Chapter 1

THIS IS HOW IT LOOKS:

Burned bank down the street. Some say it was bombed by the Oak Ridge kids, some say it was just burned down. I call it a landmark. Something easy for directions like " turn left at the s**t bank. You should see me sitting on the box." The rusted, tagged electrical box is also something i use for a landmark. Hardly can tell if its rusted or not.

 A diner sits lonely diagonal from the burned bank. Owned by the nice Chinese man who doesn't speak a lick of English. A decent place if your from here. If your not, you would want to get the hell out of here as soon as you saw the displeasing welcoming sign. WELCOME TO MORNING SIDE. 

The garbage man, Larry, drives his big green machine collecting people's trash and unwanted items. Things unfortunate people would love to have. But they don't care, so why should I? Larry's a pretty nice guy. I talk to him on the occasion of him riding on the back of the big green machine. He always asks me how my day is going. I always reply to him "good." What am I supposed to say? Draw out my life and tell him what's really going on? No. I smile, he smiles, and he goes about his business collecting people's trash. I go about mine and walk to where I'm supposed to be going. Which is... I never really know. But I know when I get there.

The trees around here, well, I wouldn't necessarily call them trees. They're planted sticks with lost souls. Swaying and breathing in the occasional breeze that decides to stop by every now and then. Whistling in the wind. Their leafless hearts make this town s****y and depressing in the winter and fall.

The apartments around here aren't much better. They're really not worth living in. But people still live there half-happy lives in them with their many children. The buildings are tall and tagged. Colorful teenage sin. Painted in saying F**K MORNING SIDE and SMOKE POT and they paint hearts with a pot leaf in them, or sometimes I actually see nice pictures they tag on the depressing buildings. Giving some life to this city. I don't really fall into the crowd of taggers. But I do love to watch the colors burst from the cans of the taggers. I sometimes sit and watch. But then they look at me like who the f**k are you? or Why are you here? 

I just mind my business and get to... I don't know where I am going.

There's a pretty little playground. And one day I stole black spray paint from the Quick Stop Down the street. I sprayed on one of the metal slides "NEVER GROW UP. IT SUCKS. STAY YOUNG FOREVER." I tagged a little heart after forever. The playground is really the only nice thing in the city, town, whatever. There's a rocket ship play house. Green monkey bars, a blue and yellow swing set, and two metal slides. One big, one small. My childhood was spent here. Every day. Even when it snowed. The blue and yellow swings were my favorite. I would just swing and swing until my little heart couldn't take it anymore. For hours I would play with the stranger kids roaming around with their parents. One mom asked me where my parents were. I said in the most cheery voice that I didn't know. And I ran off to go play. After a while, the playground would die and I'd be the only one there. That was the funnest time to be at the playground. 

Reviews

[Falling Leaf.]

Hmmmm. I haven't much to say, as this is the first chapter. All I can give you is a bunch of maybe...and a bunch of probably... To be honest, I really don't feel the punch of your first chapter until the end. But that's okay, slow builds are just fine.

Now, I would be a horrible reviewer to leave out that you have quite a bit of spelling/grammar hiccups. There's quite a list, but I'm going to give you each and every one of them:
~In the beginning, you use the words "land mark" two or three times. That's a compound word: landmark.

~"Another landmark that I normally use for giving my location. Its an electrical box." First off, its should be it's. I think this needs some rewriting. It took me a couple reads to understand this. I suggest: The rusted, tagged electrical box is something that I also use for giving my location. That will trim up some of those sentences.

~Okay, so. You're part about the diner and the Chinese man. First, I think you should start a new paragraph for this. Next, "looks decent if your from here." That should be you're. I think you should rearrange this into: A decent place, if you're from here.

~"The garbage man Larry drives..." Make this: The garbage man, Larry, drives...

~In the same sentence that I just mentioned, there's this: peoples. That needs to be people's.

~I always reply to him "good" You forgot your period there: "good."

~"...tell him whats really going on?" *what's.

~"...goes about his business collecting peoples trash." *people's.

~"There planted sticks..." *they're.

~"People still live there half-happy..." *their.

~"I just mind my business and get to I don't know where I'm going." I think you should rewrite this into: I just mind my business and get to...I don't know where I'm going." And italicize everything after the elipsis.

~In the last paragraph: "Everyday." Should be every day.

~"...asked me where my parents where." That last where should be were.

No other errors, that my eye caught. Your first chapter is a decent one.

[Falling Leaf.]

Oh, also. I suggest putting an extra space between your paragraphs. It would make this an easier read. Other than that, and the things mentioned above, well done!

[Kala Benfield]

Thank you so much ! i will edit this right away. ! also, its my first. I've only ever written poetry. so this is all new to me ! haha

[Falling Leaf.]

Ahh, poetry is my specialty too. It's always fun to stretch your fingers into new things.

[Kala Benfield]

& thats what i am trying to do((:

[Falling Leaf.]

Great! I can't wait to see the finished product of your first chapter.

[Falling Leaf.]

Woo! Looking better by the second. Still some spots where you have "there" instead of their, or "its" instead of it's, but it looks great! Seperating those paragraphs really cleaned things up. :)

[diaphanous]

"colorful teenage sin" I like that. You're descriptions of the city and the perspective your character has of it are very interesting. Keep it up!