Black Glass

I was just writing thoughts down and I have no idea how it ended up as a poem. So it's probably not very good and if you have any suggestions to make it better comment them and I'll rewrite it.

In the middle of a moonlight soul
Lies the cold glass lake in a frozen heart
In a crystal cage for a frozen heart
Sits the broken mirror of black glass
Showing a wonderland of madness

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love everything except the repetition of "frozen heart" . . . I would try to find a different way to say it the second time around instead of repeating the same phrase in such a short poem. In general, your poem is heavy with the imagery of "glass" which suggests this narrator is feeling fragile, maybe about to bust apart (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Relic]

The metaphors, as well as the images, seem overdone. There's too much to take in at once. I would try simplifying it some. The word heart is mentioned twice, one line after the other, so you could eliminate the second one. The word moonlight doesn't seem to relate to the rest of the poem either.

In the seat of my frozen heart
lies a reflection;
a cold glass mirror of black glass;
its many cracks showing
a wonderland of madness.