Cross To Bear

Work in progress.

Bright the afternoon's sunlight

illuminating an ancient church

Wedding skirt rays of many a young bride

Stream through shattered windows

Covering the faded red rugs

In kaleidoscopes of stained glass

A man walks slowly down the aisle

Stops before the alter

Eyes no longer searching left nor right 

Dust stirred by his movement

Bathes him in an ethereal glow

He wipes a pew and sits

Bowing his head to cry

Standing unbroken behind the altar

An old rugged cross looks on...

Author's Note

Comments, suggestions, thoughts, all welcome. Thank you!

Reviews

[Stella Armour]

Love the feel of this Karen, and normally i would not offer advice but as you have asked for suggestions, maybe a little one ..."An old rugged cross" might be better then you will not have used "the" twice in two lines. Only a small thought...hope you don't mind because the poem conveys such a lot of wonderful imagery...

[Karen Redburn]

Stella, thank you for the positive feedback and suggestion. I can see where that would improve the read and am making the change now. Cheers and thanks again!

[Stella Armour]

yes, i think it is better for the slight change.... a lovely poem

[Karen Redburn]

I made several other small changes at the same time. Thank you very much for the input and suggestion! My mum was from England originally and it is nice to speak with people in the UK. Cheers!

[Stella Armour]

Oh great... I have found that English poets do write slightly differently to American and Canadian poets that is why I never usually make suggestions unless asked lol .

[Karen Redburn]

Mine might be a bit of a mix? Not sure, but yes we do write differently and some suggestions do not translate as well as we hope. But yours was perfect and just what the piece needed too. Thanks again!

[Stella Armour]

my pleasure :)

[Neville]

I too sense that you have yet to finish 'Cross to Bare' but even in it's most current form, you have every right to feel pleased. Just one thing, if it were me, I would ditch the / and add or, or tack an ing on the end of search.........................................................N

[Karen Redburn]

Thank you Neville. Yes there is a piece that would bind this together, but yet to find it. Thanks for the positive feedback and critique. I had originally used "or" will revisit that tip. "ing" to search would smooth it out. Was avoiding "nor" but the flavour of this one might warrant the word. Cheers, my friend!

[Neville]

It might indeed, I quite like the word 'nor' it is one of those that ages the text a tad and reads better on yellowed parchment.....N
'

[Karen Redburn]

Changes made, let me know what you think and thanks every so much for the input!

[Neville]

Ah' you cracked it. Funny innit how just one word or two and in this case, such a little one can change the whole feel of somefink. Looks better and sounds better in my head...

[Karen Redburn]

Great thanks! Off to work for a few hours. Guess that's what they pay me for :) Will be back to read again and again and again!

[Neville]

Good, good, good. Go to work, go safely & go well...