Twinkling Star

Twinkling Star

A Poem by Jyoti_Ablaze







Twinkle, twinkle little star

marred with scars of love and war

you shine when the world is sleeping tight

like a ray of hope guiding through the night

 

Twinkle, twinkle little star

witnessing my euphoria and despair

you are like an oasis in the barren sky

bravely, holding your ground up so high

 

Twinkle, twinkle little star

marred with scars of love and war

you blink and wink while I gaze

bring the new moon, spellbound in daze

 

Twinkle, twinkle little star

I stoically wait, from afar

for you to soothingly touch my soul,

rejuvenate my body, make me whole





********

© 2016 Jyoti_Ablaze


Author's Note

Jyoti_Ablaze
Star gazing..
Thank you for your time!

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Reviews

Beautiful and hopeful words dear Poet.
"Twinkle, twinkle little star
I stoically wait, from afar
for you to soothingly touch my soul,
rejuvenate my body, make me whole"
I liked the above lines and thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your kind visit!
Coyote Poetry

8 Years Ago

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.
i wish i may ..i wish i might....remove the darkness with my light...to give to you a magical might ...to live as love throughout your life....

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Oh Terry dear! That really touched! Beautiful, thank you!
Twinkle, twinkle little star on the other side of the world
bring some solace to this pretty girl
shine down on her along with your friend the moon
promise her that the world will be peaceful soon.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Oh thank you, Mr Rajaniemi! This is very beautiful way!
Thank you!
it's fab jyoti great words used within truly said small but beautiful i loved it thankyou

siddhi

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you!
siddhi

8 Years Ago

my pleasure.........................:)
siddhi
Hello Jyoti, Star gazing is one of those pastimes/ hobbies
That we dont get tire of. The night sky no matter how many
Times we get look upon it we still get lost with its beauty,
Its different every night. Very cool with a harmonious tone
Into this piece. Thanks EG

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you, E G Ten!
Hey your blog is so nice....
Your poem is really good. I remember this title "Twinkle twinkle little star" if I am not wrong then this was a famous song for child but, you used very effectively... see you soon on wordpress...
Keep writing... stay connected... : )

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Sure! Thank you!
I like the twist to the popular nursery rhyme-'twinkle twinkle little star'.
You have managed to replace the innocence with a deep and grave tone. Good word choice. And I absolutely love the line- ' marred with scars of love and war'. It emphasized the poet's maturity.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your kind insights!
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V
The image is nice but you should stick to the rhythmic pattern as in "twinkle twinkle little star". There are so many lines where you just totally break the tune/rhythm and, at least to me, it just reads a little weird. Sorry for my maybe way too constructive review but I just felt like telling you. (I think, there should be 7 syllables in a line, maybe even 8 to keep the rhythm and another advice: also the length and construction of words are important when writing pieces like this-see line "you blink and wink while I gaze" matches the nr of syllables but not the tune somehow). I think it would be a really nice write, if you changed the pattern/structure. Nevertheless, have a nice time sharing your writings here.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Mimi, I will soon edit the piece for better. Thank you for your kind insights and suggestions. :)
The word choice you used provided a clean, beautiful twist to this classic :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind visit!
This has a surprising twist to the well known poem although a good one.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind visit!

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56 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on January 17, 2016
Last Updated on January 18, 2016

Author

Jyoti_Ablaze
Jyoti_Ablaze

Diamond city, India



About
Hey! I am Jyoti, have seen 21 winters pass without a trace of snow; (it never snows in the west region of INDIA). Hope to see it someday..! Believe in living and loving every moment of life.. Of cou.. more..

Writing
Unsaid Unsaid

A Poem by Jyoti_Ablaze



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