The Dealer

An odd man tries to sell an old car to a NEET. Except it's not money he wants.

“I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a stellar deal!” The dealer gave an odd grin as he patted the old ramshackle truck. Dressed in a flamboyant pink suit, he tipped an accompanying and similarly tacky top hat. I don’t even remember how I got here. One minute I was sitting in my room, eating chips and playing games, doing as NEETs do, and the next I’m face to face with this weirdo in some car dealership, teleported in the blink of an eye.

Needless to say, I was a bit confused.

“I’m… sorry?” I stepped back and apologized with benign that was gracious enough, considering the situation. “I was just chilling and now I’m here. I don’t know why, but I won’t question it.”

I yawned and closed my eyes, mumbling placidly. “Even if I did want to buy that piece of crap truck, I don’t have any money.”

“It’s not a matter of money, my friend! Who needs money when you’ve got all the piece-of-crap trucks in the world!” The man forced himself in my field of vision, causing me to jump. “No, no, it’s not money I need, it’s forgiveness!”

“Forgiveness…?”

“Yes, YES! You understand!” The dealer became more erratic with each of my answers. “My life is fraught with deceit… but he’s given me another chance! Another chance for edification! This is a fair price, I’m telling you! Forgive me! Please!”

The man got on his knees and clasped his hands, truly a position of great mortification. He seemed to have no problem with the pose, though. Did he really think this was an auspicious way to conduct business?

“Dude, I don’t see any reason to forgive you.” I shook my head and put my hands up. “Besides, I don’t want what you’re selling.”

The man looked down for a moment, twitching occasionally. The truck disappeared from view, as did the scenery. The only thing I saw was the dealer in a black void, but for some odd reason, he didn’t disappear from my view. A truly odd aberration, I thought to myself.

Without warning, he accosted me by pinning my neck to the wall.

“Don’t be so difficult.” He said imposingly. “Forgive me.”

“The… hell…?!” I gasped for air. “No…!”

“DO IT!”

“No, stop…”

“JUST DO IT!”

“N-”

I stopped. Realizing I really could die here, as well as coming to terms with how fractious of a conversation we were having, I arbitrated.

“I forgive you.”

I blinked, and I was back in my room. The first thing I thought to do was look in the backyard.

There it was. The old ramshackle car.