Stars

My friend got me thinking one night. Ugh oh. =] This is the end result of me thinking.

 

Why do people enjoy looking at the stars

All stars are are painfull reminders of something that we will never amount to

of what we'll never be

We will never be as beautiful

We will never be as bright

And we will never last as long

They were here befor we were

And they will be here when we die

They are remindered that besides you

There are millions, if not billions of other people looking at them

And nothing you ever do will have an effect on there lives

To the stars you're nothing more than a heart beat.

Nothing more than one more poisonous breath filling the air.

Reviews

[Edward Clay]

"All stars are are painfull reminders of something that we will never amount to
of what we'll never be"

this feels too long - maybe spread it out a little. i notice you haven't put any punctuation in apart from at the end, but i feel this line needs a semi colon or dash at the end, after "amount to". i would suggest putting more punctuation in if you have it at the end.

"They are remindered" - typo here?
"on there lives" - their

i liked the image of there being billions of people looking up, as it's normally commented on one person looking up at billions. nice contrast.

[Ebs]

I LIke this poem. It puts a twist to the way we look at stars. A majority of people will just admire their beauty. But when you think about it your right in that they are painful reminders. I like the lines:

There are millions, if not billions of other people looking at them
And nothing you ever do will have an effect on there lives

I liked them because it shows how massive the world is and how detached we are. It scares me a little to see how far away and disconnected we are from other people. Well done, I'll never look at stars the same :D

P.S i'm new at reviewing so please forgive the horrible way i write it :D i'll get better... hopefully

[Carlee]

This has a really bitter tone to it, like someone who has been in pain but now feels kinda numb about it. OMGRANDOMNESS YO. xD I really like this one, this is one of my favorites by you.