The Breeze

She shivered with envy

when the breeze touched his naked skin..

He got Goosebumps

seeing her quiver in the rain.

Author's Note

Thank you for your time!

Reviews

[Vinay]

Wow..This is truly an expression of a lot of unsaid passion!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you!

[McBear]

Few words, deep emotion. I see like an image of a man giving his coat to a freezing woman. :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Nice interpretation!
Thank you for reading and leaving the kind comment!

[Aswin R Prasad]

Love the way you keep it short but express a lot..
Keep writing more poems like this .. Brilliantly written.. :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your kind words! Much appreciated!

[Mary Helda]

Oh dear,i lovr your poems..always on point..this one is fantastic..you portrayed so much in just 4 lines..

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Oh thank you, dear!
Your kind words are much appreciated!

[Mary Helda]

you are welcome :-)

[zunie frost]

i really love reading it ... thanks a lot for sharing it

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much.

[zunie frost]

welcome !!!!!

[Eliot Knight]

Okay so this is a personal stance of mine, the smaller the piece, the more possibilities it contains and I keep rereading this but I'm full of questions. Such as, why is she shivering with ENVY? Does she want his clothes? BUT NO WAIT, he's naked! or is it because he isn't in the rain himself? Since it is breeze that is touching him, unlike her, who is drenched in rain, Is she envious of how unaffected he is by the weather and wants shelter? What is the guy feeling? Is it sensual? Is it desire? or is it pity and fear of their places? (maybe she is poor and he isn't, maybe he can see her from his home.) or perhaps they are lovers? So many questions. I know most writing is open to interpretations but I would be grateful if you told me the initial intention behind this.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

I don't remember very clearly, why I wrote this but I think it was something about both the lovers being tortured by nature's freedom of being able to be physically close to the other. And maybe I didn't present it clearly, but I didn't mean that the man was naked actually, she only loathed the breeze being able to touch directly his skin, maybe his face, arms, etc. And yes she was out without an umbrella.
Rain and the smell of wet mud can inspire such words out, sometimes.
Thank you.

[Eliot Knight]

oh so she envies the wind! yes that does make more sense haha, thanks for clarifying :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for stopping by. Always welcome. :)

[Zoe Naga]

I love this. Thanks for sharing!!! It's simply amazing! ^^♥

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for stopping by. Glad you liked it.

[wordman]

wow ! love ,rain,naked and goose bumps,you covered it all.painted a lovely image

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Wordman for stopping by and leaving this kind comment! :)

[Richard🖌]

Gosh, Jyoti!

Such is the beautiful moment you've created with your word brush upon the canvas of our willing and grateful imaginations.
Your deft economy of grammatical necessity weaves its warming embrace around us to take part in the moment with you, and "this", my dear, is a tact that cannot be taught … it is inherent in the nature of your skills, feeling, and emotive depths.

Wondrously arousing to the senses, too … I love it, Jyoti, very much! ⁓ Richard


[psst! consider omitting the unnecessary "the" before Goosebumps … too many "the" words in four lines] : )

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Point noted, Richard! Thank you very much for your kind review. It is much appreciated.

[Richard🖌]

Here is the way it would best flow:
"He got Goosebumps
seeing her quiver in the rain."

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Okay got it. :) thanx.

[Richard🖌]

Anytime … for You, anything! : )

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thanx...:)

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Jyoti... the rain touching along
with the breeze is very sensual...
I thought of flowers in a gentle rain...
truly, Pat

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you so much Patricia for your kind, encouraging review!