Moonlight Dance

Moonlight Dance

A Poem by Twilight

Do you hear the chants,
of that moonlight dance,
those bestial roars,
and faces gaunt
 
the moonlight shines,
on that crimson wine,
where wicked beasts,
love to dine
 
no one dares,
to break the throng,
when they hear those beasts,
as they sing along
 
merrymaking fiends from hell,
and their demon offspring,
roar and yell,
your souls they seek to sell
 
that crimson wine,
reflects the light,
wise mortals flee,
from that sight
 
knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole
 
those hapless fools,
who dare to join,
that horde of beasts,
with bestial loins
 
the wine it floweth,
as slick as blood,
unholy trick,
or evil flood?
 
 
Your thirst it will slake
And soul it shall take.

© 2009 Twilight


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Featured Review

I like the atmosphere of the poem, Twilight. I'll be honest and say that while I like poetry, critiquing poems are not my strongest point (since I've not much experience in this particular area).

I have to agree with some of the other reviewers. The flow goes really well for the most part but there are a couple of snags:


the moonlight shines,
on that crimson wine,
where wicked beasts,
love to dine

and

knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole

For the most part you tend to rhyme the 1st and 3rd lines of every stanza, but for the two verses mentioned above, you don't. It throws the rhythm of the poem off. I'd suggest either rewriting the last lines of both or finding a word substitution so it flows better.

Good luck! I hope this review helped :). Let me know if there is anything else I can elaborate on.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

very well written! The rhythm gets a little thrown of at parts, but it was still a very good poem!Twilight is always a great them as well. Keep up the good work!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the atmosphere of the poem, Twilight. I'll be honest and say that while I like poetry, critiquing poems are not my strongest point (since I've not much experience in this particular area).

I have to agree with some of the other reviewers. The flow goes really well for the most part but there are a couple of snags:


the moonlight shines,
on that crimson wine,
where wicked beasts,
love to dine

and

knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole

For the most part you tend to rhyme the 1st and 3rd lines of every stanza, but for the two verses mentioned above, you don't. It throws the rhythm of the poem off. I'd suggest either rewriting the last lines of both or finding a word substitution so it flows better.

Good luck! I hope this review helped :). Let me know if there is anything else I can elaborate on.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very good piece. Your writing has a very consistent flow. Keep it rockin'

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I'm not one for rhyming, but this is nice........and very creative, i enjoyed reading it.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really like this! I must have read it over and over five times! :)

As new as I am to writing, and reviewing I will leave the serious critiques to those who really know how to do so. Anyhoo, I think it rhymes and flows very well.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nicely written, and while the tempo was continous, there were times that some of the words didn't quite match the inner tempo I felt the poem was using.
This line in particular:
knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole

I felt like the the tempo snagged just a little on the second line. Despite that, however, the imagary was fantastic! And left me very impressed.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love it...the imagery is wonderful. I like the last two lines especially. Very good for ending the peice. Bravo

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I liked the piece overall and it's really imaginative and the imagery is fantastic. I felt that the formatting was a little awkward. The line between stanzas sometimes blurred and I think if you just take a look at it, maybe read it out loud you can see what I mean. The sixth stanza in particular seemed awkward to me and i ended up reading it twice. Other than some minor things with flow it was a very powerful and moving poem. Very chilling. Great job.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Overall I like this poem very much. A wonderful demonic chant lush with dark overtones and imagery. There is one suggestion:
"knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole" ~ It's a tad off in the rhyming; taste vs. suffice. Sorry, I hate giving criticism. Other than that I think its great. You display a brilliant imagination for evil forces ;)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the overall feel of the poem, the wording, and intent. I think what makes it difficult to read in certain spots is the slipstream from one rhyme scheme to the next from one stanza to the next. Consistency in rhyme and meter would go a long way towards improving the fluidity of this poem.

The greatest piece of advice that I ever received from anyone when I first started writing was to use rhyme and meter. It's a challenge at times; but one which, when properly used, can really make a poem shine.

Keep shining!

Linda Marie

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on November 16, 2008
Last Updated on February 14, 2009

Author

Twilight
Twilight

Belper, Derbyshire, United Kingdom



About
My first name is Julian. I'm a white male, straight, English, christian, pro-life and 42 years old. Writing is just an interest to me. However, maybe I have the potential to achieve more? My favourite.. more..

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