Unhinged

~ don't throw spears ~

            Cold Like the Stars ~ Carrie Graber

 

 

Hurtful words aimed carefully...

           swords

                                                          piercing

                                                                        my

                                                                               heart

                                                            Once thrown

they can never be taken back…

                                                               not really

 

Retaliation rolls off my tongue

with the precision of a sharp shooter

Finding the spot

                                                                         that quickly leaves

                                                                                                          complete silence

 

except for the slam of the door on his way out

 

Perhaps I should remove the hinges…

 

Reviews

[dan]

Julie, The style of writing in this piece is a perfect match for the content, which is simply excellent. I know now that I need to read you more often; there are so many words, passages that hit home while I read...left me wishing the write was longer. And your closing line ties the whole piece up in a glossy bow: "Perhaps I should remove the hinges..." Perfect ending, ta da! I'm becoming a fan of yours, I hope you don't mind 8^) take care...dan (My real name; I use a pen name on the other site I post stuff, I regret that I didn't use my name when I registered. riki is actually the name of our ferret.) Thanks for sharing this with us. dan

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your kind words Dan. The feeling is mutual. I'm becoming a fan of yours as well. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece - a bit of a stretch from my usual rosy romantic pen. :) Julie

[dan]

Julie, I'm not suggesting that you stray from your romantic writes, just that stretching out in the darker direction can often yield results that are outstanding, like "Unhinged." take care...dan

[SmittyJas]

Makes good sense to me removing the hinges and the door will not be able to slam or get in a jam. Its a wonderful write by my favorite Poetess Julie Ward My Absolute Favorite.

[MsJewel]

Thank you Jim. I appreciate you and your friendship :) Julie

[B-poet]

A beautiful portrait that conveys the overall theme of this emotional poetic tale. Great work. A dramatic & intriguing read. :)

[MsJewel]

Thank you my sweet friend :) Julie

[MomzillaNC]

Ouch. Those are the hurts that last, that become insurmountable obstacles in a relationship. But, haven't we all been guilty of that scorched-earth mentality?

[MsJewel]

I believe we all have been there from time to time...Regretfully so... :) Julie

[Sami Khalil]

Unhinged and unhitched is the way to go in a failed relationship. Out with the old, in with the new. Excellent defiance here...:).....................

[MsJewel]

Thank you Sami! :) Julie

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)...........

[icelandicblue]

Ah we have laser like aim when we are angry. Sometimes it just cannot be helped. Removing the hinges was a very nice touch.

[MsJewel]

It's interesting how hard hitting that laser aim can be. :) Julie

[willweb]

Now this is quite different but so very creative and cool. I love this entire piece. There really is a lot of hidden truth in this poem Julie and perhaps nailing that door shut is a better alternative. I like the darkness of this smoke filled jazz club poetry. I keep expecting to hear a female voice yelling, "Yeah, I'm not your doll you big lug, get out!!!"

[MsJewel]

LOL....even when I'm feeling a bit unhinged you leave me with a smile. Thank you my sweet friend :) Julie

[ANTO]

I liked the play on words hinges and the title Unhinged (with its multi-meaning)

The formatting added intensity - their progressive position like a blade going in deeper, deeper
Hurtful words aimed carefully...
swords
piercing
my
heart
and the same formatting for the silence which can be worse than the sharp blade of words.

I pondered the last line - I got defiance!
I will copy this Julie - no I wont but Im envious of your skill.
:)

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your very kind comment and compliment :) Julie

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Julie... life is bittersweet. Cherish
the sweet and let the bitter go with the
wind. Hurtful words are like a sharp
shooter's aim... causing pain. When you
meet someone with more finesse you will
have a greater depth of love and
appreciation. Very touching poetry.
with love... Pat

[MsJewel]

Thank you Pat. Happy Holidays my dear friend :) Julie

[Trace]

Often times this is the best way for an argument to end.
Far to many have seen them escalate into something more hurtful or worse.


This reminds me of the old adage;
A relationship is like a carton of milk in the fridge:
Once it goes bad, throw it out and get a new one
You cant put it back in and make it all better.

This poem shows your ability to turn an uncomfortable situation
Into art.

Also love the picture you chose to compliment this touching piece.

So sorry he hurt your feelings.

HUGGS. Trace.

[MsJewel]

...or the old adage - you can't make new magic with an old man...
love you, julie

[Trace]

No.......... it's
You cant make sparks with an old flame.
Older men know how to build a fire and keep it burning all night long.

It hereditary. ....... (something in our jeans)

[MsJewel]

What's that in your jeans?

[Trace]

Fire baby.....
Fire

[MsJewel]

Fire baby...hmmm...perhaps our next collaboration?

[onceloved]

:( A very sad poem Julie, words can hurt more than they can ever know or care it leaves a heart filled with anger and hurt though it should not be. A love lost but not as much as they will lose by not knowing it. It will be a shame if this is more than just another poem by you Julie ? :) Larry

[MsJewel]

Thank you for your insightful comment Larry :) Julie

[onceloved]

You're welcome my friend. :) Larry