Memories of a Past Life

Memories of a Past Life

A Story by Kanae
"

An older man looks back on his life and his late wife.

"

He sat on his front porch, waves of dark clouds rolling in, the smell of rain dominant enough to be tasted. On days like this, he recalled his late wife, his past life. The life of a young boy who grew up around farm animals in barns that now hold only the memories trapped in his mind. He recalled neighbors and townspeople alike visiting often for goods, his father, always selling with a smile. 

 

However, now, the barn was grey and dull, void of the life he once had, void of all things he learned to love and all he had left was the house, his broken soul and his memories. His favorite blue baseball cap when he was a boy, still sitting on his head. His white beard old with age, as was he. 

 

And those emerald green eyes, the ones that sparkled in the sunlight, the ones that loved him so dearly but they weren’t eyes of his own, but the eyes of his wife who, has already left the old man to his equally old age. She was everything to him. A stubborn woman she was, but oh, how beautiful, how grateful he felt to be with such a loving soul. She was gentle, beautiful but yet so sturdy like a gem. 

 

And now, rain was falling, hard. Maybe just as hard as he fell for her. He closed his eyes in awe of the heavy drops that just lightly bounced onto his boots, to other, it sounded like rain, but to him, it sounded like her voice, her sweet gentle voice that always brought him to the light. He opened his eyes to blurred vision, tears forming and then staining his cheeks gently, as if he felt her fingertips once more. 

 

And, for the first time in a long time, he smiled. He smiled in remembering her, what he once had, what he worked so hard to gain. And even though, all he has left is the broken ruins of his wonderful youth, he smiled in remembrance, he smiled for her, he smiled for himself. 

 

Even though, the rain kept falling, he smiled as if the sun shone bright across his once life-filled land. For as long as he remained alive, he would keep this land safe in her memory, in his love and commitment. Even though her journey was already over, he would live the last year of his own in her memory. Until my death. He vowed to her. I will always love you.


Always.  

End

© 2020 Kanae


Author's Note

Kanae
I know this is really short but as all my other stories, just tell me what you think.

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Reviews

This is top-notch writing, as far as your ability to structure a compelling mixture of long complex sentences, along with the always needed short sentences, & everything feels balanced in the telling. I do agree with Sam about the excess of commas. This paints a portrait of this guy & his wife in fresh & expressive ways. However, I am more of a fan of telling more specific anecdotal memories, rather than general descriptions like eyes, voice. This could be anyone. But you want to make it someone very specific. Show me how she acted & laughed & smelled & sounded. Give me details so it becomes a portrait of an unforgettable woman. This piece is perfectly strong writing & I'm only offering ideas for future growth (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Month Ago


This is a sweet, somewhat sad story that tugs at the heart strings. In my view, it's plenty long enough and could even be condensed just a little. Also, there are a few unneeded commas.

Posted 2 Months Ago


Kanae

2 Months Ago

I'm happy you enjoyed it.

I'm not sure how it could be condensed, honestly. Ideas?
Samuel Dickens

2 Months Ago

By re-writing some of the sentences in a way that fewer words convey the same information. Some call.. read more
Kanae

2 Months Ago

Thanks for the advice!
Omg I loved it it’s not too short
I would love to read others but could only see one more “the coffee effect“ which I love as well
ThAnkyou for giving me a beautiful sentimental delightful morning read x

Posted 2 Months Ago


Kanae

2 Months Ago

I'm glad you enjoyed it. There will be more writing posted soon for sure! Stay tuned!
Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)

2 Months Ago

Great 👍
Can’t wait

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3 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on January 20, 2020
Last Updated on January 20, 2020
Tags: sliceoflife, home, family, love, life, death, memories

Author

Kanae
Kanae

Ontario, Canada



About
Studying Creative Writing and Publishing Short Story/Fiction writer in the genres of Slice of Life, Fantasy, Supernatural and sometimes Mystery more..

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