Dear Lissa

Reaching out.

Old eyes Lissy, that's what you told me I had. Eye's that had seen things they shouldn't have. You said my suffering showed in my eyes, and I thought for that one second you understood, but you thought I had made my peace with my wounds years ago; that or you just didn't care. Was that it Liss? Were you pretending to care just to ease the guilt on your soul? I took care of your problems, so it must have been the only thing you dealt with yourself.

You saw me standing in the middle of the blood and pain and told me how impressed you were that I had cut down whatever was attacking me. You told me you saw an avenging angel in me and you were so glad I was strong enough to take care of myself. You turned to me and you asked me for help with your own issues.

You didn't understand. Nothing was attacking me, you saw me in that brief moment when I stood and pretended that the blood dripping from my fingers wasn't my own. In that one minute my pride dragged me upright and helped me stay there; promising my pain would be hidden if I could just stay standing a few minutes longer.

What is it about the human condition that promises absolution if you can be strong enough to stand against the world? That’s how the hero's were formed, no one ever idolized the hero that reached out and joined everyone together to save the world. Gandhi was a legend, a miracle worker, but no one wants to be Gandhi, Superman lifted the world with one hand, carrying the world on his shoulders. He's the hero, but only as long as he wins, as soon as he looses the world will berate him for not sharing the load they'd been happy to thrust upon him.

That’s how it works isn't it. You look up to the person that can handle it all on their own and stay standing.  You all want to be strong enough to stand alone; you tell me how you want to cut yourself off from the world Lissy. You don't know what you want, you see my life on a pedestal, you see me raised up above the world and you want to join me up there.

Have you ever been on a pedestal Liss? It felt good didn't it. You loved it, everyone’s eyes on you; the whole world cheering your forward. The difference was you could step down. They put me on a pedestal the day I started school, the put me up there and said I was different; from that point I had to be.

The truth is, you don't know; you'll never know. You won't ever have to find out how quickly the world stops cheering and starts watching for your fall. You won't know how it feels to have your own blood betting on how soon you'll crash back to earth. You won't see the faces change from adoration to contempt when you don’t produce something better; when you don't climb higher.

You won't ever have to stand alone when you're surrounded by people, just so you don't get hurt more. You won't ever have to stand and pretend that you’re not dying, just to give someone a moment’s reassurance. You'll hate me for pushing you off the pedestal if you stay for a second too long. You'll call me egocentric, a b***h of an attention seeker and in turn I'll hide how much it cost me to push you off and away just to save you.

Liss you asked me to let you in, to just be myself. I've been strong for so long now that I don't know how, I've smiled and waved so many times that I don't know who I am. You told me to speak from my heart. The truth is, my heart is lost, it’s alone, confused and crying, but I could never tell you that.  I know what you need to see Lissa, and it isn't lost. It’s strong, aggressive and it never gets hurt. I just wish it was me.

 

 

She slammed the enter key and watched the cursor blink apathetically at the margin. Biting her lip she hit the 'x', her movement’s quick, jumpy in her haste. She wasn't even looking at the screen as she Ok’d the computer to delete her work. She'd already walked away.

Author's Note

Just a short piece. Call out to Minda... Thanks for everything girlie <3
Comments and thoughts welcome.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good story. Open the door to many questions and thoughts.
"What is it about the human condition that promises absolution if you can be strong enough to stand against the world? "
Men like Gandhi and Martin Luther King gave everything for peace. To create change take energy and possibility of many enemies. Men of peace were more fear then men of war. Story went in many directions. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[Craig2591]

Very powerful! Very wise, especially the beginning part about heroes! You're so good with words.

[Kaya]

You are too nice to me!!! Thank you as always for such a lovely comment. Is another installment of Chrissy's tale coming soon?

[Craig2591]

Yes, Chrissy and Ian will be returning soon. They've really been bugging me to continue their story! Thank you for the encouragement!

[Kaya]

Yay!! Thanks :)

[Odayin]

You seem to always find a way to impact a human mind in an area that isn't used to be hit, thus it is soft and easily breakable. It seems that's your method to get inside our heads rather than shouting your message through our ears.
I support that.
It almost seems like you're an observer, seems as if you just sit there and study people and their flaws and write as if you're attempting others from the same fate.
Either way, great job Kaya, you never cease to impress:)

[Kaya]

Thank you so much. It really lifts my spirits to have you enjoy my work so much.