Bewilderment

just lost..

Time is slipping on the sundial,

taking my life away.

Neither, do I want it to stop,

nor, do I want it to sway.

Let me get down to earth,

maybe, I will live again.

Or let my soul drift free,

passing onto another land...

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is expected.
Thank you for your time.

Reviews

[Pushkar Prabhat]

this is beautiful.........really beautiful........
you have grown exponentially..........
i loved it!!!!
:)
p.s. "passing on to another land" does this sound better? your call !!! ;)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much!
Glad you see my growth as poet here. Thank you.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

always a pleasure........!!! :) :)

[PoeticChico]

There is something enigmatic about this poem. I enjoyed reading it, makes me wonder about the individual behind it. It's very well written and i always enjoy a nice flow. :) Good Job!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Indeed it is puzzling, for the narrator is herself lost and in dilemma between living and loosing...
Thank you for the kind comment!
Glad you enjoyed it!

[PoeticChico]

Ah Thanks for sharing!

[Indra Neil]

a deep and riveting brevity! well done! :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you!

[Indra Neil]

u r welcome! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Beautiful artwork and good journey to proper ending in the poetry.
" Maybe, I will live again
Or let my soul drift free,
Passing to another land..."
Good to travel, wander and discover new things. Thank you dear Poet for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Valentine]

Enjoy life while you are young. Keep a diary and jot down important events. When older you will enjoy looking back at the silly things you did. Valentine

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

That's a nice advice, I will like to follow it.
Thank you for the nice comment.

[Willard Wells]

Life is a day to day adventure and you can't get off until your ride is done. Hang on tight and go for the brass ring.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Indeed!
Thank you for your comment!

[Bear]

Time is life, it begins when you are born and ends when you die, you will know no other time only tales of other people's times. Reincarnated shall one know time a new, be it on a distant land or as a lower lifeform it would still be my time. Thought provoking with philosophical depth of a deep thinker, Bravo! Clap! Clap!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your insights and appreciation! :)
Means a lot! :)

[Chirag Kumar]

excellent flow of words. I could feel the poem as I read it. Thanks for sharing Jyoti :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Chirag. Glad you could feel it.

[Insight "MH"]

I really like this write, it feels like if my soul the one who was talking. Thank you for sharing this wonderful write.

Insight.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much. I am glad that you could relate so well.

[Insight "MH"]

You are welcome.

[AaronFreitas]

Nice work Jyoti :) I like the thoughts you share... deep thoughts. Raj already gave you some constructive advice so I'm just going to say I enjoyed it. I re-read it a few times and just let it soak it... :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much Aaron for reading my work. Glad you enjoyed it.