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Part 3 - Jigsaw Puzzle

Part 3 - Jigsaw Puzzle

A Chapter by Kelsey
"

Third installment where Janet starts to resent Michael's mother for what she's done to him.

"

          Michael came over to my house at six in the morning. My sisters are still in bed and will probably remain there for hours because they sleep more than our cat does. My parents already know that Michael's visiting and have promised to keep out of the way. Dad has only just gotten in from work at the hospital and my mom has left for her office downtown where she is known as the Queen of the File Cabinet.
         Sasha, Michael's dog, stayed outside with the biggest doggy grin on her face. I smiled when he handed me the pad of paper as he walked onto the porch and read 'she doesn't travel much.' It would be hard to not fall in love with this pooch who was a pro at catch. She let me scratch her behind the ears and drooled whenever I found just the right spot.
         Michael, for the first time I'd seen, was smiling as he watched me rubbing Sasha's belly. It made me think of those annoying Orbit gum commercials where the smiles are too perfect, but God could he pull it off. I smiled back and I thought I could see something close to happiness glinting in the corners of his eyes.
         When we went into the house we both headed straight for the kitchen. Although, in Michael's defense, it was the first time he'd ever been to my house so he was just following me. Michael scribbled on his pad before pushing it across the counter to me.
         'Pancakes.'
         In silence Michael stirred the mix and I cut up fruit. The strawberries stained my fingers like blood. I stopped long enough to scrape out strawberry guts from under my fingernails and then started cutting chunks of bananas.
         When I looked up again Michael was staring at me with a smile on his face. I shrugged at him as if to say 'what?' He shook his head slowly, meaning 'nothing.' I shook my head at him to let him know he was crazy, but I was smiling.
         It wasn't long before we had made some delicious fruit pancakes. When I went to put up the pancake mix a bag of flour fell on me and caked me in snowy powder. I choked and coughed up a gob of flour as he fell to his knees on the tiled floor behind me. Michael's laughter sounded like bells.
         The rest of the day we locked ourselves up in my room. The first thing that he noticed was the drawing I'd pinned up above my bed. His fingers traced the outline of the dragonfly's wings. I turned on my TV and flopped back on my bed. Michael's fingers stopped at the points where he had starting tracing - a fleshy head-on collision. He turned his attention to me on the bed.
         I watched his eyes. They seemed to do all of his talking for him. For some reason his gaze seemed guarded. 'Please ignore this boy behind the curtain.' I hadn't met the Wicked Witch of the Vodka Bottle, but I did wonder what spell she had put on this beautiful boy. I tilted my head to the side with my eyebrows furrowed - my silent way of asking what was wrong.
         He shook his head and laid down beside me, setting the pad and pen between us on the bed. I picked them up and wrote: 'Do you like nature?'
         'Love it.'
         'Let's go.'
         We ran out of the house and put Sasha on her magenta leash before hurrying down the sidewalk. I looked over to see his face. His eyes were sparkling, a light peeking between the curtains. I offered him my hand and he took it. Sasha dragged us down the sidewalk and we followed. She knew better than we did where the most amazing things were.
         I had a friend that once said when you found the person you're supposed to be with and you held hands with them for the first time that they would fit perfectly. Like pieces to a jigsaw puzzle. I don't know if the fit of Michael's hand was perfect, but it felt very comfortable.
         Sasha led us into the park and we willingly trotted after her. When we entered the park and passed the swing sets Michael's hand slipped out of mine. I wanted to say something but kept my mouth shut. When he turned around the curtain was closed again.
         I cannot wait to dump some water on that Wicked Witch.



© 2008 Kelsey


Author's Note

Kelsey
Criticism, positive or negative, is appreciated please.

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Here we get a little more about the narrator. We see a little about the family and how she relates to them. That's good, I would just have more of it. How old are her sisters? Just the little details. And also how does Janet feel about her sisters? Do they get along, fight, ect.? As I said before, more description. Her room, the house, even the parents if you wanted, though I do like what you did with them already. Put more of Janet's emotions in there. Was she embarrassed when the flour fell on her? It would be logical to think so, but we don't know. That just goes along with getting to know the character better. It all kinda goes along with what I said on the first review. I think you have a good start, a good outline for a longer and more in depth story. Feel free to tell me what you think and if you'd like to you can try to bounce ideas off me. I don't know how much help I would be, but I'd try. As always, this is just my opinion and I could be completely wrong in everything I say. It was a good read and I think there is lots of potential in this story.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
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Here we get a little more about the narrator. We see a little about the family and how she relates to them. That's good, I would just have more of it. How old are her sisters? Just the little details. And also how does Janet feel about her sisters? Do they get along, fight, ect.? As I said before, more description. Her room, the house, even the parents if you wanted, though I do like what you did with them already. Put more of Janet's emotions in there. Was she embarrassed when the flour fell on her? It would be logical to think so, but we don't know. That just goes along with getting to know the character better. It all kinda goes along with what I said on the first review. I think you have a good start, a good outline for a longer and more in depth story. Feel free to tell me what you think and if you'd like to you can try to bounce ideas off me. I don't know how much help I would be, but I'd try. As always, this is just my opinion and I could be completely wrong in everything I say. It was a good read and I think there is lots of potential in this story.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on June 11, 2008


Author

Kelsey
Kelsey

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About
I'm 22-years-old. I am a Christian writer-singer girl who enjoys fried chicken, the color green, and the ability to dance about ridiculously in the rain. I hope you enjoy my writing (new and old!). more..

Writing
One Year Later One Year Later

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