Numb

Numb

 

I crane my neck,

and peer

into the casket.

 

Your casket.

 

Your open casket.

 

I take in your dead

blue eyes

that are going

gray and filmy.

Definitley not

the lively blue eyes

I used to

know.

 

When?

 

It seems like forever ago,

looking down at you

now.

 

You're stiff.

Stiff like a rock.

Stiff like. . .

like the coffin

you are confined

in.

 

Somehow,

this doesn't seem right.

And somehow,

just somehow,

I am

n

u

m

b.

 

Please,

forgive me.

　

　

Author's Note

Chapter 1. Feedback is appreciated.

Reviews

[Cassie316]

Well I like the begining (that is "why angels cry.") But I must confess that I am a little confused. I am not sure exactly who is looking into the casket and at what. I assume it is the mother at the begining, looking at the little boy? Is that right? Maybe you should add in some classic characteristics so it's more clear. Like when the mom is nervous maybe she can have shaky hands. So you can say "may hands were shaking." But use that as a characteristic. Something like that.
You have a unique style of writing though!