To find the light of day

A prequel to Pilot, this story explains how Jae's parents met. No BL in this story and nothing really explicit.

Esther leaned back from the holographic projection she’d been manipulating, pulling her hands free of the interaction field and giving her fingers a shake.

She was a short plain woman, her hair pulled back fiercely into a knot at her nape. Her stark white researcher’s uniform had rumpled a bit around her waist, but otherwise her appearance was crisp and rather severe. Only a small smirk that played at the corners of her mouth and a hint of a twinkle in her eyes gave hint to her true nature.

The changes to the gene sequence were complete. A solid month of work on this one, done in very short shifts to keep her mind and fingers sharp, but the sequence was good and the time well spent.

She could always tell when the manipulations she’d just finished would be successful and when they would fail. A handy skill that sometimes endeared her to her boss and occasionally frustrated him.

As she pushed her chair back her assistant rushed forward, saving the information for transport. The GOHLD corporation was extremely paranoid about their research, which meant the system Esther worked on was completely isolated. All the information she created had to be carried by hand to the development team for trial.

As her assistant rushed off to make the delivery Esther met director Honeth’s eyes and gave a little nod. The director gave a triumphant little bounce on the balls of her feet and made a little signal with her hand, then quickly left the room.

Esther allowed the smirk on her lips to bloom for a moment into a smile, then quickly restored the somber mien she normally maintained at work.

“We’re going out tonight!”

Four hours later, two women strode down the inner promenade of the station’s entertainment sector and any one of their colleagues would have been hard pressed to recognize them.

Esther’s dark brown hair was a riot of soft glossy waves and careful make-up made the most of her bright eyes, transforming them into something exotic. Boot heels struck the promenade floor in a confident strut.

Her companion was the transformed director Honeth, whose looks were even more outstanding, long hair up in an elaborate style and skin tight outfit hugging every inch of her carefully toned body.

“I heard there’s two alien ship’s in port,” Honeth said breathlessly, “should we up the ante?”

Esther pursed her lips a little.

“Which ones?” she asked.

“Tolderain and...” Honeth broke off then muttered, “crud, I’ve forgotten the other.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Esther pronounced quickly, the Tolderain’s would make the night interesting, “double points if they’re alien, triple points if they try and get us to drink what they are having.”

Esther’s eyes crinkled at the corners and she grinned at Honeth.

“And don’t forget,” Honeth started.

“No taking them home to bed!” they both shouted in unison, ignoring the strange looks it garnered them.

Morning light programmed to switch on and “shine” in Esther’s eyes from the holographic window woke her the next morning. She groaned a little and squeezed her eyes shut even tighter to block out the light. A raging headache and foul taste in her mouth indicated that she’d let herself get drunk the night before. A seeping wetness and dull ache between her thighs made it clear that she’d broken the other “girls night out” rule as well.

“Ugh,” she moaned slightly, shifting a hand to bring it up to her head.

A warm body shifted against her and Esther’s eyes snapped open despite the light and her pounding head.

This wasn’t the first time she’d broken the “girls night” rule, but it was the first time she’d woken to find her erstwhile partner in her bed. She never brought lovers home, let alone one night stands.

Rainbows sparkled in front of Esther’s eyes as she opened them and she blinked repeatedly to clear them, only to realize it wasn’t sparkles from her headache she was seeing, but his bright iridescent hair.

“How’d he achieve that color?” she thought with interest, shifting to try and get a better look at him.

She pulled herself up on her pillow to survey him and at her motion he snaked a quick arm around her waist, holding on so she couldn’t move further. Eyeballing that overly long arm, the muscle structure not quite right for a human, the joints heavier and sturdier than a human arm, Esther felt her stomach lurch.

He was definitely not human. He wasn’t Tolderain either.

“Great! Unknown male alien of who knows what race, in my bed.”

While human/alien relations weren’t frowned upon by society, past experience had left her with a very unfavorable impression on them personally and she’d made it a rule not to go beyond flirting and the occasional lip lock.

Now the warm body in her bed and wetness between her thighs made it quite clear she’d gone well beyond flirting and her first thought was to escape the situation as quickly as possible.

Esther pried at the arm holding her pinned in place and suddenly the body lying limp beside her stiffened. Bright turquoise eyes ringed in deep violet met hers through a curtain of rainbow hair and Esther froze as if pinned in place.

Her panic and desire to flee vanished in an instant and she felt oddly reassured, as if in the company of family or a close friend. Part of her brain started screaming at the illogic of that, but her body sagged back against the pillow, disregarding the inner voice.

“Where am I?” the man asked, his voice a deep baritone, making the short crisp syllables of Galactic Standard into something almost musical.

“This is my apartment,” Esther answered him, her fingers twitching with the desire to brush his hair out of his face so she could see it.

The man gave an odd little shake of his head and then propped himself on one arm so he could use the other to drag his hair back.

Now his eyes were even more clear and Esther felt her breath catch in her chest.

She’d met some beautiful men in the past, men that would make your heart beat fast, men that would make your jaw drop, but never had Esther felt so captured by one aspect of a man.  It wasn’t even that he was a great beauty, or he might have been, but Esther couldn’t tell. Her eyes remained locked with his, utterly mesmerized by what she saw in those depths..  

Then just as abruptly as he had captured her eyes, he looked away.

Esther’s breath came shuddering out and she felt like her mind was suddenly clear.

“I don’t remember, did we...” the man’s voice came out softer now and Esther’s attention was drawn to his tall pointed ears which were twitching lightly, making his hair move with them..

“Did we have sex?” Esther asked bluntly, “If that’s the question, then the answer is yes or at least all the evidence points that way.” She saw no point in lying, or putting it in more vague terms. The truth was best said bluntly in her opinion.

The man flinched, a very human looking gesture, then turned back to her, but this time he focused over her shoulder instead of directly into her eyes.

“But I’m supposed to take vows this morning,” he said in a lost voice.

“Vows?” Esther asked, her voice rising with her anxiety, “Like, do you mean religious vows?”

The man gave a slight nod, his hair sliding forward and obscuring most of his face again, only his high bridged nose peeking through.

Esther tilted her head back until it thunked into her headboard.

“What have I gotten myself into now?”

Over a month later...

“Honeth I said it’s not necessary! Just tell them the truth, I’ve left and I don’t need that job anymore,” Esther was glad that the com unit she was using didn’t have a visual screen. She didn’t want to have to face Honeth right now.

“Esther, this is your career! How can you abandon it like this? Is that alien really worth it? I don’t understand you at all!” Honeth’s voice was distorted by the com, but Esther thought she sounded close to tears.

“Honeth, I don’t understand it either. The old me wouldn’t consider this at all, but...” Esther trailed off, and her hand creeped up to rub her lower abdomen where it ached from the procedure she’d just had done. The decisions she’d made, leaving her job, leaving the space station, fleeing to this backwater planet with Hyrodathan. None of them made any logical sense. Moments like this, she reviewed the things she’d done and felt like she must be going insane. But then she’d see him again, meet Hyro’s eyes and suddenly her cold logic seemed a pale weak thing, with no power to motivate her actions.

“Maybe I’m in love with him,” Esther finished finally her own voice lacking conviction.

“How can you be in love with him? Esther, what do you even know about him? What do you know about his people? His culture? Did you know they’re supposed to have empathy talents, at least some of them?” Honeth’s voice held a cold accusation,”I think he’s controlling you Esther. You aren’t yourself, I think he’s warped your feelings.”

Esther felt a cold chill creep over her at her friends words and she slammed a hand down on the com, ending the call before her friend could say anymore poisonous and doubt inducing words.

Esther rushed out of the local Telecom office and outside under the cool white sun. The dusty nondescript street seemed to emphasize everything she’d given up, the sad warped terra-tree in town square, where she’d promised to meet Hyro the final punctuation on the point. She glanced up at the tree, it’s twisted leaves trying to absorb the feeble sunlight and wondered if it was one of her creations. She’s manipulated several ornamental trees for environments like this.

They’d been here nearly a month, trying to drum up some money. Living under the radar so as not to attract attention of the Order. Esther hadn’t even tried to look for a job in her field, but just taken work where she could find it. Only her status as an S class gene manipulator and some money she’d had in savings had let her get the procedure, something normally reserved only for those who could prove their financial security.  

A bright spot in the corner of her eye drew her gaze away from the tree and Esther caught sight of Hyro as he eeled through the foot traffic on the other side of the town square.

He stood a good foot and a half taller than those around him. Dressed in long flowing robes with the largeness of his joints disguised, he looked more human, but he still stood out distinctly. His long hair was half caught up in a knot on the back of his head, the twisted mass glowing in cooler rainbow shades in the weak sunlight. The bone structure of his face was sharp with high cheekbones that only seemed to emphasize the brightness of his eyes. That the pupils in those eyes would narrow to slits was something only a few of the people in town knew, as when he was relaxed and calm, they were nearly as round as a human’s. But it was clear regardless, no matter how human he acted, that his origins were alien.

He was good at imitating human behavior. Esther knew very little about his people’s culture, but he seemed to pick up human mannerisms and expressions effortlessly and mimic them to great effect. He’d adapted to life with her, changing not just where he lived and how he lived, but everything down to how he expressed his emotions for her sake.

For a moment Esther felt selfish for thinking about how much she’d given up. Compared to him, she’d only changed where she lived. After all, she could find a new job in her field, perhaps not on this planet, but they didn’t intend to stay here much longer and Hyro had made very few demands of her, only asking that she participate in his people’s old mating ritual with him. It was something he believed in very devoutly and he’d been appalled at breaking his vows of chastity.  He had felt that his only option was to honor the old ways and his beliefs to make her his permanent mate.

At first it had only been that he wanted to make vows to her, swearing that he’d take no other mate. He still planned to return to his people, take his religious vows, though a slightly different set of them than he’d scheduled before. But somehow while he was saying the mating vows to her, Esther found herself repeating them back to him. An overwhelming desire to be connected with him, to bind him to her in some way rising up in her heart and forcing the words out, even as she mentally screeched at herself to stop.

When the vows were spoken between them and the mating consummated once again, Esther found herself shaking in sheer terror that Hyro would now be leaving her. As illogical as everything else she experienced, this man she’d just met was suddenly more important to her than anything else. So important that she’d willingly bound herself to him and was now terrified of losing him.

But Hyro didn’t seem any more capable of  leaving her than she’d been to stop herself from speaking the vow’s with him. Fleeing together had been their only feasible option. Hyro’s order would be coming for him. He’d promised them four years of service in trade for his  education and now he would be expected to deliver on that. Without a great deal of money, there was no way he could buy back that term of service. They had fled to search for options and ended up here on this miserable backwater planet.

Hyro smiled as he strode across the town square towards her and Esther felt her lips immediately twist up into a matching smile.

The smile died from her lips as long robed and hooded men suddenly appeared from behind Hyro, surrounding him in an instant.

Hyro’s face went horribly stiff and he looked over at her frantically. As if pulled on a string, she felt herself staggering towards him. The group moved aside to avoid her touch, then closed behind her as she passed through them to his side.

Musical voices murmured all about her, the way they blended together almost a song, and it wasn’t until Hyro spoke harshly in Galactic Standard “Speak a tongue my mate can understand!” that she realized it was not singing at all, but the language of his people. She was reminded of the time he’d told her his name. The musical sounds that came pouring from his mouth were impossible for her to reproduce and she’d only repeated back what few vowels and consonants she’d been able to piece together from it, but Hyro had nodded as if it were correct and insisted from then on that her pronunciation was his name. Yet another reminder of the way he’d bent to meet her needs.

“Apologies,” said one of the taller figures bringing her mind back to present. He threw back his hood showing a face both similar to Hyro’s and strikingly different, “we meant no disrespect to your mate.” the man finished then turned and gave a low bow in her direction.

All around the circle the men threw back their hoods, giving her polite respectful nods and a few bowed slightly as well.

Esther nodded back and edged closer to Hyro. He gripped her hand firmly, but she could feel his anxiety at her side even without looking.

“We were unaware you had taken a mate,” the first spoke again, his G.S. a little more stilted than Hyro’s, “that is sufficient explanation for your erratic behavior.” There were little nods all around the circle..

“Did you think we would show no consideration to your change in circumstance acolyte?” asked one of the taller men. Something in his face made him appear older, though there were no signs of age that Esther recognized.

“I thought I would have to buy back my contract,” Hyro said hesitantly.

Again there were nods, this time in understanding and Esther’s eyes widened a bit as she took note of them. Just as Hyro had, they appeared to be mimicking human behavior. Then again it was possible that their own culture shared such gestures. For a moment she lost track of the conversation as she studied the expressions around the circle. Had they changed their mannerisms when they switched languages? What about their body language, was it the same as before, or had it changed?

“The voyage is only for a galactic year, then you could return to her side. There is a space station in the Septra quadrant that we frequent and we need an agent there. We could arrange to move your mate there and you could fulfill the rest of your service with us in that way.”

Esther jerked her attention back to the conversation quickly, wondering how much she had missed. Only a year of separation and then an Order sanctioned job on a space station sounded like near paradise compared to the conditions they were currently living in.  Esther was familiar with that space station, it had a large division owned by one of GOHLD’s competitors. They’d be only too happy to give her a job.

She squeezed Hyro’s hand and turned to meet his eyes, communicating her affirmative.

“I will accept the generosity of my order and beg their forgiveness for my selfish actions.” Hyro said submissively.

Five weeks later Esther stood on the promenade deck of the Septra quadrant space station and watched through the giant view screen as Hyro’s ship disappeared into the blackness of space.

They’d been allowed to travel here together on a commercial liner and given a few days for Esther to get herself situated before the Order had demanded Hyro’s departure.

In a strange way, Esther felt like she was waking from a dream, the familiar thrum of Space station engines vibrating up through the soles of her feet, the scent of carefully processed air and the press of humanity everywhere about her. Not only had she already secured a job in her old field, but the Tero company had been absolutely gleeful to receive her. They’d set her up with an apartment, clothing, absolutely anything they thought she might need. But deep inside her there was another part that felt off balance, as if she stood on one leg, as if she were standing on a precipice with the wind at her back, and vertigo making her feel like she was already falling.

She headed back to her apartment to change into her lab clothing for work. Keeping busy would be the best way to combat the weird disorientation.

A week passed, then another. Esther’s disorientation grew worse, coming at times in waves and at other moments a dull ache that always plagued her, though it didn’t seem to affect her ability to work.

She finally went to see the company medic.  She went through a routine bio-scan, then sat with the medic to discuss her problems.

The medic was a wily old man, with a crooked grin and tufts of pure white hair.

“Are you married my dear? he asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

“No!” she answered automatically, before correcting to “yes.” She guessed that her mating with Hyro counted as a marriage under galactic law.

“Well then I’m sure your husband will be happy with the news,” he told her with a gentle pat on her shoulder.

“The news?” she asked him in bewilderment.

“There’s no way you don’t know, you would have been trying for this,” the doctor answered with puzzlement evident in his voice.

“Oh my god!” Esther fought back panic, trying to remain calm.

“It’ll be fine, you’ll be a great parent,” the doctor reassured her.

Back in her apartment Esther sat alone curled in a ball and reviewed all her actions to date.

She’d gotten drunk and slept with an alien man.

She’d married him and leaving a good job, run away with him.

She’d reactivated her fertility for him.

The last one made her groan.

She’d never have done it if she’d thought there was any chance she might actually conceive a child with him. She’d only gone along with it because it had seemed such an important thing in his religion and all her knowledge and research to date indicated that it would be biologically impossible for her to conceive.

“He said that his god would give him a child if he was meant to have one. What a horribly old fashioned notion! Why’d I go along!!” Esther wailed to herself.

Esther curled up tighter on herself and tried to feel Hyro’s presence as if he were beside her. Would he want this child? Would he be happy? Had he truly believed his god might bless him with a child, or had he only been following the letter of his beliefs without any true faith in it. In a month Hyro’s ship would be close enough again to beam a communication and she’d get to talk to him, see him, find out his thoughts, make plans for the future.

Only a year...she could survive that. It was only a year.

She gave herself that one night to cry, to freak out, to feel weak.

The next day she must get up, look into vitamin and mineral supplements for pregnancy, make a diet plan for healthy eating, research birthing procedures and of course research what she could do to help ensure she carried Hyro’s baby, who would be different from a human child, to term. When he called she would inform him and when he came back she would present him with his child, a blessing from his god and together they would figure out how to raise the child whose creation was considered so taboo among her own people.

Esther survived the next month by dint of sheer determination. Physically she thrived, her whole being focused on maintaining her health perfectly to best incubate Hyro’s child.

She’d never pondered herself as a mother and the idea that she’d have to actually raise the child she was carrying was something distant she carefully avoided thinking about. But the complicated genetics of the child and it’s near biological impossibility was something she found fascinating. She researched possible genetic sequences for it and waited in anticipation of being able to take samples for further study. The closer it came to telling Hyro of the child, the more anxious she became about it, about his response to it. Had he even actually wanted a child, or had he been counting on the impossibility of it, just as she did.

The unbalanced feeling inside her had reached a new high and she was both horribly desperate to see Hyro and reassure herself and strangely reluctant to hear from him, afraid to have even the fragile bit of peace she currently lived in disturbed.

But time moves on regardless of your will of it and the day of the communication found her waiting anxiously in front of the com center.

The com message when it came made her jump and she accepted the connection.

A somber looking member of Hyro’s race appeared on her screen and Esther blinked a little in confusion.

“Esther Gallagher?” the man asked.

“Yes,” Esther answered confirming her identity. Perhaps the man was a communication specialist that set up the com link. He was wearing a different sort of outfit than the ones she’d seen before, tight and form fitting like a uniform, rather than the loose robes she’d seen on members of the order. She pondered his identity while waiting for Hyro to come into view.

The man looked away from the screen and gestured before turning back to her and a second figure  in long robes came into view.

She recognized him as one of the men from the Order that she’d met before.

This man showed a very human expression of discomfort, and avoided her eyes.

“Esther, we regret to inform you,” he paused as if searching for words, “your mate has committed suicide.”

Esther heard the words, but comprehension of them escaped her.

“What?”

“Your mate became disturbed, his mental state deteriorating over the course of our journey. Some weeks ago he took a turn for the worse and in a panic, babbling nonsense about returning to his mate, about returning to you, he forced his way out an airlock without a spacesuit.” The first man recited it all in a flat dry tone, his eyes distant.

“That’s impossible,” Esther heard her own voice faintly over the buzzing in her ears.

“We believe that prolonged exposure to your race had a deleterious effect on his mental stability,” the uniformed man said with a hint of contempt. “In the future we shall limit all contact with humans.

“Wait!” Esther demanded, “This can’t be right. There’s no way he would do something like that. He must have been confused. Why did you let him do it? Why didn’t you return him to me?” Esther’s voice had started shaking, “He wouldn’t leave me alone with...” she broke off unsure if she should reveal their child.

The man she had recognized from before spoke again, “Esther, we believe it was contact with your race that caused his break down, some of the others that were part of his search team showed...disturbing signs whenever they were near him, speaking  in agreement of returning him immediately to you, as if it were possible and claiming his deep distress of strained bonds.”

The uniformed man made a hushing gesture, “It was ridiculous to contemplate and clearly a sign that exposure to humans is toxic to our people. They spoke of old myths as if they were truth and gave veracity to their demands. It is preposterous now to believe in such things.”  

The man from the Order  lowered his head submissively to the other’s scornful words. Then met her eyes through the viewscreen.

“We understand it must be distressing to you to learn this news, but..” he paused and the uniformed man made a flippant gesture and continued for him, “but we can have no further contact with you.”

The com link ended abruptly, the screen going black.

Esther felt the world slip sideways and found herself on the floor.

It’s impossible, he can’t be dead. I’d know if he was dead!

Esther called out to him in the depths of her mind, searched for the feeling of his presence. Only now did she admit to herself that she’d always felt him there, since the moment of their mating vows, she’d felt him deep inside herself. His presence, his warm spirit, the gentle touch of his emotions. Only now could she admit that she’d felt that presence shift after they were separated.

Hand pressed to her mouth, she reached inside herself for him, and found only madness and vertigo.

For a moment she was lost, tipped off the edge of sanity herself and lost in the void, but then a repeated chime from her com caught her attention, dragging her back to awareness.

HYRO!

She staggered to her feet and hit the Com button frantically, desperate to see that it had all been a lie.

Honeth’s face came into focus on the screen, her words pouring out even as she became visible.

“Is it true Esther? You’re working for the competition?”

Esther felt her face crumple as overwhelming grief hit her.

“Esther? Esther? Oh my god, what is going on? Esther?” Honeth’s voice was frantic, though her face was now totally obscured from Esther’s vision by the tears that welled in her eyes.

“Is there a God Honeth? Is there one that has answers for all this?” the first tear tracked it’s way down Esther’s cheek, followed by another and a shaking started deep within her body.

“Maybe there is,” Honeth answered, her voice unnaturally calm “maybe there is and I can help you find them, but first you have to tell me what happened.”

The words came spilling out of Esther, all that had happened. The insanity of reactivating her fertility. The Order finding them and the new job Hyro’d been offered. Finding out she was pregnant...and then finally, finding out of Hyro’s death. She went through it over and over, mentally picking up each piece and trying to fit them into the puzzle that made no sense, and through it all, Honeth was with her, talking, questioning, fruitlessly trying to comfort. Through the night they talked, and in the wee hours of the morning, Esther realized that Honeth was afraid to end connection,  afraid that Esther would take her own life if given the chance.

.

Many years later, Esther was finally able to thank her friend for that, for saving her, for keeping her alive, but at the time she bitterly resented being forced to keep thinking, keep talking, keep breathing, when all she wanted to do was give up.

She felt like a broken thing as she carried herself to the lab the next day to inform Tero company that her mate... her husband had died and that she would be unable to work.

She spent the next four days moving from one temple or religious center to another on the space station searching for answers, searching for faith in something. Searching for some sign of Hyro’s god that had given her an impossible child. Such words as “God’s light of forgiveness shines down on you” rang in her head, but none could offer answers for Hyro’s death, only gentle comfort that couldn’t begin to fill the void she felt within. She began to feel like it was impossible to find god here in the void of space and the thought made her feel even more adrift.

It was another com from Honeth that finally snapped her out of the vague state she’d been moving in.

“What will you do about the child Esther?” Honeth asked and Esther could see that her friend had been thinking long and hard on it.

“You know how it’ll be treated, are you sure you want to keep it? Are you even sure it’ll be healthy?”

Esther’s hands went to her abdomen and for a moment she bitterly resented the life inside, but then mixed with that was a surge of protectiveness. This was her child, her’s and Hyro’s. The being that had once only been something to keep her mind occupied during Hyro’s absence, a puzzle of possible genetic codes, became something alive, something living and connected to both her and her mate. The child became something that she could hold onto.

“I will keep it!” she said fiercely, “I will keep it safe.”

“How?” Honeth questioned softly, “On that space station surrounded by strangers, with no friends. How will you keep it safe?”

Perhaps Honeth meant to drag Esther back to her side, but her words had a different effect. Like pieces snapping together in a puzzle, the words of so many priests she’d spoken with and the words spoken by her friend came together, giving her an answer.

“A planet, a modern one, but one without a lot of population. Somewhere I can easily find work,” her voice took on somber tones as if reciting, “So that we may stand under the sun, commune with god and be close to creation”

Honeth stared at her in bafflement through the screen, but Esther’s mind was already churning. She had her solution, now to make it happen.

Two days later Esther boarded a transport ship headed to the largest agriculture and cattle producing planet in the known universe. The planet would make a perfect place to raise her child and there was a high demand for her skills. In fact Tero company had an enormous facility planetside and was quite happy to support her move, provided she would continue to work for them.

“Some day I shall tell you all about your father my child, but for now I must put it away. Lock it deep inside so that I might live. I’ll put away my memories. I’ll put away my grief.  So that I can do my best to raise you, I will be strong.  I’m not sure I’m qualified to be a mother and I’m sure you will suffer a lot for that, but we’ll do our best and we’ll survive.” She said the last fiercely, her hands locked protectively over her stomach.

As the ship left dock, Esther moved to the forward viewing screens in the passenger lounge. Instead of standing with the rest at the rear screen to watch the space station as it vanished in the distance, she stared towards the journey’s end, through the vastness of space.

“Forward through darkness, to find the light of day.”