Broken Into

this is a mix of two poems by both of us, originally written seperately at completely different times

Cautiously she set foot on foreign ground
Delicate little toes buried
Deep within heaven�s sand
Anticipating the encounter
Awaiting
Just like fate had planned

Furnace lit, fire burns
Forces of evil move forward
Creatures are coming
Creating hell in heaven
Crushing a gaze upwards
Into the darkened pit below

Scanning random faces
For a sign
Of a destiny waiting
Wandering the carnival of mixed souls
Knowing exactly
Where she will go

Night obliterates day
Shadows begin to search
As hallucinations eat her.
She wants to be an angel
No despair - instead she stares
At a blank white screen of pure emptiness

Body tired, running
Towards
A long awaited release
Fighting her way
Through the human maze
Searching corridors of no compromise

Help her

Delectable deity
Delicate poise
Delicious taste
Delirious thoughts
Delightful image
Deliberately seeing -

Always caring arms, open and inviting
Calling her long forgotten name
Those inviting arms, open, waiting
Luring her closer with sweet precious rhymes
Enticing arms, seductive, whisper on the way
Through the oncoming dark

Embrace a smile
See the face
Before leaving
Away so faraway
From outstreched arms
Desperate to offer affection

Help her

A fall from grace
A fall from great heights -
No-one will save her
Will no-one want to?
She sinks, drowning
In pain and despair

Broken
Into

Please,
Help her
Before she has to say

'Goodbye'

Just like fate had planned
Anticipating
The encounter awaiting
Delicate little toes buried
Deep within heaven�s sand
Cautiously she set foot on foreign ground

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

I always love the way your words entangle to the point of sublime. Sorry took me a while to get to these was staying low key due to my stalker. I did not wish her to find my friends on here.

I always love to see the creative juice of the two of you coming together in such a powerful piece of work. Your word flowed so perfectly together it made it hard to know who was writing what. But that is the magic of a great collaboration.

The words speak of so many different possibilities in my mind. Seeing the different scene in which this could be unfolding. I love that about you two works. Always something more buried deeper than the surface.


Great JOb!!!!!

[Fantasyfairy]

You two always do wonderful work together and I enjoy reading it. The rhythm and flow was beautiful and it has a good use of metaphors. The whole thing has a haunting feeling with it, showing her pain and loneliness through the words. A great write as always guys. XX

[MistyJRose]

I like this. I like the mix of emotions here and the serenity of the beach. Great job on the poem (sorry disclaimer: not very good at critiquing poetry but i'll always tell you what i like or didn't like about it )

[Amor-de-angel]

A fantastic piece, I loved the way you turned the first and last around. Sounds great read aloud.

[Nicholas Hallows]

Wandering the carnival of mixed souls
Knowing exactly
Where she will go - Love this!

The two pieces together create a feeling of desperately searching and at the same time frantically trying to avoid being found. I real contrast of emotions - which I really like.

Good work.

[Brenda Sue]

Oh my, the imagery in this piece is great. Excellent job you two.