Midnight butterfly 🦋

Midnight butterfly 🦋 

Lucy your vision lights up
a dark Brooklyn sky.

Down in the ghetto
you're fixed for a high.

You're a supernova,
filled with personality.

Sucking in attention
 like you're made of gravity. 

Tomorrow means nothing,
to a girl who lives for today.

The streets seem to lack

 colour, when you're away.

You’ve possessed the city
 and you're running wild,

preying on men who 

seek to be defiled.

If the curbs talked,
they would sing songs of your seduction.

Intended or not,
you lead to a hearts destruction.

On your throne of trash
you claim the attention of every guy.

Fluttering around the district
 like a midnight butterfly.

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

I've known midnight butterflies like this, My Keen-Minded Friend … far too many.
Bless their restless hearts, soothe and keep their searching souls safe.
Featuring nice rhymes, strong (but sad) energy, good metaphor, too, for a more impacting poetic voice, and delivers a deeply-meaningful message to those living this wayward lifestyle.

A thought-provoking work, with a perfect title and apt picture, Kee … much enjoyed! ⁓ Richard 🍃

Teacher's hints: For a more appealing presentation, easy, interesting, and smoother read, I think each of your lonnng-line Couplets would work better as Quatrains, and without proper punctuation, it has a monotonous run-on effect, reads a bit stark, lacks personality, and feels unfinished … consider my favorite verse, for example:

Tomorrow means nothing,
to a girl who lives for today.
The streets seem to lack
colour, when you're away.

You’ve possessed the city
and you're running wild,
preying on men who
seek to be defiled.

(just some poetical techniques to try)

I like the colourful blue butterfly touch, too. : )

[KeeD]

I really like this review and I think I will definitely take up your guidance on the presentation aspect of it. Thanks Richard!

[Richard🖌]

Beautifully rendered, Keegan! : )