Finding herself

Jiggling down the lane, she laughs

She laughs so hard that she cries

 

Running down the lane, she falls 

She falls so hard that she flies

 

Stumbling across it, she finds

Finds something deep, she loses

 

 Desperate for breath, she binds

She binds so tight that she frees

 

As a free spirit she rise

Rises so sure that nothing defies.

 

Author's Note

Thank you for your time!

Reviews

[iamshadowine]

wonderful job done here! keep writing! :D

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Shadowine!

[Isabel]

A fluid poem and enjoyable read. Good work Jyoti!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you!

[Emily]

Lovely wording!
Keep it up!!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thanks Emily!

[Desert Rose]

love the flow!! i love that kind of writing!! i do that too!
makes you feel that everything is sort of connected!
Good job!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Neo!
Glad to know you like the style and practice it.
I would love to read. Please recommend me the ones you would like me to see.

[Desert Rose]

go ahead, take a stroll :) be my guest!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Sure thing!

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Beautiful poem! Love the feeling it conveyed and the rhyme in which it was made!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Cyprian Van Dyke, thank you.
I like rhyming but I am bad with technical stuffs.
Glad you liked it. :)

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

You're most welcome Jyoti_Ablaze.
No worries, there's more than one way to rhyme!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Wonderful use of antonyms here.
It is beautiful how you have portrayed the two ends of the opposites.
This poem is so lovely that it can be perfect. Let me just point out to a few things that would make this poem even better.
In the first two couplets and the first line of the third couplet you have used 7 syllables in each line.
The second line of the third couplet has 9 syllables and the next two couplets also have different syllables .
Maintaining the same number of syllables in a rhyming poem is of utmost importance.
Coming to the rhyme scheme: The first, second and last couplet have a similar rhyming pattern (a,b,c,b,d,b)
The third and fourth do not go with this rhyme scheme. Maybe you can work on it.
I have given these suggestions because this poem is so beautifully portrayed and it deserves to be “the best”.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Well Shabeeh, firstly thank you for your elaborate, helpful review. I am a novice but with the help of your explanation I have tried and made a few changes. Please have a look at it, because I feel very unsure.
Thank you very much!

[Shabeeh Haider]

We all improve with time.The few flaws in a poem can always be corrected.
In the second line of the third couplet if you remove "so" then the syllables will be seven as in the preceding lines.
The poem over all has a better flow now.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Shabeeh. I have done as you suggested. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

such an interesting turn of phrases you use here...i read that one word as "lose" rather than "loose"

but i like the clever repetition...

opposites can happen in an instant.

j.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Jacob. I have edited the word as per your suggestion. Glad you kindly read and . reviewed.

[Avinash]

A work of free spirit and liberation. It made quite a refreshing read.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Avinash for kindly reading n commenting.

[An owl on the moon]

There is such a glorious life flowing through your words... flowing through her. A strength to go on, to rise above the struggles and fears, and to learn to fly above them all. Beautiful and lifting in every way, Jyoti! :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Oh thank you, Craig!
Its very encouraging!

[Gee]

Discovering oneself through age and experience, very well penned

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you Gee!