Mutt

A poem I wrote in class. Very short.

How can you ask for forgiveness

if you couldn't forgive him

for living?

Pride turned you heart

to sinning

and wrath turned your fists

to hitting

 and through the pain he's

still forgiving.

His face battered and tore

from your one sided war

as his body goes limp

to the earth with a thud.

The tears in his heart

the depth of a flood.

You fool.

He was your son.

He didn't need

your blood.

Reviews

[SuddenCognito]

I really like the structure but feel you could make some slight adjustments to improve the flow:

"still forgiving." = possibly remove "still" to give the line the same number of syllables as the similar lines above.
"to the earth with a thud." = possibly remove "the" so it has the same number of syllables as the similar line below.

Overall a great poem. :)

i loved the last seven lines, such a powerful write.

[MoriartyMesa]

This had a spoken word emotion that a reader would be forced to say the words allow, in the vain of Jim Morrison intro. The structure, flow, and stops, make it that much more appealing to see on stage.