Doomsday

Doomsday

A Poem by Jyoti_Ablaze
"

End of the world..

"

That day, the sky mourned and wailed,
for it knew, it was the last time.
One piece of light it yearned and craved,
for it was the last time.

It cried and cried till the tears were dry,
for it was the last time.
Nothing was spared in the storm,
even the dying screams sounded like hymns.

It was the finale the earth had awaited,
for centuries and centuries to come by
Never had it felt so serene in a whirlpool,
where birth was meeting its destined end

Death was not under veils any more,
it stood with integrity and candour.
Never had the silence sounded so loud
The day of Reckoning had finally arrived. 

It was only fair, to end at last,
for it had beared for ages and ages.
To get free from the horrid torments
The mortals had inflicted and laughed.

So for one last time the nature roared
For its mother who was embracing demise.
Nothing can alter the induced fate,
it was the last call and one last time.

© 2015 Jyoti_Ablaze


Author's Note

Jyoti_Ablaze
Originally composed for a then & there, college level contest with the theme 'EARTH'.
Still a little unsure of its length and abrupt end.
Lemme know what you think..!

My Review

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Featured Review

I liked the poem. A favorite poem of mine is.
"With a whisper,
with a whisper,
with a whisper,
not with a bang,
Man will vanish from the earth."
I believe nature will survive, man will not. A powerful poem. Made me think tonight.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

I am glad that it served its purpose. Thank you for the kind review.
Coyote Poetry

8 Years Ago

You are welcome.



Reviews

powerful and slightly disturbing in a way. great write jyoti!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

7 Years Ago

Thank you!
i think it is perfect in length and ending .. the repetition stands out for me .. puts a nice wrap at the end ..but most of all i love and am carried away with the attitude of acceptance and inevitable nature of birth and death ..even Mother Nature's ... glad i found this .. it leaves me with good thoughts for the day ..life does turn on a dime as they say ... each one a blessing given
E.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your insights E!
Glad you stopped by! :)
Besides a few simple grammar issues, I think it was very good! When you use commas, you do not use a capital letter of the next word. It is not a period. Example here: "I really liked to swim as a kid, it gave me joy"
Here is the edited idea of your poem I used to show...

That day, the sky mourned and wailed.
For it knew, it was the last time.
One piece of light it yearned and craved,
for it was the last time.

It cried and cried till the tears were dry.
For it was the last time.
Nothing was spared in the storm,
even the dying screams sounded like hymns.

It was the finale the earth had awaited,
for centuries and centuries to come by.
Never had it felt so serene in a whirlpool,
Where birth was meeting its destined end

Death was not under veils any more,
it stood with integrity and candour.
Never had the silence sounded so loud,
the day of Reckoning had finally arrived.

It was only fair, to end at last,
for it had beared for ages and ages.
To get free from the horrid torments,
the mortals had inflicted and laughed.

So for one last time the nature roared,
for its mother who was embracing demise.
Nothing can alter the induced fate,
it was the last call and one last time.



Posted 8 Years Ago


McBear

8 Years Ago

Haha. Yeah. You honestly need a program or something to figure out where you need commas and such. S.. read more
Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Yeah... :p have to see what I can get.
McBear

8 Years Ago

.Okie. :3.
Wow, this is your best of what I have read. Nice word choice that made a clear visual of that last day of days.

Insight.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much for your kind words.
Insight "MH"

8 Years Ago

You are welcome.
The first line "The day, the sky mourned and wailed," Either remove the comma after 'The day the sky' or make it 'That day, the sky' for it to make sense, though I suggest 'That day,'
Check the comma and period placements. The flow is disruptive in certain places. Other than that it's pretty well written.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much for the kind and helpful review. :)
"Even the dying screams sounded like hymn." to 'Even the dying screams sounded like hymns."
"Never did the silence had sounded so loud" to "Never had the silence sounded so loud"
And hopefully then we are called home by out God. Very nicely done. Hope you don't mind my opinions on word choice.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

English not being my 1st language, such suggestions rather corrections are always welcome.
T.. read more
Willard Wells

8 Years Ago

I am glad you accept my thoughts and only here to bring a positive message to your work with a littl.. read more
Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you again :)
Without being specific,I liked each and every lines equally. Each word in its perfect place glittering the perfect meaning. Loved to read this and tagging it of one of my fav.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you Sudeep! Glad you liked it.
Great jyoti
Your preference on unique topic

Posted 8 Years Ago


Great jyoti
Your preference on unique topic

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you.
excellent comment on the world today, it may be too late to turn the tide back now, we can only wait and see, you speak truth Jyoti in this very strong poem, bravo :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your kind words!
R Smith

8 Years Ago

you are very welcome my friend :)

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Added on July 19, 2015
Last Updated on November 23, 2015

Author

Jyoti_Ablaze
Jyoti_Ablaze

Diamond city, India



About
Hey! I am Jyoti, have seen 21 winters pass without a trace of snow; (it never snows in the west region of INDIA). Hope to see it someday..! Believe in living and loving every moment of life.. Of cou.. more..

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