Moonlight Dance

Do you hear the chants,

of that moonlight dance,

those bestial roars,

and faces gaunt

 

the moonlight shines,

on that crimson wine,

where wicked beasts,

love to dine

 

no one dares,

to break the throng,

when they hear those beasts,

as they sing along

 

merrymaking fiends from hell,

and their demon offspring,

roar and yell,

your souls they seek to sell

 

that crimson wine,

reflects the light,

wise mortals flee,

from that sight

 

knowing that the fruitful taste,

will more than suffice,

to darken the soul,

and the devil take you whole

 

those hapless fools,

who dare to join,

that horde of beasts,

with bestial loins

 

the wine it floweth,

as slick as blood,

unholy trick,

or evil flood?

 

 

Your thirst it will slake

And soul it shall take.

Reviews

[M.A. Hughes]

I like the atmosphere of the poem, Twilight. I'll be honest and say that while I like poetry, critiquing poems are not my strongest point (since I've not much experience in this particular area).

I have to agree with some of the other reviewers. The flow goes really well for the most part but there are a couple of snags:


the moonlight shines,
on that crimson wine,
where wicked beasts,
love to dine

and

knowing that the fruitful taste,
will more than suffice,
to darken the soul,
and the devil take you whole

For the most part you tend to rhyme the 1st and 3rd lines of every stanza, but for the two verses mentioned above, you don't. It throws the rhythm of the poem off. I'd suggest either rewriting the last lines of both or finding a word substitution so it flows better.

Good luck! I hope this review helped :). Let me know if there is anything else I can elaborate on.

[Angelic Darkness]

I do love this darkness, and it rhymed very graceful and flowing.
The whole poem is strong and provoking of a higher, darker power.
Wonderful! AD

[Wycked]

I really enjoyed this poem, great imagery, I could envision dancing around under the moon .... there were only two spots that I felt were a hair off (and of course this is only a suggestion ) you know what image you are trying to project

Do you hear the chants,
of that moonlight dance,
those bestial roars,
and faces gaunt

the moonlight shines,
on that crimson wine,
where wicked beasts,
love to Haunt (dine) ============for some reason i feel Haunt should be used instead of dine

the other verse I felt was a hair off ...

merrymaking fiends from hell,
and their demon offspring,
roar and yell,
your souls they seek to sell (bespell in stead of sell) or something that fits offspring....(Im not sure)...I cannot tell you exactly what ...I write from feeling how harmonious if feels...which i know is not what everyone intends....so these are only suggestions....my aim is not to offend but to be a tool ..:O)

~Wycked~