I Can't Sleep Without You

I want to sleep in
a bed of flowers tonight,
hypnotizing stars
watching over our bodies.
I want to hold you tightly in my arms
and listen to the warm assurance of your breath.

Reviews

[Eile MacIntyre]

I think this is practically perfect. Short, sweet and simple.

[raining]

Very real. I like it. is it alkright if i write what i see, (if oinly i could do the same for my own poems)

try shortening it:

I want to sleep
in flowers
with stars over us
i want to hold you in my arms

and listento the assurance of your breath

english professor told me to take everything out that isnt necessary to the statement opf the poem.
also, no need for redundence of phrases, like "hold you" and "tightly" are two tof the same things. sort of.

i hope you dont get upset that i critiqued you. this poem is as good as anything di might write, i am still learning too. I just get tired of saying good poem good poem to everyone. i hope you dont mind. thanks, raining

[Seshat Nidaba]

I guess that's oxytocin, sweet dreams! bonding-breath!

[Robin]

I miss nights like that ..