The Woods

The Woods

A Story by Juliet
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Contest Submission for "the woods" contest

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The Woods
By Juliet

It was cold out, a bitter wind sweeping across the forest, leaving the ever present trees shivering. Her hands reaching slowly to the barren branch, fingertips searching for that bit of sunlight. Her eyes darted around the snow covered forest floor, the cold breezing sweeping up her hair. Soft blue eyes meeting the distinct yellow ones. Wolf.
It watches her carefully, hot breath cloud around it's mouth. Fear, creeping slowly, gnawing at her side. Her mind is suddenly blank, run, hide, jump, climb. Each word piling up and fogging her judgment. 
The wolf snarls, pumping fear through her blood. That wonderful but terrible noise that she'd only heard from her frost covered bedroom window. She's all alone now, her and the wolf. Even though it's sharp glinting teeth have spilled the crimson red blood of others, she's curious. 
That urge to reach out and feel its muzzle is dancing with her thoughts, daring her to try. She brushes them away, but it keeps waltzing back, each time more convincing. The wind sweeps around both of them, the wolf is impatient, he's starving and the smell of meat is fresh on his dry nose.
She shivers, the wind is sharp and icy making her squirm in her bare thin boot.
Are you scared? The wolf whispers with it's hungry eyes. Waken up out of her trance the real emotions hit her like a speeding bullet. Swiveling on one heel, she turns and bursts off into the snow nightfall. The wolf smiles inside, ready for the chase. 
Boots crunching against the frozen forest, the soundless bounds of the wolf following. 
Help!
Her mind screams, but the words can't break through her shivering lips. The cold making her skin prickle, the wolfs snarling making her heart beat faster. She's almost free, she can see in the distance her little cabin, the thought of it warming her up inside. Her lungs are ready to burst and the wolf is closer and closer. Almost there... Her foot catches something, a root or a fallen branch. She tumbles to the ground adrenalin coursing through her veins. 
It's hovering over her, eyes wild, the snow falls gracefully onto it's black fur.
The forest is quiet, the trees are whispering quietly. The winter hibernation is just beginning. The woods slowly fade to black, as the rest of night takes over.  

© 2011 Juliet


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Well, that was dumb. It didn't post my full review. D:
I had more suggestions to make for your manuscript. Would it be alright if I message you?
By the way, I added chapter two to my vampire tale, if you want to read it. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


WoW. I love this short tale. I had a good feeling when I alighted upon it. ;P
So, what I'm loving most about this tale is the absolute isolation of the setting, and the interplay between your two main characters, the wolf and the girl. I was shivering when she began to run, and I could feel that want to touch the wolf's muzzle, merely out of curiosity, despite the dangers. I'm the same way. I do stupid stuff because I'm too curious.
A few things I want to point out:
-present tense. I love that because it puts the reader right in the situation, so you feel as if you are standing in those thin boots, shivering, staring death right in the eye. You might want to go over the manuscript, because I noticed in a couple places where the tense wasn't consistent.
-first paragraph:
"It [is] cold out; a bitter wind [sweeps] across..."
"Her hand [reaches] for the barren branch..."
"Her eyes [dart] around the snow-covered forest floor, the cold [breeze] sweeping up her hair, soft blue eyes..."
-second paragraph:
"It watches her carefully, hot breath [clouding] around [its] [muzzle]."

Posted 10 Years Ago


It is a really good story. Excellent Imagery.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This was beautifully written with a lot of great imagery. Very nice work on this one.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 30, 2011
Last Updated on May 30, 2011

Author

Juliet
Juliet

Seattle , WA



About
P.L.U.R Hey lovely world of other writers! I'm Juliet, which is actually my name. I'm quite a fan of music like the majority of the human race.. more..

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