."

"It was a good life for me all the time. I had my friends and we had loads of fun. Hardly ever did anything really bad happen. When it did it never had anything to do with us. Wherever you go no body talks about much. But I was always trying to figure things out. There is a lot of things to learn and people to figure out and how people work and stuff like that. Important stuff to know that other people don't care about. They get used to it and don't realize for years they have never said anything that even helps or doesn't help people get along or not get along. But it all seems important to them though it doesn't matter a lick and odds are they will forget before they even judge someone for what it was," Cali said. "You know like a past everyone has."

"We were safe and comfortable mostly with anyone around. We had those we like and didn't like but it hardly ever got bent out of shape. God was in control," Roqui said. "I love doing nothing just something to keep me busy and interacting with people I have a lot in common with. It was the same in my second life. If it wasn't for the fact I love my boyfriend I would have stayed. I never was bored for more than a moment. To be honest God I love this life. Ahhh!!!"


What do you girls want Roqui? Do you want to stay in heaven? You will be happy without end! How about you Cali? Anything you want is for you from your past to your never ending future.

"We want you to tell us what we want," Roqui said. "It is boring this way."

Beau and Cali were walking in the much less spectacular park in the city when Cali said, "Contrary to what Roqui thinks you seem like a real nice guy."

"All I did was try to impress a very pretty girl with my intellect," he said. "I didn't even think it would blow her mind! Gees! What's the big deal anyway? If she didn't have such a tiny mind it wouldn't have blown her mind so bad she couldn't make it back to her body in time. But no, she has to be so serious and thorough with any decision she lollygagged around until it was way too late and look what we got into."

"She is what she is just like you are what you are," Cali said, "There is no reason to hold it against her. Just let it go."

"I have but," he said, "Gees!"

Then they walked in silence a while before he said, "When did you girls transfer. I transferred to get away from it and the next thing I know, she's here and the entire incident is right here like it all followed me."

"Actually, I made a mistake and was thinking everybody went to the city when you should have or at least could have stayed right where you were at an been forgotten with us never knowing who you were Beau let alone what happened to you," I said.

"That's good," Beau said, "There is a reason for everything."

"Actually at present that is not the case," I said, "Roqui could have just went home and not died having had her mind fixed before her body was dead too long. I started the story with a corpse on the beach like I had another story once that turned into a crummy novel as the conflict that gave me something to write about."

"You mean, she didn't even have to have her mind blown. Well, that is obvious. But why did you do such a thing to her again?" Cali said.

"It's no big deal," I said. "It happens a lot to the curious they ignorantly think they can handle any thought of any kind that is true even the nature of infinity times infinity which even Stephen Hawking has no idea what it is let alone how to handle it. But then a genius' mind is very difficult to blow. He thinks infinity is where it stops when it is actually so near the beginning it has only started a day or two ago."

"What's beyond our infinity?" Cali asked.

"About as much as one compared to that infinity. It has always been like that before God divided infinity from nothing to start thinking about what all there could be and anything God thinks about must happen," I said, "Just like me and you who are God in God in every way there is."

Then I noticed that Beau, the boy that had blown Roqui's mind was in a lot of pain trying to picture what infinity times infinity was.

So I told him, "Be careful Beau. Your mind is starting to blow. Just stop thinking about it the way you do by picturing everything. Now don't panic. Just let it pass. If you can't handle this virtually everything is beyond your ability to handle it without your mind blows."

He managed and I was relieved though I could feel the pain in his brain.

"You were trying to understand that with just your brain." I said. "That's about like trying to fit ten tons of manure in a pismire's mouth. At least have sense enough to use the mind God gave you next time but it is better if you don't try it again. Even that mind which is almost infinite like infinity times infinity minus your brain's mind but it can be blow and it hurts like hell. Mind has never been blown but it has resulted in a small part of what it feels like. You can't live with it completely blown without divine assistance," I said, "Then I remembered when my mind was blown for million times in one thousand years which because that was only about a day in heaven's time then but it is the same as ours now and even I having then experienced it in its truest way cannot actually picture it. I can interact with it and it not blow my mind and I barely understand it. There really was only one place that was here and now which is where and when everything was. Everything is still here and there is not really any other place but everything can be pictured as if it were all infinity times infinity in size which it almost is. We will have just begun realities to what can be in truth or fiction when it is over compared to that. So actually all there is is one divided by infinity times infinity which is nothing so it very nearly all happened before it got started and it will end just after the first moment actually occurs but it's enough for time to be linear or one moral happening after another morally occurring rather than logically occurring because thinking logically is such a primitive way to think." But by the time I reached that point Beau and Cali's minds were blown it was explained to the mind of God that they both have now and they stood before me both trying their damnedest not to think about it anymore. Even God and my mind was blown by actually knowing that and it took days for us especially me to live again in this body that pounds on my keyboard on my old laptop.

"Is that what you mean about telling you what I wanted to tell you even though God said to leave it to the genius' to figure out like the two of us did?" I asked.

"We just started to realize it!" she said looking knowingly at Beau who was still feeling of his entire head with both hands neither of them realizing they died and were brought back to earth.

Earth is where all this is actually taking place in a way but actually just here and now like everything else which is so little it is impossible for anyone but me and God to know the difference between it and no time or an infinite number of times, times an infinite number of times with us being one compared to that finite number. Even that number is actually finite and a practical number unable to even ever realize it like God and I have. That is where we are and you are really there too but will never realize it and survive most of you even with all God's might and my power which is one thing to say but impossible for anyone but God and me to realize but it has to be for you, me and God are all here right now. You could realize it had you not been you and either one of us in the same place we all are just beneath our glorious God who deserves everyone's worship and me who deserves none of it for I gave it all to God and set him completely free as he really always has been to do anything in fact everything which he has done almost. It is all out of us now. There is nothing left secret in either of us. We didn't just do it. We did it all in the light. There is no evil in it. That God did. There is nothing you cannot do whether or forced or because you want to. God has completely liberated you if you would like. He not only can but before it begins all over again which it probably never does he can do anything through you and you can do anything in him but there is nothing you can do where that does not happen. I cannot write this book any longer anymore than I have ever written or created a single spirit without that being true. There is nothing else to know besides us technically but no one has ever been completely known by anyone but God. He could end it all just by forgetting it and never thinking of it ever again. No one has his power of might except me. What do you know? What do you want to know? What do you ever not want to know and still be sane which makes no difference one way or the other. It is all part of it. If God thought it whether anyone else ever did it is all part of it. He has purposely not thought of a number of things for your delight. Shall we beg him never to think of them?

The least thing there is, is a virus for instance that is completely under the control of that environment that is completely unaware of what it does and it does everything just so to make it so that that virus does everything as were it aware of all that it does when it does nothing at all that comes from its own initiative or any of that environment that has no awareness of what it does while doing the things that make that unaware virus appear to live, the least of all things made by default as the result of something no one remembers God once knew but doesn't know anymore. It had to be and it had to be the only way it could ever be like everything else God created had to be either on purpose or by default of something else made on purpose. One that is exactly like you that way the only way God could make you it being so unlikely that you could ever be by any other means but so very unlikely you could be that means the only means there was if you were to be exactly you or even for a virus that appears to be alive but is not though it does everything it would have done had it been alive. There is no creator or anyone truly capable of creating anything but me and God and that at present only on the spirit level concerning Roqui, Cali and Beau with the other necessary spirits so limited in our knowledge they do nothing of any importance to you, them, me and God having served their very limited existence and purpose completely to have been all that they were but of negligible importance and thus remain unnamed except Iroquois's boy friend. The rest of the life of these spirits must then also include them. Shall I make it up to them what they want to do and be?


"Roqui, Felix, Cali and Beau you are all going camping, in my mind with me in my mind on earth as I see it in God's me, mind and in his Spirit which is where I have always been since I have created you but where you have not always been a place where we have been placed by the truth.

Roqui is preparing the barbecue pit for a fire. Felix and Beau are unpacking the gear and making the camping spot livable and Cali is sitting on the rock with the wind blowing through her hair reminiscent of the way Iroquois's body was found just enjoying the wind off the lake. I am doing all that with them from the outside. They are doing it all from the inside. We are all doing it simultaneously and as spontaneously as had it all been our own idea requiring us to say exactly what we are all saying if anything me included. But I am Mighty. God is God. We are two in the same kind God and I. We, God and I, always do the same thing but not always at the same time," I got across to them as we did through each other what we did.

Finally with all the technical and nearly nothing talk and thinking that needed to go on or went on through us done we were all sitting around the campfire. No one was eating. I was looking on all of them and permeating them in the following ways. I was in Felix looking at Cali almost exclusively. Beau was looking at Cali and me back and forth. But Roqui was looking at Cali too. Cali I made feel like the center of attention as she shared her gazes among everyone.

Then I said, "What are you guys all looking at me for?"

They hadn't noticed but never changed their gaze in their silence.

"There was this little girl," I gave to Cali to say. "She was afraid of bears. Now she had never seen but a picture of them or on TV or in a movie so she had never met one. Then she thought, 'If I were a bear what would I be thinking?' Then she thought, 'Humans! They seem to come from cars. They just arrive out of the woods and take up living right in the middle of some of the best places to live in there are around. Go away, humans! I want to live where you are for a few more days.'

'Maybe if you are nice,' she thought playing the role of her and the rest, 'We will leave you a treat when we go.

'Will they leave me a treat?' she thought for the bear, 'I see it. It makes me hungry. No one is stronger than I. I will take what I want when they are not looking because humans scare me. I have just never gotten used to them. I wonder what they taste like?'

"Why don't bears just eat us?" she asked while everyone was looking at them hoping for a logical explanation that would make her feel safer, a lot safer.

"They have never tasted us before," was Beau's thought on the subject.

"They do attack if threatened," Roqui said which made her feel less safe.

"Because I keep them away simply because like most things it is a lot easier to accommodate even intruders than it is to fight with them and if you give them no reason not to they will have no reason not to accommodate you. They know what you are they think and you are way more food than they are looking for. They rarely was food even if they are not hungry. Besides they fill up on maggots and worms, their favorites," were my thoughts on it which I gave to Felix. God says it's true.

But at this particular park there is a spirit that was born by the mouth and mind of an ancient storyteller of the Natives. It is invisible even when it manifests. There is no way for it to be seen, heard, smelled or felt. It loves to be intimidation and takes to it feeling full and relaxed after taking it in in large quantities.

Cali was the first to notice it. The table cloth suddenly seemed to straighten and stay that way and she happened to notice it. She immediately knew it was a spirit. So she got defensive and said, "Get! This is our place! Go somewhere else."

It did not enjoying the intimidation.

Then she paid attention to me and said, "What am I to do? It didn't go away. Is it harmless?"

"Don't intimidate it," I said. "Just ignore it. It will annoy you probably but if you intimidate it, you will be feeding it what it craves most."

Then it effected Cali's subliminal peripheries to make her feel like intimidating someone. So she walked over to Felix and gave him a sexy look right in front of Roqui. A bit later she touched his arm so Roqui couldn't help but notice it. Then almost at the same time she let her hand linger on his biceps causing him to notice but to ignore it.

Roqui didn't. When Cali went to her tent Roqui went a short time later. They talked about nothing a while and Cali seemed testy and Roqui didn't like it. Suddenly she snapped, "What are you so testy about?"

"Me?" she said as had Roqui been right on the money but she was going to stand her ground.

"First you flirt with Felix," she said, "Then you even touch him to carry it further. What is going on with you? You are never like this?"

"I will be if I feel like it," Cali said.

"Look! Felix is my lover not yours," she said, "What you are doing isn't right. I will fight fire with fire if you keep it up, even with Beau."

Then for over two hours they kept looking with anger at each other and Cali kept coming on to Felix until finally Roqui sat down on a log right beside Beau. She kept giving him the eye and touching him with her arm and on his leg from time to time.

Cali got angry and shouted at her after a while, "What do you think you are doing?" but didn't spell it out or anything and flirted with Felix even more so that it was clear that both girls were coming on to each other's boyfriends.

In the end Cali got up from sitting with her head in Felix' lap and slapped Roqui and the war was on. Then the animal spirit that had been the cause of it all finally felt full with that last fight generating plenty of intimidation for its liking. It went back in the woods and rested in the sunlight feeling full as a tic and very relaxed.

In the end of the fight Cali had a bloody scratch on her face that had bloodied her lip. It was not swollen or anything. But it was deep and clearly visible. Roqui had an eye that watered from time to time. They both had minor bruises and showed they had been in a fight but Cali's need to intimidate someone was gone until next time.

She had handled the spirit all wrong; as if she didn't understand how spirits act and do things. I needed to do something. These two girls had always been very close and cared a lot for each other always looking out for each other and wanting to help with anything even something that required no help but just to be interacting and enjoying each other's company.

I decided to do it with each one alone; first Roqui then Cali and then the men if I had a need. When that didn't work with any of them I managed to get Cali to sit by the campfire that was nearly out. Felix brought some firewood almost immediately and stoked it up a little and sat beside her watching her face, her eyes and her body language because he was insecure for being around her for the first time. She never did anything like that even way back when they were only sixteen in the same school though plenty of other guys would have been happy to have her though everyone knew they were a couple and made no bones to express the fact they were more than just friends and might even be sexually active with each other.

Then Beau sat on the other side of the fire by himself for quite some time before Roqui came and lay beside him with her head in his lap and kissing him long passionate and hot foreplay unashamedly before the others clearly giving the message that her and Beau were far more than friends and had been for some time now by the looks of things.

Cali was embarrassed both about what Roqui was doing as well as what she had done. She never thought she would behave like that let alone actually do it and to her best friend Roqui.

I put the thought in Cali's mind to go for a walk by herself and she began to grow restless but needing to be alone. So she said that to Felix, "I gotta get out of here for a while," and stood.

"Where you going?" Felix asked. "Can I come?"

She shook her head.

He shrugged and got up and wandered back to the tent though it was mostly in the sun.

Once alone on the trail Cali found a spot overlooking the beach which she never seemed to want to do anymore and it clearly bothered her to sit there.

"You handled that wrong," I said.

She just made an expression to indicate she was miserable.

"I told you not to intimidate it," I had her think.

"You mean?" she said, "It was that spirit."

"It gave you the need to intimidate someone,"I said.

"How?" she said angry, "I never do that to anyone for any reason except Beau that time to warn him I would fight if provoked."

Then I let her think before we asked, "It went into others then to get them to intimidate me?" for I knew that was what she was thinking.

"No," she said, "It got me to intimidate Roqui then it enjoyed the way she intimidated me expecting either Beau or my boyfriend might be intimidated. It didn't care who it just wanted us intimidating each other!" Then she turned to talking to me instead of me talking to her. "What should I have done?"

"Just not do it," I suggested.

Suddenly she heard a commotion going on at the campsite. Felix and Beau were going at it. So she ran into camp and when she got there she said, "It's a spirit, you guys! You are not acting like yourselves! You are acting like I was! Now, that's good. Just settle down. It feeds on intimidation. The more one of you intimidates you the happier it is. It's like it gets a hunger for intimidation. When it's over one of you will be disgusted with themselves."

"Don't get tough with me! Ever!" Beau yelled at Felix and the fight ended as abruptly as it began but the spirit was happy. All it was looking for was a little after dinner snack and it went back to relaxing and feeling full.

I had created it. It was up to me to get rid of it. So I said to it, "If you go to God he has the greatest intimidation of all. But I will not ever let you go. Do you realize who and what I am?"

It was full so it didn't matter to it. It was only interested in the intimidation.

"Do you know what will happen to you?" I said.

It didn't seem to care.

"People, all people will realize what you are and everyone will ignore you," I said.

It still didn't seem to care so I changed its subliminal peripheries so that intimidation made it ill and sent it away.

They were all together at the fire pit sitting around dealing with the effects of the spirit and I began to speak, "In ancient times there was a dead spirit who died and his wife quickly remarried. He was jealous and he went to what amounts to a witch doctor and had him make him invisible to the eye of man and to all spirits. He had figured out that to cause intimidation sent peaceful, fun and exciting situations into turmoil and after that he would get a need to stir things up by changing people on a subliminal level. So he would enter the spirit of an animal the witch doctor had made for him and in turn he would enter someone's subliminal peripheries and change them to want to intimidate others. It worked like a charm. He would stir things up and feel full and relaxed just as had he fed upon the intimidation and lay around and wait for the jealous man to want to stir things up again as had he become hungry for more intimidation. That spirit is still here today. He is to blame for what has happened here today. So I changed his peripheries and sent him away. But from now on when you feel like intimidating others remember this story that the Native storyteller told and resist doing that but be friendly and nice even to the spirit and all will go well. Now forgive each other for you were all under its power and paid no attention to me. If you are going to do that things will not go so well even if you cannot see the cause. Now shake hands and share each one a hug with the others and make it a memory but use it wisely from now on."

"Why did you do that?" Roqui asked contentiously.

"He has a right to be too," I said, "Now do you realize what it was like in the rest of the world?"

When they had finished reuniting I noticed that Roqui gave Cali a dirty look.

"There are other ways to handle both feeling like intimidating someone, Cali." Then I said, "Just as there are other ways of handling being intimidated." Then I turned back to Cali and said, "Why didn't you expect something when I told you that he hungered for intimidation and ate it all up, that it was exactly what he was looking for?"

"I thought you meant not to intimidate it," she said. "Why didn't you tell me he would make me feel like intimidating others?"

"He was new," I said, "I didn't know he was sharp enough to grow his own food. How could I? All he had done was annoy you by just being present."

"Don't do it again," Cali said as had it been an order.

"We are in this together," I said, "You said that heaven was boring. Would you like it to go back as it was before?"

They looked at each other and some looked away while others looked at their feet I suppose. But no one said anything.

"You did not want to do only anything you wanted to do," I said. "All I did was make someone who would do what it wanted rather than you doing what you wanted."

"We wanted you to say and do through us and give us words," Cali said.

"How am I to do that?" I said, "You were not paying attention to me or you never would have started that entire thing. "How was I to know it was not what you wanted? It would have been rude to stop you. That is not in me. It is in God so I could have done it. But I do not like being rude and I do not like others being rude to me."

"Me neither," Roqui said.

"Then are we okay again?" I asked.

"Sure," Cali said and it had some enthusiasm to it, not a lot, but some.

"He was saved!" they called out shortly after I sent him away.

"What was your name?" I asked him.

"Geollus," the spirit of the dead man said.

"What is the invisible animal called?" I asked him.

"A trubbel," he replied.


"How did you like your camp out?" I asked them as they loaded up the car.

"It was great after you got rid of the trubbel," someone said and they all agreed. "It was horrible!"

"Was it worse than a giant alligator or some space monster that lives in a horror movie?" I asked facetiously.

"Just as bad," Cali said and looked at Roqui who suddenly had a change of heart and moved quickly toward her and gave her a robust hug.

It was Cali's car but Roqui drove and Felix rode shotgun with Beau and Cali sitting side by side on the driver's side in the real with camping gear taking up the rest of backseat.

As the car passed the scenic large spruce and balsams heading for the main road a big buck stepped out onto the road.

"Look out!" Cali suddenly shouted as Roqui stopped and when it was over both Felix and Roqui looked back at her marveling that she had over reacted so much.

Then Beau opened the car door and when the deer didn't run off as expected he got out though Cali and Roqui were shouting at him to be careful. He walked the length of the car and the deer moved toward him looking for food. He had none. So he wondered what the outcome would be as it inched toward him. When it got to him he noticed it had a white spot between the horns of its big rack. Then when it got close enough he offered it an empty hand. But when the deer nuzzled his hand and found nothing it just snorted and walked away.

They didn't know it but he had wandered away from the petting zoo not more than a mile away. But when they got to the zoo Beau noticed the big buck there had a white spot between its horns and his excitement suddenly deflated for he realized it was not wild as he had assumed but a tame attraction at the zoo.

"Oh, darn!" he said.

"Why didn't you ask me?" I said, "A wild buck that close to you would have been scared out of its fur. There is no telling what such a deer might have done including tearing you apart with its horns."

"We don't do so well that way, do we?" he said aloud and Roqui overheard.

"We don't do what so well?" she asked him looking to Cali for permission to even speak to him now which she got.

"We do not do well at obeying the Mighty," he said.

She nodded and made an unhappy face to think that was true. She had never really noticed before. I write their life. If they think anything might be unsafe they should ask me. If nothing else it alerts me to the fact they are beginning to feel unsafe but they like the excitement of doing things that might not be safe and count on me to make it safe to them. Which am I to do, make it perfectly safe or let them be in danger and fix whatever happens for the best afterward?

It was not long before they were at Cali's house and she was scrubbing dishes when Geolus moved a large spoon back in the dishwater scaring her half to death.

"You again!!" she shouted and Felix heard her shout but didn't know what it was about and went into the kitchen to see whether she was okay with me doing it too.

"I just wanted to say how sorry I was because of what I did to you and to get in the trubbel and be sent away and all for I really was bored by how peaceful and nice everything was because you people are really nice and kind and boringly loving to each other-" Geolus was saying when Cali cut him off wondering how he could be so different.

"That's okay," she said and at first Felix thought it really weird to see her appearing to talk to herself. "Just don't do it again."

"I am brand new now, saved and everything just like everybody on earth and I like this place they call heaven an awful lot and never want to go anywhere else for just to be here is the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me because I have been alone so long and didn't know why nobody wanted me around and the only place left for me was to just hide in the woods when they figured out it was just me doing it but I wasn't doing it to be me but just because I was hungry and wanted to get back to feeling full and relaxing so much I would just go to sleep and-" Geolus was saying.

"I am so glad," she said. "But I am a little busy now. Maybe we could talk some other time?" Truth be known she was tired of the way he just seemed to go on and on so much.

"Oh," he said, "Okay," and she took it she had hurt his feelings.

"I wish I could see you so I could give you a hug," she said. "I am sorry. It is just that you talk so much."

"Then you really like me anything way in spite of what I did?" he asked.

"Yes, I like you," she said, "And I am so happy for you."

"Not as happy as I am," he said and then Geolus was gone.

Then she noticed Felix taking it all in.

"I suppose that seemed a little weird?" she said.

"A little!!" he said, "At first I thought you were out of yourself again."

"I am not crazy!" she said. "I like that Felix. I really do!" But I suppose she was being sarcastic toward the last.

"What's going on in here?" Beau asked as he took a break and had heard voices in the kitchen. Then he noticed Felix who immediately began to back out of the kitchen.

"Don't run off or anything!" Cali shouted Felix's direction as he went through the door. Then she turned to Beau and said, "Aren't you guys over it yet?" she asked him.

"You don't know what happened?" he said.

"Does it matter?" she said in outrage. "Everyone else is on the same page. Get with it!"

Then she hit him with the soapy spoon lightly in the stomach.

'I do have to work on my abs more,' he thought as he laughed, gave her a peck on the lips and also backed out of the kitchen.

A car pulled up in the driveway that nobody outside had seen before. Beauer went to the car that was parked in the street covering the driveway. When he got there a brunette with a big smile and a very joyous demeanor stuck her hand up and out the side of the window on the rear passenger side and said, "Do you know a girl named Cali who loves to run?"

"Cali!!!" he yelled still not knowing who it was at first. Then suddenly he recognized her and said, "It's you? Sure it is!" Then he turned from her and said, "It's Cali's friend from our old school." Then turning back to her he said, "I'll get her."

But Roqui was nearest the door and she yelled after hearing what was going on, "She's doing dishes. You just stay. I'll go get her," and quickly disappeared through the front door as Beau walked away while Cali's friend managed with a lot of logistics involved to exit the car.

When he got to Felix he said under his breath, "Air head."

"Is that all you have to say about her?" Felix asked.

"It's just that Cali is such a mathematical genius and this girl talks like her mind left her when she was three and a half," he said, "You know? Like a cheerleader's sidekick or something."

Then suddenly Cali was coming out the door and amid the squeals and high pitched warm greetings they hugged about halfway up the driveway.

They were the center of attention until it was clear they just wanted to reminisce about the things they had talked about while texting or jabbering on the phone. With all that and Cali had no idea her friend who had been her first roommate was coming. They went out by the swing just the two of them and talked about nothing for the longest time.

The car she had arrived in finally must have decided she was not coming back for her stuff for the door opened and a football player with a Rocket's uniform on's big hair left arm appeared as attached to a suitcase and sat it roughly on the blacktop of the street. They were all yelling as a jacket and what looked at first like underwear then a swim suit came out as if someone were throwing laundry in the hamper except there was no handle. Then they were off with a lot of cheer and calling of Cali's name.

Just about then Roqui was coming out of the house screaming something nobody could catch. When Felix caught her she began hugging him very tight as had she been scared to death but he couldn't get a word out of her why.

Finally with Beau's help they got Roqui to say something intelligible, "There's a big storm!" she managed breathlessly. "It will be here. Ten minutes is all the time we have. Don't take anything. Let's head for the grade school. Now!" Then she hugged Felix and her face went from fear to tears of loss as she hugged him very tight and bawled. "Are we going to die?" she whined at Beau over Felix's shoulder. "Hail. High winds. Tornado warnings for our area. Let's go!!" she screamed at Felix with a good amount of whining mixed in.

"She's deathly afraid of storms," Felix managed to tell Cali and Beau.

"No! No!" She said breathlessly. "We have to go now. Grade school. Right away!" She said pulling on Felix's arm and almost dragging him to the street if possible.

"I better go!!" he yelled as she did manage to drag him a ways. "You guys find out how bad it is and meet us there! Okay?"

Beau whipped out his phone but couldn't bring up the weather app. So he ran inside. The TV was on and it was a severe weather warning. Amazingly it really was a tornado heading their way. He ran outside to where Cali and her friend were still chatting along to the extreme he could hardly distract them.

Finally Cali stomped her foot and screamed at him, "What, do, you, want for goodness sake?"

"There's a tornado coming and we have to get to the elementary school about three blocks away to take shelter!" he informed them as best her could.

"My God!" she shouted in complete surprise for the sun was still shining. "Let's go then!" she added and grabbed her friend's hand and began to almost drag her behind them as she gave up on her keeping up and way outrun them to the school.

The closer they got to the school the more noise the crowd was making. Sirens and police were everywhere, ambulances and firetrucks filled the streets and Cali was far ahead somewhere and only Beau and the air head ran as best they could for the wind and smattering of rain hit unexpectedly and small sticks and some limbs were flying like downed kites to the ground; once in a while larger ones and sometimes they stung when they hit an arm or a bare leg.

"Earth," I said calmly. "This is actually going to happen. What are you so upset about?"

"Just doing what you wanted," she said. "You didn't say how big you want it."

"Me?" I said incredibly surprised. "Why would I want a tornado?"

"It didn't start out that way," she said, "But the tornado started by default. In a case like this it isn't easy knowing everything that will happen. It just got away from me for a minute."

"Now! Now! My friend," I said trying to control her emotional reaction to it. "What can you do about it?"

"Just get them to the school now," she said, "They would have been better off to have just stayed home. That's what I planned. Where did you get that girl?"

"I made her," I said.

"A spirit?" she asked and instantaneously and simultaneously went to directing the storm.

I appeared at the front entrance to the school. Everybody was screaming and pushing toward the doors, kids were crying, babies screaming, sirens were going off, there was thunder now and lightning and that ominous loud roar. I caught a glimpse of Cali going in then I found Beau and Cali's friend who seemed more confused than scared if anything.

"Just go!" I said in Beau's mind. "I will be leading you. You can make it. I am your only chance. You with me on this?"

He shouted, "God yes!" as had he might be heard even by Cali's friend whom he had by the hand.

Then he looked at her, gave her an encouraging look and didn't spare the body language that said, "This is it! It's the only way!" but it was almost lost on her anyway. She was following him. Whatever happened was his fault either way in her subliminal peripheries. He took off. I moved people out of his way. They jumped over people, almost had to push a few to get by them. But soon they were at the door. I brought a cop in a white uniform and all sorts of decorations to one side of the door. There! It opened up! It was the only chance. They were through. They were in the main hallway and the crowd was pushing them toward the gym.

"Will the gym make it, Earth?" I yelled in my excitement.

"It can't take much more of this," she said, "Nope. It has to collapse. There is no other way. Oh, all those poor people! I hate this part of it. I'll save as many as I can hopefully everybody."

He began to fight the flow of the crowd and the girl surprised me she held on feeling a lot safer already.

"The gym is going to collapse! Don't go in there! It will! It will!" I screamed with Beau's voice and when he heard he was all the more determined to follow me and for a moment I lost him as he considered trying to do it on his own instead of just do whatever seemed next to him to do as I led him but a small crowd that heard what he said began to follow him and it was slow going but we were making our way to the hallways as the crowd grew and became a mob pushing cops, volunteers and not a few paramedics line and all deep into the hallways. At last. They were safe. I could hear the roof vibrating and feel it moving up and down. That meant gale force winds.

Then the roof was ripped off the gym.

"Oh, my God, Earth!" I shouted. "Is anybody outside?"

The wind was coming down the hallways driving the hail and rain like fire hoses with bullets. It hurt to beat hell I could see by Felix and the girl when Cali suddenly put her hand through the crowd, grabbed Felix's hands and he pulled her through the thong to her and hugged her as he friend finally let go of his hand and was swept away by the throng. But the roof lifted off the entire school in huge sheets causing one entire wall to collapse.

"How bad is it outside?" I asked Earth.

"There isn't many to get hurt," she said, "Whew! That tornado was huge. It hit the school full force like I knew it would. I never expected this much force."

"Is it over?" I asked.

"This was the worst of it. Just keep them still and calm there isn't much left that can be blown away. Some things could still fall. But they are as safe as they can be right where they are at," she said as Roqui and Felix made there way through the crowd to them since most were down on their knees huddled with their backs to the wind and what was left of the rain often screaming with the thunder when lightning struck the flagpole and lit up the entire area and I finally noticed we had been doing it all in the dark all this time.

Then the wind died. The sirens were farther away. The cops, firemen and paramedics were already helping the injured .

Through it all the roar of the wind and the tornado had been deafening. But there was debris all over the place. I looked and was drawn to what Roqui stumble over. I quickly put the image of a toy truck in her mind. It worked. But I may never forget the sight of that little boy's hand clinging to a doll in a white toga that screamed, "JESUS!!!" to my senses. He was here helping all he could, Yahweh was directing the flow of emergency personnel and volunteers which all mine but Cali's friend were I am proud to say, safe and helping remove debris and Roqui even set a bone in some little boy about twelve's arm. There was a steady flow of injured and emergency personnel and victims with some very bad injuries but mostly head injuries and flesh wounds along with scores of broken bones. Then I saw him...

A lifeless little boy with one hand and a shepherd's staff in his other. What had gone on there? Jesus took him home no doubt, but why? But when I said that he said, "He was one of yours not mine."

"God," I said moved with a compassion I could hardly stand up under. "What happened to him?"

"He was my excuse to see your storm thorough," God said.

"Father!!!" I said, "Why?"

"He was the witch that made the tornado when he heard there was just a chance of severe weather," he explained.

"Yes," I said, "I know. But he was just a boy. But with that kind of power when he was so young! A good kid until the Jehovah's Witnesses taught him to be a witch and at such a young age. That and the evil spirits' names and all alive and well from the Harry Potter books the source writing the same as the ancient writings that were used to summon them the same thing that even God is summoned by on a most usual and more frequent basis. You would think that anyone with a brain would know better than revive those spirits by making them adversaries in a very popular children's book."

"Whatever it takes to make money," Earth said. She wasn't crying now but it was easy to see she had been, a lot. "He was the only victim. But oh, for the property loss and the injuries. A number of these people just here will spend the rest of their lives in hospital beds home or elsewhere. Look at them. They are all ruined lives. So, many? Just because of some very bad people and one little boy with an insane idea as to who Jesus was and a sorcerer connected to some of the worst spirit memories there have ever been living in them even to this day to their present profound chagrin reading Harry Potter like the ancient source of evil power. that being copied to the actual word the name of the evil spirit to render them workable in modern life though they had been contained for centuries before that. He had no idea what he was doing and yet he was so far gone nobody but you God could have contained him. Is he home yet?"

"Not yet," God said, "But he will be."

"It's time Cali," I said to her gently never more proud of a creation of mine in my life. "It is time to go home now. You all four died. You will never be the same people. But your body will live on until it dies."

She asked about a friend and I just told her she was fine. I never mentioned that immediately upon the end of the storm she found a ride back home, crying all the way not even knowing about her friends until she heard on the news that miraculously there was only one fatality, named the little boy and gave a lengthy heart felt piece about how he was just a normal American eight year old barely able to read Harry Potter his hero's books which he read tirelessly every night before he could be tucked in for bed and then lights out.


"She's alive!!!" Beau screamed as he took her pulse in the dark not being able to remember what it was he was so happy he had found her. But of course the only way he could have found her was for me to lead him to the exact spot. You would think they would catch that and at least notice I was on the job, keeping them from harm. Three feet away was a tree with huge protruding roots. He hadn't noticed even which way she had been thrown from the vehicle.

He had been stumbling in the dark unable to even see his feet for it was a gray overcast sky without even any stars to go by out there and the lights from her car were knocked out when the car flipped that last time. He had ridden the entire accident the entire way through because he had his seat belt on and the airbag on the passenger side had deployed. He had simply managed with quite a bit of effort to get the door opened on the last time he put most of his weight into an attempt to force it open. He was so surprised to find he was alone in the vehicle wondering why nobody had their seat belt on. He had even thought that he recalled Cali strapping herself in. He no longer remembered that he had been sleeping. He just remembered seeing the bright light in the road ahead that took his entire attention as it came up over a rise in the road in the dark night. Of course also he didn't remember saying, "What the hell is that? I can't see anything! Slow down!" or the fact that Cali was mad at him for having mumbled Iroquois's name in his sleep and groaning as if something delightful was happening between them. So of course he did not remember the dream.

His leg had been pinned under a huge pine that had fallen with no warning as had it fallen out of nowhere on his leg. He was alone in the dream with no one around and he called everyone on his contact list trying to find someone that knew where he was out of his mind he was so frantic to have survived the tree having fallen on him, having knocked him down a pinned his leg so he could not move it though he had not been in any pain as he thought, 'No one will ever find me way out here.' Then he had looked around in the dream and there was no one around not even any other trees and had realized there he was in a wilderness unknown even to him. But he had in the dream been so relieved when he tried his phone and found that it had connection for Felix's voice mail worked and had told him that his number was unavailable and that his voice mail was not set up yet. Number after number, connection after connection had failed until in an act of desperation he had called Roqui and she had appeared out of nowhere just like the fallen tree had before him and she had managed by finding a broken limb to free a rock farther down the tree toward the butt of it and it had moved the shank of the tree just enough for him to slide his entire body just far enough so that when the tree rocked back in its same place it had been before.

Of course the dream was long gone that included Beau being in ecstasy as Roqui rubbed his leg for every timed she moved her hands all the way up and down on his leg sensations were coming back and it felt so good to know he would be safe just before Roqui disappeared and Cali was suddenly on top of him having sex with him in his dream but of course he was not aware he sounds of passion were being overheard by the other passengers as he carried on with Cali enjoying their sex as never before completely in rapt himself and everyone in the car thinking he was dreaming that it had been Roqui and him making love.

Cali was so relieved that other than some, actually a lot of bumps and bruises and one cut on her upper right thigh she was completely unhurt as she would be okay as Beau fell upon her and they hugged in the nearly pure darkness they could not feel but the tiny very quiet breezes even ignoring it when the car finally caught fire and I put it in Felix's mind to rolled as far away from the back window he had been thrown through to find himself lying in the broken glass of the rear window in the abandoned small vehicle never knowing that just before the explosion the trunk caught the back of his light shirt coming so near hitting him it pulled his shirt so tight he was unable to move either arm scaring him to think he might be a paraplegic from that time on. But just before the explosion it had rocked back up to where it had been freeing him to jump up and run from the car that laid on its top somewhere off road in what felt like some sort of bog or swamp.

Cali remembered in slow motion flying through the dark night air and landing in the mud after she saw the bright light was the headlight of a Harley traveling alone in the night from the other direction. She remembered slugging Beau as hard as she could in the chest to wake him for the scene he was making in his sleep. She remember how much trouble she had had undoing her seat belt and then sliding it over her front having to turn in the seat to even get a partial swing at Beau for what he was obviously doing in his sleep in her mind and unable she would actually be doing it with Roqui right beside her even in a dream. She remembered she was mad as hell at him before he had yelled something and she looked forward just in time to pull the steering wheel all the way to right as fast as she might have been going which was-? She had no idea how fast it was that she could store it in her memory but only that it had to be way over the speed limit. She also stored the fact that he was having a nightmare and kept screaming for help as his hand covered his left ear and he appeared to be calling someone Felix had joked was 9 1 1 in his sleep.

"Hello 9 1 1 1," he had pretended, "What is the nature of your emergency?" They all laughed hysterically but even more so when he pretended to be Beau answering, "I am having a nightmare and I can't feel my legs. I am one of those dummies they use to train people for CPR!"

But Roqui was dead. When she flew through the windshield that shattered in thousands of tiny pieces of glass at the time of the first time the car flipped and her head hit the ground giving her instant pain in her neck and a suddenly loss of all sensation but fear in the same moment.

She was there right in front of me disoriented from the sudden change from one scene to the other he body lifelessly lying on the ground in the darkest night she had ever experienced slowly remembering the accident and slowly taking in my face where I am in my me in my spirit in my mind all in the Spirit of God and in the mind of God which was true at same moment her body had died on earth.

When she saw me realized what had happened for I helped her see God's face and settled down completely with no sign of fear. She was amazed by the experience but in the next moment she was on earth back in her body experiencing the pain in her neck slowly leaving her neck muscles and her back so that when she woke up all the way she would be unharmed and never know that she would have been paralyzed from her chin down to her waist because her spinal cord had snapped when her head had been slammed into the mud with such force.

She was still dead as I got Felix to his feet and he yelled, "Is anyone alive!!!" amazed that he was in the light from the burning car. Then he saw Cali and Beau stand up but could not tell because of the changes in the changing shadows who they were and unable to see if it was two people even or just one.

"We're okay!" Beau yelled.

"Who is we?" he yelled back.

"Cali and me, Beau!" he replied, "We are both unharmed."

Felix felt of his shoulders that were all scraped up from rolling in the shattered glass and yelled, "I'm fine! I am okay! Where's Roqui?"

There was a deafening silence as even what little breezes there were gusted a slight bit but still offered no sound of the wind in any of their ears.

"There's someone over here!!!" a stranger's voice sounded after the sound of a Harley broke the silence, stopped and re experienced the silence on their part but experienced the silence for the first time on the motorcyclist's part.

'Roqui!!!' instantly screamed in all three of their minds but none of them dare to think any thing more though all of them had thought, 'She's dead,' in my hearing for I heard it before they realized it in the present and it failed to reach their memories of it.

They all three made it to the place but the motorcyclist and his wife had given up on reviving Roqui and stood head bowed in her direction in the profoundest silence any of them had ever heard. They, Cali, Beau, Felix and both riders of the motorcycle stood around them for quite some time before they began to make their way tripping occasionally in the dark almost but Felix. He knelt down beside her body and took her right hand and held it to his chest with large hot tears stinging his eyes as his heard broke into more pieces in a figure than anyone thought possible.

Then he...


Automatically as he had done to so many in the school that day he took her pulse.

At first there was nothing and he completely doubled over in enormous pain. Then...? Did he feel something?

He did!!! It was a single heart beat, then more coming awkward like and slowly but very strong. In a very short time her pulse was regular and it was strong and either he had accidentally hit just the perfect spot to feel it or her heart was sound or sounder than had nothing happened.

Cali looked back out of curious grieving for her best friend and saw he was taking her pulse and he heart game way and skipped a beat and therefore she died and it bent her completely over so that when she became conscious again she was dead and tears started running unrestricted down her face covering the entire front part of her face as Beau put his arm across her back and bend down to her to comfort her and they all stopped to allow her body to stay with them though her spirit was dead and even her body had died for the length of time it takes for a heart to beat one last time and an anxious moment or two on my part until in a short time it began again.

"ROQUI!!!" she screamed very loudly noticing there was no echo.

Iroquois's spirit heard her and she awoke wondering what had gotten into Roqui to shout so loudly.

Felix was there but he was speechless. He was experiencing it but he was not believing it was real and he was like that with everything so technically he was either insane or dead. Then like a slingshot when it is released the pouch that had been pulled away by the rubber being stretched almost to the separation point slammed back in upon him in a figure for it was my reality that suddenly hitting from all sides and all place at once in a startling split second.

"She's Alive!!!" Felix screamed, and she looked at him like he was out of his mind for she didn't remember the windshield shatter, the sudden pain in her neck or even the feeling of mud being driven harshly down into her scalp. "My Love!!! You are alive!!!" he screamed at her standing with both legs extended to the hilt.

They all gasped and began cheering with glee.

"Help me up then," Roqui said. "You should think of me more," she complained. "Gees!"

She will remember dying when at last her near perfect body then crippled with old age dies again and she comes to the heaven I have in mind for all my followers and any I create that are good. Praise God for giving me the thought of where they go in me in his me and his mind and his Spirit.

I gave this chapter and the rest of this book to God from THE END to these the words, '"She's alive!!!" Felix screamed....' which I quote the book and it is most certainly God's book written by me in his me and mind and his Spirit but most of the time in my mind, spirit and me all the way through. Because it hit me to have written it this way as Iroquois's caretaker spirit left to be outside the body she had so loved all her life, put its arms to its side and its palms facing upward with its legs lying flat on the bed touching each other as best she could manage leaving her hair combed just the way the nurse had combed it minutes before and then had been in my heaven and God's heaven at the same exact moment to join her living me, spirit and mind in both of us that was already there.

So when it happened she would not remember it this way but we will for it is the actual way it happened and the actual way we, everyone but Roqui and he caretaker spirit long since incorporated experienced it.

Eventually she remembered her last exhale and days later her last thought a sensation of release from everything on earth even Cali who sat by its bedside not knowing it was but actually was not Roqui whose body was then deceased and her caretaker was immediately incorporated in Roqui who was exactly the same except she had a heavenly body now that was in continuous perpetual change but at no point did she ever manifest as had her present manifestation be the exact same one she had loved so much during all this time spend on earth that even yet exists only in her memory, your memories dear readers, the memories of her fell spirits I created, my me's memory, my spirit, my mind, God's me's mind, his Spirit's mind and his mind forever guaranteed to be without end.

"She's gone," I remember Iroquois's nurse saying after her and Cali's knowing eyes, the knowing eyes of both parties met and I gave speech to the LPN.


"Remember Cali," I said to the white haired old woman sitting alone at her home as she had for fifteen years now, "When you and I and her were talking that day and she said, 'I never want to know I am without him the rest of my life. Please Mighty, make it so I never remember him again. I don't want to remember anything of my life from this moment back to when I first me Beau, ever?' she already had remembered it all and just could not stand remembering over and over again knowing she was not with him in the present not understanding that her spirit would be with him no matter how it was she paid attention to him from the moment of his death on. I took her from earth. The woman you knew as Roqui died and went up and we were with me and God the same moment she was. She immediately paid attention to him and they experienced her first moments here now where they spend very little time together finding that what they want to think about is not their other, what they choose to talk about or who they choose to talk with is not who they were but to those that are there they want to talk to or about and what they want to do less and less even includes any mention of the other or recollection they too might enjoy doing it for it is so rarely so that they would."

"She never experienced a moment of Alzheimer's disease then in reality?" Cali was tearing up as she remembered the moment almost perfectly on her own. "She went to heaven and missed even the first moment of that!" Then he tears came but further apart and soon one last one fell. Then she asked, "Then who did I waste my time visiting these past five years to be honest hoping she would die after each visit knowing that she did not know me even when she seemed normal and seemed to for a few moments, a few minutes... once a little over an hour.? "

"It was not a waste of time," I said, "You thought she was still there those times but you realized when her caretaker spirit came back so clear to your mind in the midst of that complete but good confusion that even had she been there which she has been now for she is part of her now, but even then she couldn't have known you, or me, or God or the spirit or any reader or anyone from any other place in time on earth that might want to; no one that ever was before she her caretaker was created the moment she chose the confusion, all that the caretaker ever knew and all the caretaker will ever know really that confused spirit that has known nothing but that confusion, does not know anything but that confusion and might never know anything but what she was created for to abide in Iroquois's body knowing only that complete and very good confusion that has no evil or anything not right in it to choose to thing without end. But it realized you were there and that will comfort both you and Roqui from time to time. I waste nothing.

But it is best when some common moment in the confusion triggers thoughts of who they are they become themselves as had they always been themselves by their own choice. But when that ends it is that it had been that neither one ever knew before. If you were privy to being there at one of those times you actually spent that time with your dearest friend and I include your husband in that list as you have long known. A rare occurrence that was cut short by her only daughter deciding to have her life end when she came down with a cold that left untreated at this facility by them became pneumonia that child of her only mother decided not to treat it either and even the caretaker was not a living spirit until after we took her out at the time of the last exhale of her body which is a waste that more and more people prefer to putting up with the hear wrenching knowledge that who ever is there is not their loved one but some one who was a part of their loved one that came to visit ever more rarely until it was impossible."

"I forgive her," Cali said, "Had I been her I would have done it the first time she had pneumonia."

"I too forgive her but also I forgive you for in a sense you did," I said, "For when she sensed that her caretaker spirit died and when the body caught cold and the cold progressed to the death of the body, the exact moment you gave up on ever wanting to see your soulmate on earth ever again unless the two of you someday choose to come back which is even more rare than such a one's caretaker ever holding it against anyone."

"Thank you, Mighty," Cali said from a stoic emotionless face completely changed the moment she died, the same moment she no longer wanted her old friend to be that way or any other way on earth ever again only for me to have raised her again guilt and all to take her to this point she can forgive the caretaker spirit for nothing in dying in that same moment and Roqui for choosing Alzheimer's disease not knowing that is the only way to answer her request and give her what she wanted and not waste a moment of anyone's life and leave them happy they did it.

Do not every hold it against them readers or Cali or anyone that knew her, is getting to know her or ever will get to know her, God and anyone I may have left out of the list for any reason. In fact you might want to think about the one who has been in heaven all the time their caretaker was here in such circumstances and or the one the caretaker herself for shortening her life though you may have had no alternative given how much of her who was just a placeholder for the one who was gone to return to when something triggered her to come back for a time the same exact one that had always been and more and more rarely until not all would make it possible for your loved one to come back to you the only way you could know them the exact way they are though of course they are that in heaven a place so different that only extremely ever does anyone alive in their body even meet God. All of you must die when you see him, no exceptions, for heaven is so different than earth there is no way to get to be there than to die to what you are or if you are there to ever go back to being what you were except that is possible just by contacting them even your exact same one in the past by simply remembering that which they all do eventually except in extremely rare cases like the saved Satan cannot ever do for he never was the same exact one he is now and Satan the way he is never was, is not and might never be again which is the way it stands with him at the moment. You cannot even call him or the others that died to be saved for since God has been exalted as high as is possible no one even need see God again to be in God, no good, no one thought to have fallen away and finding themselves back on earth and no one evil need ever die and can choose to go there this instant for as long as it takes for them to live without end. There is no death but the death of the body which need not die if anyone should want it not to. It will live forever in the past anyway doing anything and everything it wants to without end. As I said I say again, "Praise God, my Father which is also true of Jesus and Elohim which is the Three but not Yahweh or anyone else at present." The Spirit and the Sons and Daughter of God are an elite group being blessed more than any man with the Spirit receiving the highest possible status besides God which makes no sense with her actually being God.

"That is the way it is with all death even very sudden death until the brain is completely dead which always takes more than the shortest possible moment. Nothing is all that is not in future, the present and in the end should it ever come the past and even then for a short time," Cali.

"Is this all true?" God.

"You cannot really know anything by doubting it the least bit," I said. "Even unbelievers can have a caretaker spirit if they believe it. But they must go to heaven in order to get one. Even those who doubt God's existence know God. They just doubt what they know."


Cali unknowingly remembered when Felix's caretaker went to heaven. The Hospice Caregiver came to the living room and just stood there and they knew. Felix himself had been in heaven for some time, you know? But before that they knew his body was going to die. They had sat for hours her and Roqui with Roqui going in to check on him for long periods from time to time most of the day for Roqui had wanted Cali to be with her when he passed for her and Felix had always been together the past few years and she didn't want to feel alone when he was gone.

"When he's finally gone," she said quietly, "I don't want to remember anything from the time we met in high school to the time I pass. I will miss you so. But I cannot stand to live without him and if that means without you and Beau too that has to be. I am dying here with him, Cali. He is the best man ever to have lived."

Cali had risen silently to leave, tired, stressed and knowing Roqui was not doing the right thing. She had promised and she would honor that promise no matter how hard it was. Her son was waiting with the car for she had decided it would be all night and they would just be sleeping but it had wakened Roqui. So she stayed seeing then that Roqui had something important on her mind yet.

When Roqui fell asleep she had texted her son, "I am ready. Come take me home."

He had thought it meant that Uncle Felix was finally gone. So he never answered the text he simply got up, went to the car, started it backed out in the turn a round space, looked for traffic and hit the road and Cali was with him in spirit, she could see the look on his face and had known what he was feeling and what he was thinking. She could always tell. She knew that one so well. She could tell unlike the others. God how he loved his auntie Roqui. It had to be and oh, how his heart went out to Roqui.

Two years before that Beau their father passed in his sleep and there in the morning he was not just sleeping he was gone. Cali's son got up from the breakfast table where he had been waiting to take his dad fishing, knowing it might be the last time hoping they made it back again before his heart would give out for he didn't want to have to handle his body in the car alone, but it was what his dad wanted and as far as he could remember he had never denied his father anything his heart desired that was his to give. But when his mother came into the kitchen he knew it had happened some time during the night.

"Sure, Dad," he had said the evening before when visiting, "I'll take you fishing heart or no heart," when he had finished asking.

Before that his dad has said, "Son I want to ask a favor of you. All this time I have been considering you and how you might take it if-" He never said the word died. "If I passed out there doing the thing that I have loved most in my old age just being with my favorite son out on the water getting skunked and just enjoying God's blue sky and all of nature that wonderful decor the Mighty got from his Father and enjoyed until now. He says you can handle it Son. Be up early in the morning son."

His son had wondered what the big deal was when he had seen his Dad's face. He had called him as had he a present to give him and there was nothing more they had he wanted. He had hoped it didn't break is dad's heart, figuratively, for him to turn him down. He just up and said in the beginning, "Come over this evening. I have an offer I would like to make you."

"Beau, John K," and his phone number the caller ID registered before that and his heart had sung for he didn't expect it and had been wanting just to come around home for a visit knowing his dad's aneurysm might go any time and he was anxious to see him again which he knew he could any time and that he never needed an invitation. He was always welcome at home. He came and went as he pleased.

His wife had been about to serve up dinner, pork steak with some of it boiled in the beans she had spent all the night before and the entire day soaking and then hours and hours of cooking them in the oven raising an aroma that left him knowing what was for supper that night so it was no surprise when his ring tone had begun the first musical phrases of his Uncle Felix's favorite song, "Morning has Broken," from the coffee table in the other room where he sat watching the news hoping to catch the score to the game he had missed because of the commute to his new job in an old pickup with a radio that didn't work given to him to restore finally by his dad.

"Morning Mama," he managed then when he had awakened from a coma not that many years ago.

He had been knocked from a the sailboat by the bar and they had found him floating unconscious nearby. The wind had turned bad and before he had realized it there was lightning and thunder and he had decided not to ride it out but was tacking for the nearest shore against the wind. He was down in the hull when he heard the first thunder boomer. But when the bar suddenly got away from him nearly pulling him out of the boat it had no more than left his hand when the wind shifted and it came back his way even more suddenly scraping him off the deck into the water already unconscious for he had hit the back of his head on the boat. That was all the memory he had of the entire ordeal never having regained consciousness for three month, two days and one night. Never so glad to see his poor mama who had warned him there was a chance of a thunderstorm while he had been mooring the sailboat to its trailer heading out after nearly six weeks without having sailed once in all that time.

When they had been in the waiting room at the hospital a long time the doctor told them he would be alright but that he was still in a coma and all they could do them was just wait it out. But he had smiled to see me not more than an hour before they had arrived and there had been some surprise causing the LPN to call Cali and tell her there apparently was some change in her son's condition. Then there was nothing; no word no insight nothing.

Roqui sat quietly with her through pacing and fussing and all the childhood scrapes and cuts he had had. She had wondered excessively whether he would be normal like the other three boys again. She thought he might have an awful limp or a handicapped arm or shoulder even a bad back. But Roqui kept reassuring that I would give him back to them in the same shape he was in when he launched Oracle Robin that faithful evening for a leisurely sail off to the point of one of the the bigger lakes.

"Remember when he rode his snow sled into that big white pine in the dead of winter?" Roqui asked and Cali. "There he was all busted up in critical condition for all the time he had been there. If the Mighty wasn't with him they never would have found him until spring. But he heard a snowmobiler and screamed his head off. The Mighty gave him lungs like that just for that time. Well, they worked didn't they and the Might had, given them to him. If it happens God did it. He is reality even mindless random reality. It happened. But sometimes it happens and you don't know how it could. Then you realize it happened just like everything else happens. Reality and God are the same thing Cali whether what God wants or not nothing here happens that wasn't the Mighty writing it in that novel he is writing about us. If he says, 'Water fall,' it does. If he says to the clay, "It is time you move like a clayey rivulet," it does. If he says, 'Sun rise over the pine and let my little poet your favorite son write "When morning comes over the pine/And the sunlight's the river on fire...' and on and on in a beautiful poem your other son carved ever so carefully into a beautiful plaque for their auntie, it does. If he says to the leader of South Korea, 'You die,' or to John Fredrick Carver, the Mighty's name before he became a blessed son of God on earth, 'You live' he does. If he says to anyone that reads this book the Mighty created us in it was him that piqued their interest and brought them right to these very words I am saying. It all may have happened without him the same as everything that happened to you and in you and because of you might have happened anyway but it didn't. It happened this time just like all the other times in our lives because the Mighty said and God his Father is exactly that also."

Cali just sat there listening rapt in the things Roqui was saying as had she never thought of it that way before though of course as well as they knew me she had to know it too.

"Take that time the little one fell from our big willow and he was vomiting bright red blood. He was not worried like we were. He knew what he had written and when the mud would flow like an unholy mudslide. He was just fine. Maybe a little ache now and again from arthritis but otherwise good as new. Do you realize Cali? Just how serious is a puncture lung? But it was all taken care of by the Mighty and the God that knew he had the power to do everything that effected us in this our life, a novel he has been writing, just like God does in a way for every single person on the planet some times according to what they want him to write but some times exactly what we want him to write, stories that are real and interesting and true with good endings just for us and those like us and God does it too all they will let him," Roqui said.

"The time that scares me the most was when our middle son was run over by the school bus. The dual wheel was on his head, Roqui. I saw it and couldn't bare to look at it. Then it wasn't. He got up mad as a northern pike that had plenty of life in him yet. You know the kind that makes you want to scream when you pull him out of the lake and get him to one of your sons to handle. They make you want to scream, don't they? I had to scold him for cussing that old bat of a school bus driver for not waiting until he had completely cleared the bus," Cali said, "But that wasn't the Mighty. That was God. He just made sure there was no weight on that one tire. But the Mighty had thought to include the miracle here in the novel of our lives also."

Then suddenly they were back in the present as they came and got them and took them to her son's room so that he could just say the greatest news she had heard in a long while, "Morning Mama," when it was still dark as a cat bird's back outside at 4:00 AM and the sun hadn't even begun to rise yet. But what other times were they in danger or sick or out of sorts because of some spirit they had wanted against their own sense which is nowhere even in the same nation that the Mighty's good sense is in or the entire universe made in the good sense of God.


When they got home to Cali's place after the accident that time and had crashed all over the house Beau woke up last lying on a sleeping bag and silently groaned himself awake amid the din of his three friends having dreamed him and Cali had make love the entire night and was disappointed to find she was not in bed with him for he wanted to just roll over in bed and give her a soft and tender kiss for all the favors she had done for them. This was when they were still contrary to popular opinion virgins. But Cali was in the kitchen for he heard her joyous scream that sounded as much like she was in dire straights as a robin's warning call when a blackbird lands on a limb close to their nest in the late spring. It was way to filled with terror to be for real. It had to be exaggerated.

Roqui had been awake for some time now and had lain asleep in one position not moving a muscle for she had heard Cali wake just before her groaning and complaining that every muscle in her body hated her and was screaming at her every time she moved no matter how she moved getting that all across with her graduate level vocabulary some of which was far beyond Iroquois's who got enough of it to predict it was best not to ever move again as they slept side by side all night and as far as Roqui could tell hadn't moved even to frown or smile in their sleep.

Beau had been awake for over an hour and had the same sensations when he awoke though he had rode the accident out strapped in with the seat belt. He remembered the motorcycle leaving down the highway with only its rear taillight visible in that damnable darkness. He was still clinging to Roqui. [They were not virgins but they were both untouched by any other partner where it counts anyway,] She was sitting comfortably in Beau's lap and his arms were around her waist with his hands resting just about as high in her lap in the privacy afforded by the cover of night as possible with his legs spread just enough to keep her butt from touching the ground and just high enough to allow him to place his hands where they were.

"I'm still mad at you?" she had complained before he drug her to the earth and they wrestled a bit before settling on that position for Cali and Felix were sitting on the grass not far away going by the sounds. "What was all that moaning and groaning about in your sleep?"

"Me?" Beau said. "I was having sex with you my little fertility god," he chose to say for with the accident and all he had no idea what she might be talking about and the wonder of it all had him scared his dream had not been the best thing to have taken place there in front of everyone.

"Why did you call out to Cali as had you finally been freed of all your longings for her at last!" Roqui shouted sort of and then smiled to think how paranoid he was probably getting.

"I?" he said, "Did that!!!"

Then she quietly said as had she been injured to the core by what he had done in being unfaithful to her; even though in a dream.

"I did not!!!" he screamed and started to get up but she held him down by leaning back and putting all her weight on his crotch and legs so that he was nearly helpless.

"You did too!!!" her exaggerated scream of pure anger came to his ears just before she turned tame as a kitten in a basket with a little flower tucked in the inside of it. "You devil. In love with me but doing all the sexy girls there are around us in your sleep," she chuckled more than spoke as she readied her face for a kiss as had it been possible for him to see that. It was so! dark. Realizing it she added, "Oh, my poor car, Cali! What did you do that for? My poor reliable little car my daddy gave me for Christmas. Oh!" dragging that last word out so long it made them all long to see it the way it was before Cali flipped it a couple of times in the swamp or bog or whatever it was."

Then naughtier things than they would later own up to except the two girls to each other but only to each other.

They were what? Embarrassed when they saw the lights of a car coming from the direction the motorcycle had gone having straightened and replaced any part of their clothing that might have revealed what they both couples had been up to so long in the very dark night with no moon still fairly warm completely alone each couple alone with their bodies separate, their spirits? Well, not in the Spirit probably so they thought though she is not all prim and proper enjoying sex like any woman. But didn't realize it until they saw the distant headlamp of the motorcycle that they had their bodies behaving as had they been on stage at the Hollywood Bowl but who knows nowadays?

They were seated in a police squad car one couple in each when they got home, but they had enjoyed the ride though police cars are notoriously uncomfortable for rear seat passengers; no place for fooling around at all, well? Maybe just a little bit sneaked in now and then some time later again.

The cops had asked them all the questions, had written Cali a ticket for careless driving and recklessly endangering the lives I suppose of the motorcyclists and her other passengers. Her car part of the paperwork described it as a total loss. The paramedics checked them over first and declared they did not appear to need medical treatment other than Felix whose shoulders were bandaged and examined in a strong light before that for any remaining pieces of broken glass of which there was one or two, no three according to him much later.

Finally they were released from the hospital where they had sat in perfect prime of their lives condition for hours in the emergency room phoning and texting friends even Cali's friend from her old school and killing time on various social sites with Iroquois's sites being the juiciest. They were each one taken to an examination room and each had a very thorough going over with the only thing they could find wrong again were Felix's shoulders and some discolorations on Iroquois's scalp right at the top. He was given a tube of ointment, instructed how to use it, how often and the preferred circumstances to use in. But the biggest incident was when a kid was brought into ER with a peanut in one ear and choking on a large cashew he eventually managed to swallow.

But now that they were eating stale pizza for breakfast with water for there was no soda and they never drank anything else but the occasional can of bottled carbonated water they all had claimed they were the sorest in the greatest number of places with Beau claiming that even his groin was in pain which might have been more the effects of being turned on all night and half the day rather than accident related in any way or even a later manifestation from the dream that had seemed if you leave Cali out of it the cause of the whole thing. But they had started to remember afterward, after the group hug that had lasted the better part of twenty full minutes in silence.

"Oh! God!" Roqui whined in reaction to the entire episode and ran to hug Felix finding Beau in her way so she hugged him briefly then found Cali and Felix and they all stood hugging each other with the girls and Beau having tears on their faces when it was over.

Roqui was the last to realize that her body had actually died in the crash for she remembered seeing God's face the moment she saw mine as I am on earth for I am still inside my body in my own life. Then the next thing being awakened by the scream in the night. It was Felix's screaming her name as the first wave of grief came out of him all suddenly like calling her back from heaven.

"Do you realize that God had sent her back?" Felix said. And thought, 'And fixed her neck, spinal cord, back and all the little muscles in her torso including all the muscles in her chest and the little muscles and ligaments in her chest that now ached for their stiffness of not having moved all night.'

"We were all very lucky no matter which way you think of it," Beau said.

"I was thrown, God, I don't know how far and here I am alive with just a lot of aches and pains," as laughter broke out for a moment and almost long enough for Cali to continue on to the finish by saying, "But otherwise fine."

"I was so scared," Felix said, "Then it hit me. 'No more Roqui, no, more! Roqui!!!'" he was screaming openly by the last word to his thought silencing Beau who was commenting on how wonderful everyone looked after what they had been through and was saying it at the same time Felix was orating. "And we just treated it like it was no big deal just part of what happened at the party." But when Felix began to shout his voice carried less volume as his heart sank to think it was a miracle any of them had survived and all of what I and God had to do to make that a reality including busting the A frame the moment the steering wheel was turned that far. The glass of the windshield never so much as scratched Iroquois's head and she was the same as had she never been touched as in the present she finally abandoned her half eaten piece of pizza and bowed her head with the others joining her in another half hour of complete silence as their memories surfaced and fled, surfaced and fled like huge waves going over them while their feet were stuck in cement to the bottom of the sea anchoring them so they could not help but stand as everyone felt like being torn away from the others by the force of each wave.

But it was not Roqui that first remembered. It was Beau on his way into the kitchen unbeknownst to anyone else but me who first took notice of the fact when God brought my attention to the fact that they had no traumatic reactions to it all as if to say, "Here it comes John," though I had been all caught up in the way they had distracted themselves from the deep emotion and threat of morbid what if's that could have surfaced instead.


There is no need for all the pain you four are enduring," I said through Roqui to Cali, "Ask God if you do not think I agree wholeheartedly with everything he said if you trust he is talking to you even above what I would have said. I too must believe he has never been wrong, is not now wrong and I don't believe he will ever be wrong unless he wants to as the best way of handling something that is amiss that has unfavorable consequences to the doing of them the right way which might take a much longer time or produce consequences you may not be able to endure otherwise."

"It is simple actually," God said to Roqui before that while the boys were scoping out the Internet already looking for a different car for Roqui whose car was the most reliable of the three. Felix didn't have a car. They were too much of an expense. But that is ironic for he seemed to always be fixing his friends and their friend's cars and he seemed always to be begging rides. "The body has a highly ineffectual spirit. When you get saved I give you a new one that is infinite. The old one you could hold in the palm of your hand and their might is nearly as great as mine in the one you borrow from me and zero might for the other one. A porcupine has double the might any one of the best of the unbelievers has. Anything you tell your body's spirit had better be heeded and the body knows it. It is a stubborn little foe although. Before you are saved you listened to it your entire life and are so used to listening to it you just keep right on doing it just as a child who has outgrown its toys still wants that one last favorite one it doesn't seem to be able to face living forever without though it is very embarrassing to that child to even admit he or she still has that favorite toy.

When things like pain come to you, it all comes to you in the form of some physical abnormal sensation. Your physical body is conditioned by those in your environment both saved and unsaved to interpret that abnormal sensation as pain. Your body has experienced pain far more often than it has anything pleasing to you. The body's spirit's self-preservation wants to continue doing what it does most often unknowingly to preserve every aspect of its existence fearing that anything else may change it into something it is not and so it would then pass away.

If it experiences pain, it doesn't matter the intensity or level of the pain, it knows it is safe and it is most comfortable doing what it does most and it knows that the sensation came from inactivity of the muscles where most of the sensations come from and it always wants more. So it makes sure the muscle will produce at least that much of the same sensation more or even less so long as there is some either from the chemicals found that are present when the sensations occur.

You have two choices. One to not use that muscle and let a long term ache occur at best. The other is to use the muscle which in the short term causes exaggerated or actually higher levels of the same chemicals, more pain in the short term but which deplete the level of chemicals that seem to trigger the sensations again or on an ongoing cycle. Just as a body at rest will unceasingly continue at rest until or unless moved the body has one agenda but you have another and there is always inner conflict when ever any change in the established levels of chemicals occurs.

But if you are saved which is in this case in possession of the Spirit that I gave you to borrow from me you have the power to create things and to destroy things at will. So simply destroy the sensation causing chemicals completely or refuse to buy the tiny spirit of your body which has only negligible might's version of what is going on and impose your own version of what is going on with that all mighty authority of the Spirit you have borrowed from me. You are so powerful with that Spirit you can say to an entire mountain of those very same chemicals, "Lift yourself up and blast yourself into the atmosphere!" and it has no choice to do what you say. It is the same for any malady, disease or discomfort even if you are mighty enough a physical deformity which is rare and it is best to ask me to handle it. It is like tossing the dishwater out because there is speck of grease in it and the dishwater wants to only have clean soapy water in the pan. You can and should practice doing what you want with it and not give into what is but should not even have been the case with you in the first place. I only allowed pain to protect your body from further injury not to have you previously normal spirit to control you or perpetuate it in your body and diseases were not intended to be and are just the fall out from there once having been Satan who had indirect access to you and was very good at deceiving you and causing you to believe all these myths during their first occurrence and continue with no action needed to convince you that those who do not have an infinite Spirit to borrow that scoffs at such petty and harebrained schemes that are not, never were and need not ever be considered but as the same with the following situation.

Giants have lots of power. Therefore all big things have power. Even the animals fall for this one. As a result to be safe from them using their power against them I must avoid anything bigger, more powerful or mighty than I am which seems logical but the assumption is not true. Some really huge things like the earth you must depend upon to survive and is not something huge and therefore something more dreaded than anything here at the moment and some very tiny things like an atom of plutonium could potentially destroy the spirit of the earth if it were true that spirit was only simultaneously present on this present planet you believe you are on. An atom of faith, a mountain of belief or just a simple command from you with my Spirits complete faith to back you up in its voracity and anything, and there is no thing that cannot be made to do or be or not to be. Pit my might against their reasoning based on superstitious notions and use your authority against them properly. All power and might are mine. Let there be no doubt in you of that fact."

"It is fine with me if you do. You always know best. Therefore it is good for them to do what I teach them but better if they do what you say which it is my hope I will always strive to teach them any way I have that ability in me that I may use it to the best of your ability which is matchless," I said to God.

"Shall I cure their pain for them or teach them how to cure it themselves?" God said.

"Don't ask me all the time," I said, "For I am yet in a body much like yours. In fact there seem to be not the slightest difference at all times now that I am merely on earth. Ask God. I believe he will tell you all how to handle your pain. But if it came by God there is nothing you can do against it for the Spirit will not disobey him and no one that can help you against it. In that case it is a matter for you and God to settle and settling it with someone else may not effect the situation if his mind is made up anyway." I said before they lamented the loss of their belief that nothing would ever happen to them before Beau had even awakened.


Beau put his hand very carefully under his son's neck and cradled the back of his head to protect his very vulnerable neck beneath it as instructed by his mother Cali Beau. Then he brought him to his chest and clutched him tenderly there, more tenderly than had he been the Christ Child or any infant son of God even him to whom God said, "You are always my delight," to the day he put all things even power and might under him and bestowed them not on any man or woman though we may compete as the might in our own ways permit while being forced to admit that the only actual might that cannot be challenged belongs to you, O God.

"This is my first son. All that is mine shall be yours," he would have said but I rather wanted him to say, "All that is God's is his to borrow that he may know this all his days and have all the longings of his best judgments entreat for him in his own behalf," and proudly paraded him around the hospital room with him as his glory.

I made him. I should be given the glory that I might bestow it on the father instead of having it snatched away from me by his not much more than impudent manner. He would never have thought to mate at the right time to produce him not to mention have any other part in the things I had to do on my own with God's help to produce him. Shall the plumber be held in less esteem than his monkey wrench? Ever? It is not in me to favor the eldest for in my foreknowledge I already know which of his father's sons I will bless in my ways. Do I or do I not have the right to give him the desires of his heart over the desires of a son's heart I will not favor to that extent?

He did not understand my way and so he said it his way which would have been made secure in even what he thought and I saw that his ways are not my ways but are useful to me as anything that is found in the king's castle are only useful to him and God whom he serves. They are an old and more distasteful way to me having been raised the youngest and therefore find unearned favor, favor gained purely by the virtue of the order to their birth date which to me is foolishness and unfair to those who may be superior in the only ways that count, the ways of God. But those ways are the ways of God my Father and therefore even yet, even in the newest of ways it is my ways that must be changed if I am to do as God wants in his way. Distasteful or very pleasing to me, it makes no difference. Those are God's ways and his newest ways may forever be for I may not challenge them, at least not yet, but time without end is a very long time and who knows I may come to know something that has been hidden from me all these years due to such as seem to me to be purely arbitrary and therefore if ever unacceptable as I have found them in the past something wherein God may change his mind though he has on one occasion already said that was final and therefore not to be diminished in any unreasonable way than the truth should such a truth exist. I call into exception perhaps the ways of truth, rightness and perhaps even righteousness.

"Gymmie it is," his father said which I found almost silly but it was well in accordance with the modern way of misspelling words to make names of them that at least to those that knew how to spell them were then in a fanciful way a newer name than the old worn out name that they sounded exactly like.

"My favorite thing?" Cali asked thinking immediately it should be something mathematical but remembering her friend Roqui whom she loved and wanted nothing more than to honor her with something that she was fond of rather than something she was fond of herself finding it more pleasing to honor a friend than to ingratiate herself with her own choice of a mere thing finding that the opposite of a humble thing to perform. "I know! How about a gym?" she said, knowing that Beau would immediately catch on to what she had done and find it an adequate compromise to the complete break with the more proper way of honoring someone, even if only a friend with their name rather than just a common name for a gym that had played such a large part in her friend Iroquois's life for maybe Roqui might need it explained to her but certainly the boy's father would not.

"Name him after a thing," Roqui had suggested, having no idea where it would lead, "Your favorite thing and not just a person like me," as was her expectation but not being predisposed to liking a boy stuck with the name of his surrogate auntie even if it was spelled differently.

"Anything you want to," Beauer had granted her permission.

"What will I name him?" she wondering had been asked, not expecting the honor being more expected of his father who was more dignified and would prefer some more lofty or important name he already had picked out for his eldest son whom he had factitious bestowed all his worldly goods on in the event of his demise.

For he had said, "You name him, "None of my sons will be given only their surname again. Don't you think that is quite odd and should I name him at all I would be most highly expected to give him my own name or call him Junior or the First and I hate that high of a moniker be bestowed with much responsibility on a little kid."

Before that a more officially dressed rather frumpy though not irregular shaped woman with an air of authority the one previously unseen came into the hospital room, cut the plastic band that read, "Baby Beau," on it immediately drawing everyone's attention especially Iroquois's for some reason.

"We need a name before the two of you can begin us signing him over to his parents as their responsibility from now on officially for you my dear little man are the healthiest little pony of the entire lot," they heard for it had been the voice of a short woman speaking even before she appeared in the center of the room where nurses, orderlies and a janitor were moving equipment out of the way and out through the wide open doorway.

"There will be differences but God will settle them," I said for, "He was born one year to the day of his older brother's birthday," Roqui had asked, "My Lord! John, will they get along well enough to share virtually everything almost as identical twins would?"

"I will name him then," Beau insisted also insisting on the name, Benne with the spelling to disguise his favorite name in the world for a common man that had earned every ounce of dignity he showed with not a hint of anything phony implied by it. "You will be the one taught by his father everything he knows even if it turns out you have none of his talents."

Right then and there I had put it in Beau's mind to teach his latest son the entire craft in its fullness of variety to his son whom I saw that God had given a better body style than his older brother Gymmie.

"I may never so much as jog a measly mile again," Cali declared as plausible though of course that would have been very cruel of me to make a reality for she did so dearly love to run.

"You are not in your best physical shape right now, my lovely wife," Beau had said, "But you will work unceasingly if I know you to restore your most excellent body that you had as a virgin bride and not the mother of three boys in less than three years. Another woman who hated exercise would never have looked like herself again."

"John," she said after me I presume for she neither explained or felt any cause to explain such a name to anyone, "John Fredrick Beau."

"It is your turn again, Cali," Beau had said before that. "Could we have it a name that implied we at least knew God a little bit or someone he bestowed part of his glory on like even Jesus? Though that name would often be misunderstood by the Spanish pronunciation but it is my favorite name for any of the blessed sons of God for instance."

"Let's be ready for them this time," Roqui had suggested as she fingered the loose little white plastic band with black lettering on where that tired name, "Baby Beau," was printed very neatly with the obvious intention of implying that this hospital put a lot of stock into being professional even in the smallest of details. All knew what she implied was probably next and if not next in order then very shortly.

When Roqui, Beau, and Felix entered the maternity ward's second room Felix said with a big sigh, "Ten months this time. I had hoped their birthdays would all land on the same day of the month. Man you two! What are you doing, manning a clipper ship or just having a family of men to help you with all your labors. If a ship then you must be behind schedule the way you are putting on sailors for the long haul." which never brought so much as the beginnings of a grin let alone a belly laugh or a genuine guffaw. "Three kids! All one right after the other. What is going on? What's your secret my friend who beats me and always has beat me at everything even my chosen field Industrial Arts?" he asked poking Beau in the stomach as he walked past him tightening his abs to make it appear he still had the beginnings of a six pack anyway.

"It is time Cali," I said and she made the last three steps to the car.

She looked to me as someone in the cheering crowd never having actually seen me and threw me a kiss disguising it as a kiss for everyone there whom in her thoughts anyone of them was me cheering our biggest victory together. She had broken the tape 23:42:16 ahead of the entire crowd with some well known but actually very minor celebrities all five males she had left behind after the first mile and a three quarters running all the way now and never jogging a noticeable step, running so fast she could not feel the pavement her feet so seldom touched it. Well, that's an exaggeration but she made it seem to look that way the entire length of her first marathon over 26 miles and still running! I was so proud of our accomplishment, the angel who had assisted her as a personal trainer in her mind for 16 months that had assured her and me we had this one and if I could manage it, it was only the first of many. Actually all the work was done by her and the angel who often ran in her teaching her, encouraging her, teaching her things no worldly trainer could ever teach her about her body, how to get the best out of it and how to train her spirit to triumph over that tiny spirit of her brain, her body and her own perception of reality at one time. She was a changed woman. But now she wasn't just Cali Beau anymore she was the entire city's favorite girl. Everybody it seemed recognized her. She had been interviewed by some major cable networks as potentially a contender at the least in any marathon her or her trainer wanted. But she found running in a marathon an anti-climax. Her greatest achievement was running a hundred and four miles in the longest run in the region. She learned she could do anything she wanted with her body and her mind. It was all up to her me that was firmly planted in God's me with the angel teaching her how to do things that made God jealous for a short period of time just because he was never one man enough to have done it on his own.

She would go to the grocery store, someone would recognize her and by the time she came out supporters had found signs and touted her jersey and her flamboyant bright yellow running shoes. She loved all the attention.

But even before the race Beau had had enough. He was alone; a lot!!! He envied her athletic ability and was in awe of her and wanted with all there was in him to see her become a star.

Blauer was deeply in love with his wife ever since they had that talk and straightened things out with what happened between him and blowing Iroquois's mind. That feeling of being complete, actually complete for the first time ever had never left him and he never doubted he belonged at her side.

But that had been it before she started racing. He was just Beau. Most people had some idea who she was but they didn't have any idea she was married and because she was seen so much with Roqui besides him some thought that Roqui was her spouse. He belonged by her side but the more she embraced the racing forums the more obscure he became even before he finally quit following her around in public with the ton of contributions that seemed to magically appear to help them afford it coming time after time from me but most times from God and actually from him of course when they did come from me or anyone else. He loved what he was doing to her, through her and the celebrity he was busy making of her and now the marathon she found a downgrade in what she was capable of at most. But it was the best way to get herself known. She had to win the marathon and win big over this poor of a showing of celebrity runners. She had it in her to make it all the way to the top.

They lay in bed. Cali was almost asleep and Roqui was on video talking to her from their hometown. Beau had just come along to be with her. She felt like a stranger to him more and more and races came at all times of the year, huge very long distance races he couldn't imagine anything human running seventy miles just to warm up for the real thing let alone the distances they drove themselves to complete. He wanted his wife back and it had only just barely begun.

"Cali," he had said before she yawned and stopped looking at Roqui on her phone, "I won't leave you. Yet?"

"I know dear," she had said before that.

"There is no time for us in this," he tried not to beg.

"I can take a year off," she had pleaded with him, "We will get reacquainted then?"

"I am not lonely, darling," he had said before it all, "I can't do this anymore. I am lonesome. I miss you more than had I been an obsessed stalker and I might as well be as important as I am to you and as far as anyone especially knows. I am about to die. I will die for you just like Roqui did that time. But I'm beginning if there is anything to our relationship to come back to earth for. I feel like you were a shoe in for the presidency and I was your buried ex-mistress going down further and further in the public consciousness. I just don't have any celebrity blood in me. You do. It's like we were one black and one white before Martin Luther King brought the race card all the way from obscurity to a permanent place not only in history but the consciousness of the entire world."

"I guess I'll just have a TV dinner then and go to bed early," Beau said, "It's like I lost her. After all we've been through like the tornado and the accident: It's nothing anymore. She has no thoughts of me anymore. She is only into racing and Roqui her closest fan. I don't matter anymore," Beau had been saying on the phone to Felix.

"Give her just a little more time Beau," he had said.

"She hasn't been home for three months this time," he said. "She never even texted me again today. I am not. I am not in her thoughts. She never considers me or my feelings or welfare; our relationship. I know we are only common law. Maybe that's it? Maybe she's finally free and when it gets old she will come back to me. Maybe not. There she in Boston again, she didn't place but they are interviewing her, asking her why she didn't win. In Boston. Everybody's heard of the Boston marathon. Can you hear me buddy. I am depressed. I gotta get this out. It killed me and I don't even want to find God but I got to. Nobody can fix this if he can't."

"It all started with that 15K out state way the hell up north?" Felix said amazed.

"In her first win near the campsite," Beau had said well before that when Felix had picked up this time giving him the feeling he was so guilty for cutting him off he felt he had to pick up and Beau completely understood the situation but couldn't stop. He was all he had a big ear in a weird sci-FY everybody came to and complained every time about anything and every thing except he wasn't only depressed he was obsessed with one thing, a person his wife or was she actually his ex wife.

"I died," his caretaker spirit had first said confusing Felix. "I saw it in her eyes. She saw something; something big. I saw I wasn't even there. I had never been alone like this. I was then and I still am. It's so bad I've got this psychologist who gets pills for me through a medical doctor. At least I can get out of bed almost every day. I don't care whether I do. There is nothing and no one to get up for. No one says a word to me anymore. Would you do me a favor and just go bowling with me. I won't enjoy it. I will be alone even when I am with you. This stuff is all I talk about nothing. No I can't go bowling. I wasn't for real about that. Bowling? Does anything smell worse than that? It-it's not lame it has no arms or legs and it's lying in the bus lane like that guy, what's his name, oh! I know, Mark. See I can't even remember my own jokes that are just as lame as my life."

"Beau died even before the boys were born, Cali. He's in heaven. He loves to run. He wins a few. Mostly loses but he's content with that. He does long distance running. 100 mile runs is his norm. He runs 25 miles every day. He is just like the woman he still thinks about sometimes, quite a bit actually. It all happened that night his long time buddy, Felix said to me, "If there is no cure on earth for what is wrong with Beau- I love him almost as much as I love Cali- Not as much as my wife, that-that's for sure but I really- I love this guy God. Take him to heaven then and cure him there any way that works. There has to be some way," I said with a grateful heart we, me and all of you have.

There is not actually a cure for depression except in a way. God has to take their autonomy completely away from them and make whatever they are without it, happy or at least contented forever. We may all wind up that way if we ever would have gotten depressed enough to go that way. "A great many did," God says. We might not actually be who we are now but someone not really us but they will be contented. It's something, ain't it or is that something after all? It depends on how you answer that question and if you answer it right before you are one of them or one of their others who never knew what it was like to die.

Having only a point of view that is in a person that is actually happy but only technically still them and even that is arguable if you tend to be one given to depressing thoughts and things.

He never loved you Cali. Now he does in a way. At least its you he thinks of and is happy for the experience. He has been back in his caretaker many times but not for long. He remembers Cali and he can't stand to do that. It's like having your mind blown.

But you don't have to control yourself so that you never think of that again. You have to control yourself until you remember it again for most everybody does many times before they stop dying from it and are never happy again but they are content to be that way finally realizing like he did that he was truly gay and you were the heterosexual cover he always had in place to hide his sexuality that or no love for anyone.

He only has two ways. When he finally gets used to that-? That's when he will at last be content. For you-? You married a corpse. It's okay. You didn't know he could never be me in me or use my mind as had it been his own. The Spirit is in him, Cali. He never was bad. He has always been insane. Some day he will reach the confusion, the complete and good confusion. Then God can teach him how to think and bring him all the way back to sanity. It's over with now for it will be. He will be alive and sane again.

But God! What a ride!!! You might know that with God it all has a good ending. Everything he ever did turned out that way, some sooner, some a lot later but always even with Satan it will be a good ending or God ain't God.


They both went over to Cali's place. This is after she quit racing years after Beau died. She did it to late to keep him alive as long as he might have lived. But if it hadn't been racing it would have been something else. He had been insane since he was tiny fixating on things becoming obsessed with them and thinking that was what love was because the feeling is the same, but one's evil and the other is good and one's diseased and the other is healthy.

They were amazed to find him content helping campers out. It was totally unexpected. To think Geolus in his trubbel no harm to anyone, honest, helpful a true blessing rather than a monster!

He gave up and told them who he was and almost blew Beau's mind. His little game was over. Their little friend was back in their lives and accepted her was helping again after scaring Cali out of herself. She actually did come right outside herself and was ready and will to do him damage. But it was all just a joke and none of it was true.

She put the catsup back on the table. It fell off again. So she put it there once more. It fell off again. Come on! I know you have to be here somewhere. Where are you? You little devil! Come out, come out wherever you are. I won't hurt you. Promise!

She screamed and ran for Felix as Beau didn't react like usual just when things got exciting. It wasn't that he was easy going. He just didn't care to get involved when things got stirred up. Felix said, "Remember what John said, 'If he comes back just don't intimidate him or do anything to intimidate anyone else or deserve them coming back against you with force or anything that can be taken as intimidation!' or something just about the same. He will probably go somewhere else to get food, I mean his fill of intimidation."

Cali was the first to notice. The plastic table cloth she had put on the table straightened right before her eyes exactly like it had before when-? Where was it she had seen that happen before? A spirit! A trubbel! Geolus!!! He was back and it didn't seem by the evidence he had changed a bit.

When he saw it was them he couldn't believe his good luck. They were really nice people but man had it been easy to get intimidation to escalate. It had escalated all over the place. He almost giggled in a frequency he knew they could hear having wanted to be heard almost as bad as he wanted not to be discovered for a while, maybe all weekend or if they stayed a week wouldn't that be grand!

Roqui backed the SUV right up withing ten twelve feet of the picnic tables that would never hold enough food for the seven of them. They would set most of the food on the table and the tailgate of the SUV. Then they would all just have to take paper plates and find someplace to hold them on their lap or just stand and bend down to their plates to eat. There was a ton of food in the back of the SUV.

As they neared the picnic area Roqui said, "You know what guys we should go to that very campsite again like we did that first time when we met our only evil spirit, the trubbel."

"What kind of trouble?" Gymmie asked.

"A trubbel," Cali said with an overly excited voice getting all three boys' imaginations stirred up.

"Huh!!! There was! an evil spirit there! from when the old Native lived. But it wasn't just a story. He had unwittingly created an evil spirit. Then when we came here John let him come against us to teach us a lesson none of us did not learn a thing or two from," Roqui said.

"Awe! Evil spirits have a right to be just like we do," Benne said and I wondered where he had heard that. "Dad! Can I use the hammer? I got some nails. Let's build a bird trap for them.

"Did you guys ever want to meet a real live evil spirit?" Roqui said pretending she was both excited and had one to show them.

I sent him an image of a bully he had stood up to and he understood that intimidation was like what bullies do to their victims.

"What is intimidation?" Johnny wanted to know but everyone but me ignored him.

"What is invisible, can't be heard by humans ordinarily or even seen or heard by our spirits in God, but only eats intimidation? Then when it's done do you know what it does?" Roqui asked getting more excited the longer she talked.

They all jumped out of the SUV before it was parked and started to head for the lake.

Johnny made a fist too and would have hit Benne with it too, but they always did this to him. So he just said, "Aw! Mama. But why? It don't make any sense. I am just as big as they are."

"Johnny!!!" she yelled, "Knock it off. You get out after your older brothers. That's the way God wants it."

"He's trying to take Benne's turn of course," Gymmie yelled, "Who does he always fight with?"

"Who are you starting a fight with Johnny?" Cali had called back to the back seat?

Gymmie had seen Johnny reach for the door handle hoping to be the first one out first time ever so it seemed to Johnny and this was his big chance. But Gymmie poked Benne in the chest and then pointed at Johnny. Benne had immediately made a fist and Gymmie yelled, "Johnny is trying to start a fight again!"

But before all that the kids heard a new voice pleading with them to come back and play a while.

"Aw! I was just kidding," Geolus said. "It's alright. I was just playing with you. Honest I was. See? It wasn't even my real voice."

Just before that Gymmie had started to scream and had run for Uncle Felix! When he did that Benne backed off toward the SUV and hugged his mother, Cali's leg. Leaving only Johnny behind to face the evil spirit by himself and he was so scared he humped up and began to cry. But again Beau didn't care and was looking in a box in the rear of the SUV for something to drink as Roqui came to Geolus' aid and pointed out to them he was actually a nice spirit now.

But before he said, "I eat little boy kids just like the three of you!!!" Geolus was roaring and let his voice echo off the trees along the trail as if that was truly a natural thing that could happen. "I bite them in their soft oversize tummys and I chew and chew grind them up even all their bones so there is no sign of them left when I am done!!!"

Gymmie was convince there was something there besides a big scary voice. "So you're evil?" he said trying to keep his voice steady so as not to give away the fact he was scared out of his mind, "What do you have to do to be evil?"

"I am the most evil spirit ever to live in these old ones' lives! I made them all get in a fight and fed on the intimidation as they all four of them were intimidating each other like they intended to throw a feast for me!" the trubbel said loud and echoing across the sky like thunder this time. The boys were petrified but the older ones took in what they thought just might be a good lesson: Not to mess with evil when it come but to get God right on it.

"Where is he?" Johnny asked not about to be fooled. "I don't see anything."

"It's invisible," Roqui had been saying. "He is real. He is right there. But you can't see him. That's because that's the only way he looks like something that cannot be seen."

"Where? I get to see him first," Gymmie had informed Roqui before that sticking out his little tummy to indicate he was the most important one of the three.

"I want to see!" Johnny whined trying to squish his way between his two older brothers.

But Benne was the smart one. He said nothing and kept what he thought should be a safe distance away.

"Boys!!! Boys!!! You want to meet an evil spirit?" Cali called out toward the lake just about the time a while ago that they had got there and it was immediately responded to by all recipients, "Boy do we!!! as they all ran to the area just south of the picnic table which was quickly loading up with pickles, mustard, mayonnaise and chips plus the rest of things like that alright.

They finally got them settled down and trusting Geolus who had learned some jokes they found really funny and so it was all okay.

Geolus began to put food and cans on the table too and even after that put a lot of stuff out on the tailgate that had to be put somewhere else it seemed every time because he had no idea what humans eat. He didn't eat. A lot of spirits don't eat. Well, actually none of them do. They have to make themselves look like something that can eat and then that thing an animal or person of some kind can eat right along with us because that is what we are a spirit manifesting as a human being.

"When you discover something is bad you don't need to tell your dad," Geolus was saying. "Just ask God to take care of it for God may have to take care of it even for your dad anyway. That is the best way to deal with anything that makes you sick, or hurts, or even makes you afraid. Ask God. He loves little kids especially. He will take care of whatever the problem is or chase something away if it needs to be done.

Geolus stayed with them all weekend and even explained to the adults what the scientific views of a brain and a mind are but how they get confused between the two themselves and gave them some examples but before that he gave each of the boys a trubbel explaining that it was a little animal that could change there voices and make things move without anyone being able to see them or anything else there. It was great fun.


Gymmie said, "Mama, I got a hundred percent!!!"

"That's very good Gymmie!" she said and turned to Benne's wood carving of a duck that looked like a real unpainted but sanded decoy and she said, "You paint that up and maybe you and your father can go duck hunting?"

"You think so!!!" Benne said with hope exiting every opening in his body.

"What happened to your report card Johnny?" she asked.

"I must have lost it on the way home," he said.

"He got achieving at ability level on everything," Benne frowned aware he had a couple of areas where he was achieving less than ability level and he was embarrassed about it. Johnny and Gymmie were always doing better so it seemed to him than he was but what Cali didn't take into account was that Johnny was in a special class and up to two grades ahead of his peers and was made to leave his class to go to Gymmie's class some times and they had considered putting him ahead a year at least every year.

"Why did God make a tree they could eat from and die in the first place?" he asked Cali.

"Ask Auntie Roqui," she replied not ever having been able to reconcile it with John the one they used to call Mighty.

She had wondered that herself in eighth grade or ninth grade and then just decided to just let it be. He was God. It was okay for him to put people in danger like that. He didn't have to keep people safe if he didn't want. But it made him harder to like.

"He didn't," I said to Johnny.

"Is the Bible wrong?" he asked me and Gymmie thought, 'There he goes talking to himself again.'

"The Bible is just another story book," I told him, "It really did happen like that in the mad god but it's just a story. It never happened for real in real truth. But it doesn't make any difference now."

"Why not!" he asked demanding I answer his question not completely convinced he could trust what I said.

"Well, it was a story told on God that had never happened for a very long time. Then God actually did it, but the story was so hard to believe no one believed what God had done to tell what appeared to be such a lie about him and the people in the whole book. So, nobody accepted it and since they said God told the story they thought he was a liar when actually it was someone else all along trying to make himself look good and not even thinking about how God would look. Then the mad god did it and everybody thought he was real at the time because God told him to. He worked at it real hard and Jesus even died physically and it was the first time Jesus actually felt pain so it was true and real. But now God has done everything there is to do and made every thing and every one true and real and every thing good. When that book which is a very good book confuses you ask God which way he would have it be and he can tell you. Otherwise you will never know some of those things.

But the real truth is that in the beginning of humanity the second time because the first time didn't work out there were thousands and thousands of primitives that were changed to be God, not just like him but actually, exactly them but like we all do they all chose to limit themselves and know only a small part of what God is and of what he knows which they could have used too if there had been a way to get the message across to them what they could do for they were cavemen, not even using as much of their own mind which is the same as our mind, not to mention again God's mind which is so far more than ours all that we go to get knowledge of his name with is such a tiny thing compared to it nobody but God could ever even know it."

"Oh," Johnny said as had I told him something in a very short time that was obvious for God downloaded it to him by way of his Spirit and he imploded to say it in God's jargon. He exploded but everything was sucked in instead of being blown out and away. It is in him forever.

"What were you doing just there Johnny?" Cali asked him.

"John and God and God's Spirit were talking to me," he said.

"It is called illumination," I told him and helped him pronounce the word when he explained that we had filled his mind with knowledge, something that can be done many time and will never be a problem if he doesn't run with and add to what we say and blow his mind which is really imploded and sucked into the mind with too much to it and too fast so it kills the one that does it who has the option of dying like Roqui did or coming back to earth and either never thinking of it again or thinking of it again as most people do but more gradual and at a speed and a small amount at a time like we intended to do to them the first time before they went chasing what all it meant in their mind. A number of people die that way. But the doctor usually says they had brain bleeds or a massive brain aneurysm. They can die anyway God wants to do it to their caretaker spirit but I like that way for it is probably the quickest way to die without being blown up or something in the beginnings of an instant which can't actually happen.

It always takes a tiny amount of time at least for anything to happen, future, preset and then off into the past. But to actually experience the past we have to go according to God's memory of it ours is always a little bit flawed if we use our little tiny memory compared to God's which is total recall so complete when he remembers it it actually happens all over again and if you are in him at the time it will literally happen again in a way you and God only can interact with it and change it or anything you want to there with it or to it whichever the two of you agree on if anyone else tries it on their own or won't listen to God he will be there doing all he can which is everything to make sure they do not accomplish anything.

But Johnny realized all that though I converted it from God's language the language everybody actually thinks in to English verbalization in his imagination and he was so zoned out it worried his mother.

There was a boy that was deeply loved by God,” I said. “The boy talked to God about wanting to meet John the Beloved and Paul formerly known as Paul of Tarsus. He was disappointed when they came for he could not sense the truth in them because they told him the only way to be saved was through Jesus Christ. That was not true except for a Christian back then. It is not true today for one needs to do nothing to be saved. They will all live forever. But if they see God's face they will be able to use his mind as had it been their own, they will be able to make decisions and look at things as had their done part the same as God would and did when they used his part instead of theirs. That was true before Adam in the first creation there never was any question about, the second one there is no question about and this fairy tale like one that Yahweh who called himself the Father to the Christ [I will say no more on that.] made up while prophesying and the mad god did it perfectly in his imperfect world. Be you believe that?”

Yes,” she said understanding it fully and comprehending it very nearly perfectly with one minor error she does not understand how her me can be God's me. But you see God cannot only do anything but being anything there is to be is a part of that list of things he can do all the time, part time, off and on and off, on and off and on again. She might never know it. Some people never really understand what is happening when they are involved in a happening. It doesn't have to be comprehended or understood to be done just like those bodies on earth live but almost all of them have not idea what the true way they exist not to mention live happens.


Roqui used to listen to Johnny tell her things she had in her mind that was actually God's mind for she had seen it when she had her mind blown that time and she would remember then as he told her them but she didn't have the common sense to access the incredible amount of information available though it was had it been on the tip of her tongue as Johnny explained things are beyond his understand that either of them remembered much longer than it took for him to explain it. That worried her and she prayed for Johnny a lot. She prayed for the other boys whom unlike Johnny she never once doubted their sanity and suspected they were lying now and again but Johnny never lied and when he did either I or God worked it out so that by the end of it he was right and it had only seemed like a lie or even that he had mistakenly taken something the wrong way.

Cali had used up the money she made as a running star. I claiming to be in God's mind, me and Spirit told him he needed money if he was to have proper school clothing. He found a job helping a newspaper delivery person.

His employer pulled up in front of a house he ordinarily just flipped the paper out the window of the car and that was where it laid until the subscriber found it later in the day. But since he had Johnny helping him he handed the paper to Johnny. He opened the car door, ran like a track star to the large Colorado blue spruce that shielded the entire side of the house from sunlight in the summer but was in the way of a straight throw ever coming any where's near the front door. Johnny ran around it, opened the screen door of the house, slipped the paper in, made sure the door was close and retraced his steps to be picked up later by his employer who had him run each paper to the front door or stoop of every one of his customers. His employer liked him. He gave him bonuses and treated him very well. He was little but he was a very desired asset to the paper delivery business.

But when school was to start Cali made him quit. She took him clothes shopping last of the brothers according to his father's custom. But when it come to buy a pair of nice looking average priced jeans he was $50 short. Cali didn't know what to do. Roqui and Felix were short for money with Felix's inability to find additional part time work to help offset the shortfall caused by a school teacher cutback. Her credit was maxed out and the boys were only in the upper grades and middle school. She had a balloon payment that had to be paid immediately or she lost $20,000 and ruined her credit as well.

Roqui prayed for Johnny. She said, “God help Johhny be able to handle the tender emotions and concerns of having to wear cheap clothing to school. Give him humility [Which he already had.] give him a forgiving heart should the children look down on him because of the way he is dressed at school [Which he already had.] and help him be thankful for the lessons you are teaching him by this [Which he always had been before.] talk to him like you always do and make sure he feels loved and loves everyone he goes to school with no matter how mean they are to him or how deeply the insult or ridicule him [Which I would have done anyway even if God didn't.] Amen.”

He prayed for himself, “God, how are you today? I love you and I know that you love me. I am going to have to go to school tomorrow looking funny. I am scared I will get mad. If you had wanted me to have good clothes you would have given them to me. I can't wait. Not to go to school but to learn from you in this new way. Amen.”

Then I told him, “John! John! Any money you ever need is yours. Just believe I have given it to you and it is yours. You believe in me John. Just want it and it will be yours for you have not begged God or me for it and I trust to do with it whatever you want.”

He didn't answer but he thought, 'What kind of promise is this? He knows I could ask for a million dollars and maybe never had to ask for it again. He knows all I need is $50 but he has given me any amount I ever want. He did not even mention just what I need. This is a very great responsibility.'

Then he was quiet. He got up from the couch, walked up the stares, and came to his closet, opened the doors, picked a bill up off the floor and quickly put it in his pocket. Then in joy he ran down the hall, down the stares up to his mother's bedroom and eagerly knocked on the door.

Yes,” Cali yelled, “Who is it?”

She was looking for some mistake in her figuring and only had her full length blue rob on with no shoes and having already removed all her make up.

It's me,” Johnny answered anxiously awaiting his showing her what I had done.

Just a minute?” she said to Johnny and then to God, “I hope you know what this does to me too. I don't like this word but this time it is the only word that applies that is the truth. I hate to have to tell him the truth.”

I have not told him,” I said to her, “Remember I say what you say and you say what I say. This is my novel and you are my spirit. How do you want it to work out? Let's discuss this.”

I want him to have decent school clothing, John,” she said.

Then buy him the clothes that you consider are decent for Wally's Department Store is still open,” I said.

John,” she said. “Don't make me steel or start a credit account I know I have no money to pay it back.”

He is waiting,” I said, “You know me. Have I ever let you down?”

With Beau,” she said.

He was perfect until he chose this way,” I said.

You say it is his fault,” she said sadly, “But all you have to do is write that he is alright and he is.”

I have,” I said, “ Blaeuer is fine and has no depression and may not ever have it again.”

John,” she said, “You have never lied to me before.”

I have not,” I said.

Lied to me?” she said, “Or never lied to me before?”

I do not lie to my spirits,” I said. “If you are not prophesying in God I have never lied to you before. Why do you refuse to believe me. Do you really want Beau to be as he was?”

I do not want him to be cured,” she said, “He does not love me and never has. I have loved him since before I chose to speak to him and I still do. Why did you make him this way?”

I did not make him this way,” I said, “It is the only real way it could be between the two of us. He could have waited for you. But he did not. I realized he would not. I am very sorry for it being him. And, because I love you I have granted what you want and restored him though it makes my book fiction to everyone that reads this part, everyone Cali. That is how much I love you. It is also the only way I can love him in the end and like him until then.”

She was quiet, “Put him back the way he was but make him leave my house. He does not love me and it breaks my heart each time I see him to think my love for him has always been unrequited love. I too want to be in love once before I die.”

Mama?” Johnny called.

Tell your father I said to take you to Wally's and listen to me Johnny,” she said sternly, “Tell him to do what he has to do but to buy you a nice pair of jeans.”

But Mama I have something important to show you,” Johnny said.

This is more important,” she said, “John told me to buy them for you. Now go and obey John.”

Mama!!!” he rejoiced understanding he had done right.

Look! Johnny! I am going to be,” she said, “Please tell your father what I said. It will be alright. You have to have them for school. No child of mine goes around like a popper I don't care even if John doesn't help.”

Mama,” Johnny said, “I have $50! I was just holding out on you!”

You know better than to lie,” she said, “Now go!”

Mama?” he said not understanding.

I said, 'Go!!!' So, Go!!! Now please!!” Cali said.

Mama?” he asked.

She didn't answer.

Now about your husband,” I said, “He is cured of depression and will never have it again, but by default, you, Roqui, Felix, and your three boys are now fiction and never existed.”

Ah um!” she and I said, “Why did you kill us all?” I wrote.

Kill everybody!” she said.

You made me get rid of Beau and make him someone he is not,” I said, “That makes the entire novel fiction just because Beau doesn't love you but the idea of you instead.”

What can I do?” she said.

Let me bring Blearer back,” I said, “Lot's of women have men who don't love anything about them. They're just used to them by your age.”

It will break my heart every time I think of it,” she said, “Why did you tell me?”

You made his break with reality,” I said, “It was what you did not what I did. You would have never needed to know had you done the right thing. Why did you leave him out?”

I had a dream,” she said, “I changed my mind about him.”

But you say you love him?” I said.

I do love the man I married the way he was,” he complained.

No you don't love him,” I said, “You loved the one you made up in your mind, a spirit's spirit. He never was anywhere but in your fiction, that is where he is yet. He cannot be the same as you cannot accept being the image Beau thinks you are. Neither one of you ever loved the other but some one fiction or some one that neither one of you are. What was I supposed to do but give you both the insanity you chose if you wanted it. You were real to me. But just like his love isn't true for you and your love isn't real for him you were fiction but it was true in the novel, which until now was all true.”

Why didn't you give me what I want?” she said.

You wanted your version of reality and God not mine which is true and God is real. What you want can only exist in your fantasies but the rest of you, what you have right now, that I gave you.”

She was quiet.

I was quieter.

God never said a word.

Finally as she lay in bed unable to sleep trying to run from the situation she mumbled, “Put it all back like it was,” as she could hear Beau and Johnny returning from Wally's and their happy voices that led Johnny off to the kid's room and Beau to her bedroom full of excitement.

I take it you bought his pants somehow,” she said. “What did you have to do?”

I chipped in $1.46,” he said. “You should have seen how happy he was. John gave him a fifty dollar bill on his closet floor.”

That's fiction to me,” she she complained to me as her dream found her. But what is more real than a fifty dollar bill? We did it. Neither of us asked God. Nobody ever made something come from nothing before. Before I did it, God was the only one that could do such a thing. God is not sure whether he would have done it.


What is the truth about God?” Johnny asked his mother Cali.

You know the truth about God,” she said, “That is why it is good for you to read the Holy Bible. The things it teaches will help you be a better person.”

By reading about everything they did wrong!” he complained.

No by reading the things that some of them did right,” she said, “But you know that.” Then she added, “You don't have to read the Bible Johnny. But all the prophecies are true and it is kind of neat to see how they all happened anyway even though it took a long long time for God to make the rest of it the truth. Would you like to go back and see what it was like?”

He shrugged.

God can take you back if you would like, but it is crazy and only made in the mad god's mind. He thought he made a physical reality just like God did and he may have but if he did it's the same one God made and it's impossible to tell which one is which. Crazy people do stuff like that. But even though he was crazy he actually did everything in the Bible so now it is true even then. Right God?” she asked.

It is so,” God said and both Auntie Roqui and Johnny heard him then suddenly and amazingly to Roqui Johnny understood.

Can I have one that is exactly me like he did to the whole world?” Johnny asked.

Can he John?” she asked thinking it nonsense and not worth bother God over.

I can't do it Johnny,” I said, “But you can any time you want to.”

Really Johnny,” Cali said. “John wouldn't say you could if you couldn't let alone that he can't while you can.”

Why can't you do it?” Cali asked.

Because no one but the one that wants it can do it,” I said, “God can't even do it. It is evil. But when it is done they are both the same one in God if they were a good one to begin with.”

How does that figure?” Cali said.

You could see it if you would,” I said.

Johnny puffed up his chest and said, “I have made you. You are me: exactly me.”

They both thought the same things. They both said the same things. They both did the same things. But the way they did was not always the same but sometimes another way they would have taken it. But when they talked to each other it was the same as thinking about themselves. But they both did the same things. The two of them were the exact same one and Johnny hadn't changed a bit no matter which Johnny you were talking to or interacting with.

They had both made the second one and had become the first one at the same time.

In the end of it Johnny finally understood what he did.

Did you ever talk to yourself and have the feeling you were really talking to someone and wondered that if you were talking to someone, who was it? That is who it was. The one you felt was you. You had done what Johnny did and the one he was talking to had the same experience he had completely. Like any decision ever made including all addictions one of you has to decide not to do it forcing both of you to stop doing it. At that moment the two of you become just one, the one who decided never to have done it. Then the situations that occurred that produced the same thoughts stopped. The situations you were in that caused you to say the same identical things was no longer there and finally the situations that required you do the same thing though all of these things were different things suddenly ended and the only reality left was the reality of God who was creating the same situations with you at the same exact moment but in different places in a different scenario. But never was a part of what each of you were saying but only the one you were in and therefore two in one, the one that remained when you stopped.

Whenever you become addicted and begin the process of being free of your addiction you divide in your mind. It all takes place in your mind. You must one of you decide to stop and then stop and neither the one you were or the one you will be are real so long as the two you are still decides to do it for you both will do it. I can't really do it. God has already done it if it will be done and never will if it will never be done. So, one of you must decide to die and become the one you will be forever and if that one does die you both will and you will be left in God's mind just one, a brand new one that never makes that decision to do that again, the one you actually were before you ever made the decision or decisions that made you one with an addiction just like you finally decided not to be that one with an addiction, was no more [Died.] and became the one who undid your previous decisions by making the decision not to make those decisions again. It sounds hopeless but it is the only way. You did this on your own. You are the only one that can decide to undo it. But if you remain God his not doing it though he does it all with you then you become the one that remained in God and never made those decisions they same one that was doing the quitting when both of you quit. Not many can understand and to explain does little good for the truth that to quit anything you are doing you must just decide to quit and you have. Ask God to show you. You cannot understand it. God doesn't. But the bottom line is it is the only way it has ever been done, is being done right now while we wrestle with it and will ever be done until the only way to make you happy is for God to take over your mind and your mind in you that is two minds and force them to decide to quit. But when he does that he does nothing, forces you to do nothing and when it is over you the one there ever really has been of you had done nothing and all that you did really never happened and you are then happy in God again instead of dead and totally under control of the consequences of your past decision which can only be done in God's might and not anyone else' though I can borrow God's might to do it for we are very nearly the same one thinking, saying and doing the exact same thing. When it is done there is only one, God and he has to resurrect me for me to be without having his might again at the same time he has it again and we are as before.

Doesn't your mind split that way?” Cali asked still wrestling with it and on her way to her mind blowing while Johnny simply understood the only way it can be understood and fits with the way every kid's mind does: When you are doing something you don't want you have to quit doing it and to do that you first have to decide you don't want to do it. They do not need an explanation for that is the only successful way to think of it and to decide to do anything about your problem, just don't do it again in God with God. There is no place but in God anymore but we can think there is though wrongly. What God recently did made him infinite as he always was for he would be and thus there really and truthfully is no place or time or situation or circumstance wherein God is not but he is a practical thing, for he changed infinity to a definite thing in a sense by experiencing it as a practical thing in a real or practical manner. As a result everything is the same. There is nothing beyond God and there is nothing in God that is not completely known to him and knowable by everyone. We can deny any of it or all of it or none of it and it remains only exactly what has become of it. What we, God and I, made of it him knowing what he was doing and me unable to stop doing it for it was me. He had to stop me doing the last thing that could happen to finish infinite as I did over and over but it cannot be done so time in time out it was presented to me to choose to do it not knowing it had ever been done or to choose not to do it not knowing it had ever been done, or being forced not to do it again. There is a last thing to do to complete reality but it cannot be done if infinity is to be real no matter how many times one repeats it except should one do it infinity times infinity which results in a need to redo everything so that nothing but everything again can ever be done. What Beau told Roqui and blew her mind when she died, stayed dead to long and decided to live the rest of her life with the same exact body as well as the rest of her being the same exact one.

Cali got a splitting headache and appeared to pass out bringing Roqui to her side knowing that if she still was she was in heaven and the rest of her, her entire life. Cali's body disappeared. She was dead.

But when she appeared before me the same instant and was at the same moment before God, me and God asked her if she realized what she had done?

Don't think about it again!” I said, “You are reborn completely.”

Her body reappeared and she was fine but she had become one Beau loved and remained one who could love him, a brand new person that had completely died to her old ways and her spirit, mind and me had died. Beau came back to living with Cali unchanged, his caretaker was incorporated in him and they had an amazing revival so they thought in their love life.

It is all exactly the same way but it is in God. He makes all evil good by what he does, all wrong right if he chooses and takes complete control of any thing or any one he needs to in order to keep everyone happy and do everything anyone wants to do or be. Without God everything is the way it would have been just as it is on earth, the only place the state of existence that was in hell is anywhere people do not believe in God and the changes in God who never changed at all from the very first of him and really hasn't changed now.

I am still here,” says God and me.


Johnny became a very learned man and a very good man and even in university he was given opportunities to speak. He touted me and God and not Jesus and Yahweh but included them in what he said of course. It all came down to Jesus who tried to understand what we did and it blew his mind. It required blind faith in God for him to believe what we had done to come our way but there was no way for him to justify what he was doing if he went his way. Johnny had tremendous faith in the true way and preached us and many people were beginning to understand. But many more were like Jesus and kept doing what they had always been doing as Christians and believing in Jesus as the Christ but in Yahweh as the Father unable to substantiate the Old Testament and pushing the New Testament that is not substantiated if the old was not considered viable two and it looked to many that what Jesus had done was save them from a lack of morality with nothing to base that morality on. As a result Johnny became a controvertial figure.

We supported him of course but the common man often had its mind blown. Many people went to heaven and many of those that did not often did not make a lot of sense to those around them and did what Jesus was doing or shunned religion altogether for what we did was not to establish a new religion but to establish a new reality, the one that had always been by default of anyone ever doing anything. Thus it was made by what God did, what he did being good but that good allowing a neutral neither good nor evil by default with God making everything evil did good and affording perpetual existence to everyone but moral existence traditionally called life to all those who chose it.

Reality was not divided it was simply sorted out and any form of existence was given a free cell wherein they could all live in never knowing they had been wrong. They would exist forever unable to understand how the other one's truth worked or why their view of reality afforded them to last so long. [They all lasted forever.] Johnny was preaching that at times but explaining it most times to those who were not insane or evil, things no longer deemed to actually be or in one of the other cells.

One day a madman went to a speaking engagement Johnny was the only guest of and listened and his mind already being not of much used to him found the complete but good confusion that is deemed good for it requires that they be taught to think again and the only one to do that is God. They were brought back to goodness and survived forever.

The madman carried a pistol and during the speech interrupted Johnny's speech at first thought a heckler. But when he pulled the gun and with one shot Johnny's heart burst there was nothing humanly possible to save him. We took him to heaven.

The madman's mind was completely blown. He yet raves. When he comes to heaven he will be freed to live in one of the free cells that allows him to go to the complete but good confusion and his very existence saved as he remains to never understand he was ever deranged.

But Johnny's death did nothing to settle the issue and the free cells carried many away from a world that considered them not understandable and it is real for if Jesus' mind cannot stand the strain he will go to one believing he has saved the Christians like him that cannot make up their mind. But actually they will live and think somewhere between the truth of what God did and the complete but good confusion time and again restored to sanity unless they finally become content with their thinking before the end that don't end.

Those who believe what God did will not actually be in a free cell but in none of the other cells will seem to be that way except the few and eventually it is so that all will eventually be sane and see what God and I have done, him by saving me from make the fatal decision one too many times to just continually make it the same way without end, technically the only way to survive the smallest free cell there is continuously continuing to make just one last decision to end it all which cannot be done and so being in a situation where with no memory of having made it last time to make it again and again until they are finally reached and do not make it in a new beginning.

Even Yahweh and Satan will be in a free cell that one of them will eventually control while the other chooses perpetual hell or the complete but good confusion forever.

There will be turbulent times as all the sorting takes place but in the end whichever one you go to will be yours and you will be free to do, say and think what you believe in the belief that your cell was the one that one unable to even fathom the others and writing them all off as insane with only one sane and God in God having actually been sane the entire length of time along with none of the others believing it with God and me and Johnny all having to accept you are best off being in the free cell that best fits you or stuck in the complete but good confusion or continually reborn, the key. For eventually I believe God will teach everyone to think properly even Satan if possible.

Cali was grieved unto death but in the end she survived. Beau managed to help her get over it with mine and God's help. Benne who had believed he had to be stopped for he wound up not believing in God, me or Jesus but was only insane in the sense anyone is who denies reality and is either an atheist or agnostic. Gymmie embraced God and me as a result of it but moved away unable to take all the depression of the others and lived in the extreme southwestern United States. But Roqui and Felix were a lot of help and brought the two families even close together until the time of Benne's suicide that came after years of instability and so was no surprised, the last conflict of grief for Johnny and what he tried to do as we looked for another speaker to lead our cause. Several others were found and Johnny's death brought the issue before the country and eventually the entire world.

Johnny had been trying to bring the earth to heaven where his speeches and articles were reminiscent of whom he saw as a mentor as well as his God, me, though my writings I am afraid are the more popular by far.

The girls are all here like the spirit from any story fiction or nonfiction but these spirits are true spirits. You could talk to them if you willed. Roqui, Cali, Felix, Beau and the boys are all here but Benne. When you commit suicide you are left to die. They are real spirits and not just characters though few main characters are not spirits.

Are you happy with the life I gave you on earth?” I ask them.

Yes we are!” they answered as a group.

Thank you kindly,” Gymmie said.

Now I turn them over to you dear readers. I hope you will love them as I do and that you may love me but more importantly that you will not be content to just live on earth or be a mere Christian but make heaven your home even while you are here on earth. It is a great life wherever you are.


If I go to heaven they all go with me in my mind for in heaven everything you think, say or do is real. If you go to heaven or for that matter you take any of them with you but Benne they go with you to ease your mind with a bit of the real heaven as it is wherever John Fredrick Carver is in the afterlife.

If you commit suicide you are just left to die. They, whether born of the flesh or created as these people are, cannot live forever with that in them. They wake them all but so far they have all just wanted to die.

Cali was left well fixed by Johnny's smart money management having made a nice nest egg for his mother, father and brothers as well as his aunt Roqui and uncle Felix. Cali having only Gymmie met a wealthy fan after a speaking engagement concerning her book on Alzheimer's Disease. They moved to the country near the city and bought an existing mansion which Gymmie never joined them to live in. He continued to work for others restoring cars during his off times had a wife and six children whom he introduced them all to God and me and the living of a heavenly life on earth. Johnny of course went on to heaven with me and is very happy having missed none of what the Christian religion and a number of other religions he investigated like Islam and Jewish sects as well as the many Christian denominations he found interesting. He had a more rounded understanding of available faiths than I did. I am here at home 67 years old and waiting for my body to die to join my God in heaven where I will be. You are there having waited long enough to start living in heaven on earth that God can right all your wrongs and turn any evil there is into good in what appears to be a never ending saga. But the earth did end but not of natural means but God permitting it will be the last thing of earth that was ever good and the entire saga of planet earth will have been as good as the amount of good in the people that lived there now in a free cell somewhere in heaven by then. I hope you find nothing to disturb you in your mind in heaven when you consider what you have taken with you from this story and that you add nothing too disturbing that is not real from your mind in that reality made real by your thoughts in heaven that these spirit deserve. Remember they are just not characters. They are spirits and are to be treated as that. Think well...

© 2018 John F Carver

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Added on September 18, 2018
Last Updated on September 24, 2018


John F Carver
John F Carver

Bemidji, MN

I, the God of the Physical prophecy that the Great Power will come before these latter days. He will torment all witches forever in me, God, his God and my son will be saved a Christian and be the son.. more..