Lost in his Thoughts

A Story by Kamascus

Not much of a story, it's kind of short. I was feeling pretty sad at the time. It's simply about a man, alone, thinking in his room. Hope it's a good one!

James stared at the ceiling above him. He felt nothing. How could that be? How can someone feel nothing? He swallowed slowly, a lump of spit had accumulated in his throat. James’s eyes felt heavy and tired. What to do? He moved his arm, hardly. The energy had seeped out of him. His thoughts raced through him faster than his body could keep up. James blinked and his eyes burned. He was resting, or at least as best as he could. It felt like he was in a coma inside of a cocoon. Poor James felt dead.

He numbly scratched at the bed. His body went cold, his eyes flushed, and James cried. The tears slowly stretched down his face. What had happened to him? What has he lead himself to? James breathed, and it made his very soul hurt.

He was nothing. Just a blank void. His hair stuck to his face and he didn’t even move it. Didn’t even move his head, he just let it rest there. It was like it was trying to shield him from the outside. Or cover up his dull lifelessness. James choked on a tear as he tried to think of something that could help him out. Didn’t he have anything? No, not anymore.

Everyone else was gone, too busy for James. No one wanted to be seen with him. He thought they were his friends. He didn’t do nothing wrong, so why did they hate him? Maybe he just never did anything right either. Maybe he just never did anything. He was boring. Maybe that was it. James let out a tear as he sucked in his stomach. No, he wasn’t boring, just a coward.

He should have done it. He should have done anything. No one wanted to talk to him. He scrunched up his face as he remembered a worse pain. The girl he put so much into. Why did she have to do it? Why couldn’t she just accept him?

Jillian had ruined him. He had put everything into her. Everything. He made sure she was happy, beautiful, he made sure she was perfect. He sniffed as he thought of the sacrifices he took, just to make her happy. How much he sold, how much he tried. And then she just left. She just took all the compliments and gifts and left. Maybe he should have just not tried? Why isn’t life fair? James had stopped crying.

Life wasn’t fair. It never was. James looked at the fan that spun above him on the ceiling. It wasn’t fair to the fan. At any second, James could turn it off, and it would have to stop, even if it didn’t want to. James sighed. He didn’t want to get up to even see himself turn off the fan. He didn’t even think he could if he tried.

James looked at the door. He could hear children playing in the other room. He didn’t want to hear them anymore, it was just causing him to tear up. He thought of how those children just laughed, taunting him with joy, forever. So innocent.

The door crept open. James hadn’t even moved an eye, he just kept staring at that endlessly moving fan. His father came into the room. He stood there for a moment, taking in everything, then sat down on the bed beside James. Neither of them said a word. His father looked at the floor. Then, slowly his gaze moved to James. James felt like his father gazed right through his soul.

They sat in silence for a long while. Then his dad left. Without a word, he just left. James laid on the bed, motionless. He moved his numbing hand over his head. His head was stinging again. The pain swelled as he felt the burning of his brains. He put his fingers in the bullet hole to try and make it stop, but it didn’t help. Why does this always happen? Can’t death just leave me in sorrow?

The ache moved from one side of his head to the other. And then it was clear. James’s mind felt free again, but his body felt immobile. James laid in bed. James was forever dead. Purgatory started up again as he could feel his soul settle back into place. James felt nothing, he just stared at the spinning fan. How could that be? How can someone feel nothing?