Gorlag

An unfinished story in progress...

Grolag's nose itched. He was drowsing in the sun and this annoying little itch was keeping him from perfect happiness. Without opening his eyes he reached up with a shimmery claw and rubbed his left nostril as wisps of steam puffed slowly skywards. Oooh, so much better. He drifted off to a lovely dream surfing waterfalls and baking on the river bank in the sun.

 

Woooof! Something large and lumpy and heeeeavy landed on his back. There was snarling and growling and then “Dad, I had it first, it's my scap bone!”, “Dad, I saw it first!”, “Dad, he won't give it to me.” Grolag shuddered. What in the world did he do to deserve this craziness!

 

“Boys, Get Off Me Now!!!” With this mighty roar from dad Hark, Chak and Bant leaped up from the pulling, tugging pile on the ground and looked sheepishly at their fearsome father.

 

“I'm trying to catch a few winks here. Give me that scap bone and finish clearing the net. The migration starts tonight and I want everything ready for fishing. Hark get the Dazk to stitch up your arm, boy. Alright, get busy!”

 

Grolag watched his three offspring turn and race back towards the raft. He smiled to himself watching their energy and wishing for more for himself. They were quick and lithe and all in a tumble. Grolag gave up on his late morning nap and started for the Dazk to make sure Hark's arm was stitched before he went back to work. With their razor sharp claws the boys didn't realize how much damage they could do in a little skirmish.

 

The Dazk skilled with leaf fibers and fish rib needles could stitch a boy up in no time, but she liked to be thanked in person. Grolag stopped and grabbed a handful of sminweed for her. She used it for teas and healing potions and it smelled amazing. By the time he arrived Hark was lying down with the Dazk threading her rib bone needle. Hark was buzzing away about the scap bone and how he saw it first and Chak had grabbed it and Bant was so short he couldn't jump high enough so he tackled Chak and when they fell Chak's claws sliced through his forearm. The Dazk listened with wide eyes and oohed and aahed over Hark's excited account of the events.

 

After she laid the numbing leaves on Hark's arm and began stitching carefully through Hark's tough skin the Dazk looked at Grolag. He offered her the sminweed and placed it on her work table.

 

“The migration starts tonight. We're going to need all the hands we can get to store enough for the dry season. The wind tells of a longer dry season than usual”, said the Dazk.

 

“Aye, we'll be ready. Flan and his crew will be schooling the fish and Gart and I will manage the nets. We're going to have the offspring help now that they're old enough to trans the fish from the nets to the flay tabs.” Grolag said, as he watched her make each stitch. Hark was being fidgety and Grolag let out a low rumble. Hark settled immediately.

 

“We'll have weeks of work to flay all the fish and dry it up on the ridge rocks. The offspring will be very helpful now that they can tran for us with the baskets”, said the Dazk.

 

Hark was listening and piped up, “We can't tran all the time!!! We have to explore that fjord down stream and what about fall surfing and wrestling! You can't make us work all the time.!”

 

Grolag growled low, and Hark stopped. “If you want to survive the dry season you'll be happy to help. Those who don't help, don't eat. Remember that Hark.”

Author's Note

Any thoughts, comments, criticisms, educational bits? All would be appreciated. Thank you... :)

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

I didn't expect a fantasy tale from you, Judy. You might want to know that "flan" is a mexican custard. A very good effort. Will you develope it more?

[Lily Mae]

Oh Judy this is a masterpiece..a tale that captures your attention all the way through.. I love your characters and their personalties.. You've got a beauty here..x

[Ben Taylor]

Interesting! An entire world was created here, and we were only allowed to glimpse a page of it...mmmm I want to know more!!
By the way, this was written like a true parent lol.

It was a bit casual--it felt (very slightly) like a children's story. A very good children's story! But a children's story nonetheless.

Well written, Judy. :)

[emmajoy]

I take it Grolag is a dog? Not sure whether this reminds me of a mythical tale or an older children's story, there's a magic about it and truly hope you continue with it.
I wonder if you could use the characters' names a little less often, maybe lengthen sentences or omit a few of the word 'and' by using the occasional comma. Does that make sense?
Just re-read again and realise even more that the reading of the remainder of your story will be a lesson, a sweet lesson from which I'll learn new facts. Great thought, great anticipation!

(just discovered another reviewer commented about the frequency of names!)

[compositionc]

This is an interesting tale. Very excited to see where it shall go.

[Richielee]

all sounds good to me, one point i'll make is that overuse of names can distract the reader who know the characters names from the intro,count howmany times you wrote 'grolag' ,ok criticism over.sorry about that Judy just an observaton x