My rant for he day

I don't know mildly depressed, wondering wear I went wrong! please forgive the misspelled words. Warning super Emo because Im feeling super emo and Im drunk...damnit mr. Jameson..Im just writing what comes to my mind as I recap the day....

 I'm sitting here at my computer, cursing the world as Im cursing the damn pop-ups that  distract me from my self condemnation.. Jameson is on my breath...the more drunk I get, the more my failures play in my head, I have stopped and the world is passing me by...I recount what happened today... this morning I woke up and looked in the mirrior and realized what a fat f**k Ive become... I took a shower and listened to 80's music,  It made me feel young for a miniute, like I had stepped in to a time machine when I fummbled my way , eyes squinting from the morning light, into that bathroom. I got dressed in my cheaply made Verizon polo..the one thats collar never stays straight...I head to work..the sun peaks through the clouds.. I feel happy for a fleeting moment...then reality sets in..Im a Iraqi war vet, with tons of regrets, tons of things that keep me up at night, things that I will never forgive myself...and Im working some wanker job so I can get out of debt,,,,maybe finish up with school... I pull up to a red light...there is an extremely attractive woman stopped to my left in a SL500 Benz..she has blonde hair, an amazing chest, perfectly fake tanned skin, and designer glasses, I look over at her and smile, I ger a scowl back...Who am I kidding I can't afford a woman like that...the light turns green and I drive away from the woman and my lustful thoughts...I pull into the parking lot at work.. and let out a long sigh...what the f**k am I doing here...on this earth..why couldnt Ive been born a hilton or in the aussie outback, why is the hghlihght of my day  going over a speed bump too fast.. or the slight tingle in my pants when I see a nice shot of clevage...I used to be dangerous in Iraq but then the s**t I did and stuff I saw got to me....what I wouldnt give to not be human, void of all human emotion, void of all dreams, goals and the little voices that say I can't and I shouldn't....I turn off my trooper...my SUV is old and the engine seems to relate to me..by letting out a mechanical sigh... I think I should get it looked at...but I don't know when Ill have the time...I walk through the door of my work..the beep alerts everyone I have arravied..I hate that f*****g beep...I imeadiatly know something is wrong...everyone is being overly nice to me....I think " great Im getting s**t canned today".....My manager ( who is 4 years younger than me and a trust fund kid) calles me into the office....he is sitting there with a rather fat, sweatty  rent-a - cop...I ask Paul what this is about...he says he doesn't think me working there is going to work out..I tell him that this is my job not a f*****g date...the rent a cop..clears his throat and pops his neck...Paul told me that they hired someone who would better fit the verizon mold...(turns out she is a just turned 18 over sexed, way to devoloepd for her age, sexy as hell blode in a mini skirt and f**k-me-heels..even though its a cold day kind of replacment).... I ask Paul what the extra muscle was for...In which he replyed ..." HR knows you Vets deal with alot of PTSD crap and we didn't want things to get out of hand!"...... I told him I was a Marine not a F*****g nut case....although the thought did cross my mind to cause a scene...but he man I've become due to societies conditioning...Kindly Shook his hand and thanked him for the oppertunity to work at a job that I hated, practicing the art of Bullshit..the art of selling  things to people that they will never need...I walked out the door..the same damn ring let everyone know I was leaving for the last time... I was sad for a miniute...yeah I hated my job but s**t son...I didnt want to get fired...I felt like the biggest loser ever...its quite the feeling to be replaced by a nice smile, great tits and a*s, and really clear skin...she will do well...I found myself wishing I was hot....I walked out the door....I didnt go to my car right away..I walked across the street to the liquor store..where I bought Jameson..Irish whiskey...the only whiskey that was kosher to drink  when you were Irish and Catholic....along with the Jameson I bought a cigar...I got into my car a nd decided to drive....I drove...I ended back at my place.....I put on a little Frank Sinatra...always helped in the past....I thought what would Frank Do?....I don't f*****g Know...so I started to drink....as I drink I get conflicted becasuse a man is not his vocation but a man is what he stands for....flash forward to drunken naps and Halo 3...I am drunk and sad...it dawns on me....awwwwww Sanp...I have to find a JOB!

 

KMFW

Author's Note

please ignore grammar and spelling...thanks!

Reviews

[Cherry Berry]

A day in the life of so many in todays economy. This plus the added stress of all our own personal lives. It is depressing but what keeps each of us going is the hope that there is something better waiting for us around the corner.
Well penned.
xox
Cherri