Numb

Something I wrote that I posted on my old account. Hope you enjoy.

Numb

 

“What day is it? And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive.”

-You and Me, Lifehouse

 

I woke up feeling groggy and dazed. Had I just woken from a dream? A long, never-ending dream. I felt like I haven’t moved in centuries. Have I been living for centuries? Been frozen through time and re-heated one thousand, five hundred and twenty-four years later?

“Eliza! Sweetie! Wake up darling, time for school,” my mother called from downstairs.

That’s when everything hit me. Hit me good might I add. Exactly like a ton of red, stinking bricks. I wasn’t in the future. I just had been sleeping for a very long time. Too long, it seemed but not as long as one thousand, five hundred and twenty-four years later. No way near.

Yesterday was one of the worst days in my whole entire seventeen years. My boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, had broken up with me. Not because of “him” or “it wasn’t working out,” or “I’m not ready to have a girlfriend just yet.” No, he said it straight out. “I’m in love with someone else. You’re not the one for me Eliza. I’m sorry.” Those were his exact words.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I cried. The tears just kept coming and coming, overflowing my eyes and then running down my perfectly smooth, cream-like cheeks. I didn’t cry yesterday. I didn’t cry when my dog died. I didn’t cry when I broke my arm. I haven’t cried in ten years. Ten years before was when I last cried like this my dad had died in a car accident. I vowed nothing and no one would ever make me cry like that again and I had succeeded, until now. It was the worst – crying. And now a boy, one stupid boy was making me spout out water like a fountain.

I have never felt so hopeless and worthless in my entire life. I hated this feeling. This gut-wrenching feeling. I hated it. I hated it, I hated it, I hated it. Hated it more than spiders crawling up my legs. Hated it more than getting a D-. Hated it more than ketchup with ice-cream. I hated it!

I realise now that yesterday was so much better. So much better is so many ways because yesterday, I had no feelings. No tears, no emotions, no anything. I was completely numb.

Now today, I’m not. I can feel all the bottled up emotions running through me, making my heart beat a thousand times a minute. I feel hurt, I feel sore, I feel grazed, I feel bumped and I feel cut. Cut to the very core of my heart. Cut down deep.

I prefer feeling numb to this any day.

 

Numb,

                                   Numb,

       Numb,

              I want to be....numb.