Chapter 1

Leelass and Lylass Lace are elven brothers and searching for the golden bow of Feble or some s**t like that.

LYLASS LACE a young elven prince lays under a tree scribbling in a little diary.

A CHIPMUNK runs across a branch and THUNK! An arrow is landed into the branch just missing the Chipmunk.

LEELASS LACE young, with long silver hair like his brother is situated in the canope of the tree. The Chipmunk looks up at Leelass.

It pulls a funny face at him as if to say MISSED ME!

leelass

You little son of a.

Leelass goes for another arrow but the Chipmunk darts off before he can shoot it. Leelass looks down at Lylass.

He gives a cheeky grin.

An apple falls and smacks Lylass on the head.

lylass

D****t!

Leelass gets to a lower branch and jumps out of the tree landing on his feet. He scoops up the apple and wipes it on his shirt.

LEELASS

Impressive huh?

LYLASS

Yeah you can hit me in the head with an apple. Give the man a prize.

LEELASS

I meant my shooting.

LYLASS

I know.

Lylass continues writing. Leelass insists on chewing the apple loudly. Lylass is growing impatient.

LEELASS

You still writing in that thing?

LYLASS

Yeah.

LEELASS

I never did understand why. What do you write about?

LYLASS

I don't know (a beat) stuff.

LEELASS

Like what? The time you fell off of your horse and peed yourself?

LYLASS

Absolutely! That is definitely in here and the time you tried to light your flatulence on fire but burnt a hole in your tights. That's here too.

LEELASS

I could never get sick of your wise cracks and for the record. It was the type of wood that caught my pants on fire.

Lylass just shakes his head and keeps writing. Leelass sits down next to him and tries to peer into the book.

Lylass pulls it away. Leelass chews the apple even louder.

LYLASS

Can't you go elsewhere and finish that?

LEELASS

Why? I'm not hurting anybody.

LYLASS

Actually your hurting me and my private time.

LEELASS

Sorry. I'm not hurting anybody important.

Lylass gives him a death glare.

LEELASS

Come on just let me have a peek. Promise I won't laugh.

LYLASS

Ha! If I had a dollar for every time you said that.

LEELASS

Are you serious? When was the last time I laughed at you.

"YESTERDAY"

Lylass runs out of a hut with a sack full of stolen goods.

LYLASS

Flea Leelass! Flea!

In hot pursuit of Lylass are a family of DWARVES with clubs and bats. He trips on some fire wood and lands face first.

The Dwarves beat Lylass with their weapons. Leelass stands laughing loudly.

BACK IN THE PRESENT

Lylass stares at Leelass angrily.

LEELASS

Oh come on that's ancient history.

LYLASS

It was yesterday.

LEELASS

Alright so it's modern history but history none the less. Look just one peek and that's it. If I laugh I'll let you shoot me in the face with my own bow.

LYLASS

You got a deal because I know you will laugh.

LEELASS

Okay (a beat) maybe the a*s. I'll let you shoot me in the a*s if I laugh.

LYLASS

No f**k you. You already said the face.

Lylass gives the book to Leelass. He dosen't laugh instead he stares at it confused.

LYLASS

Your not laughing on purpose.

LEELASS

Why are crossing the names of woman out of your book?

LYLASS

Because. I don't want to lose track of my goal.

LEELASS

I thought our goals were the same. Get to the kingdom of Feble and steal the grand bow from the queen's castle.

LYLASS

That's a major goal and it's more yours than mine. My goal is just something personal something for me.

LEELASS

What could possibly involve ten princesses and be a stable goal.

Lylass just smiles at Leelass who smiles back.

LEELASS

Oh right three weeks ago at the tavern inn.

LYLASS

From that point on I decided to achieve my one true dream. Sleep with every princess in all the kingdom until I found the one.

LEELASS

The one?

LYLASS

Yes. My true love the one I will thee wed.

LEELASS

Yeah that's gonna be an issue.

LYLASS

Why?

LEELASS

We my younger halfwit brother are thieves.

LYLASS

So.

LEELASS

Thieves don't marry because our line of work is dangerous and complex.

LYLASS

Yeah well things change and why can't I still marry and be a thief?

Leelass stands up and looks down at Lylass.

LEELASS

Do you really want to risk the life of your fair lady my brother?

LYLASS

No but.

LEELASS

That's why so no more questions. Now the game plan for breaking into Feble castle.

LYLASS

Hold on a minute!

Lylass stands up and faces Leelass.

LYLASS

I am going to marry. I'm going to complete my goal and I'm not going to rob another single person, place or thing unless you agree to let me get married.

An OLD BEGGER comes walking over to them with a pull cart of gold and silver items.

old begger

Can I interest you young ones in a trinket of mine.

They both turn to him then back to each other.

                     "A FEW MINUTES LATER"

The Old Begger is hanging in the tree by his pants.

Leelass and Lylass stand on the ground looking up at him.

LEELASS

My brother and I would like to thank you for your very dazzling trinkets and cart. We will be sure to put the money to great use. Fair thee well good sir.

Leelass runs off and Lylass struggles after him pulling the cart.

Reviews

[Kevin Dean]

It's fresh and a little childish but it's been a lot of fun to write. Brad and I thank you for reading.