a love so soon lost

lovers always die

his eyes were bright
and lively like thine
his hair, so soft
and intertwined

his cheeks were rosy
soft and sure
his arms, arms so cozy
his best feature

and now he rots
under the ground
the worms, maggots
to him hath found

they gnaw and eat
my beloved so
a tasty treat
to him, I know

so gone, my love
my withering woe
for gone as dead
my heart shall grow

every inch of me
is a tomb for death
doth has seen insanity
now leave me to my rest

Author's Note

sooo.... ya it's not that great. But Its pretty good for a quicky. Please tell me what you think. ^_^

Reviews

[Erin Lee]

wow! what an unexpected turn! i thought it was just going to be a normal love poem til it took that turn! nice work! i hope this is not based on true experience though! i'd enter this in the "something lost" contest on the contest page. WELCOME TO WRITER'S CAFE!

[Marianne]

I liked it. I had chills when you mentioned the maggots...yuk, but that was great detail. Nice work.

[Amber]

Eh. it's better than mine, go rate mine or look at the newer ones... please! Love ya

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

i really like this , i like the contrasting

[Jeannie Wilder]

This is very good! I like the contrast of him alive to him dead. It was more descriptive in his death than I was expecting... you didn't romanticize his death.

[Honey]

I really like this poem! I love the description of the guy and then the contrast when you described him being dead. Good job!

[Kia-chan!]

I really like this poem! It's really good! And I love the picture of Kisa! I read fruits basket, own all the DVD's, and own a bunch of the books! Do you read the series too? or do you just like the animay?

[sweetylee1994]

aww. Thanks you guys. That makes me feel better. ^_^ lol

[Mary]

ohhh...wow!!! I loved it it was SO powerful, even for a quickyXD Loved imagery and the rhyming it worked well!!! it didn't suck at all!!!

[Arabella.]

That was just a quick one?
Thats great! I totaly love it :)
The flow of the poem is really good and the last stance does not suck!