Hum the (Hindi Poem)

Hum the (Hindi Poem)

A Poem by Jyoti_Ablaze




Hum the (Hindi poem)

Kehne ko to me bhi thi, vo bhi tha
Dono ki apni duniya bhi thi
Magar kuch khwab hakikat ke saye me jhulaste reh gaye
Aur hum jahan the vahi adhure reh gaye
Kehne ko to me bhi thi, vo bhi tha

***************************

English Translation:


 
We lived

To say, I lived and he did, as well
we both dwelled in our own worlds
But some dreams just scorched in the shadows of reality
And we stayed where we were in the incompleteness
To say, I lived and he did, as well

© 2015 Jyoti_Ablaze


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Compartment 114
Compartment 114

Author's Note

Jyoti_Ablaze
My first attempt at Hindi poetry.
Constructive criticism is expected.
Thank you for your time.

My Review

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Reviews

nice................................................................

Posted 8 Years Ago


Gaurav Bhattacharya

7 Years Ago

That's what I thought! Nice! What else can I say? Very well done Jyoti! :)
Nice, unfortunately I cannot read the Hindi version and appreciate it's style.
Congratulations.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you, Salvatore your review is much appreciated.
I enjoyed this. In terms of criticism, I have none for this piece, only the observation that it reads easily, and reminds me of the brilliant quotes of AC bhaktivedanta swami prabhupada

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Wow!
Thank you for your kind comment.
It could not be a coincidence because I am tryi.. read more
kealan

8 Years Ago

Synchronicities such as this are proof that you're on the right path. I look forward to reading more.. read more
Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you again. Always welcome to review any of my work.
I think the hindi part was nice. the words sounded pretty

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much, Fatema.
Gave me feelings of nostalgia of a love I haven't experienced, that is what makes a writer, to invoke feelings in others they never knew existed.
As for the translation, I think the use of simpler words would make it more beautiful and ease the flow. Sometimes, less is more.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much, friend for your insightful review.
Wow this was a really lovely write! An excellent piece.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you for stopping by, Maria and leaving such a kind comment.
i love it! the pic is perfect ... i will have to educate myself on Hindi poetry ... your second to last line says it all for me ..i feel left hanging ..on that line of love ...both choosing not to cross .. i don't think i have read many poems touching that aspect of love's searching ... nice one!
E.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Einstein Noodle

8 Years Ago

and how hard it is!! ;)
Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Yes indeed! But that's life right!
Einstein Noodle

8 Years Ago

;) ................
Beautiful poem and I love the image with it. I don't know anything about Hindi poetry, but I think this is an excellent in any language.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much for your kind words.
Glad you liked it.
Great job. You can try writing same as positive....

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Maybe I will. Thank you for the kind comment.
tarksadhhya bibechana:
pratham prayash aur usme esi safalta!! :P

Well ..well. nice way to start. Both the linguistic approaches seems to compliment each other. You have mastered a tremendous translation skill. Liked both the halves of the same paper.


Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you Sudeep for the kind review! It's a great encouragement.

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Added on October 17, 2015
Last Updated on October 17, 2015

Author

Jyoti_Ablaze
Jyoti_Ablaze

Diamond city, India



About
Hey! I am Jyoti, have seen 21 winters pass without a trace of snow; (it never snows in the west region of INDIA). Hope to see it someday..! Believe in living and loving every moment of life.. Of cou.. more..

Writing
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A Poem by Jyoti_Ablaze



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