Storm

Rewrite of an old story. Every past has moments of darkness. This is one of mine.

Thunder cracked loudly outside her window. 

The storm was right overhead. 

Cheek pressed against the window, she sat. Her knees pulled tightly into her chest. As music pounded through her headphones she sighed. 

She could feel herself slipping. These were the worst times. 

Here she sat. Alone in this semi darkened room, cold and desperate for something to happen. A reason to get up, a reason to change out of the sweatpants she’d been wearing for the past two days. But none came. The very thought of standing up made her want to cringe, but even that proved too much effort. 

There she sat.  Expressionless.  Motionless. An occasional sigh escaped her as she watched the droplets of water cling to her bedroom window. She hated these days. Her body was so numb but her mind was racing. It didn’t seem possible that she could think with such energy when she couldn’t muster enough to click next on her Ipod.   Frustration.

 With a huge push of energy she let herself fall back on the large bed that lay beneath her. Staring blankly at the ceiling she contemplated the idea of sinking into it. What if the mattress just sucked her right through the bottom of the floor and into the earth? 

How appealing the fantasy seemed. 

A lump began to harden in her chest. The want to cry was so strong, but she was too numb for the tears to fall. Emptiness. She thought about pealing herself off her bed to return to her dreadful old habits. The razor never seemed quite so enticing and was only growing more so as the hours passed. 

She hated doing it. 

She hated herself for doing it. 

“Clichéd attention starved teenage girl, full of angst and desperately seeking someone to ask if she’s ok” that’s what they all said. But the pain is better than the numb. 

How foolish she felt after every slit. 

How ashamed. 

How unbelievably alone she was in her bed of self-loathing.

A soft knock pulled her out of her thoughts. She didn’t answer, instead rolling onto her side, she faced the wall. The door opened and a gentle hand was on her shoulder. A warm voice told her it was time for dinner while she feigned sleep. Accompanied by a gentle shake, the announcement came again, but she couldn’t respond. She just didn’t have it in her. The warmth of the hand faded all at once as she heard the door close. She opened her eyes. Tears began to well in the their corners and she swallowed hard to push it all back down. She had wanted the owner of the voice to lie down next to her and stroke her hair. She wanted to be picked up and hugged until all of the pain and misery disappeared. Staring at the blank wall in front of her she heaved a great sigh. Wondering if this was the life she was to be trapped in forever. 

Reviews

[Relic]

The girl you describe here sounds like she's not only depressed but introverted and withdrawn as well as fatigued from an uneventful life of unhappiness and indecision. Now she's lost in isolation and desparate for assurance and love. I know I had similar feelings when was young with the exception of cutting which I've never even thought about.

You've done a nice job of describing the scene in a way we can imagine and empathize with. The fact that you put her in a scene next to a window dripping with rain adds to the dreary internal mood of the story.

You wrote this well for a first posting. Nice writing.

[Samuel Dickens]

People have experienced blue moods similar to this forever, I guess, but this is the best, most well-written 21st century version/description I've seen. New on the scene are IPODs and cutting one's self, but the emotions behind it all are eternal and unchanged from my generation and way before. Seriously, Katherine, you write extremely well. One small error--"she was to (too) numb...."

[Emrick]

An interesting short story.

[Jason Dyer]

Nice work. Sounds like someone who will eventually regain the strength to claim the love she deserves. And then she'll enjoy the rain next time. ;)

[M.E.Lyle]

You really take the reader into the mind of,what you call, "a cliche' attention starved teenage girl." What goes on up there ion ones mind that causes one to think, nobody cares about me but me.
You did a wonderful job.
One little thing, you used "to" when you should have used "too,"..."but she was to numb..." A little thing, not bad.

[Shin ( formerly known a..]

I thought it was the spontaneity at first, then I thought it was the suggestion that it relates to events in your life....but I think its the fact that you bring a calm observation to the daily events of your life that captured my attention to your write. Wonderful....it creates a sharing despite myself.

[V]

This is beautiful. I think many can relate to this, I know I can. You depicted the emotions of your character very well.

[Bodhi]

"She felt like such a cliché attention starved teenage girl full of angst and desperately seeking someone to ask her if she’s okay. It wasn’t like that for her though."
("Pain was just better than being numb.")

i like very much. great writing & a very poignant story :)

[......]

I can really relate to some of this, very deep & personal. Nicely expressed

[Jason Shadows]

Doomed to see what's real even with power in sadness anyone can fail to realize the true happiness is one self first then in the dark You to are much more until you see the light and you are never alone. I like this.