Broken Into

Broken Into

A Poem by Natalie C and Gary H Collaborative Writings
"

this is a mix of two poems by both of us, originally written seperately at completely different times

"
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Cautiously she set foot on foreign ground
Delicate little toes buried
Deep within heaven�s sand
Anticipating the encounter
Awaiting
Just like fate had planned


Furnace lit, fire burns
Forces of evil move forward
Creatures are coming
Creating hell in heaven
Crushing a gaze upwards
Into the darkened pit below


Scanning random faces
For a sign
Of a destiny waiting
Wandering the carnival of mixed souls
Knowing exactly
Where she will go


Night obliterates day
Shadows begin to search
As hallucinations eat her.
She wants to be an angel
No despair - instead she stares
At a blank white screen of pure emptiness


Body tired, running
Towards
A long awaited release
Fighting her way
Through the human maze
Searching corridors of no compromise


Help her


Delectable deity
Delicate poise
Delicious taste
Delirious thoughts
Delightful image
Deliberately seeing -


Always caring arms, open and inviting
Calling her long forgotten name
Those inviting arms, open, waiting
Luring her closer with sweet precious rhymes
Enticing arms, seductive, whisper on the way
Through the oncoming dark


Embrace a smile
See the face
Before leaving
Away so faraway
From outstreched arms
Desperate to offer affection


Help her


A fall from grace
A fall from great heights -
No-one will save her
Will no-one want to?
She sinks, drowning
In pain and despair


Broken
Into


Please,
Help her
Before she has to say


'Goodbye'


Just like fate had planned
Anticipating
The encounter awaiting
Delicate little toes buried
Deep within heaven�s sand
Cautiously she set foot on foreign ground


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© 2008 Natalie C and Gary H Collaborative Writings


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Featured Review

I always love the way your words entangle to the point of sublime. Sorry took me a while to get to these was staying low key due to my stalker. I did not wish her to find my friends on here.

I always love to see the creative juice of the two of you coming together in such a powerful piece of work. Your word flowed so perfectly together it made it hard to know who was writing what. But that is the magic of a great collaboration.

The words speak of so many different possibilities in my mind. Seeing the different scene in which this could be unfolding. I love that about you two works. Always something more buried deeper than the surface.


Great JOb!!!!!

Posted 12 Years Ago


5 of 5 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

BROKEN INTO; A chess game interpretation by me :-)

'Cautiously she set foot on foreign ground'

A pawn daringly slides forward on the black and white squares of a chess board; towards the opposite king. Like a key placed in the ignition, something is about to begin...

'Delicate little toes buried / Deep within heaven's sand'

The key in the ignition has been turned. The likely wrathful response to the timid checkmate anticipated. The queen beside that king has indeed been stirred, her eye fixed at once upon the appraoching intruder...

'Furnace lit, fire burns / Forces of evil move forward'

The queen of the otherside defends her territory, spreads her wings and descends like the bird of prey she is, drawing her large forces in her wake across the squares...

'Wandering the carnival of mixed souls'

The pawn presses on, forging her path through enemy land...

'She wants to be an angel'

The pawn dreams of the final square at the end of her journey and the promise of glorious transformation from weak powerlessness to unquestionable strength. Her dreams push her forward, her eye is on the prize; her future's possibilities. All she must do is reach the opposite king's line.

'Fighting her way / Through the human maze / Searching corridors of no compromise / Help her'

"Bishops, knights, draw forward to give aid!" the game spectators on the pawn's side demand, "Enter into combat with the vengeful queen and her minions! Help the pawn princess!"

A fall from grace / A fall from great heights - / No-one will save her / Will no-one want to?

The queen's forces are crushing the valiant men that approach the battle line; they die before they can reach the pawn and barricade her. The pawn cannot look back, only forward, and never sees the men who attempt to rescue her. She feels alone, and in truth, is alone now...

'She sinks, drowning / In pain and despair / Broken / Into'

And now the queen's forces move away from the empty battle field, returning their attention to the pawn on her lone march to the journey's end. As does the queen, who makes her move; sweeping down like a hawk, circling her king, circling the pawn...

'Just like fate had planned / Anticipating / The encounter awaiting / Delicate little toes buried / Deep within heaven's sand / Cautiously she set foot on foreign ground'

The pawn princess at the edge of the chessboard makes the final step of her journey. She slides forward in silence on to the last square; a move so similar to the first step she ever took, but this one loaded with the gravity of the entire journey, and the heavy shadow of the vengeful queen who has waited patiently for their paths to finally align.
The pawn princess realizes that there was never any difference between her first step, her move towards the king, and this final square at her journey's end. All moves were repetitions of one fact; she was invading the enemy queen's territory, and the queen's wrath would move across the whole board to destroy her.

I obviously enjoyed reading this poem and join the chorus; I can'r believe you've got two in one!

Wonderful work! Great, great.










Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ahhh....here's the stuff!!! I love that you guys are so in rhythm with each other, it does us readers good!! I like this piece...it flowed very well and was vividly expressed. I love the ending tied back into the beginning...perfect! It's wickedly haunting and dark....right up my alley!!! thanks for sending it along!!

Posted 12 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

A fantastic piece,the flow was wonderful. Imagery was outstanding loved it!! =)
Great job you two! =)

Posted 12 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Wow! I cnt believ this was two different peoms! It flows so well together I love the way it seems like one poem writen by one writer when there are two amazing talents behind one amazing piece of work!

I love it! Well done!

Posted 12 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

I'm reading everything personally at the moment and here my eye latches onto, 'At a blank white screen of pure emptiness' as the line matches recent moods. I can also hear the scurrying of the creatures feet in v2 and fancy myself running with them. Evocative stuff. Maybe in a week or so I'd latch onto the positive side, but today I'm running with the devil.

Posted 12 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

I always love the way your words entangle to the point of sublime. Sorry took me a while to get to these was staying low key due to my stalker. I did not wish her to find my friends on here.

I always love to see the creative juice of the two of you coming together in such a powerful piece of work. Your word flowed so perfectly together it made it hard to know who was writing what. But that is the magic of a great collaboration.

The words speak of so many different possibilities in my mind. Seeing the different scene in which this could be unfolding. I love that about you two works. Always something more buried deeper than the surface.


Great JOb!!!!!

Posted 12 Years Ago


5 of 5 people found this review constructive.

I have to agree with Amor as well. Superior as always, and loved the ending. I could see the despairness in her eyes, and the wanting to be saved on this desolate land. Very well said.

B.A.

Posted 12 Years Ago


4 of 4 people found this review constructive.

I like this version better now that I read this one.. not that I did not like the other one..but this one is more open ended and makes you wonder what will happen.,.,, and it not only makes you think of the writer's choices and desitiny but how much we are all in control of our own...by our choices....fate? is it preordained or subject to change... and destiny...is it fate...or fate + our choices... TOO COOL! Nice brain bender with some heavy duty visuals going on!!

Posted 12 Years Ago


3 of 4 people found this review constructive.

I like the unknown, and the path she has taken is leading her there.
The poem kept me intrigued from the first word to the last with it's deep feeling of forboding and of the unknown.
Well done!!

Posted 12 Years Ago


4 of 4 people found this review constructive.

Oh this is wonderful... the journey into the unknown is scary but can be exhilarating... Very well versed with deep and meaningful emotions that we encounter in this ride of life.

Posted 12 Years Ago


5 of 5 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 26, 2008
Last Updated on May 26, 2008

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Natalie C and Gary H Collaborative Writings
Natalie C and Gary H Collaborative Writings

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