The Candy Box

Who smoked the salmon? --

It’s a question, always 

on the tip of the tongue, what comes 

to the old gray matter, whenever I’m confronted 

by a blackboard standoff --

                                               surf or turf. 

One can never be too mindful, care-

full of the carrots. 

                              Some chefs 

get a little too steamy with their vegetables, 

Alice Waters, after hours. They think 

it’s on them, trimming the nation’s waistline 

to proportionate portions, rationing 

how many peas get added 

to the pepperoni’s slice of life. 

But what’s life without an appetite? 

A hundred year old prune is just that, 

A prune. Withered, weazened, 

waste of a weasand. Getting to the gate, 

but always the maiden, never breaking 

for a scallop around the old fairgrounds 

is hardly being prudent --

I say wail for the whale. At least he’s filled himself, 

made something of the minnowers, marinated 

a bonbon or two, before the great pheasant 

sail off of a bon voyage. 

So, when I see a restaurant shuttered

I don’t think, bad luck --

but bad chef, another soup Nazi 

bent on binding the the gastrointestinal tract, 

hamming me out of a piddock, 

the fowl omelet, stag soufflé … 

the sweet smelling methane of laying out 

the liver, rolling in the clover 

after the exuberance of being expelled 

from the all you eat buffet. 

Ken e Bujold

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

This is splendid! It's nice to have a good meal without worrying about every single thing that you put in your mouth. I simply refuse to live my life that way. Makes me think of the quote, "Life is short. Eat dessert first." Well done.

[John the Baptist]

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may die. Indeed, I have known some 100 year old prunes.

[Ken e Bujold]

I think we all have John. My motto, live it once, live it large, because it's end is coming around sooner than any of us ever imagine. Never understood those who live without risk. it's got to be dull as hell, maybe duller

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I laughed at the Seinfeld reference to the soup Nazi. My daughter likes trees. She likes them green or covered in snow or green with snow on top. Those are her connotations for broccoli, cauliflower and broccoli dipped in ranch dressing. I hate fancy restaurants that try to starve you with meager servings and a piece of kale. I can cook better that most of their chefs anyway. My oldest suggested once I should open my own restaurant. I laughed at her. The overhead, paying the help, balancing the books, doing all that cooking...it would ruin the joy of creation for me. I might spend an hour alone on prep for something as special as my jambalaya.

[Ken e Bujold]

from experience, if you want to go broke...go into the hospitality industry. it's surest way i know to damnation

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I so agree. But I enjoy cooking for family and friends. And it gets me invited to all the "functions" (laughing)

[W. Barrett Munn]

A clever use of food as metaphor. Did you forget the asparagus?

Winston

[Ken e Bujold]

didn't but, also didn't want to make brussel sprouts too envious

[W. Barrett Munn]

Cruciferous vegetable night. :-)

[Ken e Bujold]

just cruciferous. i am romping down wolf lane tonight, editing some, starting others off riffs that got ex'd ...don't know if its a full moon or not, but i am certainly hounding the dogs

[W. Barrett Munn]

Writers write. It's a curse. Kind of.

[Lorry]

Where would we be without hunger? Probably in the kitchen trying all the weirdest combinations that somehow made it to acceptance, like peanut butter and chocolate, Ben and Jerry and pancakes and tree juice. And don't get me started on the masochist who saw a pumpkin and thought to make soup from it.
But I do get that tastes differ, says the guy from a country that eats haggis and invented the deep fried mars bar (if you think you want to try it, stop thinking now!)
We even deep fry pizza here!!!

[Relic]

I find that as I get older I don't care as much about thinning the old waistline. Maybe that's bad, but I don't eat processed food so I must be doing something right. Now after reading your poem I'm hungry for an all you can eat buffet. Even if I'm not really hungry. :)

[Ken e Bujold]

hunger is what keeps the wheels rolling. metaphorically at least