The Gown

A grown bought at an auction sale that revives memories.

His eyes were red. A red deeper than soils on Mars. He wasn't angry. Not sad also. Hemight have stared at the dress all morning. He'd spreadit beautifully on the bed. He recalled every detail of it. Right from the night he purchased it. It had been a little after twilight. At exactly 6o'clock pm. He'd bought it at anauction sale. The Lady Magareta, ageing decided to empty her closet. The only girlamong her eight children was such a tomboy. Laconically, there was no 'girl'. He'd only went to the sales because he yearn to be far from his dad. Being with his father is to say he's marooned. Everything at the sales were archaic. Just the mien of Lady Magareta. Then that colour won his attention. He'd love the colour from childhood. It was the same as that of the spring in the meadow. The fishes were crystal clear from the transparency of the colour. He'd never sleep without looking at that picture on pageten of his bedtime storybook. Turquoise, thats the colour he'd kill for. A step closer and he loved it more, not the colour per se. The gown was embodied with beads on the sweetheart shaped bodice. The empire waist accented by pleated band. A chiffon A-line skirt of floor length completes it adding a shape-flattering silhouette. No doubt the gown was from a trend in Britain. Hepicture old Magareta in her mid-twenties entering a ballroom as the chiffon sashayed to every mince she take. The price tag showed anamount of $350. He'd use his credit card in the exchange. The lady was euphoric that hewas the buyer of her best gown, but he knew she was ina state of nostalgia deep down. His eyelids blarted as a tear drop. He knew why he bought the dress. The colour. And to see his younger sister in it. She was to return home for the autum break two nights from the night of the LADY MAGARETA SALES. The dress was still beautiful and the teardrop patch on the navel point made it sassy. Butit was never won again. His sister died before she could return. Another tear.

Author's Note

Please review my work. Please!

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

The storytelling reminds me of Guy de Maupassant. But it lacks clarity and the words are all ran together... an edit is in order.

"His eyes were red. A red deeper than the soil on Mars. He wasn't angry. Neither was he sad . He might have stared at the dress all morning. He spread it beautifully on the bed. He recalled every detail of it from the night he purchased it. It had been a little after twilight. At exactly 6 o'clock pm. He'd bought it at an auction sale. The Lady Magareta, aging, decided to empty her closet. The only girl among her eight children was such a tomboy. Laconically, there was no 'girl'. He'd only went to the sales because he yearned to be far from his dad. Being with his father was to say he was marooned. Everything at the sale was archaic. Just the mien of Lady Magareta. Then that colour won his attention. He loved the colour from childhood. It was the same as that of spring in the meadow. The fishes were crystal clear from the transparency of the colour. He'd never sleep without looking at that picture on page ten of his bedtime storybook. Turquoise, thats the colour he'd kill for. A step closer and he loved it more, not the colour per se. The gown was embedded with beads on the sweetheart shaped bodice; the empire waist accented by pleated band. A chiffon A-line skirt of floor length completes it adding a shape-flattering silhouette. No doubt the gown was from a trend in Britain. He pictured old Magareta in her mid-twenties entering a ballroom as the chiffon sashayed to every mince she'd take. The price tag showed an amount of $350. He'd use his credit card in the exchange. The lady was euphoric that he was the buyer of her best gown but he knew she was in a state of nostalgia deep down. His eyelids blurted as a tear dropped. He knew why he bought the dress. The colour. And to see his younger sister in it. She was to return home for the autumn break two nights from the night of the LADY MAGARETA SALES. The dress was still beautiful and the teardrop patch on the navel made it sassy. But it was never to be worn again. His sister died before she could return. Another tear.

© 2012 Junert

Do what you will with the edit...

[Junert]

Thank you. I admit to what you are saying. There wasn't much spacing cause my phone wouldn't allow. Thanks for checking it up.

[Denis K.]

What a beautiful story I should say ^-^ great work 100

[Junert]

Thank you.

[Ahmad Cox]

Aww. Its a little sad twist at the end but I liked it

[Pax]

i think you have a poetic side of you. You've used imagery really well, got really a potential. well done on that..

p.s.
i would not comment on grammar for i as well blind on that, yet you really need that spacing, some words mixed together that i need to re read again to make sense of it but then again its easy to ignore because the story matters..

[Junert]

Thank you and you are right about the errors.

[Pax]

your welcome, and don't get descourage keep writing my friend.

[Jibey]

Ignoring the typoes (and I do agree with Ryan) - I liked the flow of thoughts. The image of the red soil on Mars garbbed the attention. The description of the gown and the memories it evoked made me think this piece of clothing, with its colourful history, had some secret to reveal... so the surprise at the end, to discover it was for his sister - who died - was quite unexpected... a twist that caught me by surprise...

Your imagination flows well...

[Junert]

I'm glad you like it. Sorry about the errors.

[Jibey]

It's easy to make mistake.. on re-reading my review I see I wrote 'garbbed' when I meant 'grabbed'... Don't let it stop you from writing...

[zainul]

Well done,Junert.
Correct the spelling of worn.

[Junert]

Lol I will do just that. Thank you.

[zainul]

You are welcome (^o^)

[Yheela]

A very beautiful piece.
If you should edit the language and make the different parts more clear by putting space between them, the reading of the text would be even better.

[Junert]

Thank you, and I do agree with you.

[Ian H Morrison]

love it so very sad but so inspireing as well

[Junert]

Thank you for reading.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A sad but lovely sentiment. A little clumsy in places but very readable

[Junert]

Yeah and I apologise for that. Thank you.

[Dr. Wood ?]

It is a touching story with some great descriptive work. You need to edit it slightly especially with the space bar...many words are running together. I also think it should read...'the aging lady margerita...not the lady M aging....It is an easy thing to do...post something before reading it through...good story though