Never.

Never.

A Poem by Keeley

Like a fog over my eyes, you had me so blinded.

I thought I could see your heart, while you had mine binded.

I could have gone on in our forever just you and I.

Little did I know another girl was in your eye.

I knew I was had, I thought we were forever.

Then she comes along and whispers in my ear.

Never.

© 2011 Keeley


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Just a few errors like "while you had my binded." Is it supposed to be while you had mine (as in the heart) binded or while you had me binded? Oh, and binded is not a word, but I guess for the sake of rhymes, you can use it. Haha. And "I knew I was had," I don't really get the meaning of that line. Just a little bit of editing will make this so much better. But I really loved the whispering part. And it's not the guy! But it's the girl who did it. Sooo, cool twist. Love the poem. ;)

Posted 12 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I love the meaning and the flow, well done!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like this....I can relate....
Almost made me cry..

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

?

Posted 12 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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EMF
As good as this poem is, the last line truly sends a shiver down the spine. Your set up for that one word is sheer perfection and you handle both the rhyme and the flow like a skilled craftsman. And when the last line hits, it has exceptional power. Superb.

Posted 12 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

This is an intriguing piece that has good lines. It has an ancient feel to it as though Greek or Roman in origin.

Posted 12 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

No problem(: I'm sort of a perfectionist. Binded is indeed a word. It means to tie or fasten tightly. The phrase "I knew I was had..." is a phrase the means. I knew I was fooled or I knew I'd been tricked. Thanks for the reviews guys(:

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

the fixes made the flow better and easier to understand thank your for taking the time to fix it.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Just a few errors like "while you had my binded." Is it supposed to be while you had mine (as in the heart) binded or while you had me binded? Oh, and binded is not a word, but I guess for the sake of rhymes, you can use it. Haha. And "I knew I was had," I don't really get the meaning of that line. Just a little bit of editing will make this so much better. But I really loved the whispering part. And it's not the guy! But it's the girl who did it. Sooo, cool twist. Love the poem. ;)

Posted 12 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

wow for something u wrote in 2 mins it was really good ;p i love the end where the other girk whispheres never. great write

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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9 Reviews
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Added on November 25, 2011
Last Updated on November 25, 2011

Author

Keeley
Keeley

About
I dream, drink tea, and write. I'm an original nerd really. I sleep and read entirely too much. I care too much and trust too little. more..

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