One New Message

The txt that changes everything.

Sitting forward, she placed the slim black phone on the table in an attempt to stop obsessing. She leaned back against the couch, wincing at her mistake the instant the springs leapt of the cushioning to attack her spine. A soft grunt burst through her lips as she jerked forwards, curling up against the arm rest. It was probably, she thought - desperately trying to distract herself " the only comfortable thing left on the couch this old. That’s what she got for joining this household though.

In classic form it had been two weeks before she had to move when she’d started actually calling people about a room. Everyone she knew had already moved away, she just hadn’t felt the urge to bother until it was almost too late. She’d done the impossible yet again, and in the way her friends said only she could, she pulled together some interviews for houses. On the day they’d all fallen through but one. By then she’d didn’t have time to reschedule, so she took it. Not that that had been a big mistake really. She caught herself staring at the phone again.

Strange to think that he was out there somewhere. The slime who’d stolen her heart and left it in the bed he’d shared with some other woman. Her fiancé, if she could still call him that. ‘The jerk’ she muttered, long past caring that there was no one in the room to hear her. She’d cried all day, gone out for comfort food then slipped back under her blanket on the couch, staring at the message he’d left on her phone. The one she’d read so many times as to make it redundant. “It was a mistake. Call me babe, I miss you.” She’d typed out so many replies, thought of so many questions she had to ask but it all boiled down to one thing. “Do you still love me? Do you want to make this work?”

She’d called Casey, wanting to hear from someone else that he was nothing but a worthless b*****d. To hear how much better she deserved. She’d gotten the whole speech, given with the gusto only a best friend can put forward. It had changed even less than she’d hoped it would. The phone was so still on the table, so silent. The house had mimicked it, her world had. The world had faded into a trance, the noise, the bus crawling up the street over, the planes leaving the city overhead; all gone. Even her breath was staggered, it was the only thing she could really hear, and it shuddered with a need to be quiet. Her eyes locked on phone, awaiting its jarring buzzing. It had been 3 minutes since she’d asked him.

Her hands shook as the silence got louder and louder, overwhelming her with its urgency. Panicking, she watched her hand shoot out for the remote, turning it up louder, trying to break up the quietness. The apartment, that’s where’s she been, trying to clean the scum off the brick pavers, her phone had gone off, admittedly with much less fanfare than it would this time. He’d called her when he sat on the phone, just in time for her to hear him tell her that ‘his girl’ was useless and he just loved these moments away with his ‘sweetheart’.

The phone burst into light, shaking against the crumb encrusted tabletop in front of her. The lights drew her in like a moth, but they were going to eat her alive. That message was going to change everything and at the same time, what could he possibly say? How could she possibly believe it? The phone stopped its electronic dance towards the edge of the table, taunting her again with the silence, only this time there was nothing stopping her from reaching out and… It was surreal, seeing her hand reach out snatch the phone up. One new text message, the little envelope taunting her, promising her what? Closure?

She huffed, shaking her head, briefly graced with her first smile that day. Her finger slid across the screen, dragging the little envelope into the little trash can and watching with satisfaction as it disappeared. Whatever he said would just be more words anyway. She snuggled deeper into the side of the couch, carefully avoiding the sharp edges of the springs. 

Tomorrow she’d find a new one. 

Author's Note

I think everyone's waited on that one message that has the power to change everything. Whether its waiting for an explanation, or something as simple and threatening as waiting to see if he'll say 'I love you' back.

Reviews

[Southern Cross]

Loved this story. I think most of us have waited for that little envelope , the yellow ym dot . the call...only to question what would the contents say ? Afraid to hear the words..expecting ..wanting more. we wait, we pause ,we wonder. This shows such strength. Just" more words" is exactly what it would be and to be able to turn your back with that knowledge is so defining. Great job. You are quite the story teller !!

[None]

Good job. I think you could tone down the description a bit though. It would make the meaning so much more clear and concise. I like Craig's idea of one sentence paragraphs. This story is fueled by suspense, and they add a lot of spring to it when used in this setting. I love the resolution of the story. Your characterization is good. I think you could even consider adding a few remembered scenes from the relationship too. Who doesn't run over them while sitting around waiting for texts. A great and innovative piece, employing modern day themes.

Send me another request if you change it!

[Odayin]

Great expanded moment
Great details and literary devices.
Great story:)
You actually had me fighting my own eyes as they wanted so badly to jump to the bottom of the screen just to resolve it all, just to see what her actions would be, but at the same time, I knew the story was too good to allow it to be tarnished like that...so I kept my eyes up:)
All in all just a really nice piece of writing that had you guessing till the end. Nice job!

" " the only comfortable thing left on the couch this old. "
I too am a little confused as to why the sentence was started with a quotation mark.. I also would consider changing the 'on the couch' to 'on a couch' .. just because it reads better.
but they are just minor errors.

I really like this story though - The fact that the main character has the power to let go and realize she is worth more is so inspiring. Everyone faces this make or break moment in their life.. It's good to see that she valued herself enough to make the right decision- rather then falling back into the arms of a jerk.

Nice read, well done. :)

[Craig2591]

I like it! The last two chapters are the best and I love the outcome. Good for her!

I would start a new sentence at, "Tomorrow she’d find a new one." and maybe even put that line in it's own paragraph for more impact.

I also love, "Whatever he said would just be more words anyway." Excellent line!