2

2

 

Complete isolation from the world

            My five word answer as to why I love that Greg is rich. His house is so huge I could live there and his parents wouldn’t notice for years. Greg’s room is in the far East side of the house; it’s like a little house of it’s own. We’d have gatherings here often with our plethora (4) of friends. I use ‘our’ loosely, it’s actually his friends. I don’t not get along with them, it’s just I’m not a huge fan of people, but I’m fairly okay with them, because if they’re good enough for Greg, they’re good enough for me.

It’s a pretty peaceful night. We’re out on the balcony, drinking ciders (don’t tell the cop that’s ‘following’ Greg, might snatch us for underage drinking), talking to our hearts content about good ti-

“Bruh, I wanna f*****g die.”

Yay. My lovely bipolar switch starts getting played with by the evil gremlins that live within my head. One second it’s mania and good times, next second it’s all “f**k it let’s just go the f**k into Disney World and not look back”. I’d like to dedicate a big part of my singlehood to it. Of course, a huge part is owed to the fact that I can’t talk to girls, or guys. Humans in general. Every time I meet a stranger, it’s just a huge gamble ‘will I have anything in common with this person? Will I be able to actually get a conversation going on that thing we have in common? Will I be able to even find out if we have anything in common? Will my anxiety be overbearing? Will my potentially overbearing anxiety be noticeable? Could these problems perhaps be fixed by BEING RESPONSIBLE?’

My outbursts aren’t anything new to Greg, and I feel (and always felt) comfortable letting my mind go around him. Though he (and myself, to be honest) is sometimes surprised or caught off guard by the outbursts, he doesn’t make a big deal out of it or make it feel too insignificant.

“Well, we know that. But, you still have to get laid first. And attend your mother’s funeral. Then your sister’s. Then mine. Then, provided Simon gives you the green light, and you feel comfortable leaving him and all, then go for it c**t. But until then, you suffer with the rest of us.”

This (or anything similar) NEVER resolved my issues, but it did somewhat help. They were as good a way to fill the silence as any words could be.

“Yeah ,yeah ,yeah. I’m still patiently waiting for that suicide sex party you keep promising.”

“In due time, man, in due time…”

 

A few days pass after my visit to Greg, but they all seem like a blur. Well I wish it all really did.

“Hey, you enjoy your date with your boyfriend? “

This is my glorious greeting from Sabrina. I don’t know what her problem is exactly, because she always puts that half-scowling emphasis on ‘boyfriend’ and it’s not some sort of endearment joke. Either she’s trying to insult Greg (his gay side) or she’s trying to insult me (because I guess not everyone wants an immensely unpopular little brother). On one hand me being related to her kind of smudged her ‘popular’ reputation in school(she was three grades ahead of me, so paths crossed often), but on the other hand, seriously, f**k her!

“What's the matter Sabrina, still jealous Greg gets more guys than your ugly self?”

“Oh please, you of all people should be jealous. He's able to be seen with a boy anywhere, and STILL get more attention from girls than you. Also, we look alike, genius, can’t exactly call me ugly.”

“Oh yeah, my bad. You’re every guy’s dream, who wouldn’t want such a handsome lady such as yourself?”

I give her an evil nonchalant smile, grab an apple (didn’t actually want it, but the fruit grab and walking off after a burn looks cool in movies) and make my way to my room.

“Ian, you have a boyfriend???”

Oh God, not now Simon. He continues. “MAAAAAA! IAN HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!”

I punch him (admittedly a little too hard) on his arm. “Dude, shut up! Do you have to tell about everything? “ He starts crying frantically. Sure I punched him hard, but for the love of God, this kid went to the floor like he was just shot! Out comes his mother to rescue him. Yes, HIS mother. Him and Sabrina’s. I'm not from here. I was clearly adopted. These people are holding me against my will. Clearly they know too, otherwise I would have the traditional name-beginning-with-an-S thing they have going on; Sabrina, Simon, Sarah and I think my dad’s name was Samson. Didn’t know him well/long enough. He committed suicide not too long after Simon’s birth (that one may come up in a burn later, depending on how much I grow to hate Simon as he gets older) and even before then ,he wasn’t around much. I don’t/didn’t know much about him, but the fact that he killed himself tells me I'm eons closer to him than I could ever imagine. He would’ve understood me better than these creeps. He is somewhat the reminder that, okay, perhaps I'm not an alien that these people kidnapped, perhaps they are in fact ,my family.

“Ian! What did you do?”

“HEEEEE, WAAAAAAAHHHH, HE-HE-HE HIT ME WAAAAAAAH”

“Ma, he was yelling out that I have a boyfriend, because Sabrina said me and Greg were dating!”

“So? Did you have to hit him? You know you’re not dating Greg. You know you’re not into guys, you know we know that, why did you have to hit a 7 year old to prove that???”

“UGGGH, when you diminish the situation THAT much… Stop babying him if you plan on sending him to my school next year! I don’t need him crying and being all related to me!”

Sabrina chips in: “Oh, so you have a problem with a little dweeb, no offense Simon, brother ruining your reputation? Hmmm funny.”

I roll my eyes, strut off, and take a bite out this stupid apple I have in my hand. C***s, all these people. Not in the endearing way Greg says it either.

 

 

 

All in all, besides my warm welcome, it was just all a prolonged Sunday before the dreaded return to a new school week. Well in this case, a new school year.

Grade 11.

Also referred to (by yours truly) as JUST THIS YEAR, THEN THE NEXT, THEN I’M OUT THIS F*****G PLACE!

I walk into the school, where one is first greeted by a parking lot, then lawn with our usual after school chill spot under a lapa surrounded by some classes , then the quad, which is what I make a beeline for. Usually you get caught up in all the “Hey it’s been so long since we last saw each other ,so now we’re gonna act really happy and buddy-buddy to see each other even though we’re apparently not close enough to have seen each other over the holidays!!!”, but I wasn’t up for it. Not completely. I guess I was sort of happy to see one or two faces, but mainly I just wanted to catch up with Greg; talk about how fun it was to get blackout drunk together for the thousandth time.

“Ay it’s the lord of c***s, King CUNTa himself!”

I smile broadly (partly because I'm glad to see Greg, but mostly because I relish in the astonished looks we get whenever the word c**t is tossed around) and go over to shake his hand and give a one-arm hug.

“Howsit?”

“All’s well, and you ,you drunkard?”

“Says the dude who blacked out first! But yeah same old same old.”

“Yeah. Anyway, I assume you’re gonna be on the hunt for Leo.”

“Yeah, he gets here before everyone, so I'm assuming he's hiding some place.”

“Hiding?”

“He’s…Leo…”

“Yeah I'm aware I suppose. Funny, he's usually in ‘hiding’ yet he is far more sociable than us combined.”

“Well, to be fair, I’m not contributing much to that tally.” I look at him with a dead expression then we both laugh and I signal I'm off.

I pass by faces that look as if I make any eye contact with them, I'm officially forced into having an extensive, unwanted conversation with them.

“Yeah I'm good. Yeah my holiday was awesome. Yeah I missed you too, which is exactly why we went to zero events or anything together. Yeah haha, cool, can't wait to ignore you next holidays too. Harharhar ciao!”

Seriously, please send me to the cruel Disney World rather.

I walk past a little hallway with bathrooms, but quickly figure Leo wouldn’t be here. Unlike me, he actually makes his loner behaviour seem somewhat cool. I'm like the reality of being a depressed loner, he's the cool black and white cinematic visualisations you’d see about depression. People would attempt to disturb his loneliness, people would notice and talk about mine in about 20 years’ time and be all

“Hey, remember that odd kid who was all alone throughout highschool? Isaac, Shmian, whatever his name was… Uhm, Sabrina’s little brother.”

ACTUALLY

“Isaac, Shmian, whatever his name was… Uhm, SIMON’S OLDER BROTHER.”

                     

          UGGGGHHHHH!

I know what you’re thinking “what kind of name is Shmian”, but hey, my popularity (well

lack thereof) is THAT strong. It’s f*****g Shmian strong!

I know! Leo would be down at the tennis courts! Neither of us play tennis (perhaps in another life…) but we (well he) hangs around there often. He has to be there. Hopefully I won’t have to sift through his fan club before getting to him. Yes, we are close enough for me to consider even sifting through all these in-the-way people just to catch up with him, but no, our relationship isn’t like mine and Greg’s, but yes in many ways, I’d say I'm as close to him as I am to Greg. Just… We get along for different reasons I guess. Greg is my unqualified, official, unofficial help with all that goes in my mind, Leo is the more traditional best friend. Also, he is my one and only actual tie to the rest of the world. Greg may have some people who surround him (this is excluding his many romantic partners he goes through), but Greg’s way too similar to me to ever be considered ‘tied to the world’. In addition, he's got paranoia issues, much harder to hide than my brain constantly exploding. Well, I suppose it is. Perspective I guess. Not sure.

“THANK THE NON EXISTING GOD HE’S ALONE!”

“Agggghh, firstly, that’s offensive to the good Christian folks in our school, secondly you don’t know he doesn’t exist, thirdly-“

He liked his lists and I liked interrupting them.

“THIRDLY, HELL-A-LOO-YA! My are you a sight for sore eyes!”

He shoots me a slight death stare, “THIRDLY,” he says matter-of-factly “how have you been, sir?”

“Hmm, let’s see…
My pills are almost depleted, so it’s about that time I start nagging my mother for more…
Simon’s a nuisance, who may be joining this school next year, or, even as early as this June…
Sabrina’s stupid as ever…
Greg, well, get this. He thinks I'm about to embark on a great adventure and meet Mrs. Right, right here, within the confines of this imprisoned hell.”

“HA!” Leo had the strangest laugh. Well burst of laugh. I often compare it to Greg’s sex life(which I have no way near enough intel on to draw this conclusion), it’s one stroke followed by breathless panting. Both of them definitely adore me for this comparison. “So where is she?”

“Hmm, dunno. Shall let you know as soon as I find out I guess. But anyway how ar-“

“You never actually answered how you are.”

“Oh. Uhm. Keeping myself distracted enough. Oddly, I feel like Sabrina, Simon and my mother are annoying, but really effective distractions, but at the same time, I feel they have a part to play…”

“In?”

“You know…” (My planned trip to buying my own tickets to Disney World)

“Oh. The whole suicide shindig.” Leo wasn’t as comfortable as Greg when talking about depression, specifically deep depression, the point where it’s no longer the black and white cinematic, but just red and reeking of death. The ugly depression. But I can never fault him for trying. For that, I am immensely grateful.

“Yeah. Anyway, enough about me man, what about you? First day of a new year, already back at the tennis benches?”

“…Me and Zennifer broke up.” What’s it about Jennifer’s and their various first letter variations, that makes them so appealing? I don’t even think anyone likes the name Zennifer, I mean it sounds so ridiculous, but one glance at her leaves every guy saying her name (or simply Zen) so many times it just starts sounding like an actual name. I swear as soon as your parents decide your name is ending in ‘ennifer’ ,you’re granted +500 appeal points. Pretty sure if he could, Greg would dick down Yennifer ,who is (for the love of all things) a f*****g game character off The Witcher series. Part of me judges Greg, part of me is wondering just what market exactly these damn game designers trying to break into.

“S**t dude, are you serious?”

“…”

“Why, what happened?”

“*sigh* Dude, I don’t even know. One minute we were good, the next…” I see him fighting off a slight tear so I interrupt him.

“Hey, we’ll talk some other time. God forbid this prison gets to see any emotion other than our hate for it. You save that other stuff for outside this hell hole, a’ight?”

“A’ight.”

The first bell rings, time to reunite with classmates I don’t care about and some new ones who I REALLY don’t care about. My only thoughts are that I’m in the same class (well mandatory classes; English, Life Orientation) as either Greg or Leo (who I would prefer over Greg, in class instances).