Numb

Numb

A Chapter by BloodOfThyLover

Numb

 

I crane my neck,

and peer

into the casket.

 

Your casket.

 

Your open casket.

 

I take in your dead

blue eyes

that are going

gray and filmy.

Definitley not

the lively blue eyes

I used to

know.

 

When?

 

It seems like forever ago,

looking down at you

now.

 

You're stiff.

Stiff like a rock.

Stiff like. . .

like the coffin

you are confined

in.

 

Somehow,

this doesn't seem right.

And somehow,

just somehow,

I am

n

u

m

b.

 

Please,

forgive me.

 

 



© 2010 BloodOfThyLover


Author's Note

BloodOfThyLover
Chapter 1. Feedback is appreciated.

My Review

Would you like to review this Chapter?
Login | Register




Reviews

Well I like the begining (that is "why angels cry.") But I must confess that I am a little confused. I am not sure exactly who is looking into the casket and at what. I assume it is the mother at the begining, looking at the little boy? Is that right? Maybe you should add in some classic characteristics so it's more clear. Like when the mom is nervous maybe she can have shaky hands. So you can say "may hands were shaking." But use that as a characteristic. Something like that.
You have a unique style of writing though!

Posted 8 Years Ago



Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

367 Views
1 Review
Added on October 24, 2010
Last Updated on October 28, 2010
Tags: Funeral, Death, Numb


Author

BloodOfThyLover
BloodOfThyLover

Somewhere in a place we call 'Maine'



About
Dreamer. Insomniac. Blurring the lines of reality and imaginary. I spend more time fantasizing about my stories than worrying about my grades, and would rather opt for a new book than a new ph.. more..

Writing