Prologue

Playing God.

I can do this; I can bring them to life, drag them into your minds and have them live again. Puppets at the end of my fingertips; stretching themselves into the roles I’ve cast for them. I can shine them in that most pure of lights that demands only that you see them through a golden film. They need never be more than their very best; the absolute epitome of what they could have been, were it not for the world.

 

It was heartbreaking, realising that world itself; that life itself can bring itself into your sphere and tear up any form of propriety. I’d heard phrase before, ‘that when we’re busy making our plans god laughs’ but it never really seemed true. Before that realisation, I alone had control of my life. I was in a sense my own god, insanity now.

 

Was i my own god when my car burst into flames? Curling up around the hood and crumpling the paint as it burned. The fire burning up to meet itself and feeding the growing sense of panic in my fingers as i struggled to get my belt of to run clear before the explosion. Of course not, but today i hold a vague parody of that power. I can make their ending different, i can change their story.

 

They do not need to become smaller, a fading memory that sparks into your mind and is promptly forgotten. The story that lasts for a week at best before taken up by another triviality, those involved and left behind then tasked to move on as swiftly and silently as they can. I can save them, drag their souls back from whatever resting place they fly towards and embody them with lines, trap them in-between the pages and multiply them till they live more well known then they ever did when they were still alive.

 

Here, with my fingers poised above they keys, i am a strange parody of the god i thought myself to be; I can control their story, write and then rewrite it. I can be forgiven in a way that i never was in life. I can have a second chance, and through me, so can they.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Ok so this is just a VERRRYYYY rough start. Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[G!o]

Very catchy, very creative and polished well. I love the pace that you've used, the type that slaves the reader to the page and for a prologue i say this lovely with good choices of words, your sentences are mature...plus the theme reminds me of the little girl Briony who decided to play god in Atonement. I'll be looking forward to reading more of this..

[Leslie Philibert]

A good write, like the good paragraphing and the way you introduce the theme.

[Taylor H.]

My only complaint is the use of the under case I. I found one mistake other than that Here, with my fingers poised above they keys----the keys

This was a great start to a story. I cant wait for you to finish it :)

[Devons]

This is a really well-written piece, and the use of the language is accomplished and smooth. It's an intriguing beginning in that there are hints at what is to come but at the same time nothing definite - because the opening is a philosophical thesis , in a sense, and uses no broad physical focus points. Whichever way the subsequent writing will go, I think this prologue sets out its stall in terms of the writer's intelligence and thought processes. And that is something that appeals to me, since it is taken up by rhetorical, exploratory, and metaphysical ideas - not pure commercial story-telling, but to actually attempt to Think about something seriously and to understand it. Thought-provoking.

[Craig2591]

I completely identify with what you have written! I don't know if it is the same with other writers or not, but in a strange way I feel a certain responsibility for my characters. I control their destiny. It's actually a little scary. Does that make sense?

I think this is beautifully written.

[Kaya]

It does, i feel responsible for my fictional characters, and i tend to base a lot of my characters on people i know so i feel almost more responsible. I've started this almost in response to Ian McEwans 'Atonement'. His character Briony thinks a lot of the same things.

Kaya,
I would have to agree with the comments that have already been made about this story. A prologue is supposed to be quick, and intriguing... Something that will capture the reader and make them want to read on. If I were you I would consider breaking this into two pieces, leaving the section in italics as a prologue and putting the second section as your first chapter.

On a separate note, I really like your writing style. The depth of emotion that I felt while reading this actually managed to bring tears to my eyes. I felt as though I were being wrenched into her life, and her guilt- which is a powerful tool for a writer to posses. For a rough start you seem to have a very clear direction- I would definitely not advise stopping this or feeling as though it is not worth continuing as what you have written so far is very intriguing.

Thank you for sharing this piece and allowing others the chance to offer their advice on how to improve such a promising piece of work.

Bettsy.

[Ryan Zeller]

This is a lot of emotion and information for just a prologue. While I was reading through this, I was more confused than anything else. You clearly have an interesting set of ideas here, but I think these events, characters, and feelings should be told through the story itself; not given all at once in the prologue. There is so much emotion running through Kayla in this scene, but the reader has no idea why, and has no reason to sympathize with her.

Prologues are often written "in medias res," but for that same reason they tend to be very short. Your story sounds interesting and you write eloquently, but I think you're getting overenthusiastic with this prologue and unloading way too much information in one section. Remember that there's a whole story to fill! You should unveil information and plot points in such a way that the story acts as an emotional journey for the reader.

One last suggestion I can think of: don't go into such detail about Kayla's thoughts/feelings only in the narration. One of the best, most emotionally affecting ways to discuss a character's feelings is through dialogue.

Other than that I just noticed one minor error: you used the word "loose" instead of "lose."

Hope this helped!