Failure

a selection about anxieties and fear.

I feel so out of touch with reality, but I don’t know how to put myself back in. I don’t even know if I want to, but this plane of existence is exhausting. I feel like I walk on eggshells no matter where and what I do. I’m ridiculed for being young, and for having so little experience. It doesn’t help that I look like a kid as well. My anxiety is through the roof and my body doesn’t cooperate, no matter how strong I may appear to feel. I just wish that things were smoother as they are for other people, and I wish I didn’t feel so insufficient. My words do not pertain how I feel when I’m only speaking, only my writing truly suggests the accuracy of my life. I can tell that what I say goes in one ear and out the other, and yet I don’t know how to change that chain reaction. I try to grow, and yet the stains of life portray me as a failure and a loser that’s not capable of living. I feel memories collapse into the void of sunken cells, and I feel mirrors staring back and making fun. I’m not living. I am not even existing in this world. I am merely just a speckle in the universe. I am not even part of sparkles, nor the beautiful plane of whites, purples, and blues. I am the ugly block of dust. I am not living. I am not even important. I am a tired soul that’s trapped inside a body. I am mutant that’s been formed with just a matter of depreciating self and justification from my peers. I have failed, and I don’t know how much to rise to reach survival, I just want to learn to smile and feel at ease. I don’t care about the money, I don’t care about besting, I just want the freedom to be me. I just want the freedom to discover who I am. I just want to learn to live positively. 

Reviews

[Karen Redburn]

You have expressed the feeling of not fitting in, and desperately wanting to, very well in this story. As writers I think we are blessed with the ability to write our own story, even until it sticks and becomes our new truth. The last sentence leaves me wondering if there will be a part two on living positively? Either way very good!