Mutt

Mutt

A Poem by Kevin M.K.
"

A poem I wrote in class. Very short.

"
How can you ask for forgiveness
if you couldn't forgive him
for living?
Pride turned you heart
to sinning
and wrath turned your fists
to hitting
 and through the pain he's
still forgiving.
His face battered and tore
from your one sided war
as his body goes limp
to the earth with a thud.
The tears in his heart
the depth of a flood.
You fool.
He was your son.
He didn't need
your blood.

© 2012 Kevin M.K.


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I really like the structure but feel you could make some slight adjustments to improve the flow:

"still forgiving." = possibly remove "still" to give the line the same number of syllables as the similar lines above.
"to the earth with a thud." = possibly remove "the" so it has the same number of syllables as the similar line below.

Overall a great poem. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I really like the structure but feel you could make some slight adjustments to improve the flow:

"still forgiving." = possibly remove "still" to give the line the same number of syllables as the similar lines above.
"to the earth with a thud." = possibly remove "the" so it has the same number of syllables as the similar line below.

Overall a great poem. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i loved the last seven lines, such a powerful write.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This had a spoken word emotion that a reader would be forced to say the words allow, in the vain of Jim Morrison intro. The structure, flow, and stops, make it that much more appealing to see on stage.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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263 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 30, 2012
Last Updated on June 1, 2012
Tags: Mutt, Abuse, Sad, Life, Death, Sorrow, Repent, Forgiveness, Contempt, Blood, Hate, Love

Author

Kevin M.K.
Kevin M.K.

IA



About
I like to write poetry and short stories from time to time when I'm bored and in need of a creative outlet. more..

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