Escape

Escape

A Story by Kristoffer Kindh
"

The first piece of something I have been working on.

"

I walked along the street; everywhere I looked the feeling of hostility clouded my mind, every step felt like a small tap in my heart. The night was making me see all kinds of creatures in the dark, all kinds of evil that lurks in the shadows, in their hunt for a prey. I was beginning to get near a narrow street crossing, I just felt how I was split in two, which way should I go, which way would bring me back to the light.

I got my hand closer to my sword, I was more afraid now than ever, but just holding my hand on the sword made me walk another step forward. If I was getting spotted now there would be no chance of getting out of the city alive, but the feeling that haunted me the most was the feeling of letting everyone down, the feeling of failure. I reached crossing and looked down both stone streets, nothing in sight, nothing unnatural anyway. I walked forward with the hand still on my sword and with eyes on every corner I could find, then the unthinkable happened.

I was spotted but not by one of the berserkers but one of my own people, a turner had spotted me from his roof and was banging in a bell to get attention. Those turners can’t be trusted, I wanted to run as fast as I could but my heart that was filled with fear stopped me. I was beginning to hear fast and heavy running behind me, I was too frightened to even turn my head, and I gripped my sword and started to run. I don't know how but my legs were telling me to run and I did so. The sound of my feet hammering the stones under me was overheard by the slamming behind me; they were getting closer and closer. I needed to get away from the street if I wanted to stay alive.

My heart pounded with every step I took and by every second passed it felt as my lungs was breathing for over a hundred men. I didn't dare to look behind me as the poundings was quickened, it sounded as if hundreds of elephants was running from over two hundred lions. I needed to get up on the roof to get away from them, everyone would see me but it would get me away from a certain death, not the best tradeoff maybe. I saw a wagon that had been placed next to the stables, I felt how my muscles were starting to let me down, I wanted to stop, and I wanted to rest. But with all my strength I jumped up on the wheel on the wagon and vaulted up to the wagons roof, my body wanted to rest there but I had to press on.

I reached for the roof and just as I hit it with my hands the entire wagon started to shake and noises of cracking wood and deep thrusts was massing under me. I didn't look behind me, I had to pull myself up to the roof, the muscles in my arms pulled me up and I could feel the sweet drip from my forehead and the ringing sound of destruction in my ears. As my body was over the edge of the roof the loud scream of berserkers echoed through the streets, thousands of bears sounded less than them.

© 2010 Kristoffer Kindh


Author's Note

Kristoffer Kindh
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Wow this is amzing you have extordinart writing skills

Posted 8 Years Ago


You have some very interesting ideas with this piece. But the writing is throwing me off a bit below is part of your story:

'I was beginning to get near a narrow street crossing, I just felt how I was split in two, which way should I go, which way would bring me back to the light.'

You have a lot of stuff in here you don't need. Lets start with the first sentence:
I would rewrite it as:
I was nearing a narrow street crossing.
Then the next sentence:
I would rewrite it as:
I was split in two. Which way should I go? Which way would bring me back to the light.

I don't know if you can see or not but just by getting rid of a few words and breaking your text up into a few extra sentences it became much easier to read. Hope this helps. I look forward to reading more of your work.




Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on October 10, 2010
Last Updated on October 10, 2010

Author

Kristoffer Kindh
Kristoffer Kindh

Mullsjö, Jönköpings län, Sweden



About
Writing has been a really big part of my life ever since I was a child and when I started to go to school in Skövde(Sweden) at computerdevelopment as a designer I really knew what I wanted to do,.. more..

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