The Morning Bird

The Morning Bird

A Story by Jyoti_Ablaze
"

the struggle for freedom, helplessness and sinking hope...

"





I am a morning bird locked in a cage,
Left alone to mourn in my rage,
Like a bud I want to bloom,
But the bars hold me in the gloom.

I hear the thundering outside the window,
Terrors rise in me and I start to sow,
Still I want to be out with my mother,
Nothing in the world would then be a bother.


Thence I will be gay and free,
Soaring over the meadow and the sea,
Alas! This dream will never come true,
I will rot here till my last days are due.


The sky is now crying and roaring,
Rueful sun is tardily passing,
Darkness is lurking near to sly,
But I still feel the urge and want to fly.


Stars are veiling their prime shine,
Clock adherently has long past nine,
The darkness capers and fights,
Bars hold me and I can’t take flight.

I beat my wings on the iron bars,
Tethered in this place with unseen mar,
I want to be free and out with my clan,
But the vantage always fails my plan.


Heaving and weeping all I pray,
That god takes me under thy ray,
Perhaps, then I will have liberty,
To glide and fly till eternity!

© 2016 Jyoti_Ablaze


Author's Note

Jyoti_Ablaze
My first attempt in poetry..
I saw a pet parrot at a friends place living in cage.. And suddenly the similarity of the condition of our competitive lives stuck me... So I ended up with this..!
Honest review will greatly help..! Thank you for your time..!

My Review

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Featured Review

WoW!!!
this is beautiful...........
life is not a bowl of candy.......we all eventually discover that truth.........
love and close ones..........family.........does ease our pain........make it all worth it.....
courage and self confidence...........making it a goal to move forward.........keeps us going.......till its all good in the end.........
faith in god keeps us disciplined........

very well written......
i really liked it!!!
:)

Posted 6 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Jyoti_Ablaze

6 Years Ago

True..!
I am glad that you liked it Mr. Prabhat.
Pushkar Prabhat

6 Years Ago

you are welcome Ms Jyoti.............. :) :)
Pushkar Prabhat

5 Years Ago

responding on the read request.........this is still awesome!!! :) :)



Reviews

so elusive to "struggle for freedom" as you say ...but the efforts are rewarded for those who can be brutally honest ... i think it is very ambitious for anyone to attempt rhyme and rhythm ..there are so many things one has a tendency to do that weaken a poem .. as English is a second language for you i have all the more respect ;) your poem reminds me of my youth ...and all the struggles to "be free" ..i would not want to be young again ... noooooooooo not me! there is so much on your plate .. more today than ever .. love and peace Jyoti!
E.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

4 Years Ago

Thank you E! This is a special poem for it is my first. Glad you visited and related as well.
That's a very great poem. The rhyming was perfect!

Posted 5 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

5 Years Ago

Thank you very much! Glad you liked it!
Brilliant write... you have so very well described and compared the two lives.....this is strong....

Posted 5 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

5 Years Ago

Thank you very much, Mr. Anurag. I am honoured.
For a first attempt at poetry, this is a remarkable piece. Definitely gets the message across, and the metaphor works perfectly. My one advice would be to read your poems out loud to yourself and possibly another person (not necessary) but it helps to right the rhythm etc. As always, it's a pleasure reading your work.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jyoti_Ablaze

5 Years Ago

Thank you for the kind advice.
Pleasure is all mine :)
This is really beautiful and you really captured the emotion. Well done.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

5 Years Ago

Thank you!
I think this is your best of what i have read. The feel in this poem was amazing. I felt the birds emotions in me. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful piece of art.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

5 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your kind review. It is much appreciated!
Nicely defined it ......you have poetic ink in your pen.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

5 Years Ago

Thank you!
ImRan kabir

5 Years Ago

do you write hindi poetry also.
Jyoti_Ablaze

5 Years Ago

Never tried.
Dear Jyoti,
For your first effort at poetry, this is truly amazing.
Your mind, heart, and soul have come alive, joining hands to dance and whirl all through and amongst the magic of the poignantly moving emotions and feelings you've so deftly stroked with your poetic brush onto the canvas our minds.
I love how you've metaphorically become the bird to express your own feelings and emotions … simply brilliant.
Technically, your Quatrains have a few meter, syllable count, punctuation, capitalization, word arrangement/expression, spacing, and flow issues that throw the feel and character off-balance, but can easily be addressed and corrected, making this a virtual masterpiece … if you've a mind to.

Whatever, I love it … thanks a million for sharing, Jyoti! 〜 Richard

Posted 5 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

5 Years Ago

Thank you so much Richard. Your review is encouraging and I will definitely try to be more technical.. read more
Richard 🍃

5 Years Ago

You are most welcome, Jyoti … why not put forth the effort to make this one what it deserves to be.. read more
Tragic. I often wonder if the people that keep birds in cages consider themselves animal lovers. It seem so against nature to me. Wonderfully written, full of the futility of the birds situation and the hope that one day, it shall rise.
Thank you for sharing.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

5 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind review.
Nice job I like the comparison connection you made

Posted 5 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

5 Years Ago

Thank you.

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Added on July 16, 2015
Last Updated on March 10, 2016

Author

Jyoti_Ablaze
Jyoti_Ablaze

Diamond city, India



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My Favourites: "Perfection doesn't exist in the world full of Individuals." "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself, but the challenge is to silence the mind!" "Don't die with all th.. more..

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